Guilt was eating away at Beast Boy despite his team assuring him there was no bad blood and it'd clearly been an accident. He knew if he were the victim, he'd do the same. He'd brush it off, file it away in the back of his mind and maybe make a joke about it to show he held no resentment. He wasn't the victim though. He was the aggressor and as much as Robin pretended everything was okay, the damage had been done. 

Beast Boy didn't mean to.  So many robotic soldiers were coming at him that he could no longer think beyond fighting. 

He'd shifted into the many animals he kept in his repertoire, trying to find one form that was undoubtedly the best, before settling on a bear. He only knew his friends were still alive and kicking when he heard their occasional shouts to one another. It seemed never-ending. 

He was tired, his body ached at the constant shifting, and he knew he'd been cut up either from the flying metal scraps or the swords they were armed with. All in all, he was shoulder-deep in the fight. Too far to know that when he had the time to tear apart a robot it meant there wasn't another following after. At no point did he have the chance to strip down the robots until they were nothing more than scrap and circuitry.

The team mistook his behaviour as both boredom with the monotonous fight and frustration at having his game night interrupted. They couldn't blame him. They'd been called out to androids running the city but they'd barely been running the block despite their immense numbers. Whoever programmed them hadn't given them a map of where to go or thought their AI was more intuitive than it truly was. 

Robin gave the order for the team to disband, and collect whatever trinkets looked interesting although that was more so aimed at Cyborg who'd been eyeing up some of the cables sticking out of an abandoned cybernetic leg. Those who cared less could head outside and make sure there were no stragglers. Raven and Starfire chose to look outside. He'd intended to go with them after picking up whatever motherboards weren't destroyed and hopefully finding something he could use to trace whoever did this but he stopped when he noticed Beast Boy's swings seemed more frantic than frustrated.

There was a temptation to blame Robin and list all the things he should've done differently to avoid this. He should've spoken louder, made himself known sooner, and seen that Beast Boy was blinded by adrenaline and no longer knew who was friend or foe. Robin was supposed to know everything like an omnipotent demi-God dressed in lycra and bright colours. 

Why didn't he know not to reach out and gently put his hand on his shoulder? Why didn't he keep a distance? Beast Boy was still shifted into a bear and yet he approached like this was his friend. Well, if anything, he'd learn not to make that mistake again.

As soon as Robin's hand connected, he was whirling around and lashing out with a harsh swipe of his claws as though he were nothing more than the animal he'd shifted into.

When his claw sank into flesh rather than metal plating, his eyes widened and he immediately felt the cold rush of regret wash over him. He shifted back so quickly he was nearly knocked off his feet as he stared at the damage he'd done with wide eyes.

Robin seemed just as shocked. He didn't immediately react instead he slowly moved his arm to his side, pressing his hand against it and then pulling it away. He swallowed thickly when he saw his green glove now dyed with a splatter of red. He then returned it against his side with a hiss of pain. His eyes remained on the ground for a moment as though recollecting himself before matching the younger's gaze.

"You alright?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy whispered, never taking his eyes away from the injury. Although the claws were now tucked away, his hands inside his gloves once again, he was sure he could feel chunks underneath his nails. He wanted to take his gloves off just to check but then again he wasn't sure if he could stomach it. This was a benchable offence. Hell, it was a firable one. He expected Robin's shock to morph into disappointment or anger yet it remained fairly neutral. 

"Rob?" Cyborg called, rushing over from the other side of the room with his arms full of electrical parts. "Are you okay? Did he get you?" He didn't attempt to put down his things. Maybe Beast Boy thought it looked worse than it really was but then again, this was Robin. He had a habit of downplaying.

"Just a cat scratch," Robin replied easily. The older missed how he turned his body away so only the tail end of the scratches were visible. Either way, it had him appeased enough to turn his attention away and onto the changeling.

"You good?" Cyborg asked Beast Boy.

"I," he paused. Why did Robin cover for him? It wasn't a small injury, he could see the blood bubbling from between his fingers. "You're bleeding."

"It's an awkward place. It's sorta like nose bleeds. They bleed a lot but you're usually fine after some water and a snack," his leader responded. That... well it didn't make complete sense but he wasn't a doctor. He was hardly first aid trained. "Did I scare you before?"

"I-I guess, I don't know. Missed the fight ending or something." It wasn't much of an explanation but it was the best he had. They shared a look of concern but he was still confused as to why they were now giving him the time of day when he'd hurt his teammate. Surely Cyborg should be carting Robin out of there as fast as he could and leaving him behind to reckon with his actions. Why wasn't he calling for the others, letting them know they had a rabid hero on their hands? "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just need some bandages and antiseptic wipes. Honestly, it won't even scar," Robin asserted, waving his free hand dismissively. "You wanna talk about it?" He shook his head. It didn't feel right to snatch away the attention that should be on the other.

"It's alright to get overwhelmed man, that was crazy," Cyborg soothed. "But I got some good junk from it. I can fix that controller now for sure."

"I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry," Beast Boy blurted out. 

"Hey, it's alright. I should've said something beforehand. Don't worry about it. Though I think we should get back soon. I'm no expert but bear scratches are super prone to infection."

"I think that's only for real bears."

"Yeah, but you've seen his room." Their light teasing eased some of his nerves but he couldn't help tracing behind them guiltily as they met up with the missing pair. 

After sleeping on it, Beast Boy came to the conclusion that he was making a big deal out of nothing. His teammates never looked mad, even Starfire had been more concerned with him rather than her boyfriend who she was often protective of. He guessed that in the heat of the moment, it had felt more intense than it actually had been. Adrenaline and fear may have caused him to focus on the blood rather than the actual wound. He could also argue that the red of Robin's shirt could've made it hard to distinguish how bad it had been. 

He still couldn't shake the guilt even if he could reason that he wasn't to blame. Robin had been injured at the end of the day, on purpose or not, and it left him wanting to somehow make it up to him. He wasn't sure how but he supposed a coffee would be a good place to start.

He opened the gym door, expecting Robin to be done and getting onto warm-ups, but the place was empty. For good measure, he called out Robin's name a few times but received no reply. He frowned to himself but shrugged it off. Even early birds needed to sleep in every once in a while. He trotted down the hall to Robin's bedroom and knocked on the door. 

"Who is it?" his leader croaked from inside.

"BB," he answered. "I brought coffee." The door slid open yet he still hadn't come face to face with Robin yet. The older was still in bed, the sheets pooling around him as he pulled at the hem of his pyjama shirt. "Sleeping in?"

"Phone must've died last night, never heard my alarm," Robin explained. 

"Oh, well we could train together if you wanted to catch up?"

"Maybe later. I need to get ahead of whoever built those robots last night." Beast Boy nodded, trying to hide the sting he felt. He got that there were more important things at hand but he couldn't help but wonder if he'd been brushed off because of the night prior. He pushed it to the back of his mind as he surrendered the coffee mug. 

"Next time then?"

"Yeah, next time. I was actually gonna train with Rae today but this is gonna keep me busy. Think you could fill in for me?" He brightened at the chance of doing a favour. 

"Dude, no worries. I'd be happy to."

"Great, I owe you one."

"You really don't."

"BB if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, it was an accident. I know you didn't mean to and it wasn't that bad. I could give you five things worse just from my first year as Robin." He shrugged to himself. Just because someone had been hurt a lot didn't mean that any less than the worst was no longer bad but he didn't argue. Robin shouldn't be comforting him right now, it should be the other way around. 

"I know Rob," he said.

Strangely, Robin didn't leave his room that day. He made a point to conduct all of his work in his office. It was something about making it easier to sleep if he didn't also associate his bedroom with his job but Beast Boy hadn't really been listening at the time. He'd anxiously waited in the common area, ready to jump in to offer making Robin drinks or snacks but alas, the opportunity never came about.

As the day turned to night and everyone went to bed, he found he didn't sleep nearly as easily as he had the night before. His brain kept shouting the reason Robin hadn't left his room was for fear of bumping into Beast Boy. Maybe he was more hurt than he was letting on, both physically and emotionally. He may portray himself as a man of steel but he was still human. It wasn't like he had a switch in his brain that suddenly made him invulnerable. 

He tossed and turned yet couldn't settle. A glance at the clock told him it was far too late to bother Robin but he reminded himself the guy didn't sleep. Any time was prime time for him. Beast Boy quietly crept out of his bedroom and tip-toed down the hallway before stopping at Robin's door. He hesitated knocking. Whilst he didn't want to put his fellow hero on the spot to either confirm or deny his opinions, he was desperate to know what was really going on. He didn't need to be handled with kid gloves and currently, he couldn't tell if he was.

Knock knock

The door remained closed.

Knock knock

Still, it remained closed. He frowned to himself. Maybe Robin had left his room at some point and he just wasn't around to see it. Perhaps his leader got an early night.

"Rob?" he harshly whispered through the door. He pressed his ear against it but there was no sign of life coming from inside. Not even a light snore. It should've been his sign to just head back to bed and leave the confrontation until morning. He couldn't sleep now but he might be able to get in a few hours if he really tried. That could take a long time though and if Robin was already awake then it wouldn't hurt to hash it out sooner rather than later.

Deciding on the latter option, Beast Boy made his way to Robin's office. He tried to keep quiet so he didn't wake any of his teammates both because that would be rude and also because he didn't want any of them to dissuade him before he lost his nerve. 

He passed the medbay on the way and at first, it seemed as deserted as the rest of the tower was at this time of night. Then he caught sight of a light bleeding out from underneath the doorway. He tilted his head curiously. He could've sworn the rest of the team had turned in but he'd already been wrong about Robin being in his room all day. 

"Shit," a voice whispered inside. It was hissed through clenched teeth and before he knew it, he was hitting the button to open the door. Inside he found Robin. He also found a mound of bloodied bandages slowly staining the thin sheets of a medical bed and a table of tools that had once been carefully laid out now misplaced as though thrown down.

Beast Boy stood frozen like a statue in the doorway as he stifled a gasp. Robin glanced up at the noise, out of habit rather than out of interest and did a double take when he saw someone there. It reminded the teen of when the injury took place. How they both stared at one another waiting for their brains to catch up with them and allow them to break the terse silence. Just like before, Robin was the first to break it.

"Hi," he greeted awkwardly. He went back to dress the wound, throwing the used bandages in the bin he'd dragged to the bed before quickly grabbing the new bandages to cover the damage. He didn't wrap them around himself. It was like walking in on someone half-dressed and they'd just grabbed whatever was closest to hold against themselves. 

"You lied," Beast Boy stated. "You're hurt."

"I never said I wasn't," he argued back.

"You said it wasn't that bad! It was like a nosebleed!" Robin winced and gestured for the other to keep the noise down but he felt well within his right to shout. How else was he supposed to react to finding Robin patching up a clearly irritated deep set of cuts on his ribs in the middle of the night?

"Okay, yeah, I may have lied about the severity," Robin admitted. "In my defence, it only looks like this because I didn't do it right the first time."

"You didn't- why didn't you say something?"

"I was just twisting too far when I did the stitches. I could've done it myself," he insisted. "It really isn't that bad."

"It looks bad Robin," Beast Boy said, his voice more fearful than he'd intended but he couldn't deny being scared. It certainly looked like they needed actual medical intervention rather than the patchwork of medical knowledge Robin had developed over the years. 

"Yeah, it does," he resigned. 

"And I did that."

"You did."

There was a brief pause as they both reckoned with what happened. Here Beast Boy was thinking a cup of coffee and offers to hang out doing activities Robin enjoyed would be enough to make up for what he'd done. Now, he had no idea how he was going to even begin to clean up the mess he made. He never felt his age more. He wanted someone to just tell him what to do to fix the mistake but he knew there was no answer that would ever feel like enough. He wondered if he'd always carry the guilt because he couldn't imagine it ever easing. Not when the damage was burned into his memory.

"I'm really sorry," he said because there was nothing more he could think to say.

"I know," Robin assured him. 

"I didn't mean to."

"I know that too," he replied easily. Softly. Like coaxing a small child away from a heated battle when they were too frightened to move from whatever makeshift shelter they'd found for themself. "You can go," he added. "You don't have to see it."

"I have to."

"You don't." His gaze turned to his tools, knowing he'd have to get back to work before long. "But if you want to, and I mean that. Only if you want to, you can sit by me whilst I get fixed up."

"Would that help?"

"Yeah, it would," he responded. Beast Boy trotted over to the bed and hopped on, leaving some space between them. "You know, it's pretty common for heroes to get overwhelmed when we fight."

"It's never happened before."

"There's no rhyme or reason to it. You aren't the first and you aren't the last," he stated as he returned to what he'd been interrupted in. "Plus, I think you're forgetting what happened with Red X."

"That was different."

"How?"

"You hurt us to save us. You were worried. I just hurt you," Beast Boy explained, clenching his fists at the latter sentence. 

"I had my reasons, you had yours. Difference is, you didn't know who you were hurting. You just knew you needed to fight."

"Do you feel guilty too?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "Not as much as I'd like to."

"Why would you like to? It's awful. I feel sick!"

"I think the guilt would stop me from doing it again. The lack of it allows me to prioritise sure but it leaves me making the same mistakes for the sake of a mission."

"How do you not feel guilty?" Beast Boy implored.

"BB, you don't want to know. It doesn't feel better to not be guilty. You feel regret, you feel annoyed with yourself and you walk through the same events wondering where you could've done something differently. It's an absence of guilt, not feeling good." He spoke clearly even when concentrating. It was so sincere yet the younger didn't agree. The weight of regret was so much better than the sickliness guilt caused. 

"You don't blame yourself though."

"No, I do," he corrected. 

"How can you blame yourself but not feel guilty?"

"This is getting a bit deep," Robin muttered under his breath. Still, he answered the question. "It's like when you play those games with Cy. You can know you made the wrong choice, and you can be annoyed that you did but you don't feel guilty about it. It's just a game and you messed it up. You can fix it later or try to start over."

"But you can't just reload a save file in real life." Robin nodded. "So you just view it like a game when we go on missions?"

"Sorta. It's not- it's not nice. Still feel shitty but just not guilty because I know I did what I could. Just chose wrong," he replied. "When you're responsible for not only your team but an entire city, sometimes the entire world, you have to find a way to cut off the guilt before it infects you entirely."

"So, are you saying it's fine because that works out better for the long run or because you mean it?"

"I mean it. I don't know if you've met me BB, but I tend to hold one hell of a grudge," he joked lightly. Slade could attest to that. 

It was weirdly peaceful as Robin redid his stitches and applied fresh wrapping. Beast Boy, for what felt like the first time in a while, was quiet throughout. He watched and only sometimes averted his eyes throughout the process when his stomach threatened to empty its contents. 

"It's a good thing to feel guilty sometimes," Robin said, breaking the silence. "But other times it can hinder our work. I can't tell you how to feel as much as I can tell you I'm not hurt by what happened. You've gotta learn to forgive yourself when you mess up."

"This is a pretty big mess up," the younger muttered.

"Yeah well, life tends to be a lot of those, but if we're here for you when that happens. I think Rae could offer you some support mentally. All that meditation she does is probably good for you too and I can pair you up with Cy so if you do lash out, it's a patch up job with less blood," he suggested. 

"I'm not a liability am I?"

"No, you're a hero and every hero has a bad day. Even Superman. Don't tell me he doesn't, I've seen it up close and personal."

"You know Superman like personally?"

"I do."

"Do you know Green Lantern?"

"Hal or John?"

"Hal."

"Unfortunately, yes."