~Noah~

I can't believe someone would do something like that to her! That's awful! She deserves so much better! If I were with her, I would've treated her so much better! She's so amazing, I don't know what could possibly be going through someone's head to make them want to cheat on a girl as perfect as her!

Wait a second, slow down. You haven't seen her in, what? A year? Calm down. She's obviously gotten over you and whatever connection you might've had when you were kids.

But you have to talk to her! You can't just leave her in silence! Her boyfriend just cheated on her. Think, Noah! Think! Think! Think!

"Can I tell you something?" I blurt out, making her jump a little bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I apologized.

"It's fine, what's up?" she snuffled, tucking a strand of her light brown hair behind her ear. She seemed to have stopped crying, but her eyes were red and her cheeks were still tear stained. I had a sudden urge to wipe them off. I wanted to hug her, wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. I couldn't, though. Not right now, at least.

Although this was the first time I had ever seen her cry, I could tell she was what some would call a "pretty crier". Thought her cheeks were still red and puffy, her tears seemed delicate, like rain on a spring morning.

She's still so beautiful, even when she's crying. I know it's not the right time to say that, but it's true. I've thought that since the moment I saw her. There was just something about seeing her these past few days that's just been so different from when we were younger. Well... except for that one day. I don't think I'll ever forget that.

NOT THE TIME NOAH! Dylan left you alone with her to comfort her, not to flirt with her!

"You just need to know that you don't deserve that! You're a great person and that Matt guy is just a garbage human being." I felt a little better when she allowed herself a small smile.

"Yeah, he really is," she softly chuckled.

I glanced down for a second and made a flash decision. I leaned forward a little bit and took her hands into mine. "You don't deserve to be treated like that! You are an amazing person! You're charming, you're intelligent, gorgeous, talented, and so many other things! Granted, it's been a little while since I last saw you a year ago, but you're still the same person I remember growing up with. You've also grown up so much these past few years, and you've turned into a beautiful woman. Anyone would be lucky to be with the girl I see sitting in front of me right now. And what you said before? Why would you say that? Why would you lie to yourself? Honestly, I don't know if I've ever heard a bigger lie in my life. There is no one more perfect than you. If Matt thinks he's going to find anyone even a fraction better, he's going to have an extremely hard time. You are truly the most perfect girl I've ever met in my life! Anyone who's with you should cherish their time with you, because they're never going to find anyone better! And I mean that, more than anything!"

She seems shocked for a second, and, not gonna lie, I was, too. I had no idea where that came from. I guess I finally just stopped holding back and let out all my thoughts that had stockpiled throughout the past five years.

I decided to give one final push. "If Matt thought he could take you for granted, he was wrong! He should've been falling head over heels for you!" I exclaimed. I looked at her for another couple of seconds, before I looked down at the floor, a little bit past her. "I know I am," I mumbled quietly to myself, under my breath, before I could stop myself.
But, apparently, not quiet enough.

"What? W-what do you mean?" she asked, seeming a little shocked. I looked her in the eyes for a couple of seconds, her beautiful, sparkling dark brown eyes. When I looked into her eyes before, they were so full of sadness. Now, however, they were full of confusion, yet... hope.

I felt my eyes involuntarily flick down to her lips, letting her know what I was thinking about. Suddenly, before I could stop myself, I let the impulse that I had been holding back for the last few days take over; I leaned forward.

Here you go, this is your moment!

Suddenly, we both heard the door open. Both of our heads shot in that direction and I quickly moved back over to the other side of the couch to see Dylan walking through the door.

DAMMIT!

It took all the willpower I had to make sure that that didn't come flying out of my mouth.

"You're back already?" Lilly asked.

"Well, I decided not to," he said. "I thought about it and I realized that after a couple days, he'll realize that losing you would've been punishment enough."

"Thanks."

We were all silent for a little bit. Meanwhile, I was trying to comprehend what the hell I just did.

Did I really almost kiss her? I really almost just kissed Lilly Carter. What would've happened if I did? If Dylan hadn't walked in? Would she have kissed me back?

Maybe? She might still have feelings for you. I mean, what else could explain what happened the other day?

She looked at you, that's what happened. You were having thoughts about kissing her, so she looked back at you because you were staring at her. It's all just in your head. If you had kissed her, you would've definitely crossed more than one line. Hell, probably all the lines. I mean, she's your best friend's little sister, her boyfriend just cheated on her, she's vulnerable. You should be thanking Dylan.

"Hey, Dylan?" Lilly asked tentatively, snapping me away from my thoughts.

"Yeah?" he responded, walking into the kitchen.

"Do you think... Do you think I could spend the night here... or maybe even a day or two?" The words started tumbling out of her mouth, as though he might say no if she didn't get them all out now. "I mean, I had planned on staying at Matt's for the next couple of days and Gabbie's still with her parents, so I don't really want to go back to our apartment, 'cause I don't really want to be alone right now." She suddenly turned towards me and added, "And only if it's okay with you."

"Lilly," Dylan said, walking back into the living room, holding a bottle of water. "You're always welcome to stay here, as long as you need. You're cool with it, right?" he asked, nodding his head towards me.

No.

No.

No.

"Yeah, she's fine. I mean, we have the room," I answered, referring to the extra bedroom that was in our apartment at the end of the hallway.

"Thank you," she gushed, pulling Dylan into a quick embrace. Then, she turned to me and quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. "Thank you." She said it much more quietly to me, like it was a secret she had to keep, even from her brother. I could feel her warm breath on my ear and I had to fight a shiver that went down my spine.

She quickly got up and started walking towards the door. She opened it and turned back towards Dylan. "Do you think you could help me grab a box or two?" she asked him.

"Sure," he answered, walking towards the door. He slipped on his shoes and shut the door behind them.

After a couple seconds of remaining where I was, I got up and walked over to the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face to try and stop how heated my face had gotten. I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering why all this was happening.

"You need to calm yourself."

~~~

Junior year. The spring dance. As most high school dances, everyone was obsessed with who everyone else was going with. To avoid that awkwardness, I had decided to go with a group of friends. It was me, Dylan, Lilly, and Gabbie, Dylan's girlfriend—it was only later that I found out that Lilly and Gabbie were actually friends prior to Dylan and Gabbie's relationship.

In spite of our idea of "going as a group", Dylan and Gabbie pretty much went together, leaving me and Lilly awkwardly off to the side.

We didn't really talk much the entire night. I found some of my other friends there and so did she. Of course, the entire time we were there, I wanted nothing more than to go ask her to dance, but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't until the end of the night when I finally worked up the courage. The final song they were playing was a slow dance (a little on the nose, if you ask me, but okay). All my friends I was talking to most of the night had gone off to dance with their date. I assumed her friends had, as Lilly was sitting at one of the tables, alone.

After fighting with my doubts, I had finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. I walked over to her and in the most calm, collected, cliche, "knight-in-shining-armor" way I could muster considering my anxiety in the moment, I held out my hand and said, "May I have this dance?"

Lilly looked up at me and smiled. She took my hand and I led her over to the dance floor where everyone else was. I placed my hands on her waist and she put her hands on my shoulders.

I had been waiting for this moment for 2 years, just her and me, together. Nothing awkward about this moment; no one staring at us, no parents making jokes about how cute we would be as a couple, no "hey, you're my best friend's little sister but I really like you and I don't know how to handle it".

Just... us.

To her, this probably didn't mean much. It probably seemed like I was just trying to be polite, but, honestly, this meant the world to me.

I smiled at her and she smiled back her bright beautiful smile. I had my moment. It had taken me two years to get here in the first place, who knows how long it would've taken me to get here again? I needed to let her know how I felt, but I couldn't just straight out tell her. That would be awkward.

Suddenly, an idea came to me. It was risky, but it could work.

Although there was nothing more I wanted than to keep gazing into her eyes, I stole a glimpse at everyone else around us to make sure no one was looking at us—by "no one", I mean Dylan. Jeez, if he saw this, he would never let me near Lilly again and, in all honesty, he would probably beat me up.

But I didn't care.

I didn't want to look away for too long because I didn't want her to think I didn't care.

Oh my god, why do I have to overthink everything? I should just do it. Stop worrying and doubting everything.

You have your chance, take it!

I looked back at her once more. I could tell she was worried, or at least confused.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, quietly, but just loud enough to be heard over the music. I didn't answer, just looked at her, studying her, almost. She took a breath and seemed that she was about to ask me something—probably if anything was wrong—but she didn't get a chance to because my lips were on hers.

I knew that this moment was worth the doubts and the worrying and the wait because as soon as our lips touched, everything seemed to change. Everyone and everything around us seemed to disappear, even the lights, the music. Everything was silent. We were the only people in the school, in the country, in the world, in the universe.

You would think, after two years of practically not being able to keep my eyes off of her, of struggling to tear my eyes away from her lips whenever she talked, I would've been able to predict how this would feel. But no. I had no idea how perfectly our lips seem to fit together, how soft hers would feel against mine. There was no way for me to know about the intense, golden light that seemed to fill everything around me.

This wasn't my first kiss, but it was so different from the others. This had so much more meaning behind it and felt so much more... magical. I felt like I knew why.

Is... Is this love?

Yeah, maybe it was a little cliché, but I didn't mind.
It wasn't one of those big, crazy movie kisses. But it wasn't just a quick, tiny peck. It was somewhere in the middle. It was absolutely perfect.

In that moment, there was so much more I wanted to do, wanted to tell her. I wanted to pull her closer to me and never let her go. I wanted to tell her that I loved her. I never wanted to move from this spot. I never wanted to let go of Lilly. I never wanted to pull my lips away from hers. I never wanted this moment to end.

But in the end, it had to. I couldn't stay like this forever, no matter how much I wanted to. So, after a few seconds, I pulled away from her.

"Does that answer your question?" Suddenly, it dawn on me that that was most likely her first kiss.

For a moment, I felt absolutely awful. How could I do something like that? Take that from her like this? A first kiss is supposed to be special, personal... amazing. It's supposed to happen when you're ready and prepared for it. How could I tell if this was how she wanted it to happen? How could I tell if this was what she imagined?

Who was I to say that she would've wanted it to be me?

But then, as she looked up at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes of hers that were only exaggerated by her glasses with such a shocked yet amazed look, did I realize that that was exactly what she imagined.

"What was that?" she breathed after a moment. The smile that spread across her face completely melted my heart.

"I believe, Miss Carter," I smiled earnestly, "that was called a first kiss." She softly chuckled and gave me this odd feeling in my chest. Only later did I realize that that feeling was my heart soaring.

Later that night, since Dylan's birthday was a few months before mine, he was the first to get his license. Him and Gabbie were sitting in the front two seats openly holding hands over the console that separated them. Meanwhile, in the back, while we were both looking out opposite windows, I slowly slid my hand across the seat until it found Lilly's. I interlocked our fingers and she held my hand right back. Every now and then, I would squeeze her hand to let her know I was still here with her.

I should've done something after that. Not that very night, but sometime soon. I should've told her how I felt upfront. Of course now she knew—at least, I hoped she did—but nothing ever happened. I was 16, I was the older one, I was the one who had kissed her, I should've been the one to do something, to say something.

But I didn't.

I didn't know how she felt after that. I tried getting her attention through music. Once Dylan and I started the band, I wrote a song called "First Kiss". Every time he asked, I told Dylan it was a story I made up about a guy and a girl and their first kiss at a dance. However, Lilly obviously knew what it was really about. Whenever she found a time where her and I were together without Dylan—which was an extremely rare occurrence—she would always say something like, "Gee, Noah, I wonder what that song is about. If it's a true story, that girl sure is lucky."
So is the boy, I always thought, but never told her. Everyday, I regretted it. I should've told her. I should've told her I wanted to be with her. I should've told her I loved her.

I should've.

I should've.

I should've.

But.

I.

Didn't.

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A/N: Hi, this was probably my favorite chapter to write so far. I love writing fluff and stuff like that. What do you guys think about the way I differentiate between Noah's thoughts? Does it make sense? I think I'll explain it in a couple chapters, but for now, lmk what you think they are!!

Also, told you that y'all were getting more chapters today!

{Posted on 4/27/19}