Sometimes, love isn't in the control our hands, and however hard may we try to flee, it captures us in an enigmatic seize.

****

When Ishvara had nothing to do, she would think.

She and Aryamna were done with dinner. He was polishing his weapons while she sat on the bed, pondering.

It was strange that all these days she didn't know her real name. Only recently she realised that, long back, when the memories didn't leave and the world wasn't hit by the plague, she was called Nadira. Even though Master Makba from the guild had wisely pointed out the temporary nature of it, not knowing one's name caused a chaos in the heart. Ishvara now had two parts to herself – Princess Nadira of Ishgar, and Ishvara, the wife of Senapati Aryamna.

What all did she know in this time? She tried to put the clues in a string and form a story.

Once upon a time, I was Princess Nadira, daughter of Rajan Madhavan of Aryavarta and his wife Ranavato. Ranavato, a mother with whom I had a sour relationship. Mataraj Pushyaar, my father's other wife, possibly adored me. I had an adopted brother, named Rudra. And...where does Aryam fit here?

Was he adopted too? Maybe. The servants in my memories treat him like an outsider.

"What are you thinking so deeply?"

Ishvara shook her head. "Nothing, Swami."

"I like it more when you call me Aryamna."

She smiled. "Maybe I can shorten it to Aryam, like a sweet nickname, and you can call me Ish." She batted her eyelashes, dreamily drinking in his handsome features. She couldn't yet tell him she had amnesia; one day, she definitely would, but for now, she needed more clarity. To call him by his old name Aryam would revive buried, old feelings.

"Aryam... Sounds beautiful." The Senapati blushed. "And you are Ish. But, maybe I can call you something else."

"What is it?"

He smirked. "My little sparrow."

The warmth of his endearment brought a radiant bloom on her cheeks. She didn't have to question it– she knew this was what he used to call her in the past.

"I have got to know that you weren't interested in marrying. Then, why did you accept me?"

Aryamna stiffened like a log, his eyes drowning in sorrow. "Can we not talk about this, sweetheart?"

"I am just curious why a man who was stubborn on walking the path of celibacy suddenly became a householder, and not just any, but a very doting husband. He even calls me his little sparrow, so can I not chirp and demand an explanation?"

"Let's say," Aryamna's lustrous smile enhanced the gilded luminosity of his blue eyes, "I fell for you on first sight."

Ishvara hid her face and giggled. Butterflies circled in her stomach. "You are adorable."

"Am I?"

"A lot. Maybe you don't understand. I am glad no one married you before and it's only me."

"We were always meant to be together. I firmly believe so."

"Tell me, did you never fall in love before?"

He averted his gaze. "I have."

"To whom." Unknowingly, it came out as a threatening statement instead of a pleading question.

"To you, in some other life, when I wasn't named Aryamna and belonged to a different family."

A hollow dug up in Ishvara's heart, she was forced to be quiet and helpless in the moment, dampening down the whimpers that moaned inside her soul. "I think you belonged to me, and I belonged to you."

Aryamna heaved a sigh. "From what I have learnt from life, I would rather not call a woman 'mine' unless she is desirous of such desperate passion."

"I think I do make it clear I have no problem with it."

"What if, somehow, it hurts you?"

"Love hurts, Aryam. It does, and I don't think you would ever want to hurt me willingly, in your senses." Ishvara tilted her head and peeked out of the window, admiring the glowing moon. Her face was bathed in its silver rays, making her features as perfect as that of a magnificent piece of art, a marble statue painted in realism. "And if you ever do, I know you will redeem. You will ask for forgiveness and improve yourself."

Aryamna went and sat beside her, placing a hand upon her lap. "Even if I have hurt you in some other world, I won't do it in this. This moment, I promise, I won't be a man whom you will hate. I will do everything to have your love."

"Say, if I ask you to kiss my feet?"

"You just said something sensual, darling."

Ishvara wheezed. Huffing and turning red like his bowstring lips stretched into a smirk, she said, "No one will believe you were a celibate. Did you...like.... please yourself?"

"Oh Shiva! That's something so personal I cannot share, but my sparrow," he scooted closer and placed his arms around her waist, "who wouldn't want to please themselves to your thought?"

She smacked him on the head. "Nonsense." Her face crimsoned even more intensely. "You...you are shameless. Oh yes, you had told me you aren't a gentleman. I guess you just pretend to be one."

"And what other conclusions have you drawn?"

"Did you make love to other women?"

"Aryamna will have his first time with you."

Oh, so what about Aryam? "I don't trust that a man of your age hasn't ever been intimate with a woman."

"Aryamna had touched you and only you, and in future too he will cherish only you, irrespective of who he is."

Ishvara narrowed her eyes. Yes, he was answering her suspicions. Apparently, he sounded like he only slept with her and no one else.

Which would mean, that the marks on her body– the indestructible truth about the now lost baby taken out of her womb– was because of him. The child was his.

Couldn't he save their child?

"Why do I see tears in your eyes, Ishvara?"

She sniffed and wiped away the sadness. "Nothing. I shouldn't be so inquisitive about your past. It is rude–"

Unexpectedly, she was greeted with a peck on her pretty lips, silencing her doubts forever. She gaped at him, only to be received by more kisses all over her face– on her doe eyes and the tip of her nose, even tickling her earlobes. He showered them upon Ishvara like he craved it more than her. She felt her muscles relaxing and just melted into his arms. When he stopped to take a breath, Ishvara ran her fingers through his hair, pulling his head closer for a more impassioned, perfervid kiss. He gasped into it, taken aback by the reciprocation of his affections. The cool moonbeams soothed his burning desires. When they finally parted, Aryamna tasted something sweetly metallic on his lips. 

"I am sorry," she whispered. "I accidentally bit you."

It was amusing how he, a vampire, was tasting his own blood. "Can you kiss me again?"

They moved in for another. This time, Ishvara got to lick it too. Aryamna ran his hands over her back. The vampiric senses were set on fire, and he wanted to conquer her whole. But, he had to stop. He had vowed to not have her before she confessed about her amnesia to him.

He broke the kiss. "Are you happy?"

"Yes." Ishvara rested her head on his chest. "Do love me more often."

He embraced her in return. He hadn't expected her to grow on him so soon. He didn't want to break his vow, but what if she wanted to enjoy before being entirely honest with him? Aryamna was scared of injuring her soul.

"I want to sleep in your arms, Aryam. This makes me so comfortable."

"Let me hum a song."

Cradling her like a doll, he put her to sleep.

****

Running through golden barley fields with a stick in his hand, the Rajan, in the disguise of a common man, experienced true bliss. Freed from the shackles of responsibilities and extravaganza, he could breathe in the air of reckless joy, warm himself up to the soil of nature. He was so close to being human. Unlike past days, when he would behave like a monster.

Tears welled up in Nadira's eyes to see him so in tune with his core, so connected to love and life. He was suffering a lot, and she was too. They had gone through a turmoil together. Even though the world saw her as a victim, she knew he wasn't to be given all the blame.

"It is good that we left the palace," she walked up to him and held his hand, "even if for a small span of time. It will pass in a split second."

Aryam looked at her with guilt-laden eyes. "I have brought you down too with my downfall."

"I am falling with you, yes, but it's better than being alone."

The Rajan's throat rumbled. "I have hurt you, Nadira."

"Well," the princess smiled through tears, "I had conspired to kill you too."

"You know I am not talking about that." He traced her face with his feathery fingers. "I am cursed, Nadira. I am going to become a monster."

"We will find a solution. In this journey, new destinations shall unfold themselves slowly. We will surely get through this."

"And what if, one day, this curse unleashes itself completely, and in a disaster great of all times, the Rajan of Aryavarta becomes an ugly beast?"

Nadira looked down at her billowing skirt. "I have made my choice."

"What is it?"

"That I will stay with you, no matter what." Nadira cupped his face, holding onto the only man she had come to trust more than her late father and brother. "If we can hurt each other so badly, we can also love like madmen. I choose to be a lunatic for you if you become a beast."

The world was embosomed by Goddess Usha, a blindingly bright light glaring through the memories. They faded, making Nadira, now renamed Ishvara, wake up. She was still laying on her husband as he slept soundly with a smile.

"So he is cursed too..." Ishvara muttered. "We have been blessed to continue a tragedy and make it hopeful."

New revelations like this would accompany Ishvara everyday. Maybe the time for her to confess was nearing itself. Ishvara caressed his face, watching the childlike peace he owned after their romantic night before.

"Give me some more time, Aryam, and I will be ready to tell you everything."