Behind my smile is hidden pain.

Pains of things that are and things that must be.

I hate that I live this way. I hate that I was born this way. I hate that my life is nothing but what I see standing in front of this mirror.

I want to fade away from existence.

I want to vanish and take my pain and sadness with me.

It is my curse that I must live this way.

A curse that I hate, yet I can not do anything about it.

Why does it have to be this way?

Questions that until now I have not found answers to.

No one sees this.

No one else understands the dept of what I feel. No one but myself.

Countless times I have cut and watch myself bleed so much that even the cuts don't hurt anymore. My skin doesn't feel pain anymore. All there is and all I see is blood that has no meaning and scars that are fading only to be replaced by another.

Look deeply into my eyes and maybe you would be able to get a glimpse of this torture that burns within me.

You can not see it.

No one sees it.

I go to bed and wish that I do not wake up to see the next day.

But then I will always wake up.

Even life is making a mockery of me, knowing that I am trapped and I cannot escape this hell that I live in. This burden that I bear. This pain that I feel and somehow it has made my heart numb.

I do not want this life.

I did not ask for this life.

Why then?

Where did I go wrong?

What is my sin?

Why do I have to suffer?

It will never end.

It has no end.

Until I can end it all.

Once and for all.