Author's note: This is my own story, slightly edited. (very slightly).
I have now become one of those people who use a smile as a curtain between their heart and the world. Only a few people care to lift the curtain and take a look at their hearts and the stories that might have become the reason for the that smile.

I looked at myself in the mirror with mixed emotions in my heart: hatred for myslef, guilt and love for him. Here is my story:

I was five when I moved to another country along with my cousin's family. I barely knew him or even remembered him though.

In the beginning, I took my cousin as a briother and sometimes just a stranger. But he had different plans. Once when we were playing together, he told me to go under the table. Being a five-year-old, I thought it was a silly game. He came behind me, hugged me and said "When we grow up, I'll marry you." He hadn't known what else to say to me and he just spilled out the contents of his heart.

I, being the most innocent kid you might have ever seen, ran away. I also had a clever mind so I started to think of everything I could do to stop him because being involved in any sich thing was the last thing I wanted to do. So I came up with just one solution: If I hate him, he'll hate me.

This decision is something for which I call myself a devil now.

For seven continuous years I tortured him, emotionally, mentally and physically. I blamed him for everything he hadn't done and I made sure he got beaten by his father till he sat in a corner, cowering. I insulted him in front of his friends. I myself beat him badly and I was proid of my strength.

All of this he bore patiently, never uttering a word against me. He never said anything about the scars I gave him, both on his body and heart. For this reason, I call him an angel now.

With each day, my hatred towards him grew like wild fire. But deep down, I knew I didn't hate him. And I always kept that thought way at the back of my head.

Every plan I made to make him hate me, failed. I would never miss a chance to show him my loath. And he would never miss the opportunity to show me he cared about me and loved me, no matter what I did.

At the age of 11, he moved back to my home country, far far away. I was grateful for that. But absence makes the heart grow fonder. I soon started pondering over his behaviour. Anyone in his place would want me dead because of the intensity of my hatred. I felt slightly guilty but ignored it.

As time passed, I started questioning myself why I had done that to him. Did I not have other options? Or maybe, I never considered them.

I can't bring myself to apologize to him. After what I've done, I cannot gather the courage to look him in the eye, let alone talk to him. Even if I do apologize, he'll instantly forgive me. But I don't want him to. I deserve punishment.

I think time is already punishing me by keeping me away from him for so long. I do not deny that I want to be with him because loving someone with the heart of an angel is not wrong.

So here I am, hating myself instead of him. Does a devil really have a chance with an angel?