-broodings wrote this entertaining piece about a girl describing her friends and the things they get up to! It's a fanfic piece (just in case you didn't realise). WARNING: contains sexual references and some adult humour.

okay, let's get to it. My name is Ariella. Ari for short. I am a, I guess, regular teenage girl, if that's not too cliche. It isn't right? Anyways, I have best friends. Their kind of dorks. Well to me they are, but the other girls in school have crushes on them. So basically, compared to all of them, I'm a sack of rotten potatoes. or trash .. i'm thinking i'm more trash than anything . i'm a professional flop , just to let you know .

（＾∇＾）

So, first, there's Jack Johnson. My cute, little, innocent JJ. Just kidding, that boy is sooooo not innocent. Last year, he spent around 2 hours explaining to us his first time having sex. Yeah... not a pretty imagine.

"Seriously guys, I had no clue what to do. Like .. I was like, which hole do I stick it in? Which one is the , y'know , vag hole? Which one will cause more pleasure. I don't want to mess up this chance I get. I felt so stupid."

"Okay .. 1) anal is gross and 2) you are stupid JJ." I retorted

"Oh suck my ass Ari." he says as he flips me off with a sarcastic smile .

"If you even know where your asshole is JJ." i taunt him as i flip him off right back .

But, don't get me wrong .. I share much love with him. He's like the brother I've never had. I mean I have a little brother named Henry, but I pretend like I'm not related to that little, ugly rat. He's just so annoying. He got me grounded for 3 weeks because he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut.

~ flashback ~

"Why does the Atlantic Ocean have to flow out my vagina?" I subconsciously stated aloud .

"What's a vagina?" Henry came around the corner and sat on the couch , swinging his feet back and forth as they dangle off the couch .

"Don't say that word." I continued to play with my phone, ignoring his presence .

"What word? Vagina?" He repeated it. and my attention shifted from my phone to him.

"Stop saying vagina." I sternly said.

"What's a vagina?" He asked as he cocked his head slightly to the left .

Oh shit.

"It's a girl's private area." i say as i put it in 'nice words' after a second of thought .

"Cool. I want one." He widely grinned.

"You already have your own."

"I have a vagina?! Yes!"

"No Henry. You have a penis. Shit I didn't say that. Fuck I didn't. Never mind! Forget I said any of that."

"Penis, shit, vagina, fuck!" He laughed.

"Henry no! Don't say that. Those aren't good words."

The door opened and of course my mom just had to walked in with my father.

"Mommy! Mommy! Ariella taught me new words." he said as he jumped up and down , grabbing onto my mom's hand .

"Henry n-" I tried so hard to shut him up. but kids will always be kids .

"Fuck, shit, penis, vagina." He stated before he started running around the house shouting the words, repeatedly.

"Ariella!" My mom yelled. I knew i was in trouble.

~ end of flashback ~

He's NOT my brother , I swear .

Next friend I have is Karen. She's a very beautiful girl. She is really smart too. But, she definitely has her dumb moments.(a/n lol get it?.. no? okay.)

~

"So what you're saying is that 'I can't believe it's not butter' butter, is actually butter?"

"No 'I can't believe it's not butter' butter isn't butter as obviously stated in the title."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know, a spread?" i say , with a frustrated sigh.

"It has to be butter. Maybe the title is 'I can't believe it's not' butter. Not, 'I can't believe it's not butter' butter."

"Gosh, Karen, you can't just ask if the butter is really butter."

"What?"

"Nothing , Karen just please get over this topic. It's like asking why we drive in parkways and park on driveways." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Seeee .. that makes no sense." she says while dragging out the e.

That debate lasted 3 days. She finally got distracted by something else. Which is good because usually she'll be on a topic for weeks at a time.

~

She's truly a handful.

Next we have the infamous Jack Gilinsky. He's a sweetheart. But, he can be oblivious to what he's saying sometimes, or he'll blank out while in a conversation. It's really weird.

"So, how did it al-"

"Neville!" Jack randomly shouted and we all looked at him , confused.

"What the hell Jack?" Cara said holding her heart.

"Remember yesterday when we were watching kickin' it with your little sisters?" He asked Cara, and we all nodded. "And we couldn't figure out the name of the evil guy from iCarly? Well, his name was Neville."

"Jack, we figured that out yesterday." I stare at him in complete confusion.

"Oh." Is all he said before going back to eating.

~

He's weird but he's my best friend so,

I tolerate him.

also, i little known secret is that me and jack are an off and on couple. we kiss and do more dirty stuff but, we usually don't stay official for too long. everybody knows it. and it's kinda our thing. we have fun with it and neither of us are getting hurt. right now , we're in between . not officially together but definitely not apart.

Next is Cara. She is also a beauty and amateur model.(a/n wasn't planned, I swear. actually .. i'm lying . totally planned) She's the one with the cutest little twin sisters who she thinks are annoying.

She's wrong.

~

"So xy equals y-"

"Cara." Gracie innocently peaked her head in the room.

"What do you want?" She groaned.

"Just to say hi."

"What'd you do?"

"Nothing."

"Then get out." She said and put her focus back on the homework.

"Fine." She started walking out. When she got to the door she quickly mumbled,"me-and-Kenzie-accidentally-broke-you're-favorite-soccer-trophy." She ran out the room , slamming the door.

"I'm gonna kill you!" She shouted quickly getting up and running after her.

~

I promise she didn't kill them. I'd never let her. They're too cute.

Lastly, we have the one and only Sam Wilkinson. Ahh. He has such charm. He totally gets all the ladies. I'm so jealous of him. Li-

HAHA. I'm totally lying. That boy can't score a chick to save his life. although, many girls like him. but when he tries hitting on them, it goes all types of wrong.

~

"Do you think he's gonna actually succeed this time?" Cara asked me as we all spied on Sam talking to Sarah.

He was leaning against the locker.

"Girl you so sweet you can be my sweet baby rays barbecue sauce." He smirked

"I'm a vegetarian."

"Just wait until you get this diiiicck." He confidently but creepily said. (a/n creds to ryan for that pickup line)

"Ugh, you creep." She slapped him, hard.

"C'mon baby. It was only a joke." He called after her but she kept storming off.

atleast he tried.

"20 bucks, pay up." I turned to Cara as she handed me my money.

~

So yeah. Now you can see why I call them dorks. But, we have many good memories together.

~

"Run!!" Karen screamed as the boys came around the corner with their nerf guns.

"Surrender or you'll pay!!!" JJ screamed while they followed us into the house.

"I'm broke." Karen yelled back

"Karen, It's a figure of speech." JJ explained

Oh. Well... You'll never catch me alive!" Cara screamed as we hid around the corner.

"You bet your ass I will!" Gilinsky screamed back.

"What ass?" Sam snorted.

"Sam, I'll cut your balls off if you say one more thing about my ass!"

"Don't be babies just come out, and get the losing over with." Sam stated cockily.

I stood up and walked into the hallway. I set the nerf gun down.

"We surrender." I stated calmy. The girls came out shouting no's at me.

"That's more like it. Now prepare to go down." All three of them held a gun up straight across from us. But, right before they shot I yelled, "DUCK!" we all hit the ground, the nerfs missed us. I quickly grabbed the gun I set down, and fired a single shot at each of them in a row.

"Are you kidding! You surrendered."

"I never put my hands up." I laughed.

~

Ahh, that day was awesome. We ended up doing another match and we won again.

But, not all of the memories are good.

~

We all sat in the principles, not saying a word.

"Somebody needs to talk, now." He sternly stated, giving us the death glare."You will all be expelled if somebody doesn't talk." He added.

"It was Sam." Karen said

"It wasn't me it was Jack.'"

"No, it was Ari."

"It was JJ, not me.'

"JJ, if you say it was me, I WILL chop off your balls." Cara says

"It was-'

"Enough! This will not be tolerated. That's it, you're all expelled. Make your way out of my office, now!" he yells

"What!" , We shout in unison

"I said get out of my office!" he shouted once more.

"You know, Steve. We wouldn't want those pictures to get out now would we. Because, the power of social media is huge. One click of a button and we can never go back." Sam convincingly said, smirking.

"So, it was you." Mr. Barcade disgustingly retorted.

"No. It was Denise." Sam said and we all gasped.

"Denise? My ex-wife? How do you know her?"

"Oh Steve." Sam stood up and walked behind him, patting his shoulder. "Silly ole Steve. You remember when I mowed your lawn?" Mr. Barcade nodded. "I was fucking her." Sam said in his ear before laughing and standing up.

"How dare you! Get out now." Steve stood up, getting angrier by each second that passed.

"You shouldn't do that Steve."

"I'm calling security." Steve started to dial the number.

"We wouldn't want Elise to find out about you're little problem, now do we." Sam sat down and picked at his nails, smirking widely.

"No. You didn't have sexual intercourse with Elise." Steve looked very flabbergasted at Sam's words.

"No. She's not my type. But, I can tell her about your L-D-S."

"L-D-S?"

"Little dick syndrome."

~

All in all, we were mad at each other for a week. That's the longest we've all been mad at each other, I think. We were mad at each other for blaming one other. We were mad at ourselves for not thinking it was Sam the whole time because only he's the only one would actually do something like this. But, we were mostly mad at Sam for getting us into that situation in the first place. I mean.. who knew he had it good with the milf squad? Is that what they're called? I have no clue. But, because we're us, we eventually got over it. Although, it did take him saying sorry a lot to convince us, but it took him being our personal servant for us to actually say we forgive him. We honestly didn't even care, but we just tricked him because we're lazy assholes.

Even though we can get angry at each other for something as little as finishing the milk at each others houses and just leaving the empty jug in the fridge, or spamming each others phones with many, many, MANY selfies when we have barely any storage left. Or, being really happy with each other even if we're just chillin' on our phones, not even talking to each other, but enjoying each others company. We all know somewhere deep, deep, deep, DEEP down in our jet black hearts, we love each other with a burning passion. But, we'd never admit that to each other because it's far to embarrassing. I mean, you just don't understand the pain of having to deal with those animals.

But, their my animals and I've learn to deal with them because we aren't just a group of friends.

We are a family.