My friend are the nicest friends anyone could ask for. I don't understand why they're friends with me, but I appreciate it nonetheless. They say such nice things about me, especially my best friend. Things that I personally disagree with, things that aren't exactly true.

Today, my friend called me brave, courageous, and strong.

Now, I know these aren't true for so many reasons.

They said I was brave because I stand up for what I believe in. I don't. I sometimes do, but I'm so fucking no confrontational, so fucking anxious, and so so scared all the time, to the point where I barely stand up for little things while with people I trust.

They said I'm strong for living through all of the shit I've lived through. I've lived through all of the shit I have through pure luck and because either people in my life haven't been strong enough or I haven't been strong(physically) enough. It's all happened through chance.

They said I'm courageous because I stand up for those I love. I don't do it out of courage. I do it out of pure rage, pure disbelief, and pure pent up anger. Rage at the people who DARE to hurt those amazing people I get the pleasure of calling my friends. Disbelief that anyone, ANYONE, could ever be even slightly rude to such amazing and caring people. Such amazing fucking people. Pent up rage I've been saving because I can't release it ever. So I release it verbally on the people who hurt the people I love.

When I love someone, I love them so strongly that barely anything can break it. The only way my love stops is if they do something so stupidly fucked up that I can't help it, or if they hurt someone I live for no good reason. Even then, it takes a while for my love to die down. It took me a long while for me to stop defending my brother, even after all that he did(which I won't get into because I don't want to💃🥳), it took me years.

I still feel a certain degree of love towards love towards my ex. Not romantic love, but love for the kind of a person they are. I knew them for a while, and they were a pretty strong person.

I still feel love for my ex-friend, Alexis. Even after all of the shit she did to so many people, I can't help but to love her as if she was still my friend. I can't help it. I still get the urge to yell at anyone who starts insulting her, and even if that urge is small and the insults are valid, it's still there.

I'll still defend my ex-friend Addison for a long while. She does really like me anymore because I stood up for Alexis. I don't care. I'll love her for a long time. She was such a great friend, and I'll miss being her friend.

Then there's Exen, my best friend. I'd defend them with my absolute life. They may as well be the reason I'm alive rn. I can never repay all of the kindness they've shown to me, especially in my lowest moments. I'll defend them till the day I die, because that's what they deserve. They deserve everything.

Even if I don't agree with all of the things Exen tells me, I appreciate them. Exen brings joy to me any time I talk to them and they're just so amazing. Idc who disagrees, because Exen has been my friend for a long, long time and at this point, I think I'd choose their friendship over anything anyone could offer me.