And life becomes jaded of straying too far from its roots

Slowly, slowly

Less twists and turns are made

No longer do the veins spread like thatched robin's feet

I sway, suspended in the open breeze

It's me

The last branch, a delta without a sea

Lacking the youthful twigs that sprouted so readily--

And for what reason?

--on the rest of the tree.

Let's travel back in time

Beyond the careless blinks of the universe's eye

Back when the tree was a seed

Of a neglected fallen fruit.

If I could peer into the grains of fate

And pluck the parasite wrapped around our family's little finger

I would

Yet all we can do is watch it shrivel into life

And ponder, speculate the tainted rain that must have travelled long and far

To hide in well-meaning sweetness

Until the lines blurred

Merged

To become what we are.

I never asked to be tangled in this forest of a tree.

But the sun let us get drunk on its rays

Why, I mistrust the golden star that is tethered to the good of the world

Of which an unflinching gaze into its eyes would

Render you blind.

What is there to be achieved

If not survival, then resentful greed

To extend the roots of a cursed family tree

To only carve our voiceless names

Into the darkest harbours of our hearts

Where no one will see

Pray

That more mistakes aren't made.

I am the end

Of the anger

And emptiness

And fleeting empathy

I am the end

Of the chain

Of self-centered pity

Of variable love

Because when you've had enough

Of becoming the thing you learn to hate

You learn to learn

That blessings

Can also be mistakes

So I keep my feelings locked

In Pandora's box

Neglect my feminine destiny

And banish the lies my heart tells me

Lest the apples are spilled

And I'm left crying on my knees

Watching tears roll off waxed leaves

And fall,

Fall

Through the gaps of my splayed-out fingers.

Oof. This is probably the most personal poem I've ever written. Most of my poems tend to over-exaggerate a small portion of my personality, but this...yeah, this is 100% what I feel. I'm working to make my poems more personal because the whole reason I started writing poetry in the first place was to let out my emotions, but I've been subconsciously avoiding that. 

I want this collection to become the embodiment of my emotions, not just another front that I put up between myself and my readers. Hopefully this will help me better articulate my feelings and open up and stuff when talking with other people.