𝐼 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑠,𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝐼 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜,𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑎 𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑡-𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑡? 𝐼𝑑𝑘,𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒. (𝐹𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑠,𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤)

☾︎♫︎𝚂𝚊𝚙𝚗𝚊𝚙-𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌;𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏;𝙽𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐;𝕋𝕎:𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗,𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝,𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗♫︎☽︎

Sapnap has always been a quiet person,with a normal life and a good academic performance,a close-knit group of friends and people you can count on. He had no family problems,he didn't smoke or drink to forget his problems and in general he was well loved by people. He was an average guy.

Although many thought otherwise,his nature and disposition were not as explosive as he wanted to make people seem him. Likewise. He was soft-spoken,silent,calm and logical. He was an extrovert,but not the kind of extrovert that runs through you like a train and takes everything away.

He never judged anyone and managed to make you feel at ease without too many problems. So it wasn't such a big surprise to find out that he was the one who sorted things out when his friends argued. He got them talking,being comfortable as he listened to them,advising them on what he thought was best for them,and encouraging them to talk things out when they were ready. Always checking that they were okay,that nothing was wrong and that they were having a good time.

Gradually,he had become the therapist friend of the group. In a group of friends,most of the time,it was as if there were pre-established roles:

There was the one who carried everything on his shoulders,taking the initiative and who was usually the first to get in any situation. A leader.

The always nice one who always made jokes to cheer you up,to distract you from bad thoughts or unpleasant situations,and to keep up the mood of the group on a light level. The optimist.

The one tormented by his past who had taken refuge in a safe place to find trusted people,now betrayed by the rest of the world and with problems opening up. The insecure one.

The one that tries to involve others in participating in group activities,or even single ones,to help them slowly come out of their shell and make them feel confident about themselves. The extrovert.

And then there was the calm person who kept his friends from getting into too serious trouble -he had once had to restrain one of his friends from trying to snatch a pretty fish from an aquarium- ready to help them in any situation. The therapist.

Of course,not all groups of friends were formed by these roles or dynamics,but they were the most common ones to find.

Being that kind of friend was...it was weird.

For him it had always been like a second skin,to care for others and be there for them in their difficult times.Try to advise on the best ways to resolve their situations or their pain,without ending up in a tunnel of darkness formed by fictitious habits.
Always lend a shoulder to cry on,in case it needed to vent,and support them when the world collapsed around them.

There was a certain satisfaction in seeing the person-who was previously a mirror of himself-he had helped and supported,get back on their feet and continue to move forward.

It was fulfilling.

And he was happy that he could have been a part of this process,because he liked helping others. And he liked being a good friend.

So at the beginning it didn't matter much to be identified with that label.
He was the 'therapist friend',why was it important? He kept doing what he liked:helping his friends.

Because that's what good friends do,they help each other.

But then things changed...or rather,he sensed that they changed,for the others everything seemed normal.

His phone began to fill up more and more with messages from people who needed help. If they used to come to him,in regards to only a few situations,now they came to him for everything. Fucking everything.

Did you have a fight with your best friend? Go to Sapnap,he will listen to you and help you solve the problem.

Did your boyfriend dump you? Sapnap will know how to cheer you up.

Got a flat car wheel? Ask Sapnap,he will help you find a good mechanic to call.

Lost in the middle of nowhere and don't know where you are? Call Sapnap,he will keep you company while helping you understand how you can get back to square one.

Did your dog just die? Sapnap will comfort you.

Are you depressed? Do you have self-harm problems? An eating disorder? Don't worry that there is Sapnap that will support you and follow you in your recovery step by step.

And damn it was hard to keep doing what he liked.

At first he could even bear it. But when things started to get more complicated (how could he fucking help someone with depression? He wasn't a real therapist and he wasn't even qualified or wanted to be one. He was studying marine biology for goodness sake) he had begun to feel suffocated.

He was sinking,he didn't know where or how,but he was sinking. And he didn't like this feeling.

"And so we fought because of that. And he yelled at me for being a shitty person,from a point of view I deserve it because I started it. But I just wanted some reassurance! All he's been doing is being cold with me lately,and I don't want him to...that he's seeing someone else...maybe he's tired of me."
George's voice reached him in fits and starts. It was hard to understand what he was saying because of the weak connection and the sobs,but he managed to understand everything he said.

"Mhm...Have you had any improvement lately?"
"No. I tried giving it space like you said,but it didn't work. I think it had also complicated things..."

Dream and George's relationship lately was rocky. Those few times he was visiting them at their home,it was like walking on eggshells. He had to weigh everything he said,think several times before saying something to start a conversation to avoid making one of them cry or nervous.

He had spoken to both of them separately. George was wracked with emotion,Dream impassive.

From what he could glean and see from an outside point of view,Dream had gotten too sucked into work. Lately they were placing too many things on him,and the weight of every content he had to do was felt. He was out in the studio from the early hours of dawn until the late hours of the night. When they offered him help he dismissed them with a wave of his hand. 'It's my stuff,I don't want to overload you too' he mumbled every time.

But his absence at home was felt. George kept wondering whether to visit him or not,and if a visit from him would disturb him or not. Had he eaten? Did he took a few breaks from time to time? Was he hydrating properly? Could he bring him something to eat? His head was filled with questions and insecurities,he spent the day wandering the house from room to room,to find something to do and distract himself from his anxiety.

"Well, I think it's time to talk to him. After all, the methods we have used so far have not worked. You gave him space but he just ignored you,you tried to do nice things for him to show you're there but they didn't work,we tried to have an indirect approach to give him his times but what we got are tears from your eyes. I know this may sound difficult,but I think it's time for you two to talk about your feelings. A heart to heart."
He said,once he realized none of his methods could work. Besides,there was nothing like a two-way conversation to sort a mess out. This had to work.

"Are you sure? What if it doesn't work? What if he really got tired of me?"
Sapnap sighed,so much effort not to say directly what the problem was. But no,they had to solve it themselves,his help was enough. They just needed a little extra push....

"I'm sure that's not the case. Don't think about these things,you know it more than anyone he loves you from the bottom of his heart. All he does is name you in whatever speech there is,he always asks for your opinion,when you are not around him he seeks your presence until he finds you and then reach you. It's impossible to see someone else,he's whipped for you,tied to your finger and and completely head in the clouds for you. It's just a period no,don't worry,everything will be solved."
Sapnap calmed him,preventing George's head from starting to travel more than it should.

"If you say so..."
"But yeah,don't worry,it will all work out once you talk about it. You just need to communicate your feelings. Communication is the key here. And if it doesn't work out... I'm always here for you....and to beat him,but only if you want."
On the other end of the phone,George chuckled at his last joke and Sapnap smiled. It began to breathe a less heavy air.

"Of course I do...thank you Sapnap...I'll do as you say.I'll talk to him when he gets back,and if things get complicated well....maybe it wasn't worth it in the first place. But until then I want to hope,I know there is an explanation to all of this and Dream he's not the type to act like that. Thanks again"
George thanked him, his voice had a more raised tone this time, than it had throughout the conversation.

"You're welcome,and remember that if you need help, I'm always here,never forget it. Tell me how it ends later. Bye George"
"I won't forget it,and thanks again. I'll update you as soon as I can. Bye Bye"
The line closed and Sapnap sighed.

His gaze fell on the clock hanging on the wall of his room: 11.50pm,nearly midnight.

He had been on the call for the past 2 hours to help and comfort George. On the one hand he was happy to have been helpful,on the other....

His gaze fell on the open books on his desk,he still had a lot of things to do that he had to bring by tomorrow for his classes.

"And even today we sleep a few hours less..."

But it was worth it if a friend of his could finally sleep in peace.

Eventually,he managed to sleep a maximum of 3 hours before having to wake up again and go to school.

When he woke up,the first thing he did was check his phone to see if George had sent him any messages. He smiled seeing the notification on the screen.

By opening his chat he was able to read the entire message:
'The situation settled down,we talked about it and decided together what we should do. Again,if it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what to do,thank you man.'

Sapnap smiled and decided to respond with some emojis. What he had to tell him,he had already did yesterday evening on the call.

He then decided to put down the phone and get ready. Today was going to be a long day,and it was going to be awful trying not to fall asleep in class from lost sleep hours.

But if that was the result,it was worth it.

It was two in the morning when his phone rang and he fell out of bed from the deafening noise.

Why the hell had he set the ringtone to full?

He took the phone from the bedside table,unplugging it from the charger and accepted the call without even seeing who it was. It had become natural,an instinct.

"S-sap..."
Though broken by crying,and almost a whisper,Sapnap could recognize the voice anywhere.

"Karl?Why are you calling me so late? What happened?....Is that music I hear in the background? Where are you?"
The guy asked,his body already moving from his bed to find decent clothes to wear.

"He-he cheated on me! I thought he loved me! He said he wanted to propose to me! That-that fucking idiot,I should never had trusted him. Fuck him and his stupid friends!"
Karl vented,his voice hoarse from crying and screaming.

Although distraught and reeling from being rudely awakened,Sapnap managed to find a fairly presentable pair of black jeans and a white hoodie,and quickly put them on and out.

"Fuck-Karl,I'm really sorry that this had happened to you. I knew this guy wasn't good news,I swear as soon as I find him-James doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve the tears you are shedding for him and your heart,not after what he did to you. Where are you? I am coming to pick you up."
Sapnap said as he put on his shoes and grabbed his car keys.

"Paradise Bar,the one located near our faculty of studies..."
"Ok,ok,I'm coming for you. Do you want to stay on the call?"
He asked as he grabbed a warm jacket that he could give to Karl as soon as he got him back-it was December after all,it was cold.

".....yes,please..."
Karl's voice had become faint again,he had to strain his ears to understand him,but that wouldn't stop him.

"Ok,that's good. Do you want to tell me how you feel?"
Sapnap asked as he walked out of the house and quickly got into his car.

From there to their university it was 20 minutes,given that it was 2 in the morning the streets were almost deserted,without the presence of too much traffic it would have taken a couple of minutes less.

"Like shit....I thought he really loved me,but instead he cheated on me. And you know the worst? He cheated on me with his best friend-a girl named Hannah. He's been faking all of this time,I feel used-as if I were just a pastime for him"

Karl and his,now ex,boyfriend had recently gotten together. For him the development of their relationship seemed like something very fast, too many stages missed or sped up to only be together for 6 months. He didn't express himself too much,because he saw that one of his best friend was happy and the dude seemed ok,and maybe it was him who was a little old-fashioned.

But oh,how he wished he had expressed his doubts more often about their relationship,now that this had happened he regretted it. Maybe he could have done something more,warned Karl or made him open his eyes,but no,he had remained silent and now someone dear to him had to pay the consequences. He was a shitty friend. He could have done more,next time he will do more.

"I don't know how you may feel right now,I have never been in this situation to understand your feelings, but know that I am here for you. For anything. Even if you need to beat him,I will be the first to inflict pain on him in that case- I'm here. So vent and let go. Because you deserve better than him and because you are not alone in facing this pain. But I'm here to keep you company."
He said as he took another road,now closer and closer to his destination.

".....thanks Sapnap,you are the best friend I could ever have..."
Karl said, appreciating his friend's presence in this dark moment.

"You're welcome,this and more for you. Oh-I'm almost there anyway,start getting ready that I'll take you away from there. You drank?"
The silence on the other end of the line answered for him.

"Karl!"
"I'm sorry ok? I wanted to let go and forget about the shitty day I had."
Sapnap sighed,already feeling his head explode with exasperation.

"Bro,I've already told you several times,you shouldn't drown your pain in alcohol every single time you're sad,then it becomes an addiction. It's ok to drink,but try not to overdo it too much."
Sapnap recommended him,he had already seen what alcohol could do to people.

It took over your nervous system and fucked you so much that sometimes you became a totally different person. A couple of his friends had become addicted to it,luckily thanks to him,they had started to reduce the consummation of it. This does not mean that the wounds can be re-imagined,they will learn to live with it and little by little the pain will ease. But never leave.

"Ok....You know what? I don't want to stay in here anymore,it's too depressing,I'll wait for you outside the club."
Karl said,his tone of voice a little more bitter than before.

"Stay warm,it's winter and it's 2 am. It's freezing outside,I don't want you to catch a cold or a fever."
The other said as he took another road and was finally able to recognize the silhouette of their university.

"......ok,fine"
"Good....I'm here,come out,I brought you a warm jacket."
"Coming"
Sapnap disconnected the call,sighing as he rested his head on the handlebars.

Now that the adrenaline of worry was over he felt dead tired. In more than 5 hours he would have to return here to attend his morning lessons,god was sleeping standing up. He would have liked to go back to his warm bed and sleep,but he couldn't,Karl needed him.

Talking about him....

The door to the club opened revealing the shattered figure of his best friend. Eyes red and chubby from crying,pale skin and wavy hair all over the place,and he was dressed in pajamas. Yup,he was the representation of emotional damage in this moment. He had done well to bring an extra warm jacket.

Karl quickly approached his car,entering quickly,while his body was shivering with cold.

"Here"
"Thanks"
Sapnap handed him the jacket which he accepted and put on,finally feeling warmer.

"Fancy grabbing some hot chocolate and some dessert on the way home?"
Sapnap asked as he started the car again and sped off the road.

"Dessert and hot chocolate at half past 2 in the morning?"
Karl asked skeptically.

"Have it as a midnight snack-or a 2 a.m. snack,and there are night supermarkets open. Do you want?"
Sapnap asked again.

"....I'm in. But I want it with cream and an icecream"
"Deal"
And for the first time,in this sad evening of tears,Karl smiled.

He was called back to class several times,even ending up in detention when they saw that he was sleeping during lessons,but it was worth it if Karl was able to have fun despite everything.

"Sapnap? Are you here?"
The voice of another of his best friends brought him out of his trance.

"Quackity! Here!"
Sapnap called,also raising his hand to get his attention. Fortunately the raven saw him and walked towards him.

Before his friend could enter the room and look for him,Sapnap had retreated to the side to find some time for himself to study for tomorrow's test. It was for this reason that he spent the next half hour in the depths of the school library,trying to memorize the study materials.

"Thanks the lord I finally found you. I was searching you,like,everywhere."
The friend replied as he sat down at his table,in front of him.

"Why? Do you need help for anything?"
Please say no,please say no,pleaseee...

"See? I know that you are always ready for help!"
Quackity's ringing voice made him reconsider his life decisions.

Fuck me and my good heart. Why can't I have a moment for myself? God must hate me really much.

"Anyway! I need help with today's test,I barely know anything about the medieval era. Do you think you could write me a list with the main points or give me a quick explanation of the most important things?"
He asked while showing off his doe face-which according to him was "the most efficient weapon to convince someone."

"....Fine.But you need to listen carefully and don't you dare to get distracted,ok?"
"Yes,yes"
His books were forgotten,still open on the table,buried by those that were presented before him.

Was important the fact that he was helping someone from a different course of study for his own benefit? Or maybe it was the fact that he had to explain things he had never done to someone else? Or that he had to help him pass a test Quackity should have failed for not studying? He didn't have a clue.

But despite this he rolled up his sleeves and began to write down the things that could happen during the test, while explaining the basis of the historical period.

Seriously,why did his friends come to him about everything,assuming he knew everything? And who the fuck were the Ostrogoths?

A couple of hours later,when he had spent the entire school day helping Quackity-skipping hours of lessons useful for his test-a message arrived.

It was a photo of the raven-haired vote-getter,striking a victory pose with the fingers of his right hand.

"6"
In practice,sufficiency....

"Did I just waste time I could have spent in my life helping someone who barely passed?"
He asked himself as he contemplated throwing himself off the library balcony.

Listen,he loved helping his friends with whatever problems they had,sure a lot of the time it was too much,but he never backed down from anything.

But when he helped someone study he wanted good results. He knew that he should be happy that he had gotten through it,but...but he wasn't happy. He felt like he wasted time doing nothing when he could be studying.

Had he sacrificed hours of class for this? Had he been good at explaining things to him? Had he missed something? Maybe he wasn't just a good teacher.....maybe he should have tried harder.

Regardless,he responded with a 'good job' and a positive emoji. For the rest of the day,however,he decided to ignore all the messages his classmates and friends sent him.

The next day he managed to get,as always,top marks on his biology test. But the bitter feeling of not having helped his best friend enough never left his mouth,and he went MIA for the rest of the week.

"Damn you Callahan,why can't you respond to my texts?!"
Please respond,please,please don't do anything.

To say he was panicking was an understatement. He was trembling with anxiety,his stomach was churning and,fortunately,he had not yet vomited anything he had eaten previously. His hands were shaking with fear and his eyes,now reddish from how much he had rubbed them,were forming tears.

What a way to start his weekend.

He had woken up later than usual and had decided to laze in bed because he didn't feel like getting up. After half an hour,however,his stomach declared itself hungry and so he began to prepare himself a breakfast.

His phone was full of notifications from the previous days that he hadn't interacted with anyone about. Sapnap had already decided that he would continue to increase them,not having the desire to socialize,when an important notification brought him to a complete halt.

It was from a close friend of his,and it was rare for him to write to him unless it was important. Immediately, ignoring all other contacts, he clicked on the name 'The silent one' to read the message.

It wasn't long,nor short,it was average but the content was what worried him the most. He read:

"Hey Sapnap! How are you? We haven't talked in a while. I wanted to tell you that I thank you for always being by my side,despite everything. Really! I appreciate you very much for this. But...but it's not working,I can't do it anymore. I'm really sorry, I know how much you worked for me...but I don't think I can continue. Remember that wherever you are,I will always be there. I love you!
-Callahan"

As if he had been shaken by an electric cable,he jumped out of his chair trying to call his friend several times. But nothing,he didn't answer.

And now he was in this situation,as he rushed (still in his pajamas) out of his house to reach his friend's.

Callahan was a precious childhood friend who had always been there for him in any situation. However,he had a difficult family situation and difficulties that always put him in the sights of bullies,the fact that they went to totally different schools didn't help.

His situation had worsened in recent years,but he couldn't let his friend sink into despair. Not now and not ever. It had taken him a long time to get him out of his shell,to earn his trust and in trying to help him. He wouldn't throw everything into the fire for this.

He had to save him,he had to prevent him from making a mistake that he would later regret. Whatever he was planning to do would have been of no use,it would have only complicated things and made everything more painful.

"Please,please,reply,I swear to god....I don't want you to go"
His voice cracked at the end,but he continued running down the street with the phone still in his hand. Hoping for something,anything.

Please,don't do anything,please don't leave me,please....I don't want you to go.

"CALLAHAN!"
I don't want to lose you,so please....
"WAIT FOR ME!"
He screamed at the top of his lungs in desperation,finally arriving at his childhood friend's house.

The first thing he noticed when he arrived was that the door was open,letting light into the dark corridor.

The second thing he noticed was the fact that on the doorstep there was a huge yellow sheet of paper,and above it a red writing that said: 'Divorced'.

"What the-Oh shit"
At least the mystery of what caused all this mess has been revealed...

"Callahan!?"
Sapnap shouted his name as he entered the rooms of the now deserted house. It looked like a scene from a horror movie.

The house was dark,with the windows obscured by curtains and what little visible light was coming from the front door. There were pieces of glass on the ground and furniture broken or thrown on the floor. Paintings hanging on the wall,the memories of a happy family now forgotten over time,destroyed.

There was no one home,or so it seemed,but Sapnap knew that those frozen walls of despair hid one of its last inhabitants.

Without waiting any longer he made his way upstairs,also in the same state as the one downstairs,and kicked down the door of his friend's bedroom.

In front of him,raised on the railing of the balcony of his room,was the sender of the message.

"Sapnap...?"
The feeble voice,most likely torn by crying and desperate cries,and the eyes dull of all hope were the only thing he could see.

The boy's appearance itself was....it was horrible. His face was white and worn,with a cut on his forehead from which blood was dripping. The body seemed smaller than usual and much thinner than someone their age should be....very dangerously thin.
His face was hidden,on one side,by the hood of the hoodie -3 sizes too big- he always wore.
Sapnap really didn't want to know the damage to his limbs under what that hoodie was hiding,even if he knew,it didn't take a genius to figure it out.

Despite all this,however,the fact that he hadn't yet decided to jump gave him hope. He still can save him.
It would be tough but there was a chance to make everything better.

"Hey Call..."
Sapnap replied,trying to take a step forward.

Callahan recoiled,as if burned,and given the minimal thickness of the marble railing,all it took was one false step and he would have fallen.

He doesn't want me to come closer....ok,I can work with that.

"Wha-what are you doing here?"

"You sent me a message that made me worry a lot,so I came to see how you were doing because I care about you"
Sapnap chose the words, placing the right amount of weight on each one.

One false step and everything would have gone wrong here.

"....why?"
"Sorry,I don't think I understand. Why what?"

"Why do you care? Why? Nobody ever worried. Why do you? Why should I believe that you are different from others? Last time I checked,we haven't seen each other in a very long while."
Callahan spat,his body now shivering. Whether it was the adrenaline rush of the moment or something else,Sapnap didn't know.

"Why do you ask?...Callahan, it's true that we've been a bit detached lately. But that doesn't mean I worry about you. We have been friends since...forever! I still remember when we met as children,and you are so very,very important to me. And I...I don't want....I don't want you to go away from me...."

Deep breaths Sapnap,deep breaths. You can do it,you've already done it other times for your other friends. You have always succeeded,you will succeed this time too.

"I....I don't know what's happening, and from what I've seen it's not something good, on the contrary... I know that right now you're feeling pain, a lot of pain. I can't understand you,I don't think I will be able to as I have never had to experience something so difficult to overcome."
Sapnap held out his hand in front of him.

"But you're not alone Callahan. It may seem like it,maybe you can even think so, but it isn't. I am with you. And because I want to be with you in this. I want to help you get through this...if you want me. You are my friend...I will not abandon you in the face of your difficulties....you are not alone"
His friend looked into his eyes-an emotion passed through them but he couldn't grasp it.

He had done something good though,because Callahan had come down from the balcony and taken a step closer. However,he remained mobile and did not move further;his hand was clutching the sweatshirt where his heart was and his head was down.

"How...how can you be sure?...I wasn't even able to stop my parents from divorcing...I never do anything productive and I'm a mess...why would you want to stay? WHY SHOULD I STAY?!"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE ENOUGH! Listen to me,I don't care what others think of you because they don't know you. But I do! And you are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met,you are always kind and helpful,always helping and always putting others first-which you should stop,really,sometimes you need to prioritize yourself."
Which maybe I should start doing too,because I don't know how long my mental health will last if I continue to live this lifestyle.

"But this is not the point! You are enough for me! I don't need you to become some perfect living being,no one is perfect after all-People make mistakes every day! And it's not your job to fix other people's mistakes. It's not your fault that your parents decided to separate,and it never will be. It's not your fault if you're not perfect. It's not your fault that people are shitty. It's not your fault. And never dare think that again. You don't have to pretend to be more than you are,be just yourself...because you are enough for anyone who really loves you."
Sapnap took a deep breath,finishing his speech,hoping he had the desired effect. And also calming the heartbeats of his heart,which had gone crazy since they had received that message.

Callahan didn't say anything for a couple of seconds,worrying him. Maybe he had said something he shouldn't have or had exaggerated... Damn! He should have been more cautious!

Callahan fell to the ground,sitting on the floor while his outstretched hands rested on it,his face still covered.

"Cal-"
A sob broke into the room.Followed by another.And another.Until they turned into an ugly,powerful,venting cry.

Sapnap made a mental note to go to the pharmacy to get something for his throat,since it will most likely be damaged for a while. However,a smile made its way,along with some tears.

At least I managed to save him....This time....I really thought....it might be the end......

They cried together for the rest of the day,the only witness to this act was the solemnly empty house,and the sun coming in through the wide open window.

Have you ever felt empty? As if you were missing something? Do you want to do everything but then you quickly lose the desire,and even your passions start to turn black?

Sapnap looked at the ceiling of his room,the fan spinning to give him some relief,in the middle of the warm night.

His phone would occasionally light up with notifications from his friends.

Since when did he not answer them? A couple of days? Weeks? It wasn't like him to ignore them so much...

There were times when he couldn't see anyone at all,and the mere thought of interacting with people made him angry,but they were short periods in which he needed to isolate himself and disconnect completely.

After that everything went back to how it was before: helping others to stop doing bullshit,trying to support them and...and trying to make some space for himself.

"Are you sure they aren't taking advantage of you and your kindness?"
-His mother asked him when he told her about some episodes and how he was destroyed by them.

Fuck yes,of course.

Some of them did nothing but write to him just to ask him things,other than that they didn't really interact much. He didn't even know whether to consider them as friends or not.

He knew very well that some people used him,it didn't take a genius to know that. And the best thing? He didn't care in the slightest.

As long as there was a use for him,and he could help someone,it didn't matter if him was used to the point of destruction. Call him a masochist,but there was little he could do to abandon that part of himself.

After all...if he didn't help others...what else could he do with his life?

Being the therapist friend was....a fucking living hell.