Chapter 10 - Kageyamas letter

Wow...when the letter is one of the longest chapters in your book it kinda says something about your writing abilities, eh? TvT

-Sam

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Hey, Kageyama-Kun!

If you're reading this then I actually went through with it, I ended up pussying out of it and are showing you this a while later or someone convinced me not to and again, I'm showing you this because you deserve to know what was going through my mind. Or you were snooping through my stuff like the BAKA you are! (asshole)

If someone did convince me to not do it- I hope it was you. Was it you? You're the only person I think would actually be able to convince me not to. You're the only person I'd actually listen to.

Anyways, you better not be crying, got that?! My death isn't a bad thing, okay? It's a good thing!
All the things I've said and done, I deserve this.
I've only ever dragged people behind and caused them pain, so please don't cry.
They weren't the only people I was hurting anyways, I was in pain.
Living- no, Surviving like I did- I couldn't do it anymore. I hope you can understand, okay Kageyama?

Whether you're reading this straight away (which I hope you are) or when you finally grow the balls to, I hope you're okay. How are you? I hope you and Kiyoko are happy together, I saw how happy she makes you..if I'm honest I envy her ability to do that.

I wish I could've made you as happy as she makes you.
To be able to hear you laugh and see you smile just from doing the smallest thing,
To be able to fe- nevermind, don't try and read that!!

I just wish I were Kiyoko.
Well...I'm dead anyways so what's the harm in saying it, right?
If you hate me after reading this then I won't be able to know, so don't worry!! Don't feel bad for hating me because I fully understand!! Something like this is disgusting anyways..

I'm in love with you.

In life and in death, I will forever be in love with you.
There, I sai- wrote it! That was nice to get out..whilst we're on the topic,
You know how I never wanted to speak about girls? It's because I don't like girls..I've always liked boys..I've always liked you.

From that first time seeing you again, that split second when you were so concentrated on the ball you just looked so peaceful, and to this day I still can't get the image of how handsome you are out of my mind.

Do you remember that cold day in December? December 3rd if I'm remembering correctly..When I was telling you all those things and then you gave me your sweater? I meant it everything I said and..I planned to confess to you that day.
About how I felt.
But I was too scared about losing you, I pussied out.

If you did actually like me (which I doubt highly) I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry for everything.
For being the one to leave.
You promised you'd never leave me yet I couldn't bring myself to say it back, I just knew that something like this would happen.

Anyways, I hope you're happy and that you're not dwelling on losing me like I actually mattered!
I wanted this to happen, okay?
Just know that I'm okay wherever I am and that I'm going to be keeping an eye out for your dumb ass, got that Baka?!

Please, never stop playing volleyball and doing what you love because of me.
I've been teaching Tanaka-Senpai how to do quick attacks..you two have even mastered our one so there should be no trouble in getting to nationals now!!
I know the team is filled with dumbasses like you, but I know you guys have the potential to get to nationals without me!

This is probably waaay too long and all over the place at this point, I just have so much to say to you and now is the only time I'll ever be able to say it!
Okay- I'll stop wasting your time now, oh mighty King of the court.

I love you, Baka.

Don't forget me too soon, Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.(A/N May we meet again)
- Shouyo Hinata

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