This certain oneshot will contain the topic of suicide.if you do not like then do not read
I'm not feeling the best today due to being sick
Btw I'm not good at writing angst so this might be bad
Also this does get pretty graphic near the end so you've been warned

RG/N-random guy name

{genre:angst}

{not requested}

He couldn't bare the pain and agony he felt when he saw you with another boy,how he couldn't be there for you anymore.

He didn't want to leave,but he had to.to protect them,to protect you.

With every passing day he felt more and more sorrow.he missed touka,he missed hinami,hell he even missed nishiki.

But most of all he missed you.

The way you treated him with such kindness when he told you about him being a ghoul,how you accepted him instantly.he could never repay you for that.

~

Kaneki ran a hand through his Snow White locks as he stood on the roof a very tall building.he stood there with a blank gaze,his ash grey eyes looking dull and void of emotion.he watched as the snow fell from the sky in a peaceful manner,and watched as it fell onto the streets of the busy city of tokyo's 20th ward.oh how he wished he could be like the snow that was falling.how it would feel if he were to hit the ground with such a great force that it would kill him.

His lips curled into a more deeper frown as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the railing.his body was freezing,he was hungry,and he was exhausted.as he continued to stand there he heared a scream from down below "oh my god!!look up there!is that boy about to jump!?!"the voice snapped him out of his trance like state,he looked slightly panicked as he climbed back over the railing in a rush.

'I wasn't gonna jump!i was only thinking about it!!' he thought as he ran down the stairs of the building and out the back door.he ran into a nearby alleyway and leaned against the wall,taking in sharp breathes and coughing.he slid down the wall and sat on the snow covered ground,burying his head into his knees.he was done,he had tried so many times to end his life but every time it backfired.

He didn't know why he felt like this,he just...did.

It had started after he left to aogiri,after he had discovered you were with someone else.then after that things just started spiraling from there.

After a few minutes he had left the alleyway,freezing,and,once again,tired.

He trudged through the snow covered streets with his hood over his head and a dull look on his face.the more he walked,the more distracted he became,soon he smelt the familiar smell of coffee,and realized he was in front of Anteiku,the last place he wanted to be right now.

Kaneki couldn't help but walk up the steps and to the door.it was cold,and he needed something to warm himself up.

When he walked through he heard the familiar sound of the bell jingling above the door and the bitter yet sweet smell of coffee.

"Welcome to Anteiku...!"said a familiar voice

He looked up seeing Touka,a girl he hadn't seen in so long.

When she looked at him,her happy expression turned into one mixed of rage and sadness."what are you doing here?" Her voice was laced with venom and hatred as she stared at the white haired male,the other employees looking in there direction.

Kaneki looked down at his shoes and pulled down his hood."Hey Touka..."even his voice was more dull than usual,it was raspy and laced with sadness.his eyes held tragedy behind them,he was skinny,more lanky than before,and his face held no color.

Touka's eyes widened when she had gotten a better look at him "what the hell...?"she grabbed him by the sleeve of his hoodie and pulled him in "get in here!".he didn't object as he was dragged to a table and was pushed onto a chair.

"Stay here!"Touka said,then she ran upstairs.

Kaneki sat at the table looking down at his hands,his black fingernails reminding him of the time he had spent in torture with Yamori.as kaneki sat there his mind raced with different thoughts,such as his mother's abuse,his humanity being taken from him,his torture,and well,everything else that's happened to him.

Kaneki soon grew annoyed at the fact that Touka hadn't arrived yet and it had been twenty minutes.he stood up and headed towards the door "woah,where are you goin' kaneki?ya just got here"Koma asked the white haired male.kaneki turned to him while staring at him blankly "touka's taking forever,I figured I would just leave before I'm here longer than I need to be."

With that he pulled up his hood and walked out the door,the sound of the bell echoing through his ears.

~

After a bit Touka walked back downstairs "see Y/N?he's right here-Wait where the hell did he go!?"Touka looked around panicked when she realized kaneki wasn't there anymore "are we done now?i honestly don't have time for games Touka,if he wasn't really here you could have told me and not have gotten my hopes up"Y/N sighed in frustration "no I swear he was here!he was sitting right there!"she pointed to the table kaneki was previously sitting at "I wouldn't ever lie to you about this kind of thing!"

"Touka I'm being serious,if kaneki was here why is he not anymore?"Y/N raised her eyebrows in question "he must have left but...I swear he was here!he looked terrible!he didn't look like himself!he looked...sad"Y/N sighed "if you say so.im going back to bed,I have a date with RG/N tomorrow and I don't wanna be sleep deprived"Y/N headed back upstairs with a yawn and shut the door behind her.

Once she was gone Touka turned towards koma and irimi "where the hell did he go!?!"koma scratched behind his head nervously with a sigh "he...left"Touka began to grow annoyed "he left!?!why did you let him leave!?!"koma put his hands up in defense "I didn't wanna stop him!he seemed to want to get out of here,like he didn't wanna be here"Touka ran a hand through her short purple hair and groaned "we need to close up anyway it's getting late,if we see him tomorrow then we'll tell Y/N"

Anteiku closed down for the night,leaving the area it once lit up with its light dark,along with a certain white haired male who stood across the street looking at the establishment.

~the next day~

Since last night the snow had settled down some and it was easier to walk around.

Kaneki trudged through the streets hoping to find something to keep his mind off of anything else,ever since last night he couldn't stop thinking about what Touka had wanted to show him.

'Maybe I should've stayed to see-no.it would've been pointless,I don't even know why I was there' he groaned and huffed out a breath of air and continued walking.

As he continued walking he noticed how the streets and sidewalks became more crowded and it made him antsy and hungry,the smell of untouched flesh leaking from every corner.his mouth started to water and a bit of saliva trailed from the corner of his pale lips.this continued until he noticed where he was.

'Tsukiyama's restaurant?'

An image of the eccentric purple haired gormet flashed through his head as well as the experience he had at this place and it sent shivers down his spine.

He decided to walk in just for the hell of it.

Once he walked in the smell of flesh instantly filled his nostrils,it made his mouth water.he hated to admit it but he was actually considering eating from here.he glanced around and noticed how elegant the place was,he never actually got to have a good look at it since he was about to be killed in said place.

The scent was overwhelming him and it made his mind go into a frenzy,his left eye twitched slightly and his hands started to spaz out,he felt his shoulders start to shake as his stomach let out a loud growl.

'God I feel like I'm gonna pass out!'

Kaneki's vision started to dim with black and he stumbled back.he was sure he was gonna faint but a loud voice distracted him.

"Can it be!?!oh it is!!my dear friend kaneki!!"

'Oh no...'

He glanced to his right to see none other than Shu Tsukiyama,well he shouldn't have guessed other wise,it was his restaurant.

Kaneki shuddered when Tsukiyama wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller male,his face held an annoyed look and his eyes showed that he was getting angry.he pushed himself away from the gourmet and looked at him with a stoic expression.

"Hello Tsukiyama"kaneki said in a dull tone.Tsukiyama pulled away from him and let out an eccentric laugh "oh kaneki it has been to long mon ami!!"

Kaneki growled lowly. 'I don't speak croissant you French bastard.'

Kaneki slowly walked back away from the purple haired ghoul and headed towards the door "it was nice to see you tsukiyama,but I have somewhere to be.i apologize for wasting your time"he bolted out the door before the man could even utter a word and he ran down the street.

Finally getting away, he slowed down to a stop to catch his breath,but a familiar scent filled his nostrils.he looked up and a look of horror and disgust etched across his face.

There you were,kissing another man,both of your lips together in a lustful passion.

He wanted to throw up,cry,and scream all at the same time at the sight,it made him sick.he swallowed the bile that started to rise in his throat and tried to control his breathing.his hands twitched rapidly and tears formed at the corners of his grey eyes.

His mouth went dry and his heart hammered in his chest,his hand clutched the area where his heart was and felt the hot tears slowly run down his face.

The two of you pulled back for air so you could continue making out but before you could you noticed the white haired male who was standing but seven feet away from you.your eyes widened in shock and your boyfriend looked at you in curiosity as to why you weren't kissing him,then He looked in your field of vision and noticed kaneki.

"K...kaneki...?"

His name rolled of your tongue like syrup,like it was natural,but it hardly felt as such.you slowly pulled away from RG/N and walked towards him "kaneki...I..."but before you could reach him he quickly turned and ran.

~

As he ran he felt all the anger,sadness,and loneliness he's felt these past few months come crashing down on him like a tidle wave.he quickly ran to the nearest alley and collapsed to the ground.

He curled into a ball and hugged his own body,he sobbed and screamed until his voice couldn't handle it anymore and he just lay on the dirty snow covered ground, crying silently.

"Why...why is it always me...?"he whimpered out through tears "all of the bad things have only happened to me,why am I still even living?i don't deserve to...I'm a monster..."

Kaneki sat up and began clawing at the skin on his arms,tearing off chunks of skin and muscle.blood slowly ran down his arms and fingers and formed into pools on his pants and on the snow...

He looked down at his arms and saw all the blood that was on him.he watched as the gashes on his arms slowly healed themselves and formed scars on his arms.

He fell to the floor again and cried "a monster...I'm a monster...who would ever love someone like me?a monster like me doesn't deserve to live..."

His face slowly became cold has he sat on his knees and brought out his kagune,moving it to the front of his body and pointed it at his heart.he gulped down the saliva that formed in his mouth and let out a raspy breath.

"I love you,Y/N..."

With that he plunged the red tentacle into his chest,and with a crunch of his bones from the impact he fell to the floor.

A small smile appeared on his pale face as blood and a single tear streamed down his cheek.

[two days later]

"This afternoon two CCG investigators found the dead body of the SS rated ghoul named 'eyepatch' in the 20th ward near Shinjuku station in an alleyway.the wounds on his body have been discovered as self inflicted,when the investigators found multiple scars on both of the ghouls arms,the police and CCG have labeled this as a suicide.the ghoul was then discovered to be 19 year old Ken Kaneki who was suspected of going missing two months ago after a ghoul attack in the 20th ward.now for today's weather..."

The TV was turned off as the whole cafe was silent.

Y/N stood in front of the counter with tears streaming down her face,as well as Touka.everyone held grim expressions on their faces at the news.

Y/N brought her hands to her face and cried.

'This is all my fault...'

~END~
Word count:2364

Goddamn I actually started crying a little while writing this.well I hope you enjoyed my attempt at angst and have a nice day or night depending on where you are but I doubt it after reading this!anyway see you in the next one!bye my little pups
~Natalie