chapter twenty
down the drain

        Scrub.  Scrub.  Scrub.

Alex feels like she's just going through the motions.  Scrub, squeeze, rinse, repeat.  Over and over again until there's no dirt left.  Disassociate so you don't have to think about the cliffside ever again.  Let the world fade into the background and your thoughts swirl down the drain.  Don't let them know how much this has affected you.  You're alive, you're alive, you're alive.

"Are you okay?" El asks, gently, breaking Alex from her cycle.

Alex pauses with the rag hovering just inches away from El's face, her hand trembling slightly, but she tries to ignore the telltale tremor. El sits on the edge of the bathtub, small hands clinging to the sides and holding her upright.  Alex stands on her knees in front of the small girl.  El looks better than she did when they brought her home on the back of Mike's bike. The blood has stopped dripping from her nose, and she's able to hold herself up now, but Alex can still see the exhaustion in her wide brown eyes.  Alex has scrubbed most of the dirt away, revealing El's pale, almost porcelain skin. But El is not as fragile as porcelain. She has proven that time and time again. El is so much more than just a girl. She is so much more than they will ever be. Alex thinks that El might as well be something greater than a God. But even Gods get tired. Even Gods fall every once and a while. El needs to recharge just like the rest of them. 

The boys wait patiently for them in the basement just beyond the door.  Alex doesn't know how long they have been shut in the bathroom.  It could have been minutes or it could have been hours.  But the boys don't say anything.  They understand.  They're all tired.  The girls sit in the bathroom for a long time before Alex starts to help El clean herself up.  El breaks down again when the door closes behind them and Alex takes a seat next to her on the ground and brings the girl into her arms, rubbing circles in her back and rocking her back and forth until the sobs subside and El's breathing returns back to normal.  They sit there for what seems like hours, taking comfort in each other's company, but Alex remains void of emotions the entire time.

El reaches out and takes Alex's free hand in her own.  Alex tries not to wince.  The skin on Alex's hands is red and raw from trying to wash the ghost of James's grip down the drain, but she doesn't mind. It's cathartic, scrubbing until her hands are numb because the pain in her hands distracts her from the cataclysm of thoughts that spiral through her head.  She's still exhausted—they all are.  She still feels the pain shooting through the arm twisted behind her back.  Jame's grip around her wrist has left faint bruises around her wrist, still tender to the touch, but just barely formed.  There's a small tremor in her fingers, and small cuts litter the palms of her hands and the skin over her knees from the gravel.   Alex has wiped away the blood but that does not eradicate the sting.  She still feels James's arm around her throat.  She shakes her head and pushes this to the back of her mind.  They have bigger things to worry about than her pain. They're alive right now and that's all that matters.  They are alive, but not safe.  Safety is a mere speck in the distance. It slips through their fingers like sand.

El looks deep into her eyes and repeats, "Are you okay?"

Alex isn't okay.  She doesn't know if she'll ever truly be okay again.  The reality of their situation has sunk into her like a knife.  They have El now, but they're still utterly alone.  This was never a problem for children to handle alone.  This is an adult war, but they've dressed children up in uniforms and sent them to fight in it.  Finding El does not erase the fact that the girl is hunted, and that by default, they are hunted too.  But Alex is tired of being treated like they are livestock being headed to the slaughterhouse.  Alex is tired of not knowing and Alex is tired of running in circles.  She wishes she could wash all of her worries down the drain like the blood from the small cuts that litter her hands and knees.

A part of her wishes that Steve was with them.  Steve would know what to do.  Steve always knows what to do.  He would wrap her in his arms and tell her everything is going to be okay like she was a little kid all over again.  And like when she was a little kid, she'll believe him because Steve is so much older and wiser and knows so much more than she does.  But another part wants him far away from them because if there is one thing that she can control, it's Steve's safety.  If she keeps him at arm's length, he'll be safe.  He'll be far away from El and the Upside Down and the bad men that are hunting them down.

She doesn't tell El any of this because if she does, she knows that every pent-up emotion she has ever locked away will come surging out of her mouth like a tidal wave.  In this time of darkness, she needs to be the one that her friends can depend on.  She needs to stay strong because who is she if not the girl armed with anger?  Everything is different now, but Alex wants to be that one constant.  The one thing that everybody can depend on to stay the same.  (No matter how much she's grown in the past week).

"I'm going to have to be," is all Alex says.

"Alex," El says softly, keeping her hand gripped in her own.  "Friends don't lie."

Silence settles between them.

"I miss my brother," Alex admits finally.  "But I'm glad that he's not a part of this.  At least he's safe."

El nods slowly.  She knows that Alex doesn't tell her anything, but she's satisfied, and lets go of Alex's hand.  She returns to scrubbing gently at El's skin, careful not to irritate it.

"How are you?" Alex asks.

"Tired," El answers.  "But better."

"That's good," says Alex with a smile.  "We're gonna need all the strength we can get if we wanna save Will."

"I'm sorry," El tells her quietly.  "I lied.  I'm sorry."

"You were just trying to protect us," Alex replies.  "And I'm sorry too.  For everything that I should have done, but didn't."  She lets out a shaky breath, but there's a soft smile that works its way onto her face.  She wipes away the last smear of dirt and lowers the rag with a smile.  "There.  All better."

Alex tosses the rag to the side and stands up on shaky legs.  She catches her reflection in the mirror, it's the first time she's taken a good look at herself since Will's funeral.  There are dark circles under her eyes.  Small scratches and cuts litter her face.  She's just twelve but she looks so much older—they all do.  They've been forced to grow so much in the past week.  They kissed their childhood goodbye the moment they found El in the woods, and yet, Alex doesn't think that she would have it any other way.  She's not alone anymore.  El is next to her in her reflection.  Although the blonde wig is long gone, she still clings to the pink dress despite the dirt that stains it.  She still looks so small.  She's still just a kid.  Just like the rest of them.  She doesn't deserve this any more than the rest of them do.

She turns back to El.  "Are you ready?"

El nods and pushes herself up from the edge of the bathtub.  "Ready."

Alex's hand hovers just above the doorknob when it's suddenly flung open.  Alex recoils and takes a step back only to be face-to-face with Mike.  "Can I, uh, can I talk to El?" He asks.

Alex glances back at El, who smiles and nods.  "Yeah, I was just on my way out."

But Mike doesn't seem to hear her, his attention is already solely focused on El.  Alex smiles to herself and steps out of the bathroom, closing the door shut behind her.  Dustin is left behind in Mike's wake, alone on the couch and staring down at the baseball cap that he holds in his hands, flipping it over and over.  Alex is scared for all of them.  There is no saying just how much the events of this afternoon alone have traumatized them all.  Even if James and Troy didn't mar them with scars, she knows that they will not walk away from today without a permanent reminder of what had happened at the cliffside.

"Hey," she says softly.  Dustin tears his gaze away from his hat as she takes a seat beside him.  "I'm glad you're all right."

"And I'm glad you're all right," Dustin replies with a smile.  "And thank you."

Alex blinks.  "For what?"

Dustin furrows his brows.  "What do you mean, 'for what'?  You went back for me.  You didn't have to.  You shouldn't have.  And then when Troy told you to drop the rock, you didn't have to.  You could've fought back and ran.  But you didn't.  You gave up your chance to escape so that I wouldn't get hurt."

"Isn't that what friends are for?" Alex asks with a shrug.  A grin spreads across her face as she playfully punches Dustin in the shoulder.  "Besides, we're in this together, Henderson, whether you like it or not."

"How are you?" Dustin asks.  Alex thinks he sees through her facade.  "And none of that 'I'm fine' bullshit."

"But I am fine," Alex insists.  Liar.  Dustin only raises his eyebrows.  "Really.  Besides, I'm not the one who got threatened with a knife."

Dustin lets out a sigh.  "Alex, you don't have to pretend to be okay.  We're all scared and tired, and that's okay.  You don't have to be strong all the time.  I know you probably didn't have a system like this before, but we're your friends, now.  You can talk to us."

Alex smiles softly.  He's only twelve, yet sometimes he acts so much older.  He was forced to grow up too quickly in this past week, just like the rest of them.  But there's still that child-like gleam in his eyes, even now.  She doesn't think there's anything that can truly extinguish the spark of childhood curiosity.  Maybe there's still hope for them when all of this is done and over with.

"Dus . . . Al . . ."

Alex jumps.  Static crackles from one of the backpacks that sit on the coffee table.  She can recognize the voice that leaks from the depths of the backpack without a second thought.  Lucas is back.  But this isn't the joyous reunion that Alex had been hoping for.  Lucas's voice is tinged with desperation and frenzy, and above all fear.  He's speaking so fast that his words are indiscernible and his voice weaves in and out of reception.  Alex's heart pounds in her chest.  There were millions of ways that Lucas's plan could have gone wrong.  They never should have let him seek the gate alone.  They should've stayed longer, they should have begged and pleaded and taken him along with him.  Maybe with four people, they would have stood a chance against Troy and James.  Maybe, if he were with them, he wouldn't be in danger.

Alex and Dustin both share a look before they scramble off of the couch and dive for the walkie-talkie.  Alex manages to grab hold of the walkie-talkie first.

"Lucas?" She calls, holding down the button.  "Lucas?  Is that you?  It's Alex.  With Dustin."

"Over!" Dustin adds from over her shoulder.

"Yes . . . copy . . . ou . . ."

Alex turns to Dustin.  "Get Mike."

Dustin doesn't need to be told twice.  Alex raises the walkie-talkie to her mouth again.  "Lucas, slow down, I can't understand you."

Dustin bursts back into the room with Mike and El on his tail.  "Do you remember how he said he was looking for the gate?"

"Yeah?" Mike replies as Dustin takes the walkie-talkie from Alex's hands.  She relinquishes it.  There's no time for squabbles.

"What if he found it?"

Lucas's voice pierces through the static once more, growing more frantic by the second.  Mike takes the walkie-talkie from Dustin's hands.  "What's he saying?"

"I don't know, he's way out of range," Dustin replies with a defeated sigh.

". . . Son of a bitch!"

Alex bites back a laugh.

Mike presses down the button and raises the Supercomm to his lips.  "Lucas, if you can hear us, slow down.  We can't understand you."

"Copy . . . know . . . Eleven . . . mad hen!"

"Mad hen," Dustin repeats.  "Does that mean anything to you?  Like a code name or anything?"

And then suddenly, Lucas's voice pierces through the static once again, this time clear for them all to hear.

"The bad men are coming."

author's note: al and el bonding scene al and el bonding scene al ane el bonding scene!!  and alex and dustin's brotp.  i love them and i can't wait for more of them, especially season 2.  anyway, i'm actually very proud of this chapter, so i hope you enjoyed!!