Ezra's pov

I can't take it anymore. Seeing my friends being hurt is too unbearable to watch anymore.

Kanan is blind now and Ashoka is dead, because of me. It is all my fault.

If I had never trusted Maul, we would have just left and stayed safe. But no, I let myself be tricked and let Kanan and Ashoka deal with the consequences.

Kanan hates me for it. I know he does. Even though we don't have that strong of a bond anymore, I could still feel his sadness about being blind.

Does he feel my sadness? If he does, then has he ever cared to talk to me about it like he used to?

That is one of the reasons why I should run away. Kanan doesn't care about me anymore.

Ever since Malachor, I have been thinking of all the reasons why I should run away.

My list keeps getting more and more reasons everyday.

But I also have those days where I am not sad for once. Like when we go on missions. It is the best thing for me to get distracted and forget about Malachor.

But when a mission is over, I go back to my daily sadness routine.

Wake up with tear stains on my face, skip breakfast, cry, cry, cry, go on a mission, almost get killed, come back, cry, cry, cry, skip dinner, and cry myself to sleep.

The one thing I haven't mentioned, is that no one has asked if I was alright or ever noticed how I skip meals. I would have expected Hera to be on my case about this, but she is too busy with the rebellion.

Kanan well.......who knows where he is these days.

"Time for a briefing, everyone to the common room!!!!" I hear Hera shout.

Can't I just cry for a little longer?

I get off my bunk and head to the common room.

By the time I got there, everyone was already talking about the mission.

Thanks for waiting for me.......

"A few ships should handle this mission, we don't need a full unit to come." Hera says.

I don't get it. Not one has even acknowledged me. Am I really that invisible?

"Ezra...." Hera says. Yes, she notices me. "You will not be going on the mission."

My jaw drops. "What? Why not?"

"What do you think kid? You messed up on the other mission." Zeb says. Sabine nudges him to be quiet.

I only messed up that one time because I was so tired and hungry from not eating. I was forced to eat some fruit after that to prevent myself from passing out.

"So I'm not going on the mission because you all think I'll mess up?" I ask feeling the urge to cry.

"No it's just, you have been acting strange lately and we think it's best you stay here." Sabine says.

Do they even know why I have been like this? I guess not. All they care about is pushing away anything that could get in the way of missions.

"It was only one time. I wasn't feeling good that day." I say.

"We still think you should just rest and take it easy." Hera says.

I know she is lying, they all are. They don't care about me. They just want to push me away because I'm a burden to them.

They won't have to worry about having a burden around anymore. I made my decision.

"Ok, go on the mission. I'll stay here." I say.

"Good now Sabine and Zeb, prep for the op. Meet me in the phantom in 10 minutes." Hera says. Sabine and Zeb nod and leave the room.

Hera goes straight into the phantom, not even looking at me.

Don't worry I'm leaving......

I wait till everyone leaves to start packing. When they went into hyperspace, I went straight into my room to get my stuff.

After I got everything, my side of the room looked empty. Zeb will probably not notice.

I then leave my room and go to the ramp. I give one last glance at the ghost and run away.

I ran so far, I couldn't see the ghost or any of the base anymore. I kept running without feeling the urge to stop.

While running, the same words kept repeating in my head.

All my fault......

All my fault......

All my fault.....

All my fault......

It all suddenly became too much and I collapsed to the ground. The meals I have skipped finally came to me making my stomach feel like a deflated balloon.

All those restless nights start to make me hallucinate. I see the crew shouting at me saying how weak I was and how much they hate me. I then see Ashoka on the ground dead with Vader hovering over her.

But the worst was seeing Kanan. He was blind and screaming at me that this was all my fault. He keeps repeating how worthless I am and weak.

I never knew my master who I could call my dad would say such hurtful words to me. It was all an act.

I should've known from the beginning that I could never be loved again. Thinking the crew could be my family that I lost is never going to happen to me.

I'm alone........