@brojohndave requested: BroJohn

KARKAT: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING ALL OF ETERNITY TO WRITE THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT REACTION.
KARKAT: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO BLAME DAVE FOR MAKING US TAKE SO LONG. YOU SEE, I GOT SICK AS FUCK AND COULD NOT CONCENTRATE OR STAY AWAKE LONG ENOUGH TO WRITE ANY SORT OF REACTION. SO DAVE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ME AND PRETTY MUCH NURSE ME BACK TO HEALTH.
KARKAT: BUT THEN, THAT ASSHOLE HAD TO GET SICK AS WELL!
KARKAT: ANS WHEN *HE* GETS SICK IT'S LIKE THE END OF THE GODDAMN WORLD.

DAVE: hey, it isnt my fault my immune system is shit and i suffer everytime i have to live through the common cold.
DAVE: but you should be blaming yourself bc you had to be contagious.

KARKAT: I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET NEAR ME WHEN I WAS SICK!!!! YOU IGNORED ME!!! I KNEW YOU WOULD GET SICK!!!

DAVE: a knight isnt afraid of anything and i wasnt about to let you suffer with a cough and sore throat. it was my duty to nurse you back to your grumpy and healthy self.
DAVE: and then it was *your* duty to nurse *me* back to health. tip for tap baby.

KARKAT: UGH, WHATEVER.
KARKAT: ANYWAY, THAT'S OUR APOLOGY FOR THAT.

DAVE: we also want to apologize for karkats mishaps when he was sick.
DAVE: you see, he was out of it when he was bedridden. i told him not to mess with the ship list but what did he do? he messed with it so now all the ships we had are deleted.
DAVE: tbh were doing this one bc its the only one we remember: ship name and person who asked for it.

KARKAT: WE WOULD GO BACK AND RE-WRITE THEM BUT THAT IS WAAAAAYYYYYY TOO MANY COMMENTS TO LOOK THROUGH AND TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHICH ONES WERE WHICH.
KARKAT: SORRY. YOU CAN REQUEST WHAT YOU WANT AGAIN HERE THOUGH!
KARKAT: WE'LL JUST MAKE A NEW LIST.

DAVE: yeah. well we spent a good part of this on ourselves. time to judge.

DAVE: lol

KARKAT: ....LOL...?

DAVE: lol

KARKAT: OKAY, THIS IS A SIGN DAVE IS ABOUT TO RANT.

DAVE: lmao
DAVE: what the FUCK you guys.
DAVE: okay uh
DAVE: i get that yall like your yaois and shit but this?????
DAVE: okay, lets just start off with the most obvious.
DAVE: this is PEDOPHILIA.
DAVE: john is sixteen. bro was like, thirty. pedophilia.
DAVE: second, john knows nothing of bro other than the fake shit i spewed out to him back when i was a disgusting thirteen year old.
DAVE: and to parallel that: bro knows nothing of john. hell, he doesnt even know john exists! bro never took the time to ask me about my friends so he doesnt know of john.
DAVE: third, i would never want john anywhere near that abusive asshole. john is my best friend and i get that theres a lot of fangirls thinking "wow!!! small shota uke with big mysterious seme!!! perfect for yaois!!1! what will make it better??? i know!!!! lets make the seme brothers with the ukes best friend!!!!"
DAVE: yeah, no.
DAVE: you just dont do this shit.
DAVE: this ship is just...fucking gross. bro would probably be the worst boyfriend in the world to john. and john can be kind of sensitive at times so it would suck especially for him!
DAVE: and im not trying to be mean but john can be a little...

KARKAT: HE CAN GET MANIPULATED EASILY. BRO WOULD GUILT TRIP HIM INTO DOING SOMETHING AND IT WOULD SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKE JOHN FEEL BAD AND MISERABLE.

DAVE: exactly!
DAVE: i would never want my best bro to have to date such a sack of dicks.
DAVE: so yeah, this shit is most definitely a no in the big book of strider-

KARKAT: AND VANTAS.

DAVE: both our books have this ship with a big red no next to it.
DAVE: but hey, dont let me stop you from shipping it i guess?
DAVE: idk i dont really want people to ship it bc of my personal reasons but i cant stop yall
DAVE: just know that theres a strider looking down upon you with immense shame.