Pᴛ.2 ✍︎Rᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ Pottato_Barry123☕︎

Things were going great.
After his total breakdown in the bathroom and the apologies and promises that followed,things were almost back to normal for Karl.

Quackity and Sapnap had walked his healing journey side by side with him,helping him through his tough times and when he was feeling too much. They had no longer excluded him from anything and were always there for anything,even the stupidest.

And Karl had forgiven them. Their continued efforts and their kept promises slowly made their way into his heart,until after a couple of months he was able to forgive them definitively.

He was healing,his self-harm was gone,as was his negative thoughts and voices. The therapist told him that it was great progress and that she was proud of him for improving so much. He was able to fix his sleeping schedule,making it healthy again,as it was before all this disaster could affect him so deeply.

So yes,he was almost completely back to normal,as if nothing had happened. There was only one problem: his eating habits.
During that period of isolation his appetite had taken a drastic 180:he managed to swallow few things before throwing them up,sometimes he felt sick at the sight of food and he didn't feel the need to eat.

He knew it wasn't a good thing,but he thought his appetite was affected by his emotional state and because of that his stomach closed up.
But apparently that wasn't the case.

He had mentioned it to the therapist once,after confessing that 'no,everything wasn't ok' and that he was worried about it. If things were alright between them,why he still had this condition?

And the therapist told him that it could be something more,that it wasn't just due to his emotions,but to something deeper. And that there was a possibility that he had an eating disorder.

An eating disorder.

Karl knew many things,some older than the time he was born and some still too advanced for mankind to conceive,but food disorders? Other than some superficial notion that everyone knew,he knew nothing about it.

So he researched,documented himself and before being able to go to a specialist to see if this suspicion was true or not,he tried to find the one that most resembled what he had.

Anorexia,was the term under which his research and his suspicions fell.

"Anorexia–an eating disorder in which the affected person refuses to eat food. Although the term literally means 'loss of appetite' it is very often unrelated to it,but to the body image you want to maintain. Who is anorexic is obsessed with wanting to have a lower weight than normal,very often influenced by the images of the media or by what society accepts as a standard of beauty. There are different reasons that lead a person to experience this eating disorder[...]
•Emotionally stressful events that can lead to a temporary disinterest in food;
[...]"
Karl read the document open in front of him,while the computer screen was the only source of light in his study,completely immersed in darkness.

He had been going on for days,looking for as much information as possible on the subject. And despite their worries,Sapnap and Quackity had left him seeing his interest in this topic.
And also because when they tried to pull him away from the computer,Karl bit them. It didn't hurt though....ok yeah,it did hurt,but just a little bit.

Reading the information about the eating disorder–anorexia,Karl felt more and more sick. Almost everything he had matched the symptoms of it. But he wasn't a professional,and he had learned over the years not to self-diagnose some disturbances based only on suspicions and suggestions.

So he waited:he waited until he could arrange a meeting with a doctor,he waited until Sapnap and Quackity trusted him to being alone for a couple of hours and he waited until the appointed day.
He waited for 30 days.And for 30 days he was exposed to the clutches of anxiety and panic.

His eating habits did not change,despite trying to force himself to eat more. He just couldn't. And he didn't want to worsen the situation. So after a while he stopped trying and just waited until he could talk with the doctor.

Maybe,he shouldn't have. But that's a question for another time.

"Hi! I'm Jordan! And you are Karl Jacobs,correct?"
The doctor said,walking into the room holding a folder.

Karl nodded as he followed his movements and settled down across from him.

"Alright signor Jacobs,there's nothing written in his file about today's visit. Would you like to tell me why you are here?"
He said as he placed the papers on the desk.

The doctor appeared to be in his thirties,wearing a white coat with a label on it with his last name. He had a professional air to him,but at the same time he didn't seem the type of person to make you uncomfortable. He seemed friendly,which would have made this conversation less heavy,Karl hoped.

"I think I have an eating disorder,anorexia more precisely. It's a suspicion I've had for a while..."
He explained.

"Mhm...You wanna tell me why you suspect this? If you want,you can also not do it if you don't feel comfortable enough."
The doctor proposed,without putting pressure on him,noting his uncertain state.

"Yeah,I would like to...It started a couple of months ago. I started eating less and less due to my emotional state...I wasn't having a good time and let's just say my relationship wasn't helping that much. I thought it was something temporary,but....it continued. I can eat very little,very often I'm not even hungry and I have to force myself,sometimes the sight of food makes me feel sick and disgusts me and all I do is throw up when I try to eat large portions of food. I discussed this with my therapist and she was the one who suggested this to me–that I might have an eating disorder. And I did my research,and among the things that could cause anorexia was also the emotional unstable state. Which I had for a good amount of time and during which it started my hate towards food....but I wanted to be sure and have a diagnosis made by a specialist,instead of getting paranoid..."
Karl explained,trying not to go into too much detail.

"Mhm.....from what you've told me it's certain you have an eating disorder,but we need to look at a few things before we can be sure it's anorexia."

"Alright...."

Karl held the papers containing the results of tests done with Dr. Jordan with shaking hands.

"This isn't really happening...."

Positives. It was all positive.

He suspicions he had,had come true. He was really anorexic.

Fuck the world. Fuck himself and fuck his life.

"No,no,no,no,no...."

His breath caught and his chest began to ache. He brought a hand to his chest,squeezing it in an iron grip,as he slumped to the ground trying to take big breaths of air. He couldn't breathe. His breath caught and it was as if something prevented him,like an invisible force pressing with a strong grip on his neck.

All of this had a sense of dejavu.
Like the time he couldn't breathe,after spilling the beans about his relationship a couple months ago,with Dream and Wilbur.

But in this case there was neither of them who could help him. There was no Wilbur with his reassuring words or Dream with his calm background music to distract and calm him down.

And there weren't even Sapnap and Quackity to help him,as in recent months. There was no Sapnap that comforted him in a hug making him calm down or Quackity that helped him to calm down by trying to focus on his heartbeat or breathing.

He was having a panick attack.
And he was having it himself,alone.
Without help.

Well,fuck.

What had his therapist told him about panic attacks?
Thinking of a happy place? Focus on the things that the 5 senses could perceive and list them? Do breathing exercises? Fuck,he couldn't think of anything.

And he couldn't breathe.

Vision was starting to get blurry and there were black and white dots in his vision. Hiz body was heavy and he felt a salty liquid on his cheeks.
And he couldn't fucking breathe. The attempts were in vain. His heart rate increased dramatically and a sense of panic made its way into his bowels.
Why couldn't he breathe? Why weren't the techniques they had taught him working? He wanted to breathe,he wanted to get out of this state of fear. So why couldn't he? What was stopping him? What was stopping his body? He wanted help,but nothing escaped his lips as he parted them in a silent scream.

He wanted to fight for his breath,but his body was getting heavier and heavier and it was hard to keep his eyes open,even though he could hardly see anything anymore.

The last thing he saw,before closing his heavy lids,were the positive test results sheets.

The first thing he saw when he woke up was his bed.

Did I pass out?

A noise jolted him out of his thoughts,bringing him back to reality.
He was in their bedroom,how he got there was a mystery since he was in his study before....that.

"Shhhh...don't make too much noise,you might wake him up."
A voice whispered softly.
Whose was it? From the tone,it sounded like Sapnap.

"Sorry–I didn't think I had such a loud tone"
Answered another. It was definitely Quackity.

Karl blinked. Finally bringing the room into focus and noticing his boyfriends near bed,looking at him.

"Mhm...hey?"
He tried speaking,groaning at the harsh tone of his voice.

"Hey there bunny. How are you?"
Quackity said as he sat on the bed next to him.

"I feel....well...?"
The answer came out much more tentative than he wanted. But seeing their indifference,he was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

It's hurt a little,that they didn't notice,but it was ok....totally...

"You must have been pretty tired to fall asleep on your study floor. Are you sure you're getting enough sleep? Still having trouble in that? Has your insomnia gotten worse? If you need to talk about it,we are here for you."
Sapnap said,positioning himself on the right side,since Quackity had occupied the left one–placing his head on his chest begging for strokes to his hair. Yes,he was adorable.

So they thought he was just tired and not passed out in the middle of the room.
That's....that's good.

A warm feeling surged through his tummy,he felt happy knowing he had their support despite everything they'd been through. He was surrounded by the two most important people in his life and knowing he could count on them made him feel loved.

Which is why he forced himself to smile at Sapnap, nodding at his words as he stroked Quackity's hair.

This is exactly why he couldn't tell them.

They had already endured enough.
He had lost count of how many panic attacks he had,how many problems he had caused,how many times he had cried over useless things due to his sensitivity,how many times he had fallen into temptation and how many times he wanted to give up everything because it was useless. What was the use of striving to get better when he relapsed or didn't get better at all?

Healing wasn't a quick and easy process—one that was long,difficult,and didn't always have an end. Some people took a lifetime to get out of some situations or addictions.
From the first moment he knew it was going to be tough,but having support from the most precious people he had made it bearable. Despite the various failures gone through.

And in the end he had done it. He had managed to overcome everything,thanks above all to their presence in this difficult period of his life.

But now?
Now it seemed that every single effort made to get this far counted for nothing. It was as if nothing had improved. For every win,there was something that knocked him back by at least 2 defeats back.

He wanted to be happy again,worry-free,no longer wanting to be tossed from one pole to the other.
So why couldn't he be?
What was stopping him?
Why was it that every time he got better,something made it worse?
He couldn't understand,it was like fate was playing with him,seeing how much he could bear to see his life made miserable. He didn't like it at all.

But he would bear it. For them who had helped him up to this point,who deserved happiness too. Not just bad news.

And so he decided to hide what he had just discovered–about his anorexia,making it his personal mission to overcome this problem by himself. What could go wrong after all?

Karl was starting to think he'd made a stupid decision.

They had gone out to dinner–nothing too expensive,they just wanted to enjoy a worry-free evening and had opted for simple fast food:McDonald's.

While Sapnap and Quackity had taken their classic order,Karl had opted for a salad. And when he had gotten some confused looks,he had been quick to lie that he wanted to try something new,and that he would later order something else.

But now that he had the food in front of him his stomach felt tight.

What had his therapist said?
Baby steps,one by one. He had to make an effort and try to get results. So far he'd managed to finish a quarter of a plate without throwing up,which wasn't much,but it was still a win and an improvement over the beginning when he just couldn't stomach the sight of food.
Baby steps,without rushing the process. He could do it.

He took his fork and slowly brought the first leaf to his mouth,taking a small breath before closing his eyes and chewing it. He took a sip of water to wash it down and then repeat the process trying to not thinking about the salad too much. Ha can do it!

20 minutes later and the salad was half left. He had been playing with his fork for a while now and the last bite taken was more than 5 minutes away. He didn't lift his eyes from his plate to avoid to watch others eat.
His eyes were shiny and he couldn't eat anymore, he felt full. He had managed to eat half a plate! It was the first time this had happened in a long time!

"Karl? How come you don't finish it? You don't like it? You can order something el-"
"No!"
Karl shouted,stopping Quackity from saying any more. However, realizing his mistake, he immediately recovered and under their attentive eyes he tried to invent a reason.

"I mean,it's not that I don't like it. I like it, it's just that... I'm not so hungry today. I've already eaten so much at home....a-and I'm sorry I shouted at you,I didn't mean to...sorry"
He tried to explain, hoping he had addressed any doubts they had.

"Uhm? It's alright,I'm not offended"
Quackity told him. One down. Now,he just hoped Sapnap wouldn't question further.

"Alright,if you say so...."
Karl let out a sigh of relief. Two down.

"But I didn't see you eat lunch. You sure you are really full?"
Oh fuck,when you think you're out of danger,send Sapnap to turn things around. It's effective.

"Uhm-Yes! I ate,but after you. I wasn't hungry at that time,I cooked something after lunch...hehe"
He lied,trying to get out of that awkward situation.

Quackity frowned remembering that he didn't hear any noise from the kitchen. So it was impossible that Karl had cooked…maybe he had bought something instant,like ramen or ordered something from some restaurants?
He didn't know.
But for now he would let it go.

Quackity glanced at Sapnap noting the state their boyfriend was in and they nodded together. There was something wrong with Karl. They didn't know what,but there was something terrible wrong.

He's been acting weird ever since they found him on the floor while he was sleeping. He rarely ate with them–saying he ate alone before or after them,and when they ate together he always left plenty of leftovers. Even now,he'd left a simple salad in half.

And he spent hours outside,even outside of his therapist appointments,not saying where he went or what he did. But that was the least of their problems,as he could do as he pleased,the important thing was that he warned them and that he didn't get hurt.

They didn't want to push him,especially after everything he was going through,and so they wanted to wait until he opened up first to them. With his own speed. If he didn't feel the need to,it meant he was fine and nothing had happened.
But they couldn't help but feel a horrible foreboding in their stomachs.

And as they watched he play with his food,not eating or touching anything else,this feeling grew more and more.

What was wrong with their boyfriend?

Karl leaned next to the toilet bowl as he breathed heavily.

He had again throw up the food he had eaten,after forcing himself to eat more than he could he have.

Fortunately,neither Sapnap and Quackity were present,otherwise it would have been impossible to explain the reaction he had. Seeing him run to the bathroom,trying to not throwing up on the floor,after eating one bite of too many of his favorite food. Yeah....he don't think that they could believe him after yet another excuse. Especially in this situation.

It's been a while since he found out he was anorexic,and meetings with Dr. Jordan became almost weekly as the problem was getting worse. He had started to lose so much weight,he was almost a skeleton now. However,by always using oversized hoodies,he had evaded the problem,so that no one could see how much weight he had actually lost. He had also become light as a feather–when Sapnap picked him up once he asked him how he could be so light. And he had to come up with another pathetic excuse to get out of the situation; and weak–Quackity had to help him move various boxes around his studio,because he couldn't do it. And there was almost nothing in the boxes. When he looked at him concerned,he had to invent another bullshit to keep him from asking questions and continuing to worry.

The last progress he'd made,of eating up to half a plate,had been lost. He had quickly returned to his starting point. And he felt bad. Since he didn't eat,he didn't have much strength and going on like this was destroying him. He was getting too weak and it was a struggle to even do the smallest things.

He was also starting to get sick. His pale skin and the fact that he felt more lethargic than usual were a clue. But when he spat blood while coughing 2 days ago,he understood the seriousness of it. It was a normal sickness,but something else much worse.

"Karl,anorexia is something that if developed to an extreme,and not treated in time,can kill you. It drains your strength until your stomach shrinks and your body can no longer take the idea of eating. I know you want to keep this as private as possible,but we need a medical team to help you properly"
Dr. Jordan had confided in him on one of his last visits,noticing his bodily changes.

He was,and still is,against the idea of ​​having a group of strangers to help him through it. To go along with his idea he would also have to reveal everything to Sapnap and Quackity,destroying what little peace of mind they were having. Things had gotten stressful lately with the role's streams. There were too many things to do and too little time to finish the arc that they started. He didn't want to take away from them what little peace they could still have.

Viewers also started to suspect something since his streams were flooded more with comments like: "How are you?","Are you eating enough?","You are perfect just the way you are,don't listen to those haters". And similar.
And as much as he liked their genuine concern,he hated it too.

He hated it so fucking much.

Because it meant having to lie every single time,saying he was fine and everything was ok.

Lie

It was something he did a lot,wasn't it?

How many people had he lied to so far?
His boyfriends,his friends and now also his,their,fans. Millions of viewers ready to watch his every move on a big screen,while he had to pretend to enjoy himself and not have thoughts on his mind.
Too many is the answer.

And he hate every single seconds of it.

They don't deserve it.
They always supported him and stood by him when he needed help. None of them deserve it.
But here he is,leaning against a toilet seat mulling over his life's choices.
After all,they say that the deepest thoughts are in the bathroom...

"I just want to be ok....is that asking too much?"
He asked no one,eyes closed resigned to staying there for a while longer,feeling another vomiting bill mount.

Shit hit the fun a few days after his little session in the bathroom.

He hadn't been able to get out of bed for 3 days,and Sapnap and Quackity had checked his temperature,stating that he had a high fever.
Yeaaah,great.

So they spent the remaining 3 days taking care of him,canceling whatever plans they had. Their boyfriend was more important anyway.

During the first 2 days he slept mostly,waking up briefly to go to the bathroom or have a drink to moisturize his dry throat. But on the third day,his boyfriend stated that he had to eat something. As he couldn't heal without nutrients and he hadn't eaten for 3 days. At the mention of food,his stomach twisted already disgusted by it,but he smiled nodding at their words.

He falls asleep shortly after,hoping that seeing him in this state they won't disturb him to eat... but his plan backfires when he feels himself stirred and whispers become audible.

"Karl? Love? Wake up,you need to eat something"
Sapnap called him politely,and how could he not ignore him?

When Karl opened his eyes and focused on the figures in front of him,he could see Quackity holding a tray of soup,bread and water on top.
Not so much for a normal person to be full,just enough for someone sick to have,but too much for Karl. He wanted to throw up only at it's sight.

"Alright....thank you"
he said hesitantly taking the tray.

He picked up the spoon slowly,as if on autopilot,and hesitantly decided to take the first spoonful. He couldn't stretch the time too much,Sapnap and Quackity were watching him,it would looked suspicious and–God,why were they watching him? Did they suspect anything? He hoped no,because he wasn't ready to have that conversation.

He looked at the spoon,already feeling tears welling up in his eyes.
God,he wanted to cry so fucking bad,but he couldn't,not with them in his room. He didn't even know he could do it. Could he do it? No,absolutely not. He couldn't. It was as if he was stuck in place.

"Karl? You there? Are you ok?...you're shaking..."
Quackity brought him back to reality. And yes,he was shaking like a leaf.

How could cover this up? He feel cold even though it was summer and he has 3 layers of blankets on him? He was deriling even though he was able to hold a normal conversation?
Shit,he couldn't think of anything that would work. This was bad.

"I....uhm...I'm fine...yup...I was just about to eat the soup hehe..."
He said,forcing himself to gulp down the hot liquid as fast as he could. He wanted to curl up and cry until passing out. This was too much. And it was only the first spoonful. It was a long way to go. And he wanted to scream.

He dipped the spoon again,pausing to look at his reflection in the liquid:tired,dull,shiny and reddish eyes,sharp and worn face,his hair was a mess and seemed to have decreased...? How could this be possible?....is it because he didn't eat enough?

"Karl,anorexia is something that if developed to an extreme,and not treated in time,can kill you."

Dr. Jordan's words rang in his head. Only now he was realizing what a shitty situation he was in.

He knew there was a chance,but he thought it wasn't the case for him and that he would be able to heal. But now,that he was confined to a bed with almost no energy and wanting to cry for having just sipped a soup,he realized how much it could come true.

He could die.

He could die in front of their eyes. Even now....and...and it was too much.
Fuck the soup.
(Poor soup pt 3)

"Karl? If you can't eat because of the fever,do you want us to fee-"
"No! No,no,no,no! I-I...this isn't...I...oh god no. I don't-I...LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS TOO MUCH!"
Karl yelled in panic,flipping the soup onto the sheets hysterically trying to get it out of his sight.
(That soup didn't do anything to you,why go after it?)

"Karl!"
Someone yelled at him,but Karl was already spiraling in a whirlwind of negative thoughts that led him to have another panic attack. A very bad and violent one.

There were noises and movements around him, some even shaking him,but he couldn't figure out who,there were black spots blocking his vision and his ears were ringing. And he couldn't breathe. Again.
And he was just so tired. And he wanted to sleep. Just for a little bit.
He will wake up after this short nap.

Quackity watched in horror as Karl closed his eyes in the midst of confusion,face paler than ever and bloodshot eyes now closed. Sapnap was shaking him trying to get him to woke up. But it wasn't working.

"Fuck! Wait!....Hello?! It's an emergency! Our boyfriend just passed out and we don't know what to do!....I-alright. Sapnap!"
Quackity called the attention of the other. Sapnap was busy trying to wake up,panicked,Karl while Quackity called 911 for help.

"What?!"
"See the pulse on his wrist!"
"Alright"

Sapnap threw up the sleeve of his sweatshirt,so he could feel his heartbeat,but froze once he noticed the state of his arm.

Karl was skin and bones.

"Fuck"
"What?"
"He's too skinny. I can see the bones under the skin..."
"Eh-? What do you me-oh god..."

Not only had their boyfriend just passed out,but they'd just found out he was underweight for how skinny he was. It couldn't get worse than this.

After following the paramedics' directions,checking that there was still a pulse–Sapnap panicked when he found it was very slow,checked his breathing,which was very weak,and his heartbeat,they had decided to check how much Karl had lost weight.

And what they found horrified them.
Their boyfriend,their little ball of sunshine,was a skeleton. His ribs could be seen and he had legs and arms like toothpicks.

"Oh god...Karl,honey..."
Sapnap whispered to the state of their boyfriend,while Quackity sobbed and cried giving the last indications to the paramedics,in order to have an ambulance as soon as possible.

Sapnap traced with his fingers,in graceful strokes,the arms of the boy lying on the bed feeling his bones.
How long was it since he didn't eat properly? Why had they let the problem get so big instead of talking to him directly about it? Fuck,they are horrible boyfriends.

"....Did he not trust us? I thought he might finally confide in us after....that...then why? Why did he hide all this from us?"
Quackity asked again tearfully looking at Karl as if he wes lifeless.

Yeah. Good question. Why? Why did he have to hide all this when he forgave them and they started again? Didn't he trust them enough? Did he know in his heart that he could never forgive them? Why hadn't they directly confronted him in the beginning? Maybe if they had done it now they wouldn't have gotten to this point. Shit,they don't deserve him.

"I...I don't know ok? I through he was doing great,that he was healing and was really happy and and-"
Seeing the boy's state of total confusion,Quackity approached him to try to calm him down.
"Take a breath"
"And,and-I what-?"
"Sap,take. A. Breath."

Sapnap did as requested,taking deep breaths rhythmically calming himlf.

"Good job,you're doing great love....are you ok?"
Quackity asked getting a positive sign.

"Listen...I know it's a shitty situation right now,but let's not panic. Karl is alive,not dead. Whatever happened,we will manage and get out of this all 3,together. Ok? It's not our fault something like this happened don't get carried away. The ambulance is on its way and we would soon have help for Karl. It's not over yet okay?"
Quackity tried to calm him down with another nod.

He was right,he need to stay calm...for Karl.

Silence fell in the room,both too immersed in their own worries.
They could do nothing but wait.

The ambulance arrived relatively soon,loading Karl onto a stretcher and taking him with them. Quackity and Sapnap followed in their car,not a distance away from them,anxiously.

The air was thick with the worry and confusion they had about the situation,neither of them spoke as they drove down the road to the hospital.

A quarter of an hour later they were at the entrance to the hospital. Asking frantically to the receptionist for their boyfriend. Fortunately,a doctor who was hurrying by,carrying a drip of blood,stopped on hearing their conversation.

"Excuse me? Are you looking for a certain Karl Jacobs?"
He asked,getting their attention.

"Yes!"
"He's a patient of mine,follow me I was just going to him.My name is Jordan"
The doctor introduced himself,while all 3 of them walked towards the first floor.

"I'm Quackity and he's Sapnap"
"We are his boyfriends"
The other two introduced themselves in turn.

Sapnap was frowning,thinking back to the doctor's words. Karl is a patient of his? He had never seen this doctor in his life. How could he be his patient? They hadn't had any doctor's appointments in months…how could he know him?

The doctor must have noticed his state of uncertainty because he immediately reassured him.

"I know it may seem like a lot to take right now,but I promise your boyfriend will recover. It can be treated. Once he wakes up you can ask him all the questions you want. Until then,please wait until we stabilize the situation"

"I-ok...I trust your words"
The doctor smiled slightly at him,before arriving at the room where Karl resided. Room 108,first floor.

"Will he be ok?"
Quackity asked,still anxious,not having said a word the whole way.

"I will be honest with you,his situation has reached a quite critical point. But with time and support,he should get over it. I won't tell you what's wrong with him,although you probably already figured it out,it's up to Karl to tell you what's going on. I'll send a nurse to warn you about improvements once we're done in there"
The doctor said getting nods from the boys,before finally walking into the room.

Quackity and Sapnap once again stood there waiting in agony,hoping that at the end of the day they can still say they have a boyfriend and were in a poly relationship.

Inside the small hospital room,Karl was lying on a bed while around him were 5 different nurses. They had attached the boy to a monitor on which his heartbeats were monitored,a mask to help his breathing,and he had 3 different types of drip and needles:one connected to a bag of blood,the other two to the nutrients that were keeping him fed.

Karl was in a half-awake state,he was too tired to be able to move and speak,his body felling heavy and numb,but he was still conscious and had enough strength to open his eyes to look at what was happening around.

He took a note that he was no longer in his bedroom,but in another place. White walls...people in white shirts and uniforms...was he in the hospital?

There were a couple of nurses near his bed fumbling around him and a doctor....he was familliar...wait,isn't he doctor Jordan?

the heart monitor started beeping faster getting the doctor's attention.

"Karl? Can you hear me? If yes,blink 2 times"
The doctor asked turning towards him noting that his patient's eyes were open.

Karl blinked 2 times.

"Ok. You are in the hospital because your anorexia has reached a critical point. Your stomach also rejects liquid food,we are feeding you through some drip at the moment. Your boy–.... are waiting out–.... you. They don't–...that you are.....yet,I–....old them. You.....t on to do–Stay....calm."
The doctor's words slowly became octaves until Karl closed his eyes again,too exhausted to stay awake.

When he woke up again,this time he was unfortunately being able to feel pain every part of his body. His head was exploding,he felt dizzy and every muscle in his body ached.

His throat was dry and he desperately needed water. He got up on his elbows to ask someone for a glass of water.

What he didn't expect was the presence of his boyfriends in the room. They were both sitting next to him sleeping: Quackity had his head resting on his bed while Sapnap fell asleep sitting in the chair.

Karl smiled softly as he stroked Quackity's hair and took Sapnap's hand in his.

He felt guilty. So so much guilty.
He had made them worry so much,when all he wanted was to make them happy,but his plan backfired on him. He had let the situation escalate so much and instead of directly asking for help he hid it.

And it wasn't right because they were so good to him. They were always there for him,when he couldn't sleep or the night tormented him with nightmares and doubts,they woke up to be with him and calm him down. And if he couldn't go back to sleep they stayed up together just for him,even if they were death tired.

If he had bad thoughts they were the first to understand him and remind him of how special and important he was to them and how much they loved him.

If he had relapses–which had happened a lot,they were there for patch him up,disinfecting the cuts and trying to give him as much support as possible,even though they were on the verge of crying.

And this wasn't just right,they deserve to know....he didn't want to throw their efforts of helping him in vain...and he really wanted to get better. But he could do that just with their help.

"-mhm? Karl?...Karl you're awake?!"
Quackity yelled upon noticing the state of their boyfriend,finally awake after 10 hours of sleeping.

The scream woke Sapnap and he nearly fell off his chair half-drowsy. What a way to wake up with so much peace of mind....

"Wher-who-what?...Karl,honey you're awake!....why are you crying?"
He also yelled after realizing where he was,who he was and why he was there.

Karl touched his cheek,noticing the tears rolling down his face. When did he start crying...? He looked back at them,watching their worried expressions.

He didn't deserve them. Not after what he did.

"I...I....I'm sorry....I didn't mean to! I'm so so sorry. I was scared and I didn't think! And-and-And you didn't deserve it! And I don't deverse you or your love and and I'm sorry!"
He tried to speak,even though he was sobbing and crying hard.

"What? No,no,no,no. Love don't say something like that never again. You deserve to be loved more than anything in the world. You are so precious for us... don't even rethink something like that."
Quackity tried to calm him down.

But his words only made Karl feel more guilty. They were always so good for him,it's hurt.

The monitor started beeping more and more and the heartbeat became accelerated,the breath was short and Karl was in total panic.

He doesn't remember very well what happened next,but he had heard the door being opened and people entering. Quackity and Sapnap were pulled from his bed and taken out of his room. Then,the void welcomed him again for the third time.

When Karl opened his eyes for the second time,he noticed that the sky had turned dark. Was it evening? Night? How many more hours had he slept?

This time he was alone in the room. Nor nurses or doctors,nor Quackity or Sapnap. He was alone,he didn't know how to feel about it. He liked being able to finally have peace to reflect,but at the same time he didn't like being alone,he didn't feel safe.

As if reading minds,the door opened revealing Quackity and Sapnap with a cart.

"I hope for you that the hospital cafeteria has some edible stuff. I don't want to poison Karl or us for that matter"
Quackity commented,wheeling the cart inside.

"Trust me,it's not that bad. And then it's based on the treatment you have to follow,it's not my fault that the majority of them require inedible food"
Sapnap commented getting a shrug from Quackity.

It had been 3 hours since Karl had fallen back asleep and although visiting hours were long gone,they had managed to convince Karl's doctor,Dr. Jordan,to let them stay.

They'd spent the last half hour in the hospital cafeteria opting to get some food to avoid starving,and trying to get Karl to eat something too.

So when they got back to their room,they didn't think they'd see him awake again. But instead....

"Hey...."
Karl cringed at his own voice. He really needs that water.

"Hey"
"Hi"
Both answer,closing the door to the room and sitting down on the chairs next to his bed.

Karl watched their movements,remaining silent,feeling the embarrassment of his earlier breakdown.

"Uhm...so...how are you?"
"Ok,I think..."
"Alright..."

This was awkward.

"Uhm....I'm sorry for my breakdown. Sorry,didn't mean to..."
He apologize feeling embarrassed about what happened earlier.

"You don't need to. Really. It's fine. As long as you are ok we don't care or are angry about it."
Sapnap reassured him while Quackity nodded solidifying his answer.

"If you say so...."
Hearing his discomfort Quackity immediately changed the subject,so as not to stress him too much.

The doctor had told them that the accelerated heartbeat was due to too much stress experienced in just a few moments,and that for the moment he couldn't handle it. If they wanted to help him they had to do it in small steps and with his times,without rushing it.

But Karl was tired,so tired of this shit.
And there was only one way to start improving his condition and avoid getting worse and worse. He has to tell them,now or never.

"I'm sorry about all of...this...I didn't know that the situation could become so drastic. I just wanted to be happy with you guys and not cause more problems....but instead here I am,in a hospital bed,yeeeey....I didn't hide all this from you because I didn't trust you,but because I didn't want to add another weight. When I found out it was like the world fell on me again. After everything I've done to improve...now it's like I started from the beginning. It's like it didn't metter."
He began,deciding to confide in them once and for all.

"I had mentioned it to my therapist at first and she had suspicions about what it could be. I did some research and our suspicions came true....I still didn't want to believe it and went to a doctor expert on the field to confirm or not. I couldn't know for sure right?...turn out I was right. For the first time I wanted not to be..."

"The doctor told me he wanted to see me for some appointments and monitor my situation, but in a short time instead of improving it got worse... and now here we are. The last place I wanted to be..."

Karl turned to the two boys who until now had been silent listening to his. He looked into their eyes as he spoke the following words:
"I have an eating disorder....I'm anorexic. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner,maybe we wouldn't have gotten this far..."
He finally told them,shedding a weight he didn't know how long he'd been carrying.

The room fell into religious silence for a couple of seconds and Karl was engulfed in a tight hug by his boyfriends. Sapnap hugged him to his chest from behind while Quackity had his head buried in his chest clutching his shirt.

The hour that followed were filled with apologies,tears and hugs,sweet words whispered in the wind and promises to keep. They had to work on their communication skills,that was for sure,but for now they were content to be in each other's arms supporting each other and moving forward together.

From now on Karl would no longer have to bear this burden alone,but he had found his boyfriends ready to help him with it.

Healing was a linear process,but a rollercoaster of emotions that could change at any moment. It was hard,sometimes you want to give up because you don't get results too fast,other times because you got tired of continuing. But it is important to remember that with the right support and goodwill one can still continue that torrid path,until one day you could finally be free.

For Karl that day seemed to have become closer after this day in the hospital. He just had to wait a little longer,and he wasn't alone,waiting with him were the people to whom he had entrusted the keys to his heart. And he couldn't be happier than that.