*Get your tissues ready, this is sad, it may make you cry* 

*I got inspired by the  Stone Cold imagine by Bieberthoughts, promise i haven't copied it...I would never!*

*Y/N* means your name so replace it as whatever your name is...okay?

Justin's pov

"Its just not working out anymore Justin"

"It doesn't mean i don't want you, but maybe in the future"

"I've found someone else right now, she's really cute and she makes me happy"

"Maybe in the future, we can, but not right now"

"I just don't like you like that anymore, Justin"

"I do still love you, you'll always be my first love"

"Maybe we can still be friends?"

The words my girl said kept replaying in my head as my brain thought back to what happened last week. The words cut me like a knife. My heart stammered against my ribcage as they replayed over and over again. 

This was the fourth time she had 'dumped' me and then a few weeks later gets back with me. Me being the doormat i am i always accept her apologies and get back with her. Although each time she hurt me a piece of my love for her died. 

I felt my numb. I felt the emptiness in my heart. The Y/N shaped hole she always leaves was very prominent in my heart. I felt lonely. I looked down at the razor in my hand debating whether I should make more cuts on my skin. 

Thats not worth it Justin!

She isn't worth your tears

You deserve much better!

Dont harm yourself because of her!

My conscience spoke to me but i paid no attention to it, all i wanted was Y/N. I wish she was here, she would know how to make me feel better. I wanted to speak to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms. I wanted to kiss her again, to feel her lips against mine. I wanted to make love to her again. I promised myself the last time this happened that i wouldn't react, i would cry, i wouldn't get too attached to her again. But hey, look where we are, back to square one again. 

I looked up at the clock, it read 3 am. Sighing i put down the razor getting up from my spot on the bathroom floor. I hadn't seen Y/N in 2 maybe 3 months and it was the hardest thing ever. I once saw her in target when i went grocery shopping i swear to god i ran so fast to the checkout before she saw me. 

I walked back to my bedroom, Esther in my arms. She licked my face showing her affection for me, i gave her a lopsided smile. She must feel my upset and sadness. Letting a few tears slip, i got under the covers where i cried myself to sleep for another night that month. 

:: 

(4 months later) 

I was doing better. Thats what i kept telling myself anyway. Maybe if i kept saying it, the empty feeling in my heart would get better. Scooter and Carl both suggested that i go to a therapist, but i didn't wanna sit in a room with a shrink when all they would do is look down their nose at me and judge me for feeling like this. They would most likely say that i should just move on and what i was feeling was normal. 

This didn't feel normal. I felt suffocated. I felt like i was in an elevator and the walls were closing in on me. The drugs don't work either. The alcohol and spirits dont work. The only thing that helps me focus and distracts me is music and song writing and praying to God. Although, at times i feel like he's not even there. If he was there why would he let bad things happen to good people? Why would he inflict all these natural disasters in a world he made? 

I managed to shut out the little voice in my head telling me to end it once and for all. I wont lie i did consider it because i didn't wanna live in a world without Y/N. But i stopped myself, i could do something else that wouldn't make me die forever. So that's exactly what i did, i went back to cutting. At least that way i'd still be alive...somewhat. 

My train of thought subsided when my phone beeped: it was Y/N

Hey Justin, wanna meet at starbucks? I'm in the neighbourhood.

My heart leapt in my mouth. It beat faster against my ribcage as I read over the message. Of course i wanna meet her, i haven't seen her in forever. I sent a quick reply to her. I jumped with joy as I paused the spiderman movie, getting out of bed to get ready. 

::

After a few minutes I walked out the door going into my car driving down to the nearest starbucks. I decided to wear some sweatpants, a black t-shirt, a grey hoodie and my black jacket with lots of flags on the sleeve.

::

I got to the starbucks, looking around the shop waiting to spot the dark brown headed beauty but i couldn't spot her. The shop wasn't even crowded. 

"Justin!" My heart started to beat faster. my breath got taken away by the voice i hadn't heard in weeks. I wanted to crawl into a ball, but instead i smiled and walked towards her table. She was eating a rocky road bar and a brownie with a latte. 

"Oh gosh, I haven't seen you in ages" She said getting up and throwing her arms around me in a bone crushing hug. I wrapped my arms around her again. My head in the crook of her neck as i inhaled her mind-blowing scent. She still wore my perfume. 

"Y/N, hi how are you? y-you look good" I weakly smiled at her, forcing myself to brave the conversation and not let my heart leap through my mouth. 

"Im doing great, thanks." She smiled but it didn't quite meet her eyes, and she was blinking a lot something she did when she lied.

"Whats wrong Y/N" I asked looking directly into her eyes. She blushed looking down.

You still have that effect on her Justin, but she doesn't deserve you!

I ignored the voice taking her hands into mine rubbing the top with the pads of my thumb. "You can tell me Y/N" 

"Kelsey left me"

"Oh" I looked down at the latte on the table 

Dont cave in Justin! Hold your ground! She hurt you on numerous occasions!"

"Why?"

"I cheated on her, I was drunk and it was a stupid mistake. But i'm kinda seeing someone else, I only went on a few dates but i think it could work" She replied 

I tried to be happy for her so hard. I really couldn't remember why we didn't work or what went wrong but if she made her happy then I'm happy. 

"So who's this girl? I chuckled as i made the conversation even more awkward. Immediately a smile broke onto her face as she peered down at her phone because it beeped...probably a text from her. 

"Oh, uhm..she's just a girl I bumped into at Target the other day when you made a beeline to the checkout" I blushed at her comment, making her giggle and sip her coffee. 

I'll admit i missed her cuddles and kisses but if she was happy so was I! My heart shattered at the thought of her in someone else's arms each night. 

It became way too hard to keep the fake smile on my face as i listened to her gush about her new found love. She spoke with such adoration, the same adoration she once held for me...and thats what hurt the most

"But enough about me how are you?, You look like you've lost weight"

"Yeah I'm doing good...i guess" I whispered looking down and covering my sleeves that rode up when i drank my coffee. 

"Okay..well I was wondering if me and you can get back together? I-I mean i miss you like crazy an-" I cut her off with a scoff 

"You must think that I'm stupid, you must think that I'm a fool" I bitterly laughed at her, she looked taken aback as her eyes went wide. I whispered 

"N-No Justin thats not what i think at all" She spoke

"You must think that I'm new to this, But I have seen this all before. I'm never gonna let you close to me. Even though you mean the most to me"

"Justin what are you talking about?" She was confused..good its her turn to be hurt for once

"Every time I open up to you, it hurts, so I'm never gonna get too close again. Even if you mean the most to me. Just incase you go and leave me in the dirt again." I replied as she looked down playing with the spoon.

"And every time you hurt me, the less that i cry. And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry. And every time you walk out, the less I love you" I whispered still keeping my arms covered and looking down at my coffee. 

"Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true. I know you must think I'm heartless and i know you must think I'm cold but I'm just protecting my innocence and my soul" 

I looked up at her to see tears clouding her vision, she tried her best to stop them from falling but she was failing miserably because a tear escaped her deep brown orbs. I reached my hand over and wiped it out of instinct. Only it caused her to gasp as she looked down at my wrist, I quickly reverted my arm back to my lap. 

"I'm never gonna let you close to me, Even though you mean the most to me, Cause every time I open up, it hurts" I spoke after a lengthy silence. 

"Can't we try again, Jay?" She tearily whispered looking at me

"Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true" I replied looking past her with a hard stare at the menu board. My jaw clenched and my hands intertwining and fidgeting in my lap.

"Why can't we just try one last time?" She tried to blink her tears away

"Because you have someone new and my heart deserves a break, i don't think it can take the hurt anymore. Plus i don't want to cry myself to sleep each night when you get bored and decide to leave me again."

"Jay, please" She took my hands in her warm, soft ones caressing the skin. She casually flipped my hands over caressing my wrist with the multiple cuts

"Why?" She whispered. 

I shrugged "Because i needed a way to take the hurt away, i needed a way to get rid of the pain you left behind"

"But this isn't the answer Jay" 

"You don't get to care anymore Y/N, Im sick of your false caring routine because all you do is get my hopes up and then leave me for another douche!"

She looked at me with her wide eyes. Her mouth wide open. I noticed she found it hard to speak after my little outburst. 

"Is everything okay over here?" A greasy head boy with nerdy glasses came over to our table following my outburst.

"Everything is just peachy" I replied through gritted teeth.

"Jay please?" She spoke again making my head turn to her. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. I wish she didn't hurt me. 

I got up to leave but was pulled back when she grabbed hold of my arm. "Baby wait" I sighed hearing her out 

"Is this what you really want?" I nodded my head turning so i held her in my arms.

"We wont be happy if we date again Y/N." 

She looked down as she cried. I lifted her head up to look at me. Mascara running down her cheeks, she still managed to look perfect

"Maybe we can be friends?" She whispered. I held her head gently in my arms, resting my forehead on hers whilst looking into her eyes.

"Maybe" I whispered, my minty breath fanning over her eyes

"Why aren't you upset, baby?" She questioned

"Lets just face it I'm way too good at goodbyes" I gave her one of my infamous smiles causing her to giggle and look down.

If she hadn't hurt me so much maybe we could be together. I looked down at my watch clearing my throat. She pulled away from our embrace as she gathered her things as well.

We both walked out the door, ready to go our separate ways one last time; when she spoke, "I really am sorry Justin, I didn't mean to hurt you. Thats the last thing i wanted to do" 

HA thats what they all say when they get rejected. My inner subconscious sneered at what she said. I mentally chuckled kind of agreeing with it. 

"I know Y/N, its fine. Im way too good at goodbyes anyway!" I chuckled looking at her as she looked down

"Well, i'll see you around?" She questioned making me nod my head "Yeah maybe" 

We began to go our separate ways, and for the first time in forever I felt some closure within me. I didn't feel like such a fool. 

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Hey guys so sorry for the long ass wait (2/3 years) oops I'm so sorry. Things just got the better of me.

Im taking this book to a new level and just writing imagines that give me inspiration rather than specific requests if you get what i mean?

I hope you liked this, i got the inspiration from  Although 

Although my imagines are probably not as epic as hers though haha. If you need some Justin imagines to read check out her books she's a damn good author who deserves to be published one day..I hope she does get published.

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Love Radha xxxxxxxxxx