Keith's PoV.:

Whenever Keith looked at Lance, he couldn't quite believe that merely a couple hours prior, the man had kissed him silly. This was Lance, this was Tailor! The very person Keith had been pining after for so long that he couldn't remember a life when his heart wasn't falling out of loop in his presence. He'd spent so much time wondering and hoping if Lance would ever like him back, spent so much time certain that he wouldn't that now that Lance was there, he didn't quite know what to do with himself.

There was a damper to the story that didn't manifest immediately. Only after days of dating Lance did Keith get the strange, foreign idea that it might not actually be real. Keith didn't know why Lance's mind had suddenly changed. Why his 'I used to have a crush on you' turned to 'I want to be with you so bad that it's crushing me'. Lance had been clear on the subject, had told Keith he liked him and then kissed him and then opened a discussion about boundaries and relationship history and everything. But that was the thing. These were things Lance simply did.
Lance's true feelings were a secret that Keith found himself unable to discern. Doubt sneaked its way into his conscience, into his relief, and painted it all a heavy shade darker. It didn't help that Lance was so distracted lately. There were his powers, there was his mind game with Lotor and even when he'd told everyone about Keith and him dating, he'd said it in a way that made it sound like a joke, or calculated misinformation. No one had believed him and that was because no one had noticed that Lance may have feelings for Keith. What did it mean if Lance's true feelings weren't noticeable? Did that mean that they might not even exist?

Keith gnawed on his lip, feeling guilty and afraid. Guilty that he doubted Lance and afraid that he could be right.

It had only been a couple of days and Keith already felt like he'd never been further apart from Lance. Since their first make out session, Lance had buried himself in research within books which titles Keith couldn't even read because they were in Altean. Keith would sit with him in the castle library and not even be noticed by his boyfriend. Not wanting to disrupt him in his studies, Keith would start drawing and hoping that Lance would eventually notice he was there.

Then there were, of course, Keith's trainings that he held with Lotor, where Lance would focus entirely too much on Lotor, as if Keith were a lab rat whose sole purpose was to find a way through the cracks in Lotor's armor. There were the other paladins who kept sending him pity glances, as if they believed Lance had lied. Even though Lance had insisted that they should believe him, even if he'd told Keith to please never doubt him, that he wasn't that cruel, a part of Keith still felt uncertain. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, but he still did.

Cursing himself, Keith had decided to put in some extra solo training. With his sword in hand, he sliced at the gladiators, wondering if maybe it had been a mistake to date the literal god of creation. He had advised Lance against flirting with Karak'nirir when they'd first encountered her and now he was being a total hypocrite. To be fair, most of Keith's complaints regarding Lance were based on jealousy. Was he desperate, if he still decided to keep up the farce? Miserable, he parried an attack from a gladiator that was technically a level too complicated for him. The weight of the attack nearly put Keith to his knees but he clenched his jaw and tensed his muscles to carry the attack. In a real fight, he would not be able to adjust the enemy's strength to his own liking. Keith willed himself to avert the next attack that hit his sword so hard that the repercussions vibrated through his skull. He jumped backwards, breath fanning and eyes blazing with hatred.
There was so much rage inside him. Always had been. It was so easily triggered too, like his mind was a mine field.

"If I may, you should cover your left side more, red paladin."

Lotor's voice nearly startled Keith out of his reverie. Rage flaring, Keith nearly went feral, and in a swift motion, he beheaded the priced gladiator. Panting, and annoyed, Keith ordered the training simulation to stop. "Lotor-" He said and walked over to the bench to grab some water and his towel to wipe off the sweat that had gathered at the nape of his neck. "What do you want!?" Lotor was, quite frankly, the last person Keith wanted to see right now.

Lotor moved his hand once to swipe one of his ridiculously long platinum strands behind his ear, then moved closer to where Keith was standing. Keith growled, not having invited him to come this close. "I wish to speak with you."

Keith crossed his arms defiantly. "Have you considered that perhaps I do not wish to talk to you?!" He mimicked the posh phrasing mostly to make fun of him, but Lotor remained undeterred. Perhaps he didn't even notice.

"I understand your hesitance in regards to my person, paladin, but since your Princess has invited me on your ship, I see no reason to present myself animose. I believe it to be a mutual benefit if we were to overcome our differences."

Keith frowned. "And what reason do I have to trust you? All you've been doing since you were invited was analyze and suspect us of - things. You openly told us that you attempt to become a god and have obsessively been chasing that goal for centuries. Not to mention you are Zarkon's and Haggar's son!"

Lotor's expression did not waver and Keith bit back a snarl as he realized that he still could not read him at all. "Paladin Keith-"

"Just Keith." said Keith.

Irritated, Lotor nodded. "As you wish. Keith, my goal is the same as yours. My father's reign must end. The only reason I disagree with Voltron's method is that I see destruction and system collapse in its future. But if you have Karak'nirir on your side, then I must consider that I might have read your intentions wrong. The goddess of creation isn't a mere goddess, she is a symbol."

"Voltron is a symbol." Keith countered, determined not to listen to him. "A symbol of peace."

"Voltron is the symbol of rebellion, of freedom fighters. Most part of the galaxy is under my father's control but they aren't all slaves. Most of them believe in my father's rule and admire his persistence and the stability he brought to their lives. Lives that you put in jeopardy. You are a symbol of war, of chaos not peace. Karak'nirir created this universe. She owns it. She's never aided in wars, never took a side. She's the symbol of right and justice."

Keith stared at him, hating how the words wiggled their way through his defence. "And with her power, you wish to become that symbol of justice."

Lotor nodded. "Except that she's already chosen a successor, hasn't she?"
Keith bristled at that, caught of guard by Lotor's direct challenge. His reaction must have given it away because Lotor closed his eyes, as if he was fighting himself not to curse. He was a prince, through and through.
"Well, that is unfortunate."

Keith panicked. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lotor shook his head. "There is no need to deny it, Keith. Matt was so kind to analyze your castle's energy levels. We know she's here. I came to you because you're much easier to read than the blue paladin. What I can't tell is, who did she choose? Him or you?"

Keith's eyes widened momentarily. "What?" Him? As in Keith?

Lotor narrowed his eyes, impatient. "You were both at the restaurant where we picked up her signal. It has to be one of you. The blue paladin would make sense, considering he's the guardian of water, but you were able to understand Karak'nirir's screams on the records. I foolishly believed you to be his guardian when I first saw you, but now I believe it might be the other way around."

Keith's eyes remained wide open. "You think Lance is my- guardian?"

Lotor's eyes twitched slightly and he scanned Keith from top to bottom. For that moment, Keith was far too aware of his body, of the tightness of his skin, how he stood there with his feet wide apart. He shifted from one foot to the other while Lotor hesitated to speak. "Your sharpshooter is far more than he says he is. His reflexes are on another level, his precision is perfect and I've never met someone whose lies I couldn't tell immediately discern. Not in a thousand years anyway. So yes, I can imagine him capable of anything and I would do wise to find out what exactly he is."

Keith's eyes met his with hesitance. Lotor wasn't just wary of Lance, he realized. Lotor was fascinated if not obsessed with Lance. Keith could understand that but it gave him an odd feeling in his stomach area. Especially when he knew that Lotor was only here because he considered Keith the weak link. The bubbling fool who could misstep and give Lotor all the information he wanted. "He's seventeen." Keith said pointedly. "That's what he is. He's a minor."

Lotor blinked, then his frown relaxed into surprise, then he seemed to recognize what Keith was doing. Then his eyes actually widened. "Hold on- Isn't the age of majority for humans at eighteen? You're telling me- he's just a cub?" Lotor paled, sounding appalled. "Your princess is putting children into this war?"

Keith stared at him. "Pidge is fourteen."

Lotor looked so affronted that for a second, Keith felt guilty for mentioning it. Lotor covered his mouth in shock. "Quiznack." It was the first time Keith had heard him curse, yet it made Lotor a whole lot more sympathetic. "Well-" Lotor cleared his throat. "This is, I suppose, the choice of the lions. This does not fall into my authority." He sounded like someone who was trying to justify his own inaction. He shook his head, blond her falling in waves. "I shall ask you again, Keith. Who did Karak'nirir choose? Him or you."

Keith was determined not to answer that question. He lifted his chin, met Lotor's eyes defiantly and stared right ahead, burning his Galra eyes into Lotor's line of sight.

Lotor watched him move in position, then his head tilted in consideration. "You are much easier to read than him, you know. That posture and your silence is not the denial you think it is. As a hint for advise, if you wish to protect his secret, try to look afraid, not scary. Your entire posture screams of a Galra who is trying to protect his mate."

Keith startled, and knew ultimately that he's just confirmed Lotor's observation. Then he registered the word 'mate' and flushed bright red. This was not the kind of term he would use for what he and Lance had.

Lotor sighed. "I swear to you, it is not my intention to hurt either of you for, or because of this information. I don't plan to take the powers off him, I wish to ally with you."

Never before in his life had Keith considered himself easy to read. People used to tell him he were stoic and cold and absent, like a mystery that they struggled to unfold. When they'd talked about Lance, they'd call him the goofball, the easygoing class clown who'd do anything for the girls. Pathetic, they had dubbed him. Keith had known they were wrong but to be proven correct so blatantly, that truly kicked his ego. Keith swallowed thickly, fighting his own frustration to not kick Lotor in the shin. "And I'm supposed to just believe that?" He didn't know what to do to avert suspicion or to confuse Lotor. How did Lance do this?

Lotor just looked at him. "I suppose not." He hesitated. "Then, at least, as a sign of my good will, let me do you a favor."

"Favor?" Warily, Keith frowned deeper, not wanting to fall for Lotor's tricks. "What kind of favor?"

"Nothing grand, you wouldn't trust me if I gave you anything. Bu let me ease at least one of your troubles. I can't help but notice that you're jealous."

"I'm not-"

"Oh, please. You can't fool me." Lotor might as well have laughed. His stoic nonchalance was far less comfortable. "Paladin Lance may be hard to read but I can assure you that he has no romantic interest in me. He's more protective of you than you realize." Lotor nodded, and Keith actually relaxed a little, although it made him suspicious that specifically Lotor was telling him that. "Also-" Lotor said quietly. "If he truly is Karak'nirir's successor, then it wouldn't make sense that you were able to understand her screams."
Keith stared at him, once again warily.
"Unless, there is a strong connection between the two of you." Lotor finished the thought, dropping the bomb like a grenade. "I assume that the blue paladin thought he needed to trick me into thinking he couldn't understand her. I'm positive he understood her but was quicker to hide it than you. I swear, I wish you no harm. Siding with him should already be enough to sway the universe."

Keith frowned. "And what makes you think that Lance wants to go public?" He quickly corrected himself. "Hypothetically speaking."

For the first time that day, Lotor looked genuinely surprised. It was an odd look on his usually determined and selfassured face. "He wants to hide it? I mean- I understand that he wishes to hide it from me, but indefinitely?" Actually, he sounded distraught. "Why? What for?" It was so easy to mistake Lance for an outgoing, boasting idiot when one didn't pay enough attention but Lotor, of all people, should have paid more than enough attention to know better, Keith thought.

Keith blinked, finally feeling ahead of the conversation. Lotor didn't know Lance, not like Keith did. "Lance isn't the type of person you think he is. He is kind, considerate, forgiving and open minded. The only reason he mistrusted you on sight was because of the toxins inside you. We had a run in with them on the last planet we visited and it almost killed one of us, so he's careful. He would never hold his achievements over someone else's head. And he would never use these powers to convince people to fight in this war. To Lance, they are a chance to save people, the same way we've been doing it with Voltron. He would never use them to kill someone. Sorry to disappoint."

Lotor looked like he's been slapped. "You can't be serious."

Keith crossed his arms.

Lotor stared at him. "You're telling me, he has no intention of killing Zarkon?"

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it. It was strange. He'd said all of that with conviction, yet it had never occurred to him that this was the logical conclusion to the information he had about Lance. And the worst part was, it was true. "Yes."

Lotor cursed loudly. Keith didn't know the word and assumed it was Galran. "So the reason why Karak'nirir avoided me was because she thought I was like Haggar. And the reason she chose him is because he's a pacifist?" He paused. "He's a paladin! Don't you kill Galran soldiers?"

Keith paused. And blinked.

Lotor stared at him. "So he does that. He kills them with his gun but not with Karak'nirir's powers?"

Keith didn't know what he was saying anymore. Seconds ago, he'd been so sure of what he was saying. Now, he was confused himself. Because yes, both things were true simultaneously. "It's different."

"How?"

"I don't know." At this point, Keith knew it was too late to keep Lance's secret from Lotor. He'd already messed up. And since Lotor already knew how to read him, it was pointless attempting to lie. "I don't know." Keith repeated himself quietly.

Lotor drew his brows in concentration, as if he were still trying to find the lie in Keith's admission. Then, he sighed. "I don't suppose he'll explain it to me, will he?"

"I don't know." Keith repeated once more.

"I can imagine that he doesn't like me." Lotor said and it seemed to bother him, the knowledge that Lance seemed to mistrust him.

Keith, however, stopped. "Doesn't he?" Truth be told, in Keith's vision, Lance was the kind of person who paid attention only to people he cared about, people he thought were worth his attention. This was one of the reasons why Keith felt strange when he saw Lance considering Lotor from afar. There was an interest there that Keith could not deny. Okay, fine, he was jealous. Uncomfortable, Keith crossed his arms when Lotor's eyes widened ever so slightly.

"People generally don't like me." It seemed to cost Lotor a lot, to admit that. Either that, or it was another calculated misinformation. At this point, Keith couldn't tell. Lotor cleared his throat awkwardly, now looking as uncomfortable as Keith felt. "Well, thank you for your insight, Keith. I shall leave you to your training." It almost seemed like he wanted to escape the room.

He was gone before Keith could fathom what he'd said at last.

...

Water dropped from the ceiling only moments later. Keith barely flinched as the gentle drops built up to a stream and no other than Lance McClain rained into the room. He took form in a steady body made of water, hands hidden in his jeans pockets and brows drawn to suspicion and worry as he watched the door as if Lotor would return any second.

Keith frowned, flushing that he'd once again not noticed that Lance had been observing him. "Have you listened to all of that?"

"Most of it." Lance said thoughtfully. Then he turned to Keith. "You're still jealous?"

Keith's eyes blew wide and his cheeks flushed. "No?"

Lance blinked and something else flickered in his eyes that looked almost like hurt. "You don't think that I would date you if I wasn't sure, would you? I wouldn't use you like that."

Keith hated how after Lotor, whom Keith was already wary of, his boyfriend now went and psychoanalyzed him. "It's not like I would be able to tell if you did, would I?" Keith snarked. As soon as he recognized his own tone, he regretted using it. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Great, Keith, wonderful. Now Lance will break up with you because you're being complicated.

When Keith opened his eyes, Lance's blue eyes were drawn to sadness. "Keith-"

"Forget it." Keith said, flushing slightly. "I know you wouldn't do that to me. I know you're serious, I just- forget it." Keith averted his eyes, feeling more insecure than he had in years. Another reason why he'd never committed to relationships before was because he was so used to rejection and being abandoned that the mere thought of it happening again drove him insane. He panicked, he was afraid and at the same time, he knew that his own mood swings drove people away. And if he didn't shut up soon, he would drive Lance away as well before he even knew what they really were.
That Lotor had tried to assure him didn't help at all. If anything, it made Keith even more wary. And the worst part was that he knew that Lance could be so incredibly convincing that he couldn't even trust him, if Lance tried to assure him. Keith didn't know what was happening, why there was now this wedge between them, but it was there. And it was growing. And it terrified him.

Lance analyzed him with a glance, then he looked back at the door, as if accepting Keith's request. "I think we should trust Lotor." He said suddenly, out of nowhere, and Keith's heart sank.

Lance was rather talking about Lotor than them.
Lance had decided to trust Lotor.
Lance expected Keith to trust what Lotor had said about them.
Was this part of his scheme? It seemed so sudden and Keith felt a twist in his heart.

"Why?" Keith still managed to ask normally as he bit down his pain.

"Because he's more insecure than he lets on."

Keith blinked and looked up. "You're not saying that his whole 'people don't like me' got to you."

"No. At least not that he said it." Lance said and avoided looking at him. "It's not that he said it, it's that it's the truth. People generally don't like him. They don't trust him. Either because he's the rebel son, Galra or a spoiled prince, or in my case, that he's full of toxins. He built up the persona of someone who cannot be trusted because that's the only version of prince Lotor that people would accept. Even when he does the right thing, people don't believe him unless he has ulterior motives. So he created an ulterior motive to be able to convince people to follow him. I think he's lonely."

Keith looked down, biting his lip in anger.

"You're lonely too." Lance said suddenly, turning back to him, forcing Keith to look up and glare. Before Keith could say something, however, Lance grabbed his hand and simply held it. "I don't need to tell you why you are. But you should know that I feel the same."

Keith blinked. "You? Lonely?" Distantly, Keith was not surprised. In fact, Keith knew that Lance was telling the truth and he knew why Lance would feel lonely. It was the same reason that he'd just named for Lotor, only that the only version of Lance people believed in was the goofball. But another, louder, cruel part of Keith hated Lance in that very moment. Not because Keith didn't love him, not because he didn't believe him, but because Lance managed to use that insecurity, that vulnerability to bridge their differences. Even now, even when Lance felt lonely, he was able to reach out a hand to hold on to others.

Lance grimaced. "You don't believe me, do you?" He didn't let go. "You don't believe that I have feelings for you because the others aren't convinced and because Lotor of all people is. You don't trust me."

Keith pulled his hand back, even though he instantly hated himself for it. The fact that Lance knew all of that didn't help his case at all. Quite the opposite. The look he received in return was one of so much hurt that Keith felt his throat tightening. "Maybe you should leave me alone." He had come here, to the training deck, to get his mind in order, not to be cornered like this. It wasn't Lance's fault, of course it wasn't, but he wasn't helping either.

Lance stilled. His eyes went wide, then narrowed into something monotonous, if not entirely unreadable. "If that is what you need."

"Maybe it is." Keith felt unbelievably cruel when he said this in a defiant tone. Yet, he didn't know why. Maybe he shouldn't be feeling this insecure, but wasn't it Lance's job as boyfriend to help him through it? Wasn't it on Lance to reassure Keith that he was cared for?

There was no twitch in Lance's gesture of expression. If anything, he looked resigned and prepared. "Okay." Lance said calmly. "But please talk to me later." When Keith didn't answer, Lance's expression hardened even more. Before Keith knew it, Lance as well had washed out of the room.

It occurred to Keith only an hour or so later, when he was sweating bullets and hitting even more gladiators than before, that it was odd that Lance had seemed so prepared for Keith's dismissive behavior. He'd completely dismissed the idea that Lance was also insecure. Heck, he'd dismissed the idea that Lance needed support as well. Lance may be Keith's boyfriend but Keith was also his. How did it feel if your own boyfriend didn't trust you? Didn't believe you had feelings for them. Didn't believe that you would do the normal, the decent thing.

Distracted by his thoughts, Keith received a punch to his face, and landed in a heap of tense limbs on the ground. He called off the simulation but didn't get back up. Keith punched the floor instead. Not to mention that Keith hadn't even said that to Lance's face, he'd simply shown that's what he believed and let Lotor through to see it. And right after Lance had to listen to Lotor criticizing him for not wishing to kill people with his powers.

Lance had emotions too. Keith had just been too selfish to notice. And only then did Keith realize that he'd just done what he'd accused the other paladins of doing. Again.

-------------------------

Lance's PoV:

Lance kept his face relaxed after his little fight with Keith. Lance wasn't mad. He understood. He knew that Keith had never met his mother and lost his father at a young age, after which he'd lived all by himself in the desert. Shiro had been so close to him that he could be considered his brother and then Shiro too had disappeared, leaving Keith all alone. Not to mention that Lance himself had used to reject his advances to friendship during their Garrison days. Keith's entire life had been a series of rejection and abandonment. Of course he was insecure. Of course he struggled with trusting Lance. Lance knew that and he didn't blame him for it. Keith had set a boundary and although Lance struggled with accepting that, although Lance struggled immensely with the idea that he wasn't wanted, he could respect that.

Lance closed his eyes, and simply felt the power of the universe trying to reach out to him. A small voice echoed in his mind, reminding him of his own past struggles. 'You're not good enough.' 'You're not trustworthy.' 'You take nothing seriously.'

Lance watched his reflection and tried to smile at himself. His smile felt twisted and wrong but it was the one people loved to see, wasn't it? A pain, old and deep settled in Lance's stomach, demanding him to just swallow it up. Just like he'd had to swallow it up when his brother had been accepted in one of the most prestigious law schools the country had to offer, when all Lance had managed was the Garrison. Sure, it was a prestigious school as well, but it was a fantastic idea that a verbally skilled boy would be useful on an alien mission. Lance had always tried to reach the stars but his brother Marco was the pride of the family. And of course, Lance wasn't the only one in his family with this dream. His older sister Vanessa had wanted to be a fighter pilot for just as long and she'd had a talent for it as well when Lance didn't

'Shut up, Lance.' 'You're living your dream.' 'Just be happy.'

Before him, his own smile twisted into something even worse than before. 'Who am I if not a clown?' Lance wondered, not because the question was relevant but because of how easy it rolled off his tongue. Because of how often he'd heard himself think it. Lance met his own eyes in the mirror and froze.

Deep, purple eyes glowed back at him.

For a full five minutes, Lance was transfixed on the vision before him in a frozen panic. It wasn't just his hallucination, he made sure of it. His eyes were, indeed, purple, as if he'd been infected. 'Kainen.' Was Lance's first thought. 'I'm still infected!' Was his second. His third, however, made his eyes go wide because it wasn't his own.

"You're wrong." whispered Karak'nirir's voice from within his heart. Lance held his breath in shock. Never before had her voice been so clear before. It had been distant, vague, like an instinct, intertwined with his heart. Now, he could actually hear her. "These toxins, they are my fault."

Lance blinked. Out loud, he asked. "What do you mean?"

"When I met you-," Karak'nirir began, "I told you that there were no toxins inside you. I realize now why that was."

Lance's heart beat loudly. The voice inside him made him feel queazy and unsure and he almost imagined the purple eyes to glow brighter.

"It's not that they don't exist. It's not even that you don't let them exist. You, Lance McClain, can do what I couldn't."

It was at that very moment that Lance understood what he was dealing with. He had done this before! Lance looked at himself, at his purple eyes and took a deep breath. "I know you." He whispered at his reflection, breathing hard but calculated. "I know you're in pain and that's okay. You have feelings too. You're human too. I am still me. Despite everything, I am still me." Lance had told himself this so many times that right now, now that it mattered, he felt himself relax because he had the ability to believe it. "I love you." Lance whispered to himself because it was the hardest thing one could do when he actually hated himself. It was not a lie. Not really. Not like it used to. "No one can be you like I am."

"Lance." Said Karak'nirir. "You have the power to love yourself not despite but because of your flaws. After watching you all these months, I think I finally understand what is happening to my universe."

"What is it?" Lance whispered at his expression.

"Haggar is not possessed by another god. She is possessed by my mistakes. By my self hatred. Her toxins are mine. All the toxins in the universe are mine, come to life because I'd rather rejected them than face them." She sounded so pained that Lance could feel it reverberating through his bones.

Lance caught his breath. And when he caught his reflection this time, he saw her instead. Karak'nirir stood tall before him, the universe shining through the translucent reflection. Her eyes no longer bright and blue like Lance's own but just as purple and cursed as if she'd been intoxicated herself. Lance reached out to touch her hand in the glass. She met him with regret and tears in her eyes. "It's okay." Lance said, feeling calmer than ever before. "You're human too."

She smiled at him with a laugh that told him that she didn't quite believe him as much as Lance believed himself. But there was something changing in her reflection. "Thank you." She said anyway, acceptance bleeding into her reflection. The purple in her eyes slowly turned back to blue. "Thank you, Lance. For everything." She said again and when she disappeared, Lance felt himself changing.

From one moment to the next, Karak'nirir disappeared, no longer an instinct inside him but gone. She'd decided to let him take over completely. She'd decided to stop existing.