Kai's Confession

~

"Man, that class was brutal today," Sean commented, running a hand through his dishevelled hair.

Raine nodded in agreement, his thoughts still lingering on the complex equations from the lecture. "Tell me about it. And we have our mid-semester tests starting next week."

Sean groaned as they began walking down the corridor. "Anyways, Raine," he began, a sly grin forming on his lips, "I heard you've been having some tutoring sessions with Zen. How's that going?"

"Yeah, it's going okay," Raine admitted, not seeming eager to delve into that particular topic.

"I hope you're not giving her that excuse you always give about why you failed Engineering Mathematics," Sean continued.

Raine raised an eyebrow. "Excuse? What do you mean?"

Sean chuckled. "You know, that whole speech about how a single sheet of paper doesn't define your future, and how you're going to make your own destiny. All that motivational talk about how you could be anything apart from being an engineer."

When Raine didn't come up with a response, Sean's mischievous grin suddenly transformed into a wide-eyed realization. "Wait a minute," he exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You did, didn't you? You made up that excuse."

"Just shut up, Sean."

"I mean, you're the one who took up Civil engineering because you thought it didn't involve math." Sean laughed, knowing perfectly well Raine was brooding like a bat after being scared out of his cave. "But you know, Raine," he said as his laughter subsided, "in this era and age, it seems like everyone's just going with the flow. Sometimes, it's the pressure from parents, peers, society, heck, even our own expectations, that drives us to it, even if it means pursuing something we're not truly passionate about. We put on a brave face and chase these goals, all the while feeling like we're losing a part of ourselves."

"Well, well, Mr. Philosopher," Raine teased, breaking his stone face and nudging Sean gently. "I didn't know I was having a deep conversation with you today. What's next, quotes from ancient sages?"

Sean laughed, giving back Raine a good-natured shove. "Hey, sometimes a guy's got to ponder the meaning of life between classes, you know?"

"Sean," Raine said, his tone suddenly turning into a more serious note as his gaze fell distant. "It wasn't an excuse. Back then, I genuinely believed what I was saying and I still do. It's not easy when you're caught up in all that pressure. It took me a while to figure out what I truly wanted, and even longer to admit it."

Sean's playfulness momentarily subsided, and he nodded thoughtfully. "We all have our moments of self-discovery. It's just funny how life can surprise you sometimes."

~-~

Zen sat near the window, her eyelids drooping and her brain clearly on vacation. The teacher's voice droned on like a lullaby and she struggled to keep awake. The entire class was collectively yearning for the magical words that signalled the end of their suffering, and it finally came, like a lifeline thrown to a drowning ship.

The students shuffled out of the room, leaving behind a battlefield of empty desks. That was when Zen turned her bleary eyes to Lin who sat beside her and was packing up to leave.

"Lin," Zen muttered, her words as drowsy as a sloth in a hammock, "that project was like a nightmare, but we pulled it off."

Lin nodded with a weary smile. "Tell me about it. At least we're done now," Lin replied. "Oh and Zen, I was a bit worried about moving in with your friends, but they've been incredibly welcoming. It's turned out to be a surprisingly pleasant experience."

Zen nodded as relief washed over her. "I had a feeling they'd be great roommates for you, Lin. They're genuinely wonderful people."

Lin smiled warmly, but her expression quickly shifted to one of urgency. "I hate to rush off, Zen, but I've got something important to attend to. Let's catch up later, okay?"

Zen waved her off with a nod. "No worries, Lin."

With the sun setting outside, casting a warm glow that made the room look like a cheesy romantic movie scene, Zen's head took a nosedive into her arms. And just when she thought she was alone with her nap adventure, a familiar voice startled her from behind. "Hey, Zen."

Zen instantly turned her attention to the voice she hadn't been expecting. "Oh, hi, Kai. I didn't see you come in." It seemed like Kai had been in the room all along, sitting behind her.

Kai chuckled softly. "I tend to slip in under the radar. How's your day been?"

Zen straightened up, a bit surprised by his presence. "Long and tiring, but I'm relieved the last class is finally over," Zen responded. Their conversation naturally veered towards the project that had caused Zen many sleepless nights. "I have to admit, Kai, without your help, I wouldn't have made it in time. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Zen. I'm always here to lend a hand."

Their conversation was going great or so Zen had believed until, out of the blue, Kai turned all serious, almost like a lightning bolt on a sunny day. He forced out an intentional cough before locking eyes with her. "Zen, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while now," he said, sounding all nervous.

"What is it?" Zen asked curiously.

Taking a deep breath, Kai confessed, "I've had feelings for you for a long time, Zen. I hadn't planned on revealing it like this, but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer."

Zen widened her eyes in surprise, a whirlwind of emotions stirring within them as she processed Kai's unexpected confession. The empty classroom seemed to hold its breath, as if it, too, awaited her response.

Kai seemed to sense her surprise as he shifted in his seat. "I... I know this might be a lot to take in, Zen. You don't have to answer right now. Take your time to think about it."

Zen nodded slowly, finding her voice at last. "Thank you, Kai. I appreciate your honesty." It was all she could manage in that moment.

Kai gave a warm but somewhat awkward smile. "No problem, Zen. I just wanted you to know how I feel. We can talk about it whenever you're ready."

The atmosphere in the room shifted abruptly as the door swung open, revealing Raine leaning casually against the doorframe. His eyes bore into Zen's with a mixture of annoyance and discontent.

Zen quickly turned away, feeling a sense of unease settle in the pit of her stomach. Did he hear everything? Zen thought in horror. Kai seemed to be caught off guard by Raine's unexpected appearance as well, but he recovered quickly and managed to put on a friendly smile.

"Hey, Raine, what brings you here?" Kai asked.

"Came to get my tutor," Raine replied, his voice sounding cold and clipped.

Zen watched as Kai's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and he stammered out a vague excuse. "Oh, right, I...I just remembered I have something to do. I'll leave you two to chat." With that, he hastily exited the room, leaving her alone with Raine.

After a painfully long silence, Raine finally let out his frustration. "Zen, I've been trying to reach you all day. Why won't you pick up my calls?"

Zen reached into her bag, feeling around for her phone. When her fingers brushed against its cold, metallic surface, she pulled it out. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she unlocked her phone's screen and checked the notification bar. There it was, glaring at her like an accusation - the silent mode icon. So that's why he looks so pissed. Her heart sank as she realized the truth. "Raine, I just checked my phone, and it was on silent. I'm so sorry for not picking up your calls earlier. I had no idea."

Raine ran a hand through his hair, trying to reign in his irritation. "I just don't get how someone can forget to check their phone as often. It's not like you're an old man who doesn't know how to use one."

"Right, our study session." Zen suddenly realised the purpose of Raine's visit. "Let's get started." She swiftly gathered her belongings and joined Raine at the classroom door.

"I found a quiet classroom next to the science lab. That will be our usual spot from now on," Raine explained as he led the way.

~-~

In the classroom that was quieter than a library, Raine sat, locked in mortal combat with a towering stack of problems that seemed to have a personal grudge against him. But it wasn't just the math that gnawed at his concentration. It was the conversation between Kai and Zen which he accidentally overheard.

His gaze drifted to Zen, who was absorbed in her phone. It was an intriguing sight, and for a moment, it pulled his attention away from the math. His focus snapped back when her phone vibrated harshly. "Are you seriously checking your texts now?" he snapped.

"What's the issue? Focus on your math," Zen replied flatly as her fingers continued tapping on the phone screen.

"It's incredibly distracting," Raine grumbled.

"It's just my friend, Julian. He messaged me about something urgent. I replied, but he seems to be offline now," Zen explained without missing a beat, worry crossing her features.

Raine chose to remain silent, his eyes locking onto Zen's as she dialled Julian's number. "He's not picking up. I wonder if something might have happened," Zen mumbled to herself.

With their study session hanging by a thread, Raine hesitated, pondering whether he should throw in the towel for the day. "Should we call it a day?" he suggested.

"No, let's continue," Zen answered resolutely. There was an undeniable sense that Raine was struggling more than usual during this study session, but she was determined to pull this through. "Where specifically are you struggling?"

Raine pointed to a particular section of his notebook before pushing it towards Zen.

~-~

Raine walked back to the dormitory, his mind a jumbled mess after the unproductive study session with Zen. He turned a corner near the campus courtyard and came face-to-face with Kai. Their eyes locked, and for a brief moment, the world seemed to stand still.

Kai's face broke into a warm, genuine smile as if the earlier tension between them had never existed. "Raine, rare to see you here. Going back to the dorm?" he asked.

Raine managed a nod and a faint smile, shaking off his unease.

"Great. I'll come with you."

Raine drifted his gaze towards Kai with a hint of irritation as they walked. It was as if an invisible cloud hung over him, casting a shadow over his already gloomy thoughts. He had always felt he shared a profound connection with Kai since childhood. As they grew older and more mature, the outward displays of emotion waned, but their underlying affection for each other remained. Raine still cared for Kai as if he were his own brother.

Raine believed he had unravelled every facet of Kai's character, but a growing unease told him otherwise. There seemed to be a secret he didn't know about Kai, a profound secret, hidden away like a treasure locked in a vault. He couldn't help but shoot a glare in Kai's direction, though Kai seemed blissfully unaware of his internal turmoil.

"Hey, you," Raine called out to Kai.

"What is it?" Kai answered.

"Nothing. Forget it."

Kai seemed to notice his disapproving gaze and finally asked, "Is something bothering you, Raine?"

"Are you gay?" Raine blurted out. He couldn't keep his curiosity inside any longer.

Kai paused for a moment, then a small smile played on his lips. "No, Raine," he replied, "I'm not gay. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that, well, we've been friends for so long, and you never really talk about dating or relationships. I guess I was curious."

Kai nodded. "I get that, Raine," he said. "But you know, I don't think dating and relationships are solely about your sexual orientation."

"You mean you can date a man?"

"From a straight's perspective, no. But for me, it will depend on the person. If I could establish a connection with someone on a deeper level, like their personality, their values, and how they make me feel, I might be able to look past their gender."

Kai's answer brought to mind his recent conversation with Zen, and Raine's eyes narrowed slightly before he quickly looked away. His fingers involuntarily clenched and relaxed as he tried to maintain his composure. Raine didn't know who was bothering him at this point. "So it's more about who you click with?" he further asked.

"Don't put it like that. Come on. Imagine marrying the love of your life in one lifetime. Then, in the next, you somehow retained all the memories of your past life. So you start searching for that woman relentlessly, only to discover she's been reincarnated as a man. Would you give up on her?" Kai asked Raine.

Raine was rendered speechless, unable to respond. Kai attempted to lighten the mood. "Don't take it so seriously," he said, putting an arm over Raine's shoulder.

"I didn't," Raine choked out a curt reply. What kind of question was that anyway? he thought with annoyance, confident that even if it appeared on a 15-point test, he would undoubtedly receive a perfect score of zero.

"As someone who has known you for half of my life, sometimes you can come off as far too prejudiced. I know you have your reasons but you're an idiot sometimes."

"What?" Raine was taken aback, momentarily stumbling in his steps as he watched Kai walk ahead. He quickened his steps to catch up to him. "You're the idiot," Raine mumbled.

"How was your study session?" Kai changed the topic.

"Horrible."

"Cut Zen some slack."

"You're oddly protective lately," Raine remarked, though he already understood why.

"Why do you feel that? Do you like Zen?" Kai probed further.

"What?" Raine exclaimed, nearly choking on his words at the unexpected accusation. But before he could respond, their conversation was abruptly interrupted by Sean, who came running towards them, gasping for breath.

"Guys, I've been searching everywhere for Julian," Sean panted. "I can't find him, and he's not answering his phone. I'm really starting to freak out."

"Julian? You mean that Julian?" Kai asked, recognizing the name.

"Who's he?" Raine inquired. His question hung in the air, seemingly ignored by the two men engrossed in their exchange.

Kai seemed to waste no time and sprung into action. He glanced at Sean once more before addressing Raine, "Come on, we'll find him together."

Having no clue about the situation, Raine simply nodded and followed. As the trio hurriedly made their way through the campus, they ran into Zen, who appeared equally anxious. Raine, catching his breath was the first to speak, "Zen, haven't you left yet?"

"I was on my way home, but then I got a message from Julian. He said he needed to talk urgently, but now he's not responding," Zen replied with worry.

"You were looking for Julian too?" Sean asked, his voice trembling.

Zen nodded. "Yes, something doesn't feel right. We need to find him."

With growing apprehension, the four banded together in their search for Julian. They retraced their steps across campus, checking the usual hangout spots and asking anyone who might have seen him.