Perhaps my anxiety would leave me If I was to fall in love with her. Perhaps. Everytime I meet her again I'm like swallowing something that's stuck inside my throat, deep inside, something that's preventing me to breath and think properly. She is like a wild fox always taking a step back when I come forward. She is an animal and I'm no better. My instincts are begging me to grab her tightly so that she won't let go of me.

I feel disgusting, disgusted, like every step I would take forward would bring me closer to insanity and immorality. As I reach closer, she blocks me. I'm a bear that smells. Through sheer desperation and stupidity I then try to impress her with noises and self confidence. Obviously, it doesn't work, a fox would never get approched with such petty ruses.

Yet, when i'm close enough for her to see me it finally feels like atoms are connecting, coupling. She finally trusts me enough for me to reach her hand. I hold it, kindly at first, then tighter, afraid I'd loose my grasp. It feels like my mind could explode. I feel like the journey was worth it, she is worth it. Yet all of it resemble a delusion, a confusion made by a lonely mind. She doesn't trust you yet. We're far off that destination. My mind is sundering, whispering to let go, to let her go for both our sakes.

Yet, my instincts are screaming that she's good for me, that I shouldn't let her go, that those words and those thoughts I've been processing are not meaningless. I can't ask her what she thinks or what she wants cause she doesn't speak human language properly. I can only understand some words coming out of her mouth like « bhaha » which sounds like a laugh, « chut », which sounds like an invitation to keep talking, but sometimes though, when the stars are all alined and the moon's full, we're able to communicate for a few minutes straight without interruption. Feels good to learn more about her.

She is a wild fox and I'm a cheesy babbling bear (I'm not insulting myself, I love cheese). We seem like a bad match when I reflect on it. Does it matter though ? Perhaps I should let her breath like she asked, give her some space while she processes me. I'm very hard to swallow it seems. Nevermind, I'm okay with that, I shall wait.