Outsider PoV.: James

"I just don't understand why he apologized to me!" James still couldn't stop thinking about it hours later. He tried to straighten his orange Galaxy Garrison uniform which looked objectively a lot less cool in comparison to the Voltron outfits. Nadia sighed and pushed up her glasses while carrying her books around like a freak. They had BAGS, god damnit. Ignore that, James loved her very much, he was just easily irritable today.

"Maybe joining a universal war did something to him."

"I don't think so." James furrowed his brows. "The Lance I knew wouldn't have dismissed Keith Kogane at the door like that!"

"Well, I don't know? Maybe they had a fight?" Nadia was struggling to keep up with his angry stride.

That was an idea James didn't like at all. Close proximity in space was a terrible thought, especially after what Lance had let slip to him mere hours ago. "For that Kogane would have to care about him fir-"

As they strolled around the nearest corner, Nadia grabbed him by the arm pulled him backwards behind the corner wall. She instinctively covered his mouth with her hand to shush him. It took James a second to understand why.

"Lance, can we talk already?" That was, without a doubt, Keith's voice. He sounded angry, or pleading. It was hard to tell from this angle. James dared to take a look around the corner, watching Lance stand a couple feet away from Keith, shoulder's slouched, hands hidden in his pockets as usual.

"Keith, we don't have much time and I'm not really feeling well." Lance answered quietly. He'd never been quiet, not in the world that James remembered anyway. His voice sounded tired. It was almost eerie, like watching a man who'd been skinned alive.

Keith raised his hands and let them fall, as if he was already annoyed by this conversation. "Well, I'm not feeling well either! You just left, Lance. AGAIN!" His voice lowered, the anger shining through even more than his worry. And gods, why was there worry?!

"Earth is in danger!" Lance countered, his voice a little more venomous than probably intended. "Everyone is in danger! I had to do something! I can't just stand by and let you guys die for me. Even if I hadn't gone, you would have been too slow. Haggar is way faster than you can imagine."

"You know that's not what I meant." Keith said, slowly stepping forward, while James struggled putting the pieces together. The hell were they talking about? Who was dying for McClain? "I'm talking about us coming here! You've kept away since we arrived! You keep stepping away from the team. You preach that we need to take more care of ourselves, but you keep trying to solve your problems by yourself."

"That's not true."

"It is true." Keith said sternly. "You keep making decisions, demanding actions of US, but you don't -" Keith stopped in his rant, watching Lance's expression shift to something sad and lost. Keith calmed and empathy slid into his voice. "Why can't you just ask for help?"

For a few moments, there was silence, as if Keith had hit the nail on its head. James and Nadia exchanged a glance. James swallowed. He'd never seen Keith be so compassionate about someone before. At least not someone who wasn't Shiro. On the other hand, he had never seen Lance so sullen either.

"Because no one ever answers, Keith." Lance let out in a voice so broken that James felt estranged listening to it.

This seemed intimate. When Keith's eyes widened in surprise, so did James'. "What do you mean?"

"How many times did I ask you guys to train with me?"

"What?" Keith blinked. "I don't -"

"You don't know because none of you ever noticed. Or you dismissed it as a joke." Lance sounded dejected. "How many times did I ask for help with homework but everyone was too busy? How often did I go to the medic bay alone, because no one took me seriously when I got hurt? We've been over this, Keith. I've TOLD you this. And it's fine, because none of you owe me your help. But-" He seemed to be fighting something. "Don't blame me for giving up hope that someone would care."

Keith blinked again, stepping closer to a man so vulnerable, a wrong tingle of air could hurt him. "We're trying-"

"It's not enough." Lance said quietly, dejectedly, albeit not angry, his face turning to the side. "This has been my life since I was a kid. It's not going to simply go away, Keith!"

Keith stopped abruptly in his stance and took a deep breath. "Oh." He looked down at his feet, while Lance's expression shifted yet again to frustrated guilt.

"Keith- I don't mean -"

"No. Lance, it's okay." Keith took a deep breath and reached out for Lance's arms. "I think I get it now." He held onto his sleeves, as if his actions would ground Lance somehow. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Keith, you don't need to be sorry. I'm just -"

"Emotional? Hurt? Conflicted? Angry?" Keith said with half a smile. "Lance, you're full of toxins."

'What?' James wondered and furrowed a brow.

"You've just discovered pain that even you can't heal. I know what you're feeling. I see you." Keith grabbed Lance by the face, an act so intimate that it knocked the breath out of James' lungs and broke his heart at the very same time. "I'm sorry I got mad over Lotor. I just don't get why you would go to him for help instead of me. But I promised I would trust you and I acted like a child when something happened that I didn't like. You've been so busy lately, so deep in thought and pulled in so many directions that I don't ever know how to act around you. I don't know what you need. I want you to tell me what you need, Lance. Otherwise I will keep failing you."

Lance looked up to Keith, even though he was a tiny bit taller. "You've never failed me, Keith. Not even once."

"I did if I wasn't there for you."

"You're the reason I'm still sane."

Keith laughed, sounding disbelieving and ridiculous. "Like you ever needed me for that."

Something in Lance's expression shifted slightly, brightened. "People often think that being yourself means collecting things that make you you." Lance said, quiet but a wide smile. "But people are so much less the things they want to be. We identify ourselves through knowing who we're not. And I, Keith, am not you."

Keith blinked at him through a conflicted frown. "I don't understand."

Lance chuckled a bit, wrapping his hand around Keith's in an almost loving gesture. "You're everything I wanted to be, and everything I despised. You're who I longed to be with, who I was supposed to become. You're talented and rude, and oblivious and skilled and beautiful." With each compliment, Lance's smile grew brighter and it almost seemed like so was the room around them. "You're NOT me, Keith. It's so vivid and so clear to me and when I lose my mind, it's so much easier to hold on to the idea of who you are than to find out who I am. When I lose myself, I don't remember who I am. I remember you."

Keith had stopped to blush in such a deep pink that Lance's laughter seemed to be even brighter. As if it was chasing something away. As if he was proving the very point he'd made just a second ago. "I told you I'd recognize that Mullet everywhere."

"Lance!" Keith flushed and smacked him against the arm.

And then, inevitable and obvious as it was, James was forced to watch as Keith leaned in to kiss a chuckling Lance McClain on the lips. The taller man was waiting for him, leaning into him as if he'd expected it. Although it didn't last long, it was very, very painfully clear what this meant.

"Holy shit, that is the most romantic shit I've ever heard." Nadia muttered next to him.

"Shh." James said through a lump of pain in his lungs and finally pushed down her hand. "He's just - flirting." And Keith Kogane had somehow fallen to his ridiculous charm!

"I don't know. I think he sounded pretty sincere."

Perhaps. James swallowed. Lance did look different. Absent, strangely, but drawn towards Keith, like he truly was all he cared about. The couple then moved on, none the wiser of who had listened in. "What the hell does Keith see in McClain?" James said, feeling offended. "He could have anyone, and he chooses THAT guy?"

"James, you're being mean."

"You're supposed to support me, Nadia."

"Well, not if you're being an emotional idiot. You don't hate Lance, James. You're just jealous."

"If I want to rant about him, let me rant!" James pouted. "I mean, out of all the cadets that went to space, Lance isn't even a paladin! What does he even do in space? Clean the castle?"

"James!" Nadia glared at him. "Don't you think that might be the reason why he's feeling so under the weather?"

James paused. "You think Keith is dating him out of pity?" Now that satisfied a very evil part of himself. A part that even James didn't like.

"No, I'm saying that their conversation was weird." Nadia corrected him, narrowing her brows. "What was that talk about toxins and staying sane? If they are the paladins who save the universe, what pains is he fighting?"

"Fighting?" James raised a brow, only half listening. "McClain?"

"Kogane said that Lance is being pulled in many directions. That sounds like there is a lot of responsibilities resting on his shoulders."

"That's ridiculous. No one sane would ever put Lance McClain in charge."

"Can you stop being so petty for one goddamn second." Nadia glared at him. "Something feels off."

James bit his lip. He knew that look. Unfortunately for him, Nadia had great instincts. Unfortunately, that evil glint in her eyes told him that this would have dire consequences. "Does that mean we're slipping in on the top secret war council?"

"That is exactly what it means." Nadia shot him a grin.

James grimaced. He hated breaking the rules.

...

The council room was usually used to invite foreign country leaders to discuss peace treaties and military strategies. Since Earth hadn't had a war since the third World War in the 21th century, these talks were usually calm and collected and goal oriented. The council room was also not as secure as Iversion would believe. The plans of the Garrison facility put the laundry room quite close to it, in the hopes that the loud washing machines would cover up any noise that could get through. However, about three years ago, a young dynamic duo of idiots (Lance McClain and Hunk Garret) had used the laundry buckets to hide from a night watch. And in their attempt to break Hunk out of the laundry bucket he'd been trying to hide in, he'd hit his head on the already cheap wall. The result was a warning from Iversion and a broken wall that they'd hid behind a tumbler. On the other side of the wall, the hole was only as big as a penny, but barely noticeable in the dim light of the council room.
Ever since that day, students would go and do their laundry whenever an important discussion was held. This was, of course, an open secret to everyone who'd ever had a rendezvous with Lance McClain after the incident. And the secret had spread from there.

It was no surprise that James and Nadia were not the first with the idea to spy. Some of the tech experts had even managed to build a device to make the conversation on the other side loud enough for them all to hear without the people in the council room to be any wiser. Another had managed to make a life recording and let them watch the entire thing life and in color.

"Has it started?" James asked in a whisper.

"Not yet. They've kept talking about security measures so far." The tech expert near the streaming device had blond hair and was in James class. Ina was her name. "Kogane and McClain are still missing, but something's weird."

"What's weird?" James asked, sitting down and trying to figure out what she's meant by scanning the film.

"McClain's entire family is there. His mother, his father, his brother, and Vanessa. I heard their family hasn't talked since Lance's disappearance. I don't know who the other guy is. His name is Joe, but I don't know if he's an uncle. He seems to belong to them though."

"They invited his family?"

"Seems that way. We're trying to figure out why. The paladins don't seem too bothered by it. The Blue Paladin is acting a bit quiet though."

"Ah," James and Nadia both sat down with the other cadets. "But they haven't started discussing plans yet?"

"They are about to." Ina said.

It was nearly ten minutes later, when the door to the council room opened and Keith Kogane entered with ...

"What is that?" Ina bend over the screen, clearly irritated.

James wasn't sure what they were seeing either. What had entered the room was most definitely Lance McClain, according to the face and clothes. But the picture was distorted, as if it was glitching. "Is something wrong with the camera?"

"Not that I know of." Ina tipped away at her laptop, trying to get a clearer picture but nothing seemed to be working.

While she was doing that, everyone trying to add some ideas on what this could be about (tech language James didn't fully understand), James kept on watching the interaction.

"Now that everyone is here, you might all want to take a seat." Iversion said and looked directly at Lance. This was weird, James thought. Iversion even went so far as shake McClain's hand. A gesture he didn't extend to the red paladin of Voltron. He was acting as though Lance was their leader, not the princess or Shiro. Knowing how Iversion used to talk to Lance, James was very, very irritated by this development.

"Thank you, Iversion." Lance said and sat down between Keith and the alien blue paladin. "I see you've also invited my family."

Even he was surprised?

"From our last conversation I gathered it would be best to include them." Iversion said, as the McClain's had taken their seats far away from Lance.

James leaned over to Nadia. "Last conversation?"

"That ought to be true, considering they are the reason that Earth is in danger." Lance's face glitched once more, a strange purple light engulfing him.

"Excuse me?!" His mother suddenly interrupted but Iversion held out his hand to stop her.

"Mrs. McClain. I believe it would be wiser to let him speak.

Keith frowned at Lance, leaning over to whisper to him. It was, of course, loud enough for them to hear. "Lance, your eyes."

Lance blinked, the purple haze leaving the screen almost immediately. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to. It's ... emotions. I can't control them."

Keith nodded gently and reached out his hand for Lance to hold. It seemed to do the trick because the purple haze faded.

James, however, exchanged a wide eyes look with Ina. "What's happening there?" She asked, finally giving up. "That's not the stream being weird. That's ... that's just him."

James swallowed hard, watching with an odd fascination how the story unfolded in front of them.

Lance took a deep breath. "I apologize for my rudeness." He addressed Iversion and then his own mother. "But I've tried explaining this to you and you wouldn't listen."

Iversion cleared his throat when Mrs. McClain was about to say something. "Mr. McClain. Do I understand correctly that your feud with your mother is the reason why our planet is being attacked?"

There was silence in both rooms. James' eyes widened further than he believed possible. What the heck?

Until finally, Lance answered: "Partly, yes."

"Then please explain."

Lance nodded at Iversion, the screen flickering as he did so. "Haggar is a being that wants to control the universe and destroy everything in her wake. Everything that creates life is her problem. Everything that is kind and forgiving is a problem. So what she's after is my heart."

James blinked. "What?" He muttered and found everyone else around him looking just as confused.

"And as you can imagine, my heart has its roots here. Earth is where I am most vulnerable. All my problems, be it childhood memories or attacks, or anything I can't get over or forgive, is right here, on this planet. The heart of the universe, the very centre of existence has shifted from Torat to Earth. Claiming Earth, destroying it, will be Haggar's ticket to take over the rest of the universe, like she did 500 years ago when she destroyed Torat. So, yes. My problems with my family are a huge factor in this war. But so are all the small other things. Fights I had with students, feuds I had with staff members. They are all here. And they make it easier for Haggar to destroy this planet."

Another moment of silence.

"Do I understand this correctly? Making up with your family will save Earth?," asked Iversion and Lance's mother looked like she'd been hit.

Lance took a deep sigh and shook his head. "No. Even if I did manage to resolve every problem I've ever had, there will be new moments. People who promise to do better but don't know how, or moments that trigger memories." He made a frustrated sound. "As much as I hate to admit it, the damage has been done, Iversion. These things won't heal over night. Earth is her target, no matter what happens now." He paused.

"So, we are doomed." Iversion said, voice low and thoughtful and very serious.

The blue paladin took that moment to speak up. "If I may - I haven't been a paladin for very long, but I have been around for a couple thousand years. I consist, apparently, of the very toxins your Lance speaks of. It is possible to live with that pain for that long. But Haggar is different. She's a mutated exaggeration of fear itself. Our plan isn't to defeat her. It is to replace her. At least, that is what Lance has told us." He looked expectantly at Lance as if he had all the answers.

"What we don't know is who is capable of bearing all that pain." This was Keith, not allowing Lance to interrupt him. "We believe that Lotor might be an option, but we also don't know how he will react to taking on all the pain of the universe."

"Another option," the Shirogane threw in. "Would be Keith." He sent Lance a warning glance. "He and Lance are close."

Lance sighed. "Shiro -"

"No, Lance. We need to cover all our options." Shiro said.

"You don't understand." Lance tried again but Shiro interrupted him once more.

"Shiro, it's alright-" tried Keith, but Shiro ignored him.

"I know you love him and you want to protect him, but Keith is an option."

"God damn it, NO, Shiro!" Suddenly, Lance stood. Another angry flare glitched through his stream. He let out a deep frustrated groan. "This is pointless. It would be better to show you."

Shiro blinked in surprise. "Show us?"

"Yes, Shiro. I'll show you. All of you." He turned around, eyes suddenly very clear in the stream, as if to say 'you too.'

Before any of the Garrison cadets had the chance to freak out about any of this, the world around them turned black.

---------------------

It was dark. Compressing, depressing, like the space between your eyelids when you're fast asleep, no thoughts in your mind, no existence noticeble. They were in space or so it seemed. They could still breathe, as if it was only their minds that had travelled here. And then, around them, the world changed. It was as if out of nothing, existence began to exist. A planet made entirely of water build around them, so new and yet created with a history behind it. Water sloshed around their faces, closing them in, first creating darkness, then glowing from within.

A light seemed to emit from that very planet. And life began to flow around them in a matter of seconds. It was hard to tell if time itself was born into the creation, or if they just watched it all happen in high speed. And then -

A woman, giant and blue swam passed them. Not alone, but with friends who looked just like her. Blue hair waved around her, fish swimming alongside and through her. And then, another figure emerged that didn't belong to this planet, or this time. Lance McClain floated in the middle of the image, eyes bright purple, while his hands were stuffed into his jacket.
"This is Torat." He explained quietly and watched with them as the mermaids and mermen enjoyed the rush of life.

"And this is Karak'nirir. The goddess of creation."

The woman who was one with the water, with the people, she was giant and smiled wide and open as she chased younger and smaller mermaids around the planet.

James watched on with a slack jaw, finding his friends watch the same scene from beside him. But Lance McClain hadn't simply appeared to them in a dream, he was narrating the story for them, floating like he was a god, or an eldritch horror. It was then, at that very moment, that all the puzzle pieces clicked together. Why Lance was in charge, who Iversion had talked to, why Lance was so different. It wasn't that he looked or acted like a god. He was god. James' paled beyond reason. Holy fucking shit!

"Back then, she was young and unburdened."

Time flowed forward with a wave of his hand. The mermaids grew older, growing tired of being chased around. They were in the middle of a funeral, watching Karak'nirir watch the wonders of life cease away.

"It was a cycle. For thousands of years, she watched people live and die. The closer she got, the more suffering she saw and the more she tried to bear them. It was fine, at first. Just the way life was. People suffer, people die. She mourned them. She saw wars in the universe but kept away because she didn't feel responsible. This was her planet, her home. This is where she was free." The scenes unfolded, following Karak'nirir travelling from one planet to another, witnessing bloodshed, cities of fire, corpses in ruins. She would return to the water planet eventually, her smile a little less honest, a little less sincere.

And then, in the middle of this chaos, Karak'nirir stood with frightened eyes over a planet glowing in toxic purple. She tried to touch it, but instead of healing, it burned into her hand. She pulled away, eyes twisted to fear, pain growing and growing, the more suffering she saw. She ran away.

Time moved past and a figure emerged.

"This-" Lance explained, flowing around the picture of the woman with the bright smile and brown hair. She wasn't very tall, her eyes lively and bright and she was shown from a view that couldn't be Lance's, that must have been remnants of Karak'nirir herself. "This is Honerva. Or the Altean scientist she was before she turned into Haggar."

It was hard to imagine this woman as a being of pure evil, but the image seemed to glitch right in front of them, twisting and distorting her features back and forth into something much darker. Her eyes as purple as Lance's own.

Lance waved a hand and moved on the pictures, showing Honerva and Karak'nirir talking. "Karak'nirir had grown to feel the burdens and pain of the universe. And Honerva was her friend."

The scenes unfolded in front of them like a flower. Showing Honerva and Karak'nirir talking, the goddess showing her the world. And the longer the pictures moved on, the brighter Honerva seemed to glow.

"One day-" Lance's narrating voice carried on. "Karak'nirir lost to the toxins." The image instantly cut to full on darkness. The mermaidlike goddess Karak'nirir was bleeding purple toxins. Her eyes purple and manic as she reached out into the world, destroying everything she touched. They could all feel it, the rush, the power flooding through their veins. "Honerva tried to help her." Honerva was shown again, alongside a man James didn't recognize, working on something big. It looked like giant robotic lions. And they were using power crystals that had the same color as Karak'nirir's original eyes. "She and Zarkon build Voltron to stop her."

There was a gasp, but all James knew was that it wasn't his own.

The pictures moved onward, Voltron fighting against Karak'nirir, a losing battle. Until -
The woman, Honerva, dressed in Red Paladin armor raised her hand to the giant goddess. "She believed that taking on Karak'nirir's pain would solve the problem. She was wrong." Light exploded around her. Honerva's expression shifted from kindness to horror as her body was engulfed with purple flames. Karak'nirir kept staring at her, her purple toxins bleeding over into her friend. It was a lightshow not unlike watching the outer ring of Saturn form for the first time. It looked like purple smoke, bright and glowing like the universe invaded her, until Honerva's eyes died out. The horror washed away, even as the man - Zarkon - tried to reach her.

As he touched her, he too was poisoned by her greed and her pain, and her manic smile. Karak'nirir however had returned to normal, horror in her eyes.

"Honerva was Karak'nirir's friend." Lance finally announced as they watched Karak'nirir flee the planet they were on at that moment. "The light of her life, if you will. I cannot allow the same thing to happen to Keith." Lance looked so clear and so powerful in that moment that James flinched a little.

A moment later, the light was cut and they all woke up in their own bodies, irritatingly in the same room they'd fallen asleep in.

The only thing James could think about, however, was the same things his classmates were staring at the screen with open mouths for. Lance McClain.

-----------------------

Keith's PoV.:

Keith woke up from the mindfuckery with heaving breaths. After having shared Lance's mind a couple times before, it was easiest for him to regain his senses. He grabbed Lance by the sleeve to make him look at him. "THIS is why you don't want me to help? You think THIS will happen to ME?"

"Yes!" Lance said, eyes narrowing at him.

"But the SAME thing could happen to anyone!"

"Yes, but you're not anyone, Keith!" Lance said sternly. "You're my light! My personal sun, if you will! If THIS happens to you, then I won't be like her and just flee. I'll turn into your evil sidekick, because I can't do this without knowing you're save!"

Keith let out a frustrated breath through blushing cheeks. Mere days ago he'd still been doubting Lance's feelings for him. Now they seemed so allcompassing and sincere that Keith had no idea how to cope with it. "Lance -"

"Don't tell me you still want to sacrifice yourself!" Lance's voice grew louder, more frustrated, less accepting than before. And his eyes were glowing brighter as well. The purple seeped through the little veins in his eyes, making him look sick or manic. "You are NOT -"

"LANCE!" Keith grabbed him by the cheeks, voice desperate as he shushed him. "I get it." He said quietly, watching Lance search his eyes for the lie behind his words. When he didn't find one, he seemed to calm down, the toxins slowly dying down as well. "Your universe, your choice." Keith decided finally and sighed. "Just promise me that if the worst case scenario does happen, that you will at least consider letting me help. Ask for my help if you need me!"

Lance puffed out a breath and grabbed Keith's wrist to push him away a little. "Fine."

"Good." Keith smiled and tried not to think too much about this whole situation made his heart flutter a little.

...

Despite the fact that the whole council meeting, as simple as it was - the Garrison, Lance and Voltron would work together to try and keep Haggar away from Earth and to pin her down somewhere else, so Lotor could try to take in the toxins of the entire universe - had been a secret affair, Keith couldn't help but notice the glances people were shooting Lance's way.

They had changed since they'd arrived. In the beginning, Keith had felt awkward, sitting at the table with people he used to know, watching them regard Lance with a strange pity. Right now, they were all quickly backing away. They knew. Keith knew they knew. They were so awkward that even Keith could tell.

"Don't you want to ask why I'm not talking to my parents?" Lance asked suddenly, ripping Keith from his thoughts as they moved past them towards their sleeping quarters.

"Not really." Keith gave back. Lance didn't sound like he wanted to talk about them. Keith had also never had much of a family, so talking about them, knowing his mother was still out in the universe somewhere, felt pretty strange.

"Ok." Said Lance, watching Keith for a moment as they'd entered their room. And yes, their room, because what was the Garrison if not a variety of shared bedrooms in all forms and sizes. In fact, this was a room with three bunk beds stuffed into one room. Ergo for all Voltron paladins, active and nonactive. The Garrison didn't have extra rooms for guests. The high ranking guests would usually take a hotel room or something. "Thank you, Keith." The room was empty right now, however, as Shiro had decided to speak to Iversion (and Adam) for a bit. Pidge and Hunk had gone with Matt and Allura to some shooting game with a couple cadets that Hunk knew from back then.
All in all, Keith and Lance were alone.
With Lotor.

"Are you sure I'm not bothering you two?" Lotor asked, brows furrowed.

Lance had his arm wrapped around Keith's waist, shaking his head. "No, I think this is perfect actually."

Keith sighed and crossed his arms. "Lance, the world might end tomorrow."

"Exactly." Lance let himself fall onto the bunkbed that was reserved for him, despite the fact that he didn't sleep. "And Lotor still needs to learn how to bear the pain of the universe. And since you're jealous, Keith -" Lance twitched a smile at a scoffing Keith, "I want to invite you to watch, so you realize how non intimate the whole procedure is."

Lotor made a face like Lance had just promised him a bath in the sewers. Keith sighed. "Fine."

Lotor also sighed, but seemed to submit to his fate.

"So?" Asked Keith and plopped down next to Lance and looked at him. "How does this work?"

"Simple." Lance said and grabbed his hand. "Just close your eyes."

Before either Keith or Lotor could say anything else, Lance washed over their minds, and dragged them out into the vast distant sphere that belonged to Lance and Lance alone.