It's the beginning of November, and my mom thinks it's best if I start going back to school since I'm getting behind in my classes. I know I have to, I just don't want to face Alex. I can't face Alex. I guess I'll just avoid him.

When I get to school, I notice Alex isn't at his locker. My heart sinks, but then I realize he probably already got his stuff. I didn't even notice him get on the bus, but I was probably just too lost in thought.

I gather my things for the first two periods of the day, walking down the crowded hallway. Rian and Zack motion for me to walk over to them, so I do. When I approach them, they both wrap me in a hug, letting me know they were there for me. As sad as I was, I felt myself smile at their kind words.

"Do you guys know what happened to Alex?" I ask softly.

"Honestly, Jack, I have no idea where he is. He hasn't replied to any of us since the day you were put in the hospital, and he hasn't been at school, either," Rian replies.

"We've tried to go to his house, but his parents have refused to let anyone in," Zack adds.

"I need to see him," I blurt. I get confused looks from both of them, so I decide it's time that they know. "We weren't dating but I loved him. I still love him, and he might hate me, but I need to make sure he's okay. Please don't get mad at me for skipping."

Rian gives me a warm smile, patting me on the shoulder. "Go get your boy," he murmurs. I pull him into a hug, thanking him for being a great friend before turning and making the forty-five walk to Alex's house.

When I get there, I hesitate for a few minutes before finally raising my hand to knock on the door. No one answers, so I knock again. Alex's mom opens the door, looking mentally drained. Her eyes look dark and her hair looks as if she hasn't brushed it in ages.

"Jack, I assume you want to know what happened to Alex," she says weakly. I nod, confused. She motions for me to come in, so I do, sitting on the sofa. She sits on the chair opposite of it, clasping her hands together.

"Where's Alex?" I ask tentatively.

"He's not here, he's somewhere else," she replies. I immediately assume he might be dead, but the thought subsides. Alex wouldn't kill himself, he wasn't that type of person. My next guess is that he was put into psychiatric care, since he did have anxiety and some signs of depression...

"He left when you didn't pick up the phone," his mom continues, pulling me back to reality. "He went to your house and he told us he'd sleep over there, he said he was worried something was wrong. I told him not to go, but he was intent on going, and I didn't want to stand in the way of that."

My stomach sinks. No one would have been home when I got there, since my parents drove me to the hospital. "There was no one there when he got there," I assume.

"No, Jack, actually... Alex is the one who found you on your bathroom floor." My heart stops. My body freezes. He's the one who found me. No, not my Alex. He didn't deserve to see that.

She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I didn't know what had happened, he came in screaming and crying. I asked him over and over what was wrong, I just assumed you two got into an argument or something since his anxiety is so bad. All he said is "why didn't I say something" or "I knew something was wrong" but he wouldn't explain himself any further. Eventually, I just let him go into his room to calm down." Tears stream down her pale cheeks as she pushes herself to continue. "I went up there the next morning, and he was-," she breaks down, not continuing, but that said enough.

Alex is dead.

The color seems to melt from everything around me, everything fading into an unsaturated nature. My head feels as if it's underwater; every sound is muffled. My body feels dead, like I'm only alive physically.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. I know it's all my fault.

"I want to hate you!" she yells. "He thought you died and that's why he did it. If he didn't meet you, none of this would have happened. I would have had my smiling son back. I lost both of them! First Tom, and now Alex. It's not fair." She suddenly loses her sharp edge, looking at me through her tears. "But I know it's not your fault. You made him so happy. I can thank you for that."

"Can I go into his room?" I ask softly.

"Of course," she whispers.

I walk down the familiar hallway, entering Alex's room, which looks untouched. I doubt his parents have been in here since his death, it was probably too hard on them. I walk to his unmade bed, curling up in the sheets. I let his smell surround me, warming me up inside just like all the times before. I wish I'd just talked to him instead of being so fucking scared because maybe he'd still be alive. Maybe I wouldn't have almost died.

For the first time since I heard the news, the numb feeling subsides and is replaced with solid guilt. I let the emotions flow down my cheeks, not bothering to stop them. I'm sobbing loudly, but I don't care. He thought I was going to die and he blamed it on himself. He didn't deserve that at all.

I stay there for hours, crying off and on as it slowly sinks in that I lost the one person who cared about me more than anyone else did, and I took it for granted. I didn't open up to him, I needed him and I pushed him away.

I don't know how I'm going to continue on without him.

-=+=-

Yep, that's it.

When I started writing this, I didn't think it was going to take that turn, but it did so yeah 🤙 sorry not sorry

Also I didn't proofread it yikes so let me know if there's mistakes!

Should I make another one that's completely from Alex's POV? I kinda set this up for it but I'm not sure if I will.

Anyway, I doubt this made anyone cry since it was so short but if you did I'm sorry I just needed a twist that wasn't the cliche "I'm here no matter what" ending, y'know?

Have a great day 🖤