@best-day-of-my-life requested: TavNep

DAVE: this is all you my dude

KARKAT: SO IT SEEMS.
KARKAT: LET'S GET THIS SHIT STARTED.

KARKAT: OKAY.
KARKAT: FIRSTLY, I'D LIKE TO ADDRESS TAVROS' BULLSHIT CAT ALLERGY.
KARKAT: OKAY, HE'S ALLERGIC TO CATS. I GET THAT. BUT HE STARTS SNEEZING WHENEVER NEPETA'S AROUND!!!
KARKAT: LAST TIME I CHECKED NEPETA WASN'T A CAT. SURE SHE ACTS AND SORT OF LOOKS LIKE ONE AND SHIT BUT SHE'S A TROLL, NOT A CAT.
KARKAT: HER LUSUS IS A CAT AND I'D TOTALLY GET IF HER LUSUS' SCENT OR FUR OR WHATEVER RUBBED OFF ON NEPETA AND THAT MADE TAVROS SNEEZE. BUT IT'S BEEN *YEARS* SINCE OUR LUSII HAVE DIED, YOU'D THINK THAT THE SMELL HAS WORN OFF AND HE'D STOP SNEEZING.
KARKAT: I SHOULD TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL SHIP NOW.
KARKAT: I'VE HONESTLY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THOSE TWO TOGETHER AS A FLUSHED COUPLE. I CAN KIND OF SEE IT...
KARKAT: PITCH...I CAN'T, LIKE AT ALL. AND NEPETA ALREADY HAS A PALE-MATE...BUT FLUSHED...I CAN SEE IT.
KARKAT: I GUESS I CAN KIND OF SEE THE TWO OF THEM REALLY BONDING AND SHIT OVER FIDUSPAWN AND ROLE PLAYING AND FLARPING AND SHIT. PLUSH NEPETA BEING, WELL, NEPETA SHE'D KIND OF BOOST TAVROS' SELF ESTEEM.
KARKAT: LIKE, SHE'D GIVE HIM LONG-ASS PEP TALKS IN EVERY EVENING WHEN THEY WAKE UP AND SHE'D ASSURE HIM HE COULD DO ANYTHING HE SETS HIS THINKPAN TO DO.
KARKAT: AND MAYBE SINCE EQUIUS IS NEPETA'S MOIRAIL HE'D HELP HIM OUT TOO, JUST TO MAKE NEPETA HAPPY. NEXT THING YOU KNOW IT'S THE THREE OF THEM CONSTANTLY HANGING OUT AND ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ONE ANOTHER.

DAVE: ....dude you could write a fanfic about this shit.

KARKAT: I'M NOT GOING TO WRITE FANFICTION.

DAVE: why not tho. i mean, you basically have the plot and shit down plus youre a pretty bitching writer. you could do it.

KARKAT: JUST BECAUSE I *CAN* DOESN'T MEAN I *SHOULD*.
KARKAT: AS I WAS SAYING...NEPETA AND TAVROS SEEM LIKE A PRETTY COMPATIBLE COUPLE.
KARKAT: CONSIDER THIS SHIP STAMPED WITH THE KARKAT VANTAS SEAL OF APPROVAL.