This oneshot can either be read as platonically or romantically, no established relationship is written but can be read as such.

[Genre: hurt/comfort]
[Not requested]
[Summary: Late night talks can reveal alot]
[Warnings: talks of trauma, child abuse, torture, touch starvation]

~~~

Your legs swung back and forth below you as you sat at the top of the Tokyo Tower, tired eyes looking out at the sea of buildings and street lights. The distant honking of car horns constant in your ears, making them ring.

The night was cold, as it usually was for a February in Japan. You pulled your scarf up over your nose, taking a deep breath in and taking in the scent of clean laundry.

Snow filtered down from the dark sky above, landing in your hair and on your clothes, but you didn't mind, it'd melt anyway, at some point.

The soft sound of something hitting the metal of the tower reached your ears, but you didn't react, as you already what -or rather who- it was.

His lithe frame sat beside you, a heavy black coat resting on his shoulders, as well as a stark white scarf around his neck. The same medical eyepatch was wrapped around his head, although you didn't know why he even still wore it.

His pale cheeks and nose were flushed pink from the cold, giving him a soft look as he watched the streets with you.

"You're late." You said, your voice slightly muffled by your scarf.

He fidgeted with his fingers absentmindedly, picking at the black on his nails as if it would go away. He just shrugged.

"Only by five minutes, I couldn't get away" he said, softly.

You mimicked his shrug, picking at a piece of loose fabric on your coat.

You looked over at him, taking in his appearance. It had only been a week since you had seen him last, yet it looked like he had changed so drastically. No longer was he a wide eyed, curious boy who just wanted to figure out what was wrong with himself. Now, he seemed just an empty shell of that.

He still occasionally talked about books he was interested in, but he no longer rambled about it like he used to. He no longer had that big smile he got whenever someone mentioned something he liked, he didn't even talk about many of his interests anymore.

He just looked so exhausted. The bags under his eyes seemed alot more prominent this time around, it looked like he could pass out any second.

As if he had felt your gaze, he turned his head and met your eyes. He didn't show much expression, but the slightest lift of his right eyebrow told you everything.

Your eyes trailed over his figure again. The bagginess of his clothes hid alot, and his hunched shoulders looked as if he were curling in on himself.

You looked into his eyes again as a single question rolled of your tongue, one that just made everything in him fall apart all at once.

"Are you ok?"

The hollow look in his eyes turned sad, and his posture turned from reserved to defensive, as if he were expecting to be hit.

He tore his eyes away from you and hugged his arms to himself, seemingly trying to offer himself protection.

With a shake of his head, a single, one worded answer fell from his lips.

"No."

The word came out alot more broken than he had intended. He hadn't been asked that kind of question in such a long time, and he didn't know why he told you the truth. That he was, infact, not ok.

You carefully hovered your hand above his shoulder, hesitating.

"Can I touch you?" You asked.

He just gave you a nod.

You placed your hand on his shoulder, rubbing your thumb comfortingly into his arm.

As if something had snapped inside of him, he allowed himself to practically melt at your touch. His body relaxed itself, and he let out a soft sigh through his nose.

You slowly pulled your hand away, but he reached back over his shoulder and grabbed it, then placed it in his hair.

"Don't pull away, please." He mumbled.

You blinked, slightly shocked with his behavior, but nodded and slowly started running your fingers through his hair.

His hair was slightly greasy, but not to the point it was disgusting. He probably hadn't showered in a few days, but that didn't stop you from comforting him.

After a few minutes of silence, with you playing with his hair, he finally decided to open up.

"It hasn't been easy these past few months, I'm sure you've noticed. I can't get what... Jason did to me out of my head. It's like every little thing reminds me of..." His voice trailed off, but you knew what he meant.

"Trauma is like that, Ken. Almost everything reminds you of that horrible thing you went through, it's hard to put into words, sometimes, because there's just no way you can explain that kind of pain." Your nails began to slightly scratch at his scalp.

He flushed at your use of his first name, not that you noticed, but quickly frowned.

He sniffed, the cold air making his nose slightly runny, and leaned into your hand.

"It's kind of like you're..."

"Stuck" you both said at the same time.

Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly. His hands reached up to remove his eyepatch, that he then put in one of the pockets of his coat.

"My mom used to tell me..." He started "That it was better to be hurt, than to be one who hurts others. I followed that ideology every day of my life, until I realized it's what made her lose her life in the first place..."

His thumb rubbed over his knuckles, deep in thought.

His mind was constantly plagued with past memories. Of meeting Rize, his mom dying, Yamori's torture. It all haunted him.

You absentmindedly played with the baby hairs at the base of his neck, taking in every word he said.

"I miss her so much, I miss her even though she hurt me."

Your eyes widened a fraction. Hurt him? With how much he used to talk about his late mother in private, you'd always assumed she was a great person.

Kaneki moved his head to rest against your shoulder, a single tear falling down his left cheek.

"She would hurt me for having childish needs. We didn't have alot of money, and she was working two jobs just to put food on the table. Plus, my aunt would always ask for money, so my mom always gave in to her."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from escaping.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. "I shouldn't be dumping all of this onto you, it's my problem, not yours."

You ran your hand up and down his back, leaning your cheek onto the top of his head.

"It's ok, I understand. Never feel the need to not open up to me, ok? I've had my fair share of trauma."

Kaneki closed his eyes, relaxing into your body as the snow fell around you both.

You felt his shoulders slowly begin to sag, indicating they weren't tense anymore as he let out a sigh through his nose.

"Hide's the only one who knew about my mom." He said quietly after a few minutes of silence. "It's not something I like talking about, and he's my best friend so I felt like he deserved to know."

You squeezed his hand, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

"You don't need to explain yourself. Who you decide to tell or not to tell is up to you, OK?"

Kaneki nodded against your shoulder.

"Do you miss him?" You asked.

He nodded again.

"I do. I miss him alot, but I don't want to hurt him, or any of my friends."

"He misses you, too. He always comes by Anteiku once a week to see if you came back."

A somber look came onto Kaneki's pale face as he stared down at the snow covered city below.

"What time is it?" He asked.

You looked down at the watch on your wrist, eyes slightly widening.

"3:03 AM."

Kaneki blew out a puff of air through his lips then sat up properly, leaning back on his hands and looking up at the dark and cloudy sky above.

"Wanna stay here for ten more minutes before Touka becomes a mother hen and starts bombing your phone?" He asked, looking over at you with a slight quirk of his lips.

You let of a soft laugh, nodding.

"Yeah, sure."

This hasn't been updated in a fat minute, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with it, but Tokyo Ghoul is my comfort show for some reason, and I always find myself coming back to work on all of the Kaneki fics I have. It takes awhile, but I power through, hope you enjoyed this one, and I'll see you whenever the next one comes out!