@Angelfish456 requested: VrisHussie

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KARKAT: ????

DAVE: im with you there dude.
DAVE: ?????

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS DOUCHEBAG??

DAVE: i dont know man but thanks to some very interesting interviews with several dead vriskas and our lovely living vriska i have come up with the perfect image for this edition of ship reacting.

KARKAT: WHY IS HIS SKIN ORANGE? WHY ARE HIS LIPS SO FULL AND PLUMP?

DAVE: why are you looking at another dudes lips?

KARKAT: ANYWAY.
KARKAT: ON WITH THIS TEDIOUS TASK OF JUDGING A RELATIONSHIP'S ABILITY TO STAY TOGETHER.

DAVE: aka, ship bashing. ship roasting. ship judging.

KARKAT: LET'S START ON ALL THE BAD THINGS ABOUT VRISKA.
KARKAT: SHE IS THE MOST MANIPULATIVE, BITCHY, SELF ABSORBED, TINY MINDED PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE.
KARKAT: IF SHE DOESN'T GET HER WAY SHE OFTEN USES THOSE SHITTY ASS MIND CONTROL POWERS OF HERS TO FORCEFULLY TAKE WHAT SHE WANTS.

DAVE: also shes giving karkat mixed hate-crush signals.
DAVE: shits painful to watch.
DAVE: especially since we ALL know that vriska aint looking to hate mack with anyone and half the time karkat is making himself look like a giant idiot.

KARKAT: I AM NOT YOU FIZZLING PRICK!!
KARKAT: I HAVE PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE REASONS TO BELIEVE WHY VRISKA WOULD BE POSSIBLY HATE FLIRTING WITH ME.
KARKAT: BUT I *WON'T* EXPLAIN THOSE REASONS TO YOU AGAIN.

DAVE: bc you know those so called reasons are bogus and youre just full of yourself.
DAVE: this aint the karkat show babe.
DAVE: not everyone is going to be falling in line to the 'lets date karkat!' ride.
DAVE: yknow, other than like the cat girl. and tz at one point. and fish dude. and the clown guy. and i think 3d glasses guy?
DAVE: oh and kanaya, but that doesnt count cause you two are only pale dating.

KARKAT: ARE YOU DONE EMBARRASSING ME?

DAVE: yep.

KARKAT: AS I WAS SAYING, NOW FOR THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER. SHE GETS SHIT DONE. IF SOMEONE HAS TO BE DONE, LIKE DEFEATING THE BLACK KING FOR INSTANCE, HER MIND FOCUSES LIKE A LAZER AND SHE FUCKING DESTROYS THE TASK AT HAND.
KARKAT: I ADMIRE THAT ABOUT HER.
KARKAT: ALSO, SHE'S A GOOD MOIRAIL. FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD TEREZI BABBLE ON ABOUT.
KARKAT: GOD, THAT BLIND FREAK IS *ALWAYS* GOING ON ABOUT HOW 'OH K4RK4T, MY MO1R41L 1S SOOOOOO MUCH B3TT3R TH4N YOURS! NO OFF3NS3 TO K4N4Y4.' IT GETS FUCKING ANNOYING YOU KNOW? BUT YEAH. SHE'S A GREAT MOIRAIL.

DAVE: (please never do a terezi impression ever again. i feel like dragon just fucked my ear with a chainsaw dick.)

KARKAT: THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT VRISKA.
KARKAT: AS FOR THE ORANGE GUY....I'VE HEARD A LOT OF BAD SHIT ABOUT HIM FROM DEAD VRISKA'S AND FROM WHAT I'VE GATHERED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM ***HATE*** HIM.
KARKAT: SO I'D SAY THAT THIS IS PERFECT.
KARKAT: THEY'LL BOTH VE WONDERFULLY HAPPY TOGETHER AND WILL HAVE A BAJILLION WEIRD MUTATED BABIES AND WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

DAVE: pffft. hess totally just saying that because vriska annoys him.
DAVE: but i gotta say
DAVE: she annoys me too
DAVE: so if she hates the weird orange dude with unnaturally full lips than i herby deem this ship canon.
DAVE: may many fans create horrible inter-species headcanon babies for them.
DAVE: may the fanfics written of them have detailed kinky ass pailing.
DAVE: and may vriska find all of these.

KARKAT: AMEN.