I frown, looking at my reflection. I need to get laid before I kill myself. Humming to myself, I look up and see a guy reading porn. Perfect.

I walk up to him.

"Hey, I'm a slut, wanna fuck?" I then immediately regret ever opening my mouth. The fuck was wrong with me? The man looks up, clearly amused.

"Most people are more... Subtle, in their attempts to get in my pants." I shrug, face in deadpan.

"I'm not most people. It's a yes or no question, and if you don't I'll just ask someone else." I state, piling even more regret onto my existence.

"You don't have to take off the mask or anything. Fuck, we don't even have to kiss or do any weird shit. I just wanna get fucked today." I mentally berate myself, wondering how I got through life with my shitty social skills.

My focus is returned to reality when the guy starts snickering, snickers soon turning into full blown laughter. I frown at him. Is he insane or something? Trust me to find a crazy guy in a crowd of normal people...

"What's up? Why're you laughing?" I ask, shifting my balance. The man grins at me, eye crinkling.

"Yesterday you were complaining about being a virgin, and that you needed to get laid before you commit suicide in a bar." I frown, shrugging.

"Details don't really matter, do you wanna fuck?" Next thing I know I'm pinned to a wall.

"I'll fuck you if you don't commit suicide." He growls, and I wonder wtf I'm doing with my life, writing this.

Fin.