PanicMyFallinFandoms requested: Karkat x Past!Karkat(♠️)

DAVE: today karkat and i hung out with roxy, rose, jane, and kanaya. it was like momception up in this bitch.
DAVE: karkat and i were trapped under a humongous tsunami of hugs and affection and amazing compliments and gifts.
DAVE: kanaya made karkat and i matching sweaters.
DAVE: jane made us all cookies.
DAVE: i feel like a six year old boy on his birthday or fucking christmas.
DAVE: it is christmas for us.

KARKAT: IT IS. AND I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I DIDN'T ENJOY THE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION I WAS GETTING TODAY.
KARKAT: I WONDER IF THAT'S HOW I WOULD'VE FELT EVERY DAY IF I WASN'T LIVING WITH THE CONSTANT THREAT AND FEAR OF DEATH!

DAVE: yo same thought here.

DAVE: lmaooooo
DAVE: you fangirls are so into shipping youre even shipping karkat with HIMSELF now!
DAVE: not that i dont really mind. i mean, my amazing strider charm would most likely just woo the both of them. next thing we know im walking around with two karkats bickering on either side of me.
DAVE: itd be heaven. i would be in actual heaven.

KARKAT: YOUR IDEAL VERSION OF "HEAVEN" IS HAVING TWO ASSHOLES SCREAMING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT ONE ANOTHER AND A VARIETY OF OTHEF THINGS? REALLY?

DAVE: any ideal heaven for me is great as long as it involves you.

KARKAT: SHUT UP YOU BUG SACK OF DRY SHIT. <3

DAVE: <3

KARKAT: ANYWAY, THIS IS...KIND OF WEIRD. SERIOUSLY. I WOULDN'T DATE MYSELF. OR HATE MARRY MYSELF. THAT THING THAT I USED TO HAVE ABOUT ME "HATE MARRYING MYSELF" WAS JUST ME BEING AN OVERDRAMATIC BITCH.
KARKAT: HEY, I CAN HATE MYSELF ALL I'D LIKE BUT I'M VERY SURE I WON'T SUDDENLY SEE A DEAD DREAM GHOST KARKAT AND INSTANTLY WANT TO HATE-MAKE OUT WITH HIM. THAT'S KIND OF...REALLY REALLY WEIRD.
KARKAT: LIKE, *REALLY* WEIRD.
KARKAT: AND IMAGINE ME HATE FUCKING MYSELF??? GOD THAT'S EVEN WEIRDER!!!!!
KARKAT: THIS SHIP IS JUST *WAY* TO FREAKY FOR ME. I CAN'T DATE MYSELF IN ANY WAY. I MEAN, IF I CAN BARELY LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR WHAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO *DATE* MYSELF?