Ashton

I feel fucking embarrassed. This isn't how I wanted Kaia and I to meet again, under these stupid circumstances. She must think the worst of me right now. I remember how much she had a problem with my old drinking habits. But how do I explain? How do I tell her I only drank this much because of my scum of a brother. Because I wanted so desperately to end his sad life. I was going to leave that bar and drive straight for that asshole's apartment. Guess I didn't make it.

I examine the clothes that she left folded on top the bathroom sink. It was my old band shirt and grey sweats. It's not a coincidence that Kaia's got this with her, it was her favourite sleeping attire once upon a time. She probably thinks I don't remember but I do. How could I ever forget the amount of times I watched her put it on, only for me to take them off her not too long later.

I get changed and head back inside to see what she's up to. I know it's a long shot but at the back of my mind I'm hoping we could come to a conclusion about 'us' by the end of the night.

She's in the kitchen getting dinner ready. There was a pot boiling on the stove while she rummaged through the cupboards and fridge. My stomach grumbles and I actually can't remember the last time I ate.

"Need some help?" I ask her, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Uhh.. well" she hesitates, probably not wanting to involve me. "There is a bit of a problem" she finally says.

"I'm all ears" I say to her, ready to listen to her every word like a lost puppy.

"This is kinda embarrassing, really" she chuckles, her face turning pink. I can't remember the last time I've heard her laugh or smile that smile. I'd give anything to reach out and be able to caress her rosy cheeks.

"I've got the pasta on the stove, the meatballs are already done. I just kind of forgot how to make the sauce...from scratch" she tells me her problem. Ah, that's what she was trying to figure out. So cute.

"Well luckily for you, I may know how to make the sauce. So once the pasta's done, let me step in and handle the next part" I tell her and she nods her head. "Okay."

After the pasta's done, Kaia quickly washes up and then steps out of the kitchen and into the living room. I grab an apron and get to it, looking for whatever ingredients I could find. I searched the fridge for tomatoes, but she didn't have any. So I figured there must be canned ones somewhere. I opened the cupboard above the fridge and found two cans of whole-peeled tomatoes. Perfect.

The rest was easy as pie. Let's just say Kaia would be very impressed. There's no fucking way Axel would have pulled this off. Not in a million years. As I kept the saucepan on a steady boil, I let Kaia know it was almost done. She gets up and comes my way, eager to see what I've made.

"Well, it sure smells good. It looks good, but does it taste good is my question here" she says, peering curiously into the saucepan. I shake my head at her and grab a teaspoon. Scooping up a little sauce for her to taste, I blow it a little before holding it up to her mouth. She takes a small step back and looks at me weirdly.

"Oh come on, give it a try" I encourage her, moving the spoon a little closer to those plump lips. God why am I so turned on?

Kaia opens her mouth and I quickly pop the spoon in, giving her a taste. Her eyes lit up and it seemed like she liked it.

"Wow. It's good. Tastes just like the real thing" she comments, shuffling around getting plates.

"That's because it is the real thing" I replied, moving out of the way so she could do her thing.

She still wasn't giving me much eye contact but I was fine with that. Just being here with her was sufficient. I've missed her so fucking much and although I can't openly express how I feel and how much I've missed her, I'll just play it cool till she's ready to really talk.

**

Dinner was good. It had been ages since I sat by Kaia and shared a meal with her, especially a home-cooked one. It was nice and it reminded me of good times back at home. Our home. Although we didn't talk while we ate, the silence wasn't eerie or awkward. I kept giving her the side-eye but looked away in time before she caught me looking. The last thing I want is an argument since she's in quite a mood.

I cleared the dishes and put them away for her. She seemed tired even though it was only around nine-thirty. She was now curled up on the couch flipping through the TV channels. I put the kettle on and studied her.

"Kaia" I called out. She didn't turn or even look at me. "Mm?" was her only reply.

"I've got the kettle on. Do you fancy some hot cocoa? Maybe a cuppa tea?"I asked her, hoping she would ditch the moodiness for a sec and just say yes.

"Cocoa would be lovely, thanks" she suprised me with her answer but she was being too formal and fuck did I hate it.

"Great. Gimme a minute" I said as I got out two mugs and got to it.

I carried our mugs into the living room and placed them each on a coaster on the coffee table. Kaia muttered a thank you before sitting up to get her cocoa. She took a sip and leaned back. "Delicious, just how mom makes it" she tells me.

I smiled contently and bring mine up to my lips, taking a small sip before setting the mug back on the table.

"There's nothing good to watch tonight. Sucks" Kaia sighs, dropping the remote beside her.

"Do you want to talk instead?" I decided to ask. Hey, it was now or never, right? Don't know when I'd get a chance like this again.

"Talk?" She asks curiously, raising a brow at me. I shrugged in response. "Yeah, talk. It doesn't have to be about us. It can be about pretty much anything" I lie. Deep down inside I was kicking myself. Why the fuck did I say that?

"Alright, well, you can go first. I really don't know what to say if I'm being honest" she says, drinking her cocoa.

"Okay" I muttered. This was good. We were finally making progress here. Now I'll have to watch my words for sure. One wrong word and this conversation is over.

"How have you been and how is school going?" I ask. I've been dying to ask her all night.

"School is the same, stressful. But this time I'm on top of my work so it should be smooth sailing for about another week or two" she answers, finally turning to look at me. Well, just a glance but whatever.

"And yourself?" I continue, sipping my drink.

Kaia sighs a little before answering. "I'm fine, Ashton."

I don't buy it for a second but I also don't push on. I know how she gets.

"And how are Danielle and Todd? I can't remember the last time I saw them" I ask her, trying to get her to loosen up abit more.

"Well Dani is doing alright. There's some issues between her and West but she's handling it. Todd is...Todd. Still the social bug, still travelling" she fills me in. She keeps it simple without an in-depth story like she used to but that's okay, anything is better than nothing right now.

"Sounds like they're well" I replied, staring at my mug thinking of what to say next. Does she want me to leave? Is that why she's making minimal effort to conversate?

After a brief moment of awkward silence Kaia shifts about, pulling a quilt over her small frame.

"And how are you doing? How was your trip?" She finally asks me.

"Besides the embarrassment of being brought here in that state, I'm fine. My travels were total shit though" I answered her.

"Oh" she answers in suprise. "What happened?" She asks, and for the first time she's looking directly at me. Her eyes search mine for a second before she looks down at her fingers again, awaiting my reply.

"Some of the projects got cancelled and James and I aren't going to work together anymore. I'm better off on my own, he's an ass" I told her.

"Wow, okay. Well I'm sure you'll do great things on your own. You are talented and you don't need people like James who is a freeloader" Kaia says to me and I smile a little, she sounds just like the old her. I nod in response to her and chuckle lightly, James is dead to me.