~Lilly~

Today was the day, again. Today was the day that Gabbie and I had our meeting with Jake. After taking a quick shower, I walked up to the closet where I had put my clothes in. After trying on a few different outfits, I decided on a simple black fitted tank top with a brown suede jacket and jeans. I straightened my hair, which always made it look longer. Once it was done, it reached about midway down my back. I added a little natural makeup—enough to hide some blemishes, but not enough to let people know I was wearing it. I gave myself one more once over in the mirror and nodded at myself, happy with the way I looked.

I walked down the hall to the living room. I saw Dylan sitting on the couch, watching TV. I took it that Noah was still asleep. Granted, it was pretty early. I was pretty surprised, actually, to see Dylan up.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hi!" He immediately sprung up from the couch, confirming my assumption that he was only up this early to talk to me about my meeting. "You nervous?" he asked.

"To be honest, I'm not really sure." I shrugged, leaning against the wall. "I'm excited, but I'm also scared."

"So, you're nervous," he chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I half-smiled.

"Please, I'm always right. And, anyway, don't worry, you're going to do fine! I remember how nervous Noah and I were before our meeting."

"Yeah, uh, four years ago, though?" I answered.

"Yeah, still feels like yesterday. Still, trust me! You'll be fine! You always ace interviews!"

He was right. Ever since high school, I've always been super calm and collected during interviews. For some reason, though, this was much much different. Probably because this could ACTUALLY MAKE OR BREAK THE REST OF MY CAREER. IF I SCREW THIS UP GABBIE AND I MIGHT GET BLACKLISTED FROM EVERY OTHER RECORD LABEL OUT THERE AND—

Calm down. You'll be fine.

~<3~

I met Gabbie in front of her apartment building. She got in and greeted me with a cheery "Good morning." I responded the same. I noticed that Gabbie was wearing clothes similar to mine. She was wearing a red button down shirt, much deeper than the almost orange color of her hair.

As we drove, we talked about how nervous we were, but also telling the other that they were going to be fine.

After about a 20 minute drive into town, we arrived at the building where we were supposed to meet Jake. 

"You ready?" I asked, looking up at the building towering above us. It must've been at least 80 stories high.

"Yeah," Gabbie nodded, grinning widely. "Let's do this!"

We turned in unison and marched into the building. We were greeted with a relatively small lobby. The walls had a white and black marbled pattern and the floor was a glossy hardwood. The room was pretty much a square, aside from the small hallway straight ahead, which had four elevator doors—two on each side—and a door at the very end, which had a white sign with red lettering that had mostly been chipped away. It looked like it used to read something like "EMPLOYEES ONLY PAST THIS POINT".

There was a woman with her blonde hair done up in a bun sitting behind a white, semi-circle desk against the wall. She was wearing what looked to be a once-sharp business suit, but now had been worn a couple times and no longer was as crisp and perfect as when it was store bought. Instead of making her look less professional, it actually made her look much more personable and much more approachable.

When she looked up at us, she had bright blue eyes and a warm smile. Perfect person to be the face of the building. There was a vase of wildflowers sitting on top of her desk, adding pretty much the only color to the mostly black and white room.

"Hi! How are you today?" she greeted us brightly, despite the early time on the clock on the wall behind her.

"Hi! I'm great, how are you?" I answered.

"I'm good. How can I help you?" she asked.

"We're here to see Jake Matthews? He called us in for a meeting," Gabbie answered.

"Oh, La La Labs? Just head up to the 10th floor and they'll tell you where to go from there. Good luck!!" she finished.

"Thank you!" I called as we started walking down the hall.

As we stepped out onto the 10th floor, we were greeted with a very different sight than the black and white lobby downstairs: This lobby was like a colorful explosion. The elevator opened up into the corner of the room, so the walls directly across from and directly next to the elevator were a deep purple with swirling, white music staffs showing melodies that immediately made me wonder if they were actual songs or just random notes. The other wall was a glass wall, showcasing about five different meeting rooms. Four out of the five were identical: they all had a large rectangular desk, seating about 5 on two of the sides and one at each head of the table. There was a cement wall separating each meeting room, each showing an electronic board with a projector hung from the ceiling. The wall that was against the exterior side of the building was another window, so it gave a view of the building across and the street below. The building next to it was taller, so you couldn't really see much.

The fifth, however, had a cement wall, just like the ones that separated each meeting room, but had a glass door. I assumed that was a room of importance. My best guess was Jake's office.

The desk was also a semicircle against the wall across from the elevator, but it was a metallic gold color. Everyone there walking around was dressed in such casual attire, they made us look dressed up.

We walked up to the man at the front desk.

"Hello, there!" He had a heavy Southern accent. "Welcome to the headquarters of La La Labs. How can I help y'all today?"

"Hi, I'm Lillian Carter and this is Gabriella Esposito. We're the band The Dreamers?" I stated the latter sentence as more of a question. I realized what I had did and immediately regretted it. It wasn't a question, it was a fact. I forced down my anxiety and brought forward my confidence. 

We were going to do just fine.

"We're looking for Jake Matthews."

"One moment, please." He picked up a phone next to him, pressed a few buttons, and was silent for a moment. "Jake, you have a band called 'The Dreamers' here to see you?" He nodded, even though, for all I knew, Jake couldn't see him. "Okay." He hung up the phone and looked back at us. "He said he'll be right with you in just a moment."

"Thank you," I nodded. We walked over to the waiting area, which was pretty much the bulk of the room. It had big, cushy, white couches and a matching plush, circular rug. I sat down on one of the couches and glanced at my phone. A little past nine.

Upon one of the two walls that were next to this hung records that had gone gold or above from bands and artists signed here. I stood up and walked over, deciding to look at and study each one. La La Labs was a relatively new record company, so the albums only went back no more than 19 years, as the very first one was from 2000. I remembered a lot of them from my childhood, but as I went farther down the row, I started remembering some of them more clearly, as they had come out during my middle school or high school years.

Suddenly, I came across one from 2013 that not only did I know, but I had also known from the early stages before it had even been released. It was called "Fast Times at Lakewood High", as an obvious play on the classic coming-of-age movie, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", only with our school substituted. It was the very first We The People album. They had released it the summer after their senior year. The album cover was of Noah and Dylan standing in front of our old high school. They were facing the school so they're backs were towards the camera. Dylan was standing with his arms crossed and Noah had one arm sling around Dylan's shoulders. They edited the picture so that the album title looked as though it was graffitied onto the school wall. The two of them were wearing matching leather jackets and jeans. The letter W was stitched onto Noah's jacket and the letter E was stitched onto Dylan's. The words "The People" were edited onto the grass behind them.

I still remembered that day. Gabbie, my mom, and I went with them. It was a Saturday in early June, just before school was about to be let out. Noah and Dylan were about to graduate and Gabbie and I were about to finish our sophomore year. We kept teasing Noah and Dylan about their poses and how silly and staged they had looked, but they didn't seem to mind. By that time, Gabbie and Dylan had been dating for a little over a year.

The jackets actually had the letters stitched onto them. I remember that they had let me and Gabbie wear them and take a few pictures. Gabbie had worn Dylan's and I had worn Noah's, as Gabbie was taller than me and closer to Dylan's height than I was.

I looked down at the setlist on the album and one in particular caught my eye: "First Kiss". Noah had written that after the dance, right after he had become my first kiss. I still remembered that day like it was yesterday.

YESTERDAY! I suddenly remembered what had happened yesterday and how I needed to talk to Noah about that. Now, that was all I could think about. I tried focusing back on the album cover in front of me, the day with the pictures, the actual meeting that we were about to have that could possibly change my life, anything. But I couldn't think about anything except for that.
"Miss Carter and Miss Esposito? Jake's ready for you," the man relaid to us.

I felt the panic rising in my stomach.

OF COURSE! I've been so prepared for this all day then, once I'm finally caught off guard, that's when we have to have the meeting.

"Thank you," Gabbie smiled, standing up from the couch. "C'mon, Lilly."

I blinked hard for a second, gave my head a quick shake, and cleared my thoughts of everything to do with Noah.

I fell into step next to Gabbie and we both strided over to the door. Gabbie opened the door and walked in with an air of confidence that I tried mimicking. That was always something about us. Even though most would pin me as the more extroverted one, Gabbie was always the one who was so sure of herself. Ever since second grade, she had always been so self-confident and self-assured, no matter what. I was always in awe about that, especially once we got to middle school and high school, when everyone—even the most confident person in the entire school—got insecure and started questioning themselves.

When I followed her into the room, I saw a bald man sitting behind a large desk, who I assumed was Jake. He was wearing a grey business suit and a white button down underneath. He was probably the most dressed up person in this entire office. He had broad shoulders and took up almost as much room as the desk did. Upon the desk were piles upon piles of papers. Stacks on stacks of opened and unopened envelopes. The perfectionist in me wanted to immediately straighten those out and organize them, but knew that this wouldn't be the proper time.

On the walls, I saw pictures of all the different artists signed here, just like outside. However, these were the actual people, not the albums that had great achievements. Just as outside, one in particular caught my eye for a split second longer than the rest: Noah and Dylan as young sixteen-year-olds. It was obvious they were supposed to be simply smiling at the camera—as all the others were—but being the annoying "rebellious" teenagers they were, they were shoving each other around and the camera captured the perfect moment with the both of them mid-laugh. Noah was almost falling over and Dylan's arms were out, giving all the evidence needed that he had pushed him.

I also noticed how they seemed to be the youngest people on the walls.

All the thoughts that I had just barely managed to push away came running back.

This was not going to be good.

"Hello!" Jake greeted in a friendly voice. "You should be The Dreamers. Am I correct?"

"Yes!" Gabbie answered. "Hi, Mr. Matthews."

"Please, call me Jake! Come on in!" He held out a sweeping hand, motioning for us to sit down. I was glad he was friendly. If he was in a bad mood or just not having a good day, it wasn't going to go very well, considering how distracted I was.

"So," he started. He looked down at the smallest of the stacks of papers on his desk which was resting directly in front of him. "You should be Miss Lillian Carter?" He glanced up at me. I nodded.

"Which means you are Miss Gabriella Esposito!" He smiled at Gabbie. She beamed and nodded.

"So, about how long have you been doing this?" He asked.

"Well, every year at the family reunion, we would always put together a band. We've been doing that since we were 9," I started.

"But we didn't actually start taking it seriously until about 3 or 4 years ago," Gabbie finished. "And, about how many shows do you play per month?"

"We play a small club every Saturday, which is where you saw the video from. We also book parties every now and then," Gabbie answered.

"We've also played a few dances during our high school years," I added.

"And was that at your high school?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Now, if you don't mind me asking, what school might that have been?"

"Lakewood."

Jake was about to mark something down on his paper when he suddenly looked up again. "Wait, where have I heard that before?"

Almost accidentally, I glanced over at the picture of Noah and Dylan on the wall. Jake must've noticed me looking over there.

"Ah, right. Carter. You're one talented family."

"Thank you," I smiled, ignoring the fact of the pit in my stomach. This was the last thing I wanted. I didn't want to be thought of as "Dylan's little sister". I've been thought of that a lot growing up—by teachers, mostly—but it never really bothered me since I had always looked up to him.

But right now?

Right here?

I wished, just for once, I could've been my own person.

We went through the rest of interview pretty smoothly. Every now and then, Jake would mark something down on the stack of papers.

"And, that concludes the interview!" he said with a big smile on his face. Gabbie and I grinned back. "Thank you for coming! We'll be in touch. You should get the call within a day or two."

"Thank you!" I say, starting to stand up. Gabbie stood up as well. He walked us to the door.

"Thank you for coming! Have a nice day!" He said as he opened the door.

"You too!" Gabbie answered. We walked down the hall and got onto the elevator.

"How do you think it went?" Gabbie asked as the elevator doors closed.

"I think it went well!" I smiled, again ignoring the "little sister" pit in my stomach. I had managed to get past the whole "yesterday" thing pretty well. There were a few times where I accidentally sort of zoned out and didn't entirely comprehend what he was asking. I was hearing the words he was saying, but I wasn't listening. He sort of sounded like one of the adults from Charlie Brown. Just "Wah wah wah wah wah". I glanced over at Gabbie, as she was luckily on high alert the entire time and she jumped in to save the question.

"Yeah, I mean, he seemed to genuinely like us, and he was smiling the whole time!" Gabbie exclaimed. She didn't seem to notice how distracted I was. I wasn't sure if I was thankful for that or not. I mean, it was good because now she wasn't yelling at me for zoning out, but she wasn't asking what was bugging me. Although, she had been there for me without reason for question for almost ten years, she was allowed a few times to herself.

However, something happened and I needed some support from my best friend.

"Gabbie, can I talk to you about something?" I asked as the doors opened. "In the car?" She obviously noticed my worried and tentative tone, as she nodded and walked exactly by my side all the way to the car.

"So, what's up?" she asked.

"Well..." I gripped the wheel, staring straight at the back of the car parallel parked in front of me. "Something happened yesterday..."

"Ugh, finally!" Gabbie exclaimed exasperated. She threw her hands up in what seemed like frustration and relief at the same time.

"Excuse me?" I laughed, looking over at her in disbelief.

"I could tell something was up all day! But I knew you were freaking out over it so I didn't want to mention it, because I knew it would just freak you out more! At first I thought it was just the interview, but then you started like zoning out and you kept staring at the picture of Noah and Dylan! I mean, I could tell the thing he said about Dylan and you being his little sister probably cut kind of deep, but you were looking at that picture even before he said that, so something bigger obviously happened. So which one is it?" She rambled on, mostly in one breath. When she got like this, she always spoke very expressively, making extremely exaggerated movements with her hands, flailing them about like one of the blow-ups outside of a car dealership. She finally ended on the question, looking back at me straight in the eye.

"What?"

"Well, it was a picture of the two of them. So something obviously either happened with Dylan or Noah. So which one?"

She looked at me, not breaking eye contact. After knowing me for pretty much her entire life, she should tell from my stunned silence, something had happened with Noah. If it were Dylan who had annoyed me or whatnot, I would've just come right out and said it, as her and I are constantly complaining to each other about our siblings.

"What did Noah do?" she asked, without me saying a word. She already knew that I was staying at my brother's apartment and she knew all about the Matt situation. She also knew that Noah and Dylan shared the apartment, meaning that I was also staying with Noah.

I gave her a look that was sort of "Help", "Sorry", and "I know you know".

"Oh my god!" Gabbie gasped. "Did you two hook up?"

I gaped at her, shocked.

"Okay, yeah, I didn't think so. But then what happened?"

I opened my mouth to speak but she jumped in.

"Did you two kiss?!"

I gave her a face that read "Kinda?", not being able to keep the smile from spreading across my face.

"Oh my god! Lilly!" Gabbie squealed. She was the only person I told about liking Noah in high school. "So what are you going to do now? Are you two, like, a thing now?"

I looked at her solemnly and shrugged.

"Oh, okay. So that's where I come in. That's why you wanted to talk."

I nodded.

"In my opinion?" I nodded earnestly, seeking some sort of advice or guidance. "I wouldn't do anything."

"But I really like him, Gabbie!" I sighed, realizing this was the first time I had actually spoken in about a minute and a half.

"So then talk to him about it."

"But how? What do I say? 'Hey Noah! You almost kissed me yesterday. Why did you do that? Were you just trying to make me feel better or do you like me? Am I just overthinking this? I think I am. And now I seem obsessive and now, whatever reasons you liked me for before—which I don't know why you possibly would—have taken the backseat and now I've scared you off.' Wow, I can see that conversation going over so well, Gabbie." I could feel myself starting to panic. I had had panic attacks in the past, but they were almost never self-inflicted. They were typically when when I hit my head hard against something, thanks to my PTSD from something that happened in high school. I don't typically freak out over relationships or love or anything.

"Okay, Lilly, look. I know this must be hard and confusing for you with so many things going on at once, but just take a breath and calm down. You know how you get when your anxiety flares up. And you're doing it to yourself. Remember, in four, hold four, out four." I followed her directions, remembering a breathing exercise she had taught me; You breath in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and you breath out for four seconds. It slows down your breathing and calms you down.

"Okay..." I finally uttered after a few slow deep breaths.

"Are you alright now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay. So, let's think this through calmly, slowly, and rationally. Okay?"

I nodded, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the headrest.

"Alright. So, yesterday, you found out your boyfriend cheated on you so you went to your brother to seek comfort. Your brother left to go defend you and you were left alone with his roommate and best friend since high school, aka your first crush. Not to mention, a few days earlier, you had learned that he had also liked you in high school. Also not to mention he was actually your first kiss, but never said nor did anything afterward. After a year, you decided to move on, as you could see nothing was going to happen. Obviously, something was going to happen, it was just going to take a little longer than expected."

"I mean, I wouldn't call ten years a little longer than expected, but..." My voice trailed off. My eyes were still closed and I hadn't realized that my heart had been pounding in my ears until the sound had gone away. I was very close to having a panic attack, which was never fun.

Ever.

"So," Gabbie continued, ignoring my interjection. "As you're sitting in the apartment, Noah starts complimenting you. He's saying how you're beautiful and anyone would be lucky to have you. Now, although I don't entirely know, what I imagine was going through the slow mind of a male was that he was realizing how truly awesome you really are and how much of a great girl he had missed out on. So, he took his chance and decided to kiss you right then and there, probably not thinking about the aftermath. I don't know about you, but Doctor Gabbie diagnoses a bad case of love."

My eyes shot open and I looked at her, shocked.

"What?!"

"Okay, hear me out: Noah did something crazy—er, tried to, at least—something that was a display of affection, without thinking about the consequences. He wanted you to know that he cared for you, more than a lot of other people would, in a way that very few people can. Do you like him?"

I thought for a moment, then grinned and nodded. "Yes. I really, really like him."

"Great! So then, if I were you, I would just go home and talk to him about it."

"Alright, thanks, I think I will." I put the key in the ignition and felt the car rumble to life around us.

"So... where do you think this could lead?" Gabbie asked tentatively.

"You know?" I looked over at her with a half smile tugging at my mouth. "I think this actually could lead somewhere really special."

~<3~

As soon as I walked through the door, Dylan sprang up from the couch.

"How did it go?" he asked, energetically.

"Well, hello to you too," I answered bitterly. I walked into the kitchen and could feel his presence following me. "Anyway, it went great! You know," I abruptly turned to face him and put my bag down on the table, "aside from the fact that pretty much as soon as we walked in, Jake immediately made a comment about me being your little sister!"

His face fell. "Oh, Lilly... I'm sorry—"

"No, no, it's fine!" I exclaimed. "Don't worry about it! It's been this way my entire life and for once... just once... I wanted to start my own life, to be my own person. Not have anyone have some preconceived notion about me being a Carter, to just start from a blank slate. But no. I'll always be 'Lilly Carter: Dylan's little sister'."

Dylan was about to say something when I heard my phone go off.

I slung my bag back over my shoulder and opened it up. "I'll be right back," I said shortly. I walked down the hall and into my guest room. I looked down at my phone and saw a name I never wanted to see again.

"UGH, this day could not get any worse!" I exclaimed. "What do you want?" I snapped into the phone as soon as I picked it up.

"Listen, I just want to talk," Matt answered.

"About what? About how you cheated on me? About how you just decided to throw the last nine months of our lives together out the window?" I retorted. I started pacing around the room.

"Alright, I know that what I did may have came as a surprise—" he started.

"Uh, yeah, ya think?" I interrupted.

"But I was only getting back at you!" he finished.

"What?" I stopped walking around. "Getting back at me for what? What, do you think I cheated on you?!"

"No! Getting back at you for that picture!"

"Are you kidding me?!" I exclaimed. "I was making a joke about how he used to be my childhood crush—childhood!—which I explained to you, and you think that gave you grounds to cheat on me?!"

"Well, I saw the way you two were smiling at each other! You never used to smile like that when you were with me!" he accused.

"Really?! And you think that tells you I'm cheating on you? That doesn't tell you something about yourself? About how I was happier platonically seeing someone that I hadn't seen in over a year than I was the entire time I was with you? Oh my god! You are being so childish right now!" My voice was steadily getting louder, on the brink of shouting.

"Really?! I'm the one being childish?! You're the one who—" I didn't get to hear the end of the sentence. I had hung up on him. I collapsed face-first onto the bed.

"Ugh!" I groaned, muffled by the blanket. I heard a knock on my door. I didn't answer, as I knew who it was, and I wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to him, either.

I heard the door open, anyway.

"Are you okay?" I heard Dylan ask circumspectly. His voice was flooded with concern and apology.

I immediately felt bad for what I had said earlier. It wasn't his fault that he was born first, it just happened that way.

I decided I shouldn't be mad or annoyed with him about that anymore. It wouldn't be fair to him and it was a stupid thing to be mad over anyway.

"I take it that was Matt?" he questioned after I didn't answer the first time.

"Yup," I finally answered. I heard Dylan let out a little sigh—partially of sympathy, partially of relief. I felt the bed sink a little bit on the side of me as he sat down. I turned my head to the side so I wasn't speaking into the bed anymore. "Just being the same asshole he is."

"I'm glad you're talking to me." A small smile played at the edges of Dylan's mouth. "You gave me the cold shoulder once in high school because of something I honestly don't remember—"

"You stole my notebook and tried reading it."

"Right... Anyway, I hated myself the entire time you wouldn't talk to me. I don't know if I could've gone through with that again. Anyway, what happened with Matt?"

I sighed. "I posted a picture of me and Noah with the caption 'Reunited with my childhood crush!' or something stupid like that, and Matt said I never smiled with him the way I was smiling with Noah, and he thought that gave him a reason to cheat on me."

"So, I'm going to ignore the fact that you just told me you had a crush on my best friend as a kid and we're going to move right along past that." I could hear the smile in his voice. His comment earned a small chuckle from me, making him smile.

He didn't need to voice his thoughts for me to hear them: "I'm so glad you're okay and you're not angry with me. I'm sorry, and if I could do something about it, you know I would."

Suddenly, I realized something, and I kept chuckling. Eventually, it turned into full-on laughter. I lifted myself up and sat against the headboard, tears forming at the edges of my eyes.

"It... It wasn't that funny," Dylan said, both amused yet confused.

"No, I... I just realized... I'm an idiot!"

"Wow, it took you 18 years to realize something I've known your whole life."

I playfully kicked him. I wiped my eyes and I calmed down a little, resting my head back.

"I was practically bawling yesterday about how he cheated on me, and it was for such a stupid reason! And if he thought that he could've just cheated on me because of a stupid post, the relationship was never going to work out in the first place!"

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better," Dylan smiled. "If you're happy, I'm happy."

Suddenly, there was a sharp knock coming from the doorway. I looked over and saw Noah looking a little embarrassed.

"Hey, is now a bad time?" He was standing very awkwardly with his right arm down and his left across his chest, though not for very long. He kept shifting the way he was standing, as though he just couldn't be comfortable in any position he stood in. He was so visibly uncomfortable that it was almost causing me to have second-hand embarrassment for him.

"No, not at all. Dylan and I were just talking. What's up?"

"Um, I kinda wanted to talk to you about something..." His eyes flicked over to Dylan. "In private."

My heart stopped for a moment. In the midst of the roller coaster of emotions that had been the last few minutes, I had almost forgotten about that.

Almost.

We both knew exactly what the other was thinking, though we didn't do anything. We both sat there for a few seconds just looking back at each other. Out of the corner of my eye, I had barely registered the fact the Dylan was looking back and forth between the two of us.

"And I'll take that as my cue to leave," he said, getting up and walking out. As he passed Noah, though, I thought I could see him pat Noah's shoulder.

As it was a pretty private conversation, even from Dylan—who I told practically everything to—Noah turned around to close the door. From down the hall, though, I heard Dylan shout, "Don't try anything with that door closed, Mills!" Noah then turned around—his face much redder than before—leaned against the door, and looked at me. Again, we stared at each other for a while, though much longer than before.

"So..." Noah finally said.

"So..." I responded.

Wow, great conversational skills, Lilly. Just talk to him! He is just a person! I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I just couldn't get it out. For some reason or another, I couldn't find the proper way to string words into phrases like I wanted to. After trying about thirty different word combinations, I finally decided on one.

"Look, about what happened yesterday—" I started.

"I know, I know what you're going to say," Noah interrupted me. He walked over and sat down on the edge of my bed.

Despite my slight annoyance with being stopped in the middle of a sentence that I struggled extremely with to get right, my heart still fluttered a little bit, thinking that he felt the same way I did. "You do?" I asked hopefully.

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, and I'm so sorry."

My heart dropped down to my stomach.

"I know that I crossed the line. You were just coming out of a long-term relationship, and it wasn't right to come onto you like that. I completely understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore or if you think I'm a creep or something... I'm just really sorry."

"Oh..." I took a sudden interest in the plain gray comforter, hoping it would do as its name implies and offer me some sort of relief.

"Oh! Was that not what you were going to say?" Noah looked sort of panicked.

"No, yeah, I just... I don't think you're a creep or anything, I just... I don't know. Yeah."

Somehow, Noah had understood whatever the hell that jumble of words that just flew from my mouth was. "Okay, I'm glad." The carpeting suddenly seemed extremely interesting to him throughout the silence that settled between us. "So... are we still friends?" He slowly looked up at me, almost as though he was scared to completely lift his head.

"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile and nodding, ignoring the knot forming in my stomach, my heart shattering into a million pieces, the chorus of voices screaming "NO!" in my head.

"Okay," he smiled. He stood up. "Thanks for not freaking out over it. I was really worried you were going to hate me."

"Oh yeah, don't—don't worry about it."

"Okay, that's good."

He stood there for a moment, his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground. I was about to ask if there was anything else that he wanted to tell me when he suddenly answered my unasked question. "Although," he said slowly, the word timidly slipping from his mouth. "I can't entirely say I regret it."

I felt that sentence alone start to pick up a few of the pieces of my heart that were lying on the ground. I reprimanded myself to not pick up too many, to keep my guard up, but I just couldn't help it.

"Really?" I asked, somehow managing not only a steady but also a sly tone.

He looked up at me fully, commanding my gaze with his deep brown eyes. I tried forming a sentence, but it seemed even harder than it was before. The longer I looked into his eyes, the more I felt myself becoming lost in them. I had never noticed how easy it was to. I tried to, but I just couldn't tear my eyes away from his. The way he was looking at me... I had no idea you could kiss someone with your eyes alone.

Suddenly, a small, sharp gasp escaped his lips. He blinked rapidly and took a step back, as though he had just come out of a trance. He glanced at me one more time, shocked and panic-stricken, like a deer in headlights. His cheeks flushed a bright red. He muttered some sort of apology and quickly left the room, shutting the door behind him. After a few seconds of shock, I walked over and laid my hand against the door, pressing my forehead against it. I let out a deep sigh before sitting down on the edge of my bed, simply staring directly at the door in front of me.

I wasn't entirely sure why, but I felt an odd pressure start to build behind my eyes and my throat tighten. I tried to blink back the tears. I didn't want to be crying over this. It would've been stupid to be upset over this, anyway. I mean, I was just with Matt. Did I really even like Noah in the first place? Was I just idealizing him for the (almost) kiss? What's with the mixed messages? Was I just revamping my childhood crush? Probably not, most likely, I have no idea, and I can see how and why. I mean, I can see why I liked him in the first place; not only was he super witty and charming, but he was also oddly adorable, as a 14-year-old and as a 20-year-old. But not the kind of adorable that you would call your five year old niece. It's a... different kind of adorable. It's hard to explain. Just the way his eyes lit up when he laughed and the way when he smiled, he made me feel so happy and bubbly. The way I always wanted to talk to him and the way I felt as though I had been waiting for my whole life for him to kiss me and, when he did, it felt like it was exactly where I belonged... where the universe meant for me to be.

I didn't typically believe in fate or anything like that, but in times like this, it was hard not to. I mean, I hadn't seen him for a year—aka pretty much the entire time I was with my boyfriend at the time. Then, I finally see him again and I feel super weird around him, almost awkward. Then, I find out my boyfriend had been cheating on me?! I mean, that had to be more than just a coincidence.

I flopped onto my back and blew an exasperated breath out of my lips.

"Doctor Gabbie, you were right..." I told her, even though she was nowhere around. "I think I've got a bad case of love."

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A/N: Yoooooooo.... been a while.... SORRY! But I was super busy with school, but now I'm on vacation, so that won't matter anymore! Last Tuesday was my graduation and Friday was the last day. I had to speak at graduation because I was the Student Council President. I procrastinated sooooooo much I legit didn't start until three weeks before graduation... I've had all year to prepare. I didn't even read it out loud until Tuesday morning and I hated it,,, So We JuSt LoVe ThAt FoR uS!!1! But i made some last minutes changes and it actually came out really well!

I'm gonna be updating a lot more now, too! So, there's that!

ALSO...

(honestly idek if any of you care but)...

I'M GONNA GO SEE SET IT OFF ON JULY FIFTH W/ A BUNCH OF FRIENDS AND I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll make sure to add some pictures or videos here somewhere!

k bye

{Posted on 6/28/19}