A.N.://  Lance's backstory incoming :) 

Lance's PoV

Everything was pulsating.
Lance clutched his hands to his heart in shock at the sudden wave of that very everything he felt. That wasn't an understatement, he could feel the entire universe. Another beat, another pulse and Lance was forced to his knees. Breathing heavily, he stared at his hands. They were melting right off of him.
Another pulse and Lance had to close his eyes. There were so many voices in his head. They reached beyond the ship, beyond the vast emptiness of the universe. Like screams and like laughter, fear and joy. Lance tried to hold onto something, only to learn that he couldn't. As soon as he touched a ship wall, it melted into him, like the floor was merging with his legs.
'Shit shit shit shit shit!,' Lance thought. Thank god he hadn't still been touching the glass.

He was losing control of who he was. Knowing his own limits wasn't enough anymore. It was only now that Lance realized why Karak'nirir had stayed with him so long. She hadn't just been guiding him with instincts and letting him find out everything else on his own - She had kept him from being confronted with all of this. She'd allowed him to learn to be her successor step by step. From puddles to pools to whole planets. Now, where Karak'nirir's presence had resided, the entire universe flooded the hole she'd left behind. The power of the universe clawed at his heart and his conscience, at his very identity and Lance was reminded once more of what he'd been told. That his predecessors had burst or lost themselves in lakes and planets because they couldn't grasp even a fragment this power. It was like a rush, invading him, tempting him with all that he could do with all this power.

Lance caught sight of himself in the glass once more. He didn't look human anymore. Only his face seemed normal, everything else completely disfigured. It seemed like he was growing in size, his body a giant mass of blue, translucent something that made little to no sense, his eyes glowing in such a bright way that he feared they would burn out any second. They were nearly white.

This was the moment Lance began to panic. It crawled up his spine along with the thrill of power growing by the second.

'What the hell do I do? What do I do?!' Lance thought and it felt like his words were echoing out of his mind and into the universe. Lance was reaching out, far, far into the solarsystem and even further. He could grasp at stars and felt entire planets panic with him.

Lance stopped thinking.
The promise of power grew stronger, whispered into his ear, tried to tempt him. Purple dust caught in his eye. "You can have it all. You can control it all." His thoughts told him. "It's all yours. To create and to take away. No one will think you're the goofball anymore. They will pray to you! They will have to take you seriously now!"
Lance stared at his reflection, at the purple gathering in his eyes.
'All you have to do is take it.'

Lance caught his breath, his mind fixed on something else entirely. The thought wasn't even complete, wasn't even more than a name and a face. Keith. Lance was reminded of when Keith had been infected with the toxins, how it had almost killed him. Lance knew, without needing to put it into words, that when he connected to the universe, he was connecting to all the doubts and fears that Karak'nirir had tried to reject, to set herself apart from. And if he gave in to those temptations, he would doom the entire galaxy.

'You're not caught out for this power.' The voice said next. 'You can't bear the responsibility!'

A smile slipped onto Lance's slowly disfiguring face. "Oh." He said. "You're right." Lance took one final breath. "But who said that I have to?"

No one, Lance thought, not even Karak'nirir had been capable of taking on the problems of the entire universe. This power wasn't Lance's to have, it was his to share. At that thought, Lance let himself dissolve. He'd been about to burst, he realized, with insisting on being just Lance. The universe's power couldn't be concentrated in that simple human form. So, Lance let go, stretched and melted and flooded himself through the universe, far away from the castle of lions, distributed into every planet, moon and star, like a single drop into each and every pool of quintessence. And Lance, hoped, and prayed to all he had left to believe in, that he would be able to find himself again.

-----------------------

Keith's PoV:

Keith had just stepped out of the shower when the castle alarms started blaring. Adrenaline rushed his symptoms and he raced himself, only wearing his boxers, towards the changing room. In seconds, he'd put on the black undersuit and stripped on the different armor parts from his uniform. "Keith! Do you know what's going on?" Asked Hunk who had just arrived half a minute after Keith had arrived. Shiro joined them a second later. "No clue." Keith said and wondered where the hell Lance and Pidge were. Then he supposed that Lance might have teleported himself to the control deck where Pidge was likely already waiting, or better yet, having determined whatever problem they had been called for.

In quick steps, they all made it towards the control room where, in case of emergencies, they were supposed to report back to Allura at assess the information. Exceptions were when Allura yelled at them through the comms and through the blaring alarm that they needed to get to the lions asap! This was not the case today.

Lotor had somehow managed to be quicker at Pidge's side than the rest of the paladins. Sam and Matt arrived several minutes later.

Allura's brows were furrowed in worry and anger, Lotor seemed completely distraught and Pidge looked like she was about to cry.

"Princess, what happened?"

Keith looked around. "Wait a second - where is Lance?"

Princess Allura turned around. "That's what you were called for." Coran turned off the alarms and manually, after typing quite a bit, opened up a holo screen. "Lance is gone."

"What?" Keith's heart sank. "No -" He laughed incredulously. "He's not - He can't be - We were talking less than an hour ago! How do you even know he's gone?"

Pidge spoke without turning to him. "His signature energy levels are gone, Keith." She looked up. "I'm sorry, Keith. I know we were supposed to keep this whole thing from Lotor but he was the one who noticed it first. And when we went to look -"

Panting slightly, Keith shook his head. Who cared about the secret right now?! "Maybe he learned to hide it? He kept being found through his energy levels! So maybe -"

"Keith." Allura walked towards him. "You have to see this." And when she turned, Coran put on the castle records.

The screen flickered to show the observation deck. Lance was already in it and he seemed to be gesturing at something behind the glass that let you look out into the stars. He was muttering something to himself very quietly. The last figments, however, Keith could make out. "It's okay. You're human too." Then, he stepped back from the glass and stumbled lightly. For a moment, Lance stood stock still, barely breathing and irritated at himself. And then his body twisted and formed and melted."

Keith stepped closer. No!

Lance sank to his knees, hand tightened to a fist as he reached for his heart, his eyes widening slightly and -

"NO!" This time, Keith said it out loud. This was not like the time Lance had lost himself in pools or puzzles. This was so much worse. His eyes shone a bright purple, right at the camera. It was like the walls were merging into him, trying to become him. By now, Lance was a deformed giant blob of quintessence.

"Whaaaat's happening?!" Hunk asked, pulling at his hair. "He's dying! He's dying!"

And then, just when they thought it could not look any worse, Lance dispersed entirely. Nothing, no puddle, no raindrops, no humidity was left behind. From one moment to the next, the observation deck was empty.

Keith couldn't help himself, he sank to his knees. His heart was racing so loudly that everything else was drowned out by the rush of blood in his veins. "He can't be dead." Keith whispered. He looked up and for the first time since they'd come to space, he searched for Lotor's opinion, wanting, against all of his doubts, to trust him. Just this once, even if it was a lie. Lotor's expression was dimmed into something unreadable, something almost empathetic. "Lance is a god now. He can't be dead."

Lotor did not make a move, he lowered his gaze to not have to look at him. "He- would not be the first." He paused. "She had other successors, remember?"

Doom, unaltered and heavy as the universe itself, added to Keith's soul at that very moment. He found himself hyperventilating. "No." He whispered to the ground.

"Keith-" Allura tried but Keith swapped her hand away.

Even Shiro tried now and he got down to Keith's level. "Hey, I know this is hard for you. No one of us thought this would happen - He was doing so well and -"

But all Keith could think about was that Lance and him had been fighting and now Lance was dead. Now he'd burst, or imploded, or whatever that had been just now. The thing that successors of gods did. The thing that inevitably had to happen to Lance and Keith had not even considered it. Had not spared it a thought because in his mind, it had made absolute sense that Lance could do it. Keith got up to his feet and left the room without another word. He would not cry in front of them, he promised himself as he littered the hallway with salty tears.

------------------------

Lance's PoV:

'The universe ripped me apart.' Was the first thought Lance had as he found himself drifting and drifting in space. It was so cold and so quiet. He'd expected voices and there were some, but they seemed so distant, as if they were just noise inside his head. He felt taller, somehow, bigger, even though he had nothing to measure himself to. 'The voices belong to me' Lance thought a second later and closed his eyes to just listen. He could hear someone reaching out to him, multiple somethings really. All of them needed help, needed his forgiveness. 'Why do I need to forgive you?' Lance thought and waved what felt like his hand through the waters of creation. Was that what this was? It was so still and so calm, even though in his mind was an almost condemning chaos.

Lance kept his eyes closed. "Who are you?" He asked out loud and yet directed the question inside himself. Loud, screaming voices responded and Lance nodded along, listened to their pain, even as they could not formulate words he could understand. Lance was good with languages, always had been, but he didn't have to be a genius to be able to comprehend the meaning behind the screams. "It's okay. I know now." He suddenly realized. "You are me. You are all a part of me now. I'll take care of you." Lance took in a deep breath and felt the chaos inside him calming. For a while, Lance drifted further along, swam inside and outside of his mind, not knowing where the universe began and he ended. There was a stinging pain in his side and as Lance focused on it, he knew that that pain was Haggar. "Ah-" He understood now. "I'm sick."

Lance did not have a body, was what he realized next. "I am the universe." His body was a phantom feeling. He could not open his eyes because he didn't have eyes and apart from himself, nothing else existed. Lance let himself drift further and redirected his attention inwards. He breathed, not really, not physically, he breathed inwardly. He created a wind that brushed over the creations inside of him, calmed him, promised them peace. Funnily enough, Lance knew that despite it all, nothing inside him was his own creation. They were a part of him, they were in him, they belonged to him now, but they were not his. They still belonged to someone else. These creations were still Karak'nirir's, Lance was simply the new guardian who could create new things and new planets and new people, but he could also destroy it all.
They were afraid what he would do to them.

Lance breathed yet again. He breathed in a wave of toxins inside him. "It's okay." He told them. "You've made mistakes. I won't hurt you. We can do better now." The planet seemed surprised. "We?" It seemed to ask as if it had never been treated as anything other than an individual. As if it had never gotten help, as if it had always been responsible for its own actions. As if no one else's actions and mistreatments had ever mattered. It was good, Lance thought, to be objective sometimes, to treat every aspect of oneself as an individual. But in the end, every wheel that was turning, turned for the entire system. "We will do better now." Lance said into the void.

The chaos seemed to settle quickly, even as the toxins kept eating at him. Kept talking to him. "They are worthless. You are worthless. End us. End us all."

Lance let his hand glide through the void and missed his mother.

"You have no mother. You are the father of creation. There is nothing outside of you!"

"I am the universe but I was born a boy. I was born and I was raised and I have a mother. Who I am now does not erase who I once was. I'm Lance. I've changed but I am me. And I will always be me."

...

When Lance opened his eyes next, he was blinded by the sun.

Lance was wearing the clothes he'd kept wearing in space and was unsurprised to find that they were wet. Salt water brushed at his skin, his naked feet and his sunburned arms. Lance took a breath and smelled salt as his feet buried themselves into sand. A wave washed over him, he breathed through it, not making destinctions anymore. He felt calm. He could still feel the universe, he was it all, but he was also just a drop in the ocean. He was Lance. Lance raised his hand to his face and was surprised to find it solid and true. The sun was shining through a few rare clouds that were driven away from the sky by a mild wind. There was so much blue around him, burning right into his retinas.

A moment later, Lance decided to get up on his feet. He wandered the beach, not at all disoriented where he was. He knew where he was. Varadero beach, not far from home. Only an hour car ride to the small farm house that his father had built into a home. Lance wondered for just a moment, if he even needed a car ride and came to the conclusion that he didn't. There was quintessence everywhere in the universe because everything was created from quintessence. He could go whereever. He could feel it too, the power he was no connected to. He could create whatever, if he wanted to. For some reason, he didn't want to. He wanted to walk, he wanted to ask someone for a ride. He could create but he didn't think he was ready for that just yet.

Just like he remembered, there was a small shop not too far from the ocean. Lance smiled upon finding it.
It wasn't too warm a day, the wind brushed through his hair and carried voices of tourists towards him that walked past, not noticing his presence at all. Lance walked quietly and felt the dry sand rubbing between his toes. Joe's surfworld was a small stand that sold surfing courses during the summer. Lance used to work here when he'd still been in highschool.

A young boy, maybe fourteen was now working at the registry and gave Lance a very bored look. "Hey." Lance said and was surprised to find his voice sounding pretty normal. "Is Joe there?"

The boy looked at the clock. "He's giving a surfing lesson right now. The waves are good today."

"Do you know when he will be back?" Lance asked curiously.

Annoyed, the boy considered. "Around three. Do you want to book a course?"

"No." Lance said calmly, looking at the battered wood before him. He let his finger brush against it and smiled at the familiar rough texture. The seawind had worn the old thing down years ago and the entire stand had seen much better days in general. The surfboards were bend, and there was still the picture row of ex coworkers lined up at the back, now with additions that Lance did not recognize. People had been here after him and none of them would ever be forgotten. Lance smiled as he saw the picture of his own self, grinning brightly with his braces, the sky behind him seemingly bluer than most, his smile brighter, and the laughter real. It stood out to Lance for two reasons, for one, it was proof that Lance had always existed, and second, underneath it hung a print from a wanted poster. The Garrison must have handed these out when Lance and the other paladins had been 'abducted' into space. The paper of it was worn. But Joe had not forgotten about him. Joe never forgot anyone. "I prefer to wait."

"Urgh." The boy grumbled. "I don't even know why I'm here. No one ever buys anything." He muttered to himself and sat back down on a small chair in he back. He opened a magazine and no longer paid Lance any attention.

Lance decided to walk around the little hut and sat down on the bench where he used to spent his breakes trying to flirt with girls. Today, two younger men and a girl were already sitting and eating ice cream. They were wearing swim suits and she a simple black swimsuit and a towel around her shoulder. All three of them were his age. Lance did not recognize them and he felt quite happy with that. He wasn't all knowing if he chose not to be, and right now, he was just Lance. "Hi." He said and sat down to wait.

One of the boys put a protective hand around the girl, perhaps to show Lance who she belonged to, but Lance's eyes had already drifted back towards the ocean. Then, suddenly, the other guy jumped to his feet. "HOLY SHIT! You're that kid from the Garrison!"

Lance looked up, to find a finger pointed at him. "Hmm?"

The other two glanced at their friend as if he'd lost his mind. The boy hectically turned to them to explain. "Don't you know? Over a year ago, they sent it through all the channels! They're posters are everywhere! He was one of them. There was this big, chunky guy and the small one with the glasses and then HIM! He's one of the missing kids from the Garrison!"

The other two looked at Lance, then back at their friend. "Are you sure?" Then, the girl turned to Lance. "Excuse me - he's not crazy, is he? If so, I am deeply sorry for my brother!"

Lance didn't turn his head. "He's not crazy. I'm Lance. Lance McClain." He shook the irritated one's hand. "Nice to meet you. I used to work at Joe's. Where did you get the ice cream from? I thought the nearest store was in that direction-" Lance pointed left along the beach, knowing that if they had bought their ice there, they would have long finished it on the way here.

"Oh. Yeah. A new one opened up just around the corner." The boy seemed confused. "When did you - Were you found?"

"Hmm?" Lance looked up, distracted by all the noises, all these small things that Karak'nirir had created. Maybe not directly. She had sown the seed and let it built itself. "I wasn't lost. They just didn't know where to search. Still don't." Lance sent them a smile. "But if I explained to you where I was, you'd call me crazy, so maybe you should just pretend like you haven't seen me at all."

The three exchanged glances and got up. "Maybe we should go." One of them said, sounding half frightened, half irritated. "We erm - we- It was nice to meet you." Creeped out, they grabbed their stuff and left as quickly as they could through the shifty sand. Lance watched them leave, understanding them too well to dwell on the hurt inside him. And so he was finally alone, his legs dangling off the bench as he hummed a song he remembered from his childhood.

...

"Lance?" A rough voice called out to him. Joe was an older man, perhaps in his fifties. He was still one of the best surfers Lance had ever met in his life and he was an excellent teacher.

"JOE!" Lance jumped to his feet with the biggest smile on his face, arms wide to invite him for a hug but the man seemed haunted more than anything.

Then, the man finally caught himself. Lance barely registered the children walking in behind him, bringing back their surfboards to the bored looking kid. They sent Lance curious glances. "You're - alive and well." Joe assessed and then, finally, Lance found himself laughing, in the arms of his old boss. Lance and him had gotten along well in the summers that Lance had been working here and he'd become some kind of family friend over the years. They'd been so close, even, that the man had played wingman for Lance and his first girlfriend, and Lance had been there at his wife's funeral. Even at the Garrison, Lance had taken his time to send the man letters, had told him about his family issues, how he missed his mom, how he was trying to reach for the stars. In space, Lance had tried not to think too much about the life he'd left behind but he'd never forgotten.

Joe was, in Lance's eyes, one of the reasons why Lance hadn't gotten lost in the void of the universe. Perhaps that's why he'd woken up here, so close to his stand. Better even, in the very ocean he'd been teaching children how to surf like he'd once done with Lance.

Joe let out a stuffy laugh through his wet beard. "I thought you were dead, boy." He let go to grab Lance by his shoulders. "Where have you been?! Does your mother know you're back?"

Lance smiled at him. "She doesn't. No one does. I just got back, I'll visit her next."

Joe stared at him, half crying, half laughing. "It is so good to see you safe and sound, boy. Do you want to come in? I can make you something to eat."

Beaming, Lance agreed. "I haven't eaten in ages." And to his joy, he found himself hungry. Because today, he was no longer the might of the universe tightened down to a single human being, the universe was flowing through him. He was a drop in this ocean of power that was stretching its limbs and wings and fingers. Lance still felt that he had access to all of it, if not more of it, but it was no longer confined within him. He was confined within that power and he was the one in control.

"Hah. I do hope you don't mean that literally!" Joe laughed heartily and shouted over the children's head. "Jamie. You can close the shop for today! Clean up and then enjoy the rest of your day. Full pay, don't worry!"

The boy from before stuck his straight black hair out of the door, eyes wide. His glance travelled to Lance, then back to Joe. "Uh... Alright, sure." Then he disappeared again.

"Good worker that one. A bit ill tempered but he's a good kid." Joe said. "Nothing compared to you, of course." He rubbed Lance's hair and Lance felt right at home.

He laughed. "My boyfriend's also like that." The thought of Keith made Lance pause slightly for just a second. He wondered if he was okay. If he was still mad, if he had even noticed that Lance was gone.

Joe stopped. "Boyfriend?" He asked, smile widening, then lowering. "Your mother doesn't know about that either, does she?" He lead Lance into the house just next to the shop. Joe had a comfortable, warm little living room that lead right out onto the beach. Small palmtrees decorated a wide part of the place and pictures of him as a young man with his younger wife, surfing, were hung up on the wall. Lance followed him into the kitchen and sat down on the stools in front of the kitchen island. Joe immediately began to search through his belongings, pulled out ingredients after ingredients and began to cook.

"She won't be pleased." Lance said. "But I'm not worried about that anymore."

"No?" Joe asked, eyes directed on his task. "Your last letter seemed very nervous about how she would react to you bringing a boyfriend home."

"She knows I'm bi. She wouldn't be mad." Lance said. "She will think that I'm trying to get her attention, of course. That aside, I can't bring my boyfriend home. Not yet."

Joe looked up. "What exactly happened, Lance? You didn't run away from the Garrison, did you? With that boyfriend of yours?"

Lance took a small breath, amazed that he could still do that. "Sort of. But we weren't together and we weren't planning on running away. Hunk, Pidge, Keith and I, we found the lost pilot from the Kerberos mission. Shiro."

Joe blinked, then suddenly stopped doing whatever he was doing. "You found him?"

Lance nodded. "We found him. And we also found an ancient alien ship not far from where Keith was living. Then we went to space. That's where I was. That's where the others still are."

Joe stared at him. Then he laughed and Lance smiled at the sight of it. "SPACE!" He barked. "You have not lost your humor at all, Lance." Then he shook his head. "Where is your ship then? Parked it in the ocean?"

Lance wondered how to best explain it without sounding like a total lunatic. Scratch that, he wouldn't be able to explain a single thing about this without sounding like a lunatic. "Something like that. Would you believe me if I told you that I'm on a mission to detox the universe?"

That had Joe bursting with laughter. A laughter so bright and full of relief that Lance couldn't help but join in. Eventually, Joe shook his head and his expression turned serious. "You should visit your mother, Lance. She's not doing great since you disappeared. Your brother hasn't been either, your sister has buried herself in Garrison work and never comes home and your father -"

"Drinking?" Lance asked quietly.

"Yes." Joe said seriously. "Come on, kid. Get in the car, I'll bring you home."

"Thanks, Joe." Lance said honestly.

...

The car ride went on in relative silence. It seemed to worry Joe a little and he opened his mouth a couple times to say something but didn't manage to get out a word. Lance, however, was looking out of the window, overwhelmed with all the fantastic creations he'd never managed to value for what they were. They'd been driving along the coast for nearly half an hour when Joe finally asked him something. "Are you alright, Lance? You've never been the quiet type. Did something happen?"

Lance smiled. "I'm fine. I'm really good, actually. You haven't told me much about yourself either! How is the business? I saw a LOT of faces next to mine. You're not replacing me, are you?"

Irritated, Joe turned his eyes back on the street. "No one's been like you, Lance. You were always buzzing about, trying to take over my surf courses and the ladies, they could not have been more adored by your smile. The business is doing fine. It would be better if you decided to come back, of course but I'll manage. I mean, inflation makes it harder but we had a good season this year. Loads of waves. Little rain. Which sucks for the farmers, of course, but the business is fine." At the end, he grew more serious again. "Lance, you're avoiding the question. What happened really?"

Lance hummed. "It's fine. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

Joe swallowed hard. "The police told us not to get our hopes up."

"It's alright. I'm sure they tried their best."

Once again, Joe opened to keep asking Lance with questions but then he stopped. He seemed hurt, if not dejected. "Try to explain that to your family."

...

When Joe's tiny corsa finally drove onto the gravel path that lead up to the old farm house of Lance's parents, Lance had nearly fallen asleep. And since when could he tire again? Joe parked the car close to the front door and turned off the engine. Then, he turned to Lance. "Are you ready?"

Lance smiled tiredly. "I suppose I have to be." Then he got out of the car. Lance had completely forgotten that he didn't have any shoes on him, so walking on the gravel pained him a little. Yet, Lance was excited to feel the pain. He hadn't felt it in so long and there was the wooden front door that his father kept promising he would paint over next year. The sun had bleached down the color and a lot of it had fallen off. More than Lance remembered. Joe walked around the car and finally noticed Lance's bare feet.

"Oh my god, boy. Why did you not say you didn't have shoes?"

Lance's smile widened. "It's fine. I'm fine." Then, Lance went ahead and pressed the door bell.

It took a while, moments, minutes, maybe forever, maybe not. Time was not a power Lance had control over. The door opened wide and a small woman, a head smaller than Lance anyway, opened the door, tired eyes narrowed to familiar annoyance, when they suddenly widened. Her messy bun did nothing to hide her shock or her scream. Lance was sure she'd wake up the entire neighbourhood, but he was too excited to see his mother to care. Before he knew it, he'd buried her in his arms, feeling her warmth and her heartbeat and finally, finally, he was back home.
Lance's mother wasn't fighting him, not really, but she clutched at his arms like this was a dream she wasn't willing to wake from. "Lance! Lance, you're home! You're - Where have you been?! Come in, I -" Her eyes glanced behind Lance to find Joe. "JOE! You found him!"

Joe shook his head. "He found me."

"Oh. erm. Come in. Both of you, come in." Lance's mother was more than overwhelmed to have him back. She grabbed him by the shoulder as if afraid he would disappear any second and shoved him into the living room. Joe followed after.

"Honey, who was at the door?" Lance's father asked, sounding tired but he got up from his seat on the couch. It was his apologetic voice, Lance thought. It was the voice he used when he'd been a drunk and an asshole the night before and was trying to make up for it in kindness and interest the next day. The question was naturally answered the moment that Lance came into view. The TV remote fell from Martin McClain's hand as he saw his son healthy and alright walking back into his house. "Lance." Utter disbelief, eyes wide and nearly terrified, the man stumbled around the couch table to embrace his son.

Lance laughed, for once allowing his father to do just that. It was strange, to suddenly have their attention. He couldn't remember the last time his parents had even looked at him properly, let alone said his name for something other than to shut him up. "It's nice to be home." Although it was quiet. Too quiet. Back when Lance would visit home, his uncles and aunts and nieces and nephews would always come around to play. His parents loved having children in the house and cousin Sarah already had two babies she kept reintroducing to everyone during every single holiday, as if two weeks had changed their height and personality entirely. Today, the house was empty and cold in comparison to before. Lance pushed himself out of his father's embrace. "How are you?" He asked.

His mother let out a sob. "Oh Lance, who cares how we've been? What about you? Where have you been? We thought you were dead."

Lance didn't know how to explain to her that there was no explanation in the world that would take away the sorrow he'd cost her. He didn't know how to tell her that earth, in the eyes of a major part of the universe, was considered a backwater planet. He couldn't tell her that the god she had worshipped since her childhood was just the abstracted form of a physical goddess who hadn't visited in a millenia. A goddess that no longer existed and had chosen him as her successor. He did not know how to say that, how to explain anything. Right here, on this planet, in this form, at home, he was just Lance. Lance McClain, Garrison student and class clown. So, instead of addressing all the things that had happened to him, that had brought him here, he could do nothing but laugh. "Oh, that's a very funny story, mom. You're going to absolutely hate me for this."