entry 10:
roller coaster ride of randomness (xori)

my lola passed away. fuck life, right? just fuck it. i got the news when i was folding clothes and the moment i heard it, i cussed. while i was crying, my mouth was unstoppable of saying those kind of words. bakit? kasi ang original plan ko sa pag-uwi nung may 7 is for the election. guess what? my lola died 4 hours before i come back to our city, to her. sobrang nakakatangina.

ilang araw na rin yung nakakalipas pero everytime na naoopen yung topic about sa lola ko, at first ayos lang. nakakapagkwento ako but afterwards, ayun, my eyes will start to water again. like kahit na gaano pa kasaya/lively/random yung situation, basta ayun yung topic, waley. ang inyong mikha ay iiyak hahaha. tbh i recently realized that all i ever did in the first five months of this year is to cry. parang nagawa ko na nga lahat ng creative way of crying eh hahaha like crying in silence, crying in shower, crying while hugging and being hugged by someone, crying inside (because the situation prohibits me from crying).

so may 19 na ngayon, di ko na naman natapos isulat tong entry nung may 16 hahaha. uhm, it's already evident naman na pero i just want to officially congratulate myself for mastering the "distracting myself from all the shitness of life 101". i actually excelled on that subject eh, kasi i reached the level where even i think that i still have the space to smile and laugh even just for a moment. anws beside that award, i also mastered the "self-sabotaging myself in the middle of enjoying the moment 102" since habang successful ako sa pagdistract sa sarili ko and i'm actually starting to enjoy the moment, biglang papasok ang mga thoughts like "bakit ka nag-eenjoy? your lola just died. you should be grieving" or "why are you laughing like that as if your family out there aren't experiencing difficulties in their daily lives?" aaaa im so fvckin proud of myself! bravoo! <3333

uhm also nandito na naman ako sa point ng life na andami kong crush. hayst. lahat na yata ng tao crush ko. bwiset. ayoko naaaa. naiinis din pala ako don sa prof ko kanina sa ssc, ang arte arte. tapos fave ata ako, tawag nang tawag sakin. ughhhh. buti nalang nung di niya ako narinig kanina inulit nung crush ko yung sinasabi ko. ehe. HAHAHAHA. ayq na nga. :<

anws uuwi na pala ako bukas sa manila AT gumraduate ako kahapon!!! hahahaha tatlo medal ko. tas di ako nakapagapic sa g10 crush ko kasi bantay sarado siya ng girlfriend niya hngg. okay lang marami naman kaming pics ng bestfriend ko. hmm, ano pa ba. ah. magsstart na naman yung hellish days ko—kung hindi pa hell tong nararanasan ko ngayon.

sana magkaron naman ako ng quiet days fleece, lordie ToT dasurv ko naman yun diba? tsaka sana magkaron na ulit ako ng time magsulat. kanina nga may naisip akong title eh: "future isn't promised" or "our tomorrow isn't promised" tapos coming of age yung genre niya. mga suicidsl yung characters hahagaha eme. naramadaman ko rin yung familiar excitement sa tuwing nakakaisip ako ng book idea. that means may natitira pa ring writer side sa akin no? sana sana sanaaa.

nga pala im playing a dangerous game ngayon hahahaha. lahat nagdududa sa relationship ko w that person. kuya ko kasi siya tas bunso niya ako. korni diba? i knooow. pero idk. i just enjoy having daily bardagul w him all AS A FRIEND. okay. odiba feeling ko kahit ikaw duda eh whahshsha. ang landi kasi ng mga pisces hayst. ako yung pisces ha, ano siya eh september. virgo yata. anwsss i wonder kung ilang crush/lalake na ba ang nabanggit ko simula nung nagsulat ako rito HAHAHAHA. ang totoo kasi niyan, guys are my coping mechanism EMZ HAHAHAHAHAHA huy charot lang, men sucks kaya iw.

random thought din: kapag ba may girl crush matic na tabingi ang gender? aaaa ako'y kinakabahan mga beh T^T anws i'll get the answer sooner or later. sabi naman ng kapatid ko tanggap niya raw aq kapag bakla aq HWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA bwiset bye na 10% nalang tong tablet.

p.s xori ang kalat and xori ang daldal. (pero sa next entry ganto ulit hahaha) T^T

yours,
mikha