entry no. 12:
unending dark tunnel ft. emptiness

huy, feeling ko hindi ko na kaya. parang yung paggising ko everyday is papunta nalang sa absolute hopelessness. sa bawat pagtry ko kasi to make my life better, mas nasisira lang siya. wala na rin akong ibang iniisip kundi to survive this day. and yes, im thinking of kms. idk where and how and what would happen after i did that pero ewan ko ba. wala na akong ibang makitang hope eh.

everyone pressures me; everything is overwhelming. sobrang pagod na pagod na akong isipin at dalin yung thought na sa akin nakasalalay yung future nila when i can't even think of how do i get out of my situation. this is nit depression eh. i'm not sad. i'm not depressed. what i feel is lost. i feel so lost, so dumbfounded about what should i do to at least make my fam's situation better. tangina kasi, napakahirap tumulong sa mga taong ayaw tulungan sarili nila. ang hirap magpalaki ng matanda, guys. and they're telling me that one day i would have my own family? the hell no. after experiencing this, if ever na im still alive that time, they expect me to create another bullshit. no freakin way.

hindi ko na alam kung saan ako mapupunta, kung saan ako papunta, o kung may mapupuntahan pa ba ako. oh, that was it. i'm empty. i feel so fvckin empty. i maybe distracting myself from those temporary connections pero in the end, im just fooling myself and everyone around me.

p.s entry 12 talaga to, yung entry 11 kasi di ko pa natatapos itype. i'll post it nalang if ever na im still alive chour. see u.

yours,
mikha