Hello lovelies!!

Kaisi thi Eid?

Emotional chapter Ahead  :(

But i honestly loved writing this chapter, My heart goes out to Nandini <3

I know, y'all are prolly shocked, because of such an early update lol ;)

I know y'all miss our babycake, i miss our Ifra baby too <3

My IG : mananxmoonlight

Ps : i was gonna post this chapter yesterday, but due to heavy rains, we didn't have electricity and network for one whole day :(

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“ Nandini, baby i really want to know, it was me, who put you through all this struggle, i need to know, how much damage i caused, for me, to never give into my impulses, to know, that it caused my destruction, your destruction, it ruined us, so after this, i think about thousand times before letting my impulse take over, we’ve suffered enough, now all we can do is share, and lighten out hearts. “

After he shared, his sufferings, i wanted to share mine, to let him know, how i fought alone, how i survived, how i raised Ifra strongly this far.

But those memories, they bring pain along, they mock me, i’ve never talked about it, they’ve always been stored into my heart, but they also show me, where i rose from, how i was and what i am now.

Maybe talking about them for the first and last time with Manik will help, maybe, just maybe, they’ll leave me alone, maybe talking to Manik would be like a therapy and he’d gather me in his arms and tell me how strong i was.

“ Nandini, i don’t want to force you, but, you’ve kept it in too long, you need to talk about it and get done with it, i am saying this with my experience of past ten minutes, because i am feeling content and more happy now, after i talked about it to you, you were the only one, who i’d share my sufferings with, and look it brought me peace, i want you to experience it too meri jaan, trust me, i’d not let you down this time ”

Manik is right, i deserve peace too, it’s going to be hard, but i’ll be done with it, communication always helps, and the way Manik explained me things, i couldn’t help but give into, because nothing could deny, we’ve always found sukoon in each other.

“ Nandini, i am shit scared to know about what i put you through, but i also know, we have to do this, i know i’d want to end myself after listening to what you had to go through but i also know, i want to be here, right beside you and live a happy and content life, with you and Ifra, so for that, we both have to be brave, let’s heal each other and end
this. ”

I could always see it in his eyes, words weren’t very necessary for me with Manik, his eyes, they talk, with me only.

I know, he means what he’s saying, because that look in his eyes, was enough to give me goosebumps, he told me, without telling me, that he’d hold me tight and never let go this time and that was enough.

“ Manik, you’ve to come out of your pool of guilt first, you put me through sufferings, but look where it brought me, i was always, a girl under the shadows, but look at me now.

Manik i am not saying, what you did then, was okay to do, i remember begging you to stay Manik, but, you did you, it hurt me Manik, but it made me strong too, and now, when i am here, on your bed, in your room, it's because i want to, nobody could talk me into this.

Manik, since the time i’ve come back to Bombay, i’ve noticed your pain, and i did see every moment, that you regret what you did, and, you tried so hard, to get me and Ifra into your life, so please, if we need this to end, we need you to stop with the apologies too, what happened happened, but there would’ve been a reason, for destiny to bring us together again.

My sufferings taught me to not expect anything from anyone, but the thing i want from you, i want you to make me and Ifra your world, i know, you wouldn’t because you’ve seen their true faces, but i’d still say, this time, you fuck up, and you’ll lose us again, to never get us back, it’s better to keep things honest, and i am being brutally honest with you Manik ”

I spoke with confidence, because, i wanted him to know my thoughts, clearly. I didn’t want to find the easier way out of this, because my heart knows, it’s been through alot.

“ Nandini, you both have become my world already, i can see nothing in front of you two, and, thank you for being honest, i am proud of you, but you have to know, how important you are to me, and how i need you to even breath, before you i was just a body, you make my heart thump, it’s always been you, so how can a  person let go off his reason of survival, trust me, this time, i’ll not fxck up, because it would end me. ”

I know he wasn’t lying, he never lied to me. I smiled and cupped his cheeks, bending forward i pecked his lips.

“ So for starters Manik, I took a cab the day after whatever happened, to Mangalore, because i wanted to move on, and Mumbai would bring you and your memories back to me, i had Amms in Manglore, i knew she’d take care of me and my broken heart and give me all her love and care there, but i always felt like, i was taking a part of you to Manglore when i left
Mumbai ”

I sighed heavily as i successfully talked something at least, while Manik took my hands into his and caressed them.

“ Amms, asked me to tell her why i looked so upset since i returned, but i'd lie and tell her that i just missed her there and wanted her love, i tried to move on from you, i realized how my life revolved around you, and i knew i had to knock it off, so i joined Amms’ music classes, it kept me a little busy but wasn’t enough to remove all of you from me ”

He now brought my hands to his lips, pecked it softly, each time i stopped.

“ I was practicing one day, with Amms, she called me twice, but i had you and your betrayal in my mind, i used to zone out alot, Amms wasn’t liking that, she wanted me to put all my attention in music, she wanted the best for me, she told me how she called me twice and how she wanted me to be able to achieve everything in life.

I only wanted to become successful in life Manik, because i didn’t want anybody to ever treat me like that again. After listening to Amms, i panicked, i told her i’d achieve everything, i wouldn’t zone out,  I repeated only one thing, how strong i was, because of all that panick and stuff, i fainted. ”

He was listening to each and every detail so carefully, his eyes never leaving my face, hands now caressing my cheeks.

“ When...When i got conscious, Amms had turned too cold, her behaviour completely changed, after asking how i was feeling, Amms asked me all of a sudden, giving me the biggest shock of my life, unhone mujhse pucha ki... ki, kiska baccha hain tumhare pet me.
Mere liye sab kuch ruk gaya tha Manik, mujhe laga shayad maine kuch galat suna hoga. ”

He was shocked too, while my eyes watered, remembering those days, he gently brought me towards him through my neck and pecked my head.

“ But she confirmed it, unhone mujhse kaha ki main one month pregnant hoon, i was going to be a mother. I could see...see the disgust in her eyes, she was ashamed, i knew i let her down, she looked mad, she told me how i broke her trust.

I apologized Manik, Maine unse bohot maafi maangi, because i knew, i broke her trust, i knew i was her pride and her own pride let her down.

But, knowing i was going to be a mother, and touching my belly with my hands, i was sure about one thing, i wanted what was growing inside my belly, i instantly felt a connection. For the first time in my life, i was sure about one decision, that i wanted that baby.

I told Amms, that i’d not abort the baby, i told her i’ll do anything to raise the baby.
Hamari jaan Manik, our Ifra, our baby, was growing inside me, how could i let her leave me too? ”

I smiled imaging those days when my world was in my stomach. I looked at Manik, who had a smile too, with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

“ Amms ne muj...mujhse achanak se pucha, Ki iss bacche ka ba..baap kaun hain, and then realization hit me, and i didn’t want to even take your name, you had broken my heart Manik, and joining my baby’s name with yours sounded to me like a bad idea instantly.

Amms was mad at me, she didn’t ever want me to ever do something that’d make me lower my eyes before her, aur...aur maine wahi kiya Manik, she was so mad, she slapped me and asked me once again about the baby’s father and i had to tell her about you. I told her it was your baby growing inside my womb. ”

He instantly dropped his eyes to my laps, scrunching his nose, as tears fell on my hands.

“ Unhone mujhse kaha, ki mujhe, kuch zyada hi azaadi di gayi thi, she told me that is exactly why she wanted you away from me, but since you were the father, she kept the hatred for you away for a while and was about to call you to inform about my pregnancy. ”
I cried, feeling as if it was just yesterday, when i found out about my pregnancy.

“ But i hated you Manik, i knew you left me for your friends, i thought, why’d a baby make you stay, and i know you Manik, tabhi, tabhi your friends mattered to you the most, i was disgusted by the idea of you not even accepting our baby, under the influence of your friends.

Isiliye maine Amms ko roka, maine kaha ki main apna baccha khud sambhalugi, that i didn’t even want your shadow over my baby. I told her i’d do everything to give myself and my baby a good life, she looked shocked again. ”

He wasn’t even looking at me, i tried to bring his face to my level, but he was so adamant as i heard his cries, but i forcefully made him look at me.

“ Amms ne bola ki sab mere bacche ko najayaz bulayege, i was shook Manik, hamare beech jo bhi hua, usme hamare bacche ka kya kasoor tha?

But i assured her that i’d prove it to her, i’ll be the mother and father of this child, it was very difficult, but fortunately, she agreed, i am so grateful, she didn’t ask me to abort my baby, only the thought gives me goosebumps even now. ”
He caressed the length of my shoulders, easing them.

“ But i knew i lost her that day, she grew distant, her behaviour turned extremely cold, then too, she cared about my medicines and the baby, i found a new ray of hope through what was growing in my womb, it was someone who’d just be mine, someone who’d be... be a part of me, as.. as well as you. Someone who’d give me the strength to fight the world.

But my happiness was very short lived, because something way worse happened. ”
He stared at me, listening to each and every word of mine, wiping my eyes, when he himself was a mess

“ One day i heard commotion coming from the living room, Sheena our house maid, after i forced her told me everything, making me gasp for air.

She told me how our neighbour spread the news of my pregnancy to the Mahila Mandal, just listening to her, they crashed our house, broke things because Amms wasn’t calling me out of the room.

But as soon as i heard this, i ran to Amms, i shouted, when i saw one of the woman pushed her and Amms fell down, Manik, as soon as they heard me, they took hold of me, Amms, even though she was disappointed, then too she fought to protect me.

Manik, they...they called our baby illegitimate, hamari Ifra ko unhone najayaz kaha, how could they Manik? It was and it will never ever be Ifra’s
fault. ”

We both cried, Manik broke down completely as he immediately got out of the bed, as if he lost his breaths, he was fighting to breath, i caressed his heart, trying to calm him down, he nodded and told me to continue, i was skeptical, but he literally asked me in words to please continue.

“ Manik, they showed no mercy on me, mera muh kaala karne wale the, kyuki main baaki ladkiyo ke liye ek bura example thi, because i got pregnant before marriage, they called me names, they pushed and pulled me here and there, i begged for them to not hurt our baby.

They told Amms, to kick me out of the village, if she wouldn’t they’d not let her stay there too, just because of me, Amms’ respect was tarnished.

If Sheena and Rama anna wouldn’t have pulled me out of their hold, they would’ve severely injured our baby, i ran back to the room Manik, but i took a look at Amms for one last time, she looked helpless, i had never seen her like that, i knew, Amms loved Manglore, Amms ka dil hain Manglore, i couldn’t have been selfish, so i did, what i did.

I wrote a letter, told them how much i loved them, apologized, i promised them that i’d return back stronger, and took a promise from them to not tell about my pregnancy to anyone, i entered into loneliness, akelapan Manik, koi nahi tha. ”

I sobbed like a baby, now i wasn’t able to breath, one of my worst nightmare was this phase of my life, where loneliness killed me, where i talked only to myself and the baby growing inside me.

Manik took me in a hug, like a baby, made me wrap my legs around his waist, and hid my face in the crook of his neck, pecked my shoulder,  and continued to mutter innumerous sorries.

....

Oof! I hope their sufferings end soon :(

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