i would like to blame my trauma for my obsession with terry silver...mans has tom riddle vibes

From @/RosaMacchio on ao3:

"hello, I would like a fic where adult Daniel tells Johnny about silver when he sees him with silver and Daniel has a huge panic attack obviously Johnny will always be with him"

so I rewatched that point in cobra kai where Silver was at the dojo and Daniel did explain his trauma to Johnny...but Johnny only cared about the finals?? he's so shitty lmao

warnings: panic attack, discussion of trauma, there's a dick joke in here at one point but that's just me so you're welcome

*the Larussos are swingers in this because it's cannon, apparently. lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"To you, I'll be a memory," Silver had said, thirty years before, to an 18 year old Daniel. "I'm in your mind, see. And once I'm in, I don't get out. You're like my little robot. All programed up and ready to roll. Rudy gets you angry. You break his nose. You're mine, Danny boy. Mine."

Daniel had gotten to a point, several months to a year after the events of Silver, where the nightmares ceased. He had still punched and kicked with violent tenacity, which Miyagi had to gently train out of him.

"The world not your enemy," Miyagi had told him. "Seek violence make violence more often than peace."

Daniel knew he would never reach a point of where he was, mentally, before Silver's abuse. He'd grown to see how he was a victim of Silver's twisted desires: to touch the young, doe-eyed boy, to put him through relentless torture only to lick the blood off his knuckles and see the tears welling up in Daniel's baby browns. Any impression Silver pretended to have with his strength was a lie used to rile him up, make him toxic and damage himself.

And now, here he was, in his own living room. It had been over thirty years, and Daniel thought he'd forgotten how it felt. He'd remembered how it felt, to fear Silver above all else, but that fear hadn't been relevant to him for decades. He had worries, worries about the dealership, or where the kids would go to college, or how to ensure his students would learn the best qualities of karate beyond the fighting.

His worries never made him feel like this. Like his world were shattering, falling into some kind of hellish world made to be a lie.

"Jesus, Larusso, you look like you're gonna throw up."

That was Johnny, ever the sensitive gentleman. Daniel had tried to calm down, but his confrontation with Silver in his yard, on his property...the interaction had terrified him so much, he lost feeling in his very bones.

Johnny had been the one to tell the kids to go home ("Unless you runts wanna stay here and do 50 pushups on your knuckles!"). Amanda was at the dealership, and Sam decided to go out with Miguel, giving her dad a gentle kiss on the head with wishes for him to feel better before she left.

"Do you wanna tell me why you look like a soggy stray kitten, or is this just one of those things you're not talking about?" Johnny asked, more like demanded, but his tone was a hair softer than usual.

Daniel couldn't seem to be able to open his mouth. He'd never felt his muscles tense in such a way before, he couldn't seem to get enough air in. "Do you--have you ever--" he starts, and he's scared to say the least, the words gathering something daunting on his tongue. It's even more so to collect them, to say them out loud, to Johnny Lawrence of all people.

Some trauma was easier to talk about than others. Johnny knew about the death of Daniel's father, which saddened Daniel to think on, but he felt no fear. He was comforted by the fact that his father was a good man, and he loved his family. Terry Silver was no such man; Daniel was confident he'd never known love, in any normal sense.

"When you're young," Daniel starts, breathing shallow. "When you're alone...and defenseless, and stupid..."

And then he broke down completely.

Daniel never thought adults could have fully fledged mental breakdowns. He'd seen his mom cry, quiet like a pitiful puppy, though it was a strange and rare sight. Daniel thought that mental breakdowns were for teenagers, or the mentally ill, or both. But here he was, 54 years old and burying his face in his hands, sobbing.

"Oh, god." Daniel could hear Johnny saying in a distant mumble. He didn't sound annoyed or disappointed, simply surprised and flustered by what was happening. "Here, I'll, um..."

Daniel could feel a blanket being wrapped around him, and he gripped the material in his sweaty hands, lest he pull on something else, like his hair. "Thank--Thanks," Daniel manages, nodding to himself.

"No problem. You want one of those high dollar juices in your fridge, maybe a soup? I dunno what the hell I'm supposed to be doing for you." Johnny shakes his head, running a hand through his hair as if he's ashamed of himself.

"Maybe just--" Daniel takes a shuddering breath. "I can--I can get my own water, it's just--" and then he's breathing uncontrollably again, shaking his head as he squeezes his eyes shut.

"Oh!" Johnny snaps his fingers, his eyes alight with both worry and a solution. "You're hyperventilating, so I gotta do that Heimlich thing. I saw it on a doctor show once, you're in good hands--"

Daniel appears to be practicing a breathing exercise, though he manages to fix Johnny with a glare. "The Heimlich is for--it's if I'm choking..." 'You idiot' seems to be on his lips, but the tone alone says it well enough.

Johnny shrugs. "Well, I could make you choke, but my solution is typically only for babes, so..." he goes into the kitchen and comes back rather quickly with a water bottle. Based on the look on Johnny's face, he seems only slightly peeved that the water bottle has a Larusso Auto Group label.

Daniel takes the bottle from Johnny with a slight nod and drinks once his breathing is steady. "You're a pig. And you probably wouldn't be able to make me choke, anyway."

"Oh, ha ha." Johnny laughs sarcastically. "You're trying to say my dick is small, but you're just making it sound like you have experience sucking dick."

Daniel fixes him with another glare but remains silent, taking a long drink from his water.

"But seriously, Daniel..." Johnny shrugs, as if it's no big deal, that Silver guy freaking Daniel out. But it is, and the tension in the air reads that they both know it. Johnny sits on the couch beside him. "What happened with that Silver guy? I know he's no good since he's hanging out with Kreese, but...I think we should be on the same page."

And so, Daniel starts to tell him. He tries to think of Johnny not as Johnny Lawrence, but as some kind of counselor (though, if Johnny were a counselor, Daniel would need more counseling afterwards to recover). He tells him from the beginning, getting back from Okinawa and living with Mr. Miyagi. Daniel tells him about his college funds going towards the bonsai store, and how he became friends with the cute girl at the pottery place who brought him macaroni and cheese. He told Johnny about the bullies who started roughing him up to sign up for the karate tournament again, and how Mr. Miyagi refused to train him. Then there was Silver, friendly and charming and practically breathtaking to Daniel, beating up his foe with ease, almost as if its stage combat.

(And then the later moments, when a sickening bubble haunts the stomach of a 19-year-old Daniel. It was stage combat.)

Daniel delves into the details, no longer caring that it's Johnny, perhaps wanting it to be Johnny. He describes how training sessions were, how intense, how they left Daniel both bloody and bloodthirsty. He even tells Johnny the more sickening details, ones that he didn't tell Mr. Miyagi or Jessica. The ones festering in his mind, haunting and almost not real, not until Silver had called him Danny-boy once more.

After the time seemed to stretch on in silence for far too long, Daniel can hear Johnny swallow. "Kreese was crazy, but he never got all touchy with me like that. He didn't lick the blood off my knuckles, either." Johnny lets out a shaky breath. "What the fuck..."

Daniel nodded. "But, hey, what happened with you was worse. You were training with Kreese for years, I was only in Cobra Kai for a couple months..."

"There's no need to compare, they were both screwed up." Johnny insisted. "It's just...you're not "Danny-boy" anymore, alright? You're Danny...man. Terry Silver's just some creep in a big white van trying to lure you in with some shitty idea that you're "evil". You're not a villain, Larusso..." Johnny sighed. "You're a good guy. You always have been, you always will be. Your experiences don't define you, you do. I mean, the crane kick was pretty badass, and that was all..."

Johnny faltered as Daniel wrapped his arms around Johnny's bicep and rested his head on his shoulder. "That was all Miyagi-do..." he trailed, unsure what to do next. He was tempted to shove Daniel off for appearances sake, but he didn't want to now that he seemed to have calmed down. Daniel must have been seeking any form of human comfort, even from Johnny. His panic attack must have really worn him out, and Johnny wondered how long both of them had been repressing their emotions.

"Mr. Miyagi's gone..." Daniel said, his voice faint, and if Johnny closed his eyes, he could see them back in high school thirty years ago. "Good men like him, they're all gone...and men like Silver are all that's left, and they're still living fat and happy..."

"He won't be like that when I'm through with him," Johnny says back, instinctively, and he wonders exactly when his instincts towards Daniel Larusso went from attack to protect.

"I'm delivering the killing blow," Daniel insisted, and Johnny hears that he already sounds half asleep.

"I'll save it just for you," Johnny replies. And they lay back on the couch in a comfortable silence for some time, until Johnny is confident Daniel has fallen asleep. Johnny wonders briefly what he's done to deserve Daniel's trust, but he appreciates it in a way he can't articulate. After what seems like a long, deliberate moment more, Johnny presses a kiss to Daniel's hair, something protective and sweet. And Johnny thinks that he must be tired out as well as he closes his eyes.

Daniel's eyes flicker open for a moment, and he smiles slightly to himself at the moment between them before falling asleep legitimately.

(When Sam and Miguel come back, they walk in on their senseis' asleep on the couch, a bizarre and cute scene indeed.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get yourself a man that saves the killing blow of your abuser just for you <3

anyways. yes, terry silver is on the brain. obviously this prompt particularly sparked my interest (whatever it's fine). I'm grateful I have people requesting, but now I have like five requests for rare pairs and no prompts so I'm a little lost lmao

it is...2 in the morning...and i have work tommorow

haha

~mw