My Heart Was In The Right Place 

Amelia's POV

   Meredith and Maggie both dragged me out to Joe's Bar after work for an open mic night. This is their sweet but also annoying attempt at distracting me from my recent breakup with Kai. I haven't seen or heard from them in about two weeks and it's honestly been eating at every fiber of my being. I really was falling in love with Kai. I saw more potential with them than I have with previous partners in a long time. I don't want to be here right now, but apparently there may be a surprise that intrigues me. I've tried hinting at both Meredith and Maggie to find out, but their lips appear to be sealed. 

     I've already downed three tequila shots and right as I'm about to down my forth, I nearly choke at the next person that comes on stage... it's Kai. Instead of playing their guitar, they surprise me by sitting at the piano. I watch them get adjusted and my hands shake around my next shot glass. Maggie helps keep my hands steady so I don't drop the shot glass. "Amelia, everything is going to be okay. I know that seeing your ex isn't the surprise you were expecting tonight, but please stay." I sigh and hide my face in my hands. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I feel like this is going to come back and haunt me. I still love Kai, but they really hurt me. They told me flat out that although I'm a wonderful mother, they don't want to get to know Scout. That really hurt me, even more so than the breakup itself." 

      Kai and I then make eye contact and my heart stops in my throat. Meredith puts a hand on my knee, rubbing it gently. "Amelia, I'm not as pushy as Maggie can be. Just say the safe word and we can ditch this place. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, leaning my head on Meredith's shoulder. "I'll stay... for now. If it becomes too much though, I'll let you know." "Okay." Kai then clears their throat into the microphone. I usually perform original songs, but tonight I will be performing a cover of a song I heard on the radio the other day. It relates to a current situation that I'm experiencing currently, which is immense guilt with having broken up with the most amazing woman in the world. This song is dedicated to her and I hope that one day, maybe she can forgive me."

       Kai takes a deep breath themselves, plays the opening notes of the song, and then starts to sing with their alluring voice:

Fires always love to start around me
Thought that you'd be better off without me
Walkin' away was all that I could do
Swear I only had the best intentions
No idea that you would feel abandoned
You know that I'd never do that to you


I just wanna go back to
Everything that we had

I'm nobody's perfect, I know I made some mistakes
And maybe in your eyes, I can't do nothin' right
But my heart is in the right, right place
I hate that I hurt you, I wish I knew what to say
All I can do is try, and hope you realize
That my heart is in the right, right place


I've had about a million chances
Blame myself for everything that happened
I'd like to think I'm just misunderstood, mm (Ooh)
I felt so out of place (So out of place), alienated
And you can't escape (You can't escape) the trouble I'm makin'
If I could take it back, you know I would


I miss the you in me
That we used to be (Oh)


I'm nobody's perfect (Perfect), I know I made some mistakes
And maybe in your eyes, I can't do nothin' right
But my heart is in the right, right place
I hate that I hurt you (Hurt you), I wish I knew what to say
All I can do is try, and hope you realize
That my heart is in the right, right place

  Damn it, between their amazing singing voice and the solemn expression on their face, my heart drops in my chest and sinks to my stomach. My body begins to shake and instead of expressing what I'm feeling... I end up vomiting from nerves. I accidentally get some on Meredith and feel so embarrassed. Without saying a word to anyone, I run out of Joe's and to a bench on a corner at the end of the street. It's only then that I let all of my feelings out. Sobs escape my vomit covered mouth and continue to do so until the sobs turn to hiccups. When I feel a hand on my shoulder, I snap out of trance and look up begrudgingly... into Kai's eyes. They look at me with pure concern. "Amelia, you're not okay. God, I'm so sorry. You were nothing but good to me and I was a horrible partner to you. I didn't deserve you, I still don't. You can tell me to bug off, but at least let me clean you up and wait with you until Meredith and Maggie come out of Joe's." 

     I'm too vulnerable to speak right now, but I nod. I motion for Kai to search my purse for some tissues. I always carry tissues with me to be on the side of caution and I'm so glad to have them, more so now than ever before. I am grateful for Kai getting most of my own puke off of me. "T-Thank you Kai." They nod with a sad smile. "You're welcome. I meant every word of what I said in the song though. Despite my MANY mistakes, my heart was in the right place with most of the decisions I made both for you and for us. I hope that in time you can forgive me, but you have valid reasons to be disgusted with me too. I'm a coward for not being able to face the truth that you have a child who is and should continue to be your top priority, even over your significant other." 

       I sigh. "I know it was a lot for you to meet Scout, it made you realize that I am indeed a mother. I just need some time to figure things out as you do, but I'm not completely ruling out reconciliation down the road. We'll see the future holds. I'd be lying though if I didn't apologize for my role in some of our recent fights. I did say a few rude things out of spite and I'm sorry for my harsh, unkind words. I hope you can forgive me too Kai." "I forgive you Amelia and I respect your wishes for needing more time. Take all of the time you need. Okay?" I nod. "Okay." They gently pat my knee as Meredith did just a short time ago. We both move apart though when we spot Meredith and Maggie coming out. 

        Meredith immediately pulls me in for a hug despite my slightly unpleasant odor. "Amelia, it's okay. I've thrown up on Derek a couple of times when the two of us got drunk on date night. It happens to the best of us. Let's just head home and get some rest." Maggie nods in agreement. "Words of wisdom. Besides, I'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open. Both of them wrap their arms around me and we head back to Maggie's car. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Kai giving me a small wave and I return it before getting into the car and instantly falling asleep in the backseat. I'm so tired myself that I have a dreamless sleep, focusing on just rest and nothing else, nor do I focus on anyone else.