~Noah~

After the group finished their final song, I decided to try talking to Lilly a little bit more. Again, there was just something that drew me to her. I had known her since she was 12. I was 14 the first time we met. She was very thin and lanky, yet, with age, she had grown into her body. She had these little rectangular glasses with lenses that seemed about an inch thick. She used to get teased for them, but I always liked them. By 14, I had mastered the art of putting in contacts, yet Lilly had never been able to do it. For a solid 4 months, I decided to stop wearing my contacts and wear my glasses again. They were just as big, if not, bigger than hers. I wasn't sure what made me do it at the time. I just wanted to make her feel better.

I remember thinking that she was cute, but, then again, I was 14: I thought every girl I met was cute. Then, we grew up a little bit, though. I still found myself actually looking forward to seeing Lilly, whether it be in the hallways in between classes or when Dylan and I hung out.

I saw her sitting by the piano where they were playing before. She was playing something I couldn't hear. They had unplugged all of the amps, but the piano, as it was a keyboard, really, was still on. She seemed almost frustrated. She would play something, then scrunch up her nose, shake her head, and try something else with a small variation.

She's writing something.

"Hey, Lilly," I said as I walked over. She looked up at me and immediately stopped playing. Just like before, her face seemed to light up as she saw me, but almost immediately calmed down, as if she didn't want me to know how happy she was. I silently chuckled a little bit at it. "What are you working on?"

"Oh, nothing," she answered. "I'm just trying to work on this earworm melody that came to my head a couple days ago. I was working on it back home, but I just can't seem to work my way around it."

"Mind if I help you?" I asked.

"Sure!" she beamed. I walked around to the other side of the keyboard as she scooted over a little bit. I sat down next to her.

"So, what were you thinking?"

"Well, it was something kind of like this." She played a small melody using only her right hand, as I was sitting to her left. As I listened, although I wasn't entirely sure what she had planned for it, I could tell it was going to be very heartfelt. When she finished, she looked back over at me.

"Do you have any plans for the left hand on the piano? Or do you want it to just be the melody?" I asked, musing an idea that was starting to take shape in my head.

"Well, a little bit of both. I kind of want it to repeat. You know, like, I'll play the melody once, then I'll add the bass the second time I play it. Like this." I leaned back a little bit so she could play both sides. I watched as her fingers gracefully and expertly danced across the keys. I listened again and, once more, the idea became clearer. "So, do you think you could help me?" she asked. I stayed silent for a moment, thinking about what she had just played.

"So," I said after a couple seconds. I placed my hand over some of the keys that she had played before.

"Wait, so what was the bass part like again?" I asked, wanting to be sure.

"Like this." She laid her hand atop mine and pressed down my thumb, middle, and small finger, playing the first chord. She then moved my hand over to where the next chord was and played it again, as for the rest of the part that she had previously played. When she touched my hand, the butterflies in my stomach turned into an earthquake. I actually had to steal a glimpse around at everyone else to make sure that the ground actually wasn't shaking.

Nope.

Just me.

What is happening with mean? I met Lilly almost 14 years ago. Why do I get all these weird feelings around her now? I get butterflies in my stomach, I get all nervous and jittery when I go to talk to her, I feel like I want to be around her all the time.
She showed me how to play the chords, and I nodded, even though I was barely paying attention to the actual chords. Instead, most of my attention was on her; the way she seemed so concentrated on the chords, the way she quietly mumbled each chord name as she played it, the way a couple of locks of her light brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail fell across her face—glowing golden in the setting sunlight, the way the corners of her contrastingly dark brown eyes crinkled in a gentle squint even though we were shielded from the sun.

I played the chords once more over and thought about the melody she played before. Meanwhile, the earthquake within me had, for the most part, subsided and turned back into butterflies, just in more of a whirlwind than gently fluttering about.

"So, do you have any idea of what you want the actual melody of the song to be?"

"No, not really."

"Okay, so, I was thinking maybe something like this." I played the chords and hummed a little melody that could be used for a verse.

"Ooh, I like that," she grinned.

"Then, maybe, you could play and F here instead of an E minor before it leads into the chorus." She was grinning ear to ear and nodding. She looked over at me and we locked eyes for a minute. We both held each other's gaze. I suddenly realized something.
I could kiss her right now. I pursed my lips thinking about it. Thinking about how they could be pressed against hers once more as they were only once before, oh so many years ago. Our faces were less than a foot apart, considering how small the piano bench was. All it would take would just be a small lean. All I would have to do in order for my lips to meet hers would be to just lean forward a little bit.

So, I did.

As soon as our lips connected, it was magic. I felt like I was flying. It felt like I had been waiting for this my entire life, which I pretty much had. I placed my hand against the side of her face and she interlocked her fingers with mine. It was as if I couldn't hold her close enough to me. I ran my other hand through her hair. I then placed it on her shoulder and pulled her ever closer. I wanted her as close as possible to me. She gently ran her hand up my arm, just barely grazing my skin, and sending a chill up my spine. I had wanted to do this for so long, I just had never been able to. This was more than I ever could've imagined. I couldn't believe I had waited this long to do this.

The only thing was, I didn't lean forward. I stayed exactly as I sat, just looking at her and holding her gaze.

"What would you do if I kissed you, right now?" I asked her.

Except my mouth stayed closed.

"I want so badly to kiss you right now," I told her.
Except I didn't confess that to her. Actually, I had to bite my tongue to keep those words from slipping out of my mouth.

"What?" she asked, barely above a whisper. Apparently, it must've been evident that I was staring.

"Nothing," I answered her, in the same volume and tone. I cleared my throat. "Nothing," I said again in a more normal voice, ignoring the scenes that were playing out in my head and looking back down at the piano. "So, um..." I started, reminding myself that what I was imagining was never going to happen. "What did you think this song was going to be about?"

"Not really a 'what', but more of a 'who'. I was thinking Matt."

I raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Oh, right, sorry, you don't know who he is. I forgot it's been a year! I actually met him just after the last time I saw you. He's my boyfriend," she smiled. Suddenly, those three words simultaneously caused the ground to stop shaking and brought the whirlwind of butterflies to a screeching halt. "We're going nine months strong!" There was a flood, washing away the ashes of my fire that was previously burning.

I nodded a little and forced a smile.

Can she tell it's fake?

I looked back down at the piano and pretended to be studying it, as if I was thinking about the song. In reality, the only thing that was going through my mind was me, reprimanding myself: "Don't do this. It's never going to happen. Don't do this. Stop. You can't do this. She's dating someone else. It's happened to you in the past and more times than you would like to admit. You could never put another guy through that pain. Stop. You can't do this. Why did you even think it's going to work in the first place?"

Suddenly, she let out a small chuckle. It got bigger and stronger until it turned into full on laughter. It was a beautiful sound and sight, especially paired with her bright wide smile and her sparkling eyes.

The sound lit a spark in my chest.

The earth gave a small tremor.

A few butterflies started appearing.

I eventually started quietly chuckling along, even though I was confused. I mainly started laughing because of how adorable she was. When she laughed, her entire face lit up. Her nose scrunched a little bit, her cheeks pinched, revealing a small dimple in her left cheek. I kept telling myself to stop, not to do this, to not get involved with her. She's in a committed relationship and she's Dylan little sister. But the fire in my chest and the whirlwind in my stomach burned those thoughts and blew away their ashes, until they were nowhere near me.

"What?" I chuckled.

"I'm sorry," she laughed. "I'm sorry, but this is just insane." She started to calm down, but her smile didn't change one bit. "I mean, I'm sitting at a piano and writing a song with Noah-freaking-Mills. I mean, we kind of grew up together, but now... you're you. Can I just take a picture of us right now, as awkward as that seems?"

"Sure! Absolutely, don't worry about it," I smiled. She pulled out her phone and put her arm around my shoulders.

The world around me started shaking again.

She snapped a picture of us. When she smiled, I could tell it was genuine, as was mine. After she took it, she glanced down at it and smiled again.
"Thanks."

"Hey, could you send that to me?" I asked.

She seemed a little shocked. "Oh, uh, yeah, sure. What's your number?" I told it to her and I saw her press send on a text message. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, but I didn't bother pulling it out. She quietly started chuckling again. "I have Noah Mills' phone number," she mumbled quietly, beneath her breath, as she put her phone back in her pocket. She obviously didn't want me to hear it, but I did.

And I have Lillian Carter's.

I heard her quietly sigh. I glanced over and saw her pursing her lips and squinting her eyes a little bit, as if thinking about something and trying to make a decision. Finally, she looked up at me with a little glint in her eye.

"Can I tell you something that's going to sound crazy? Like completely insane?"

"Sure," I shrugged. Every time I was with her, it seemed as though I couldn't contain the smile on my face. "I like crazy."

"Okay." She paused, as if making her final decision. "Again, this is going to sound completely outrageous, but, when we were kids... I sort of... had a crush on you." My heart skipped a beat for a moment.

"Are you serious?"

She looked down and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. I saw her cheeks flushed tomato red. "Yeah, like I said, I know it sounds insane. I mean you were—er, are my brother's best friend and—"

"No, that's not crazy, are you kidding me? You're probably not going to believe this now, but I actually used to like you when we were kids." For some reason, I suddenly felt the odd weight that had been on me all day lift off of my shoulders. It felt pretty good to get that off my chest. After all, I had been keeping that secret for 14 years. Absolutely no one knew about that because the only person I would've told about a person I like would've been Dylan, but there was no way I could've told him I had a crush on his little sister.

"Oh my god!" she laughed, making me smile one of the most genuine smiles that has ever laid across my face. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm serious! Why did you never tell me?"

"Well, because, like I said, you were my brother's best friend. How am I supposed to say that? Why did you never tell me, though?"

"Well, take your reasoning, flip it, and reverse it. How am I supposed to say I have a crush on my best friend's little sister?"

"Okay, that makes sense." She chuckled and nodded, looking away for a second. She glanced around the patio at everyone else walking around as did I. As I looked around, I was somewhat surprised at how many people I actually knew here. I guess after constantly being around after almost a decade and a half, people just start to accept you as their family.
"Do you ever wondered what would've happened if you had told me back then?" Lilly questioned, quietly. "Because, I do."

"Sometimes," I answered truthfully. However, what I didn't tell her was that I was never truly happy with the girls I dated. None of them were as smart as her, as funny as her, as beautiful, as witty, as fun to talk to. None of them had her same light brown hair, none of them had her same dark brown sparkling eyes. None of them were... her. For 14 years, I had never gotten over my first love, even though not much had happened between us. I knew I had to, and I almost did, more than once.

But, then I saw her again. I saw her face, her eyes, her nose, her hair, her freckles.

And she always drew me back.

Every.

Single.

Time.

"If only..." she trailed off.

Wait, what? If only? The hell does that mean? Does she still like me? Or is she saying she would've wanted to date me back in high school?

I was about to turn and ask her when someone called her name. She looked up sharply and saw someone beckoning her over. She nodded. She turned back to me and said that she wanted to stay and talk but she kind of had the obligation to talk to her family. I waved it off and said I understood and that it was fine. As she stood up, she glanced back at me for a quick split second. For the smallest fraction of a second, I thought I saw a glimpse of regret flash across her face. However, it was too quick to tell. By the time I realized what I saw, she was already halfway across the patio.

~~~

The sun had completely set at this point. The sky had turned a deep, velvety black. Since we were actually pretty far from the city, the sky was full of bright, twinkling stars. I was able to make out a few constellations but not that many. I was standing in the front yard of the house that I used to hang out at so much when I was younger, leaning my back against the wall. I needed a second with my thoughts; I wanted to understand what was happening with Lilly. I had known her for half of my life! Why was I getting so nervous around her all of a sudden?

Well, it's not completely without reason. When we first met, I was actually scared to talk to her because I thought that she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I just never told her when we kids because... well... we were kids! At that age, the biggest thing in the world was who your crush was and whether they "liked you back". I know, I know, it's a stupid reason. But, by the time I had finally gotten up the nerve and courage to talk to her about it, it was too late. Dylan and I were about to leave for tour and she had a boyfriend. They had already been dating for a little less than a year by that time anyway. I never knew what happened with him, because, once we were back from tour, Lilly never talked about him anymore. We were only gone for about six months, as it was the world tour. I asked Dylan and he said that they were still together, but he never heard about him either. All I knew was that they broke up after three years because he had moved to Chicago.

Thinking about all of this made me want to reach for the pack of cigarettes in my pocket. I had been needing one it all night, but I just didn't want to grab one in front of everyone. I knew they weren't good for me, I had heard that lecture a thousand times. I know what they could do to my voice, I know all that. Believe me, I don't like it either, but my dad smoked when I was young and so did pretty much all the guys in my family. They were old-fashioned. It was almost like a rite of passage when a guy in the family turned 19, or whatever the legal age was at the time. I've tried to quit before, but I just couldn't. They helped calm my anxiety, so I typically smoke one before a show and one every now and then when my anxiety was getting really bad, like now. I could typically make a pack last a little longer than 2 weeks on tour. From day-to-day life, it was almost a two or three months, sometimes even four..

I pulled my lighter out of my other pocket and brought the cigarette to my lips. I saw the tip spark. I drew in a deep breath. The smoke mixed with the air and faded away as I exhaled. I felt my nerves starting to untense a little. I tapped the edge and sent some ashes cascading to the ground.

"That's not good for you, y'know," a voice suddenly said, startling me and almost causing me to drop the cigarette. I looked over. From the light provided by the streetlights, I was able to tell that it was Lilly although I was mostly able to tell from her voice. "It could destroy your voice in a couple years," she continued. I was expecting the rest of the lecture, about how it was going to get me sick and all that. However it didn't come. She was speaking quietly. She didn't see to be reprimanding me, either; She spoke as though she actually cared and was concerned about me and my well-being, but didn't want to tell me how to live my life.

Suddenly, I didn't really mind the warning I'd heard thousands of times.

"I know, I know," I answered. "It just helps calm my nerves." We stood in silence for a moment before I realized what I had said and what it had implied.

There was a small smile tugging at the edges of Lilly's lips.

"Well... why are you nervous? What's there to be nervous about?" She had a sympathetic look in her eyes.

"You. Everything about you. Your eyes, your smile, the subtle freckles on your cheeks, the way your hair just slightly falls over your face when you're playing piano. Your sense of humor, your adorable laugh. The way your nose crinkles when you laugh. The sparkle that your eyes always have. The sparkle that shines a thousand times brighter when you're making music. The way you're so passionate about music and you're not afraid to show it. The way that you're the same girl yet a completely different girl than the one I met when I was 14. The way you make me feel whenever you look at me. The way whenever we talk, I can barely stop staring at your lips because of how much I want to kiss you but I know I can't. The way I'm falling for you like I always have been, for fourteen years," I confessed to her.

Only, it came out as "Nothing." I realized that my initial response then made no sense, so I decided I would try and explain myself before she thought about it too much and realize what I had actually meant. "You know how I said before that the label was really pushing us for this album?" She nodded. "Well, I just don't have anything to write about. I can't find inspiration from anywhere and neither can Dylan, really. The label also added this new thing where with each album you put out, you have to add two or three covers that correlate with the theme of the album or some shit, I don't really know. It's something about finding where artists got their roots and their inspirations, I think. So, we just don't really know what to do. And, I know they're bad for me, and believe me, I've tried to quit, but I can't," I added. We were both silent for a second.

"Well," she finally said, "I'll help you." I looked over at her. She seemed genuine.

"With the album?"

"I mean, maybe. But I meant I'll help you quit."

"Sorry, I appreciate the offer, but that's pretty unlikely." I barely had a chance to finish my sentence when Lilly suddenly grabbed my hand and threw the cigarette I was holding on the ground, making sure the stamp put the spark.

She looked up at me, her eyebrows raised in an almost sarcastic, questioning look. "Sorry, what were you saying?" I stared at her for a moment, stunned.

"Well, alright, then."

****************************
A/N: Yeah..... I know I literally just said that I was going to in a Lilly/Noah/Lilly/Noah pattern..... but I didn't just want to give you guys a short, crappy filler chapter instead of an actual chapter to finally move the story along.

Anyway, I'm almost positive that the next chapter is going to be in Lilly's POV. Also, I'm gonna try to do Author's Notes at the end of every chapter, just to check in on y'all!!

Don't forget to comment and vote! ILY!!❤️❤️

{Posted on 4/27/19}