Hey, Puppeteer.

It's Helen.

It's been a month or two since we've last spoken, right? It's been a while. I'm sorry for the way we left things. Sometimes I do wish I had gone on that boat with you and escaped to another country. Sometimes I'm glad I didn't. Either way, I'm sorry. We should have had a goodbye, at the very least. We deserved that much.

Currently, I'm sitting at the new dining room table. It's a dark brown, polished on the top with grooves on the side. Newly-made. Big enough for everyone here. His new house is bigger than his older one. To my right is Jeff, in the kitchen with Sally. He's started to teach her how to cook, apparently. There's this barbie movie humming on her new phone - I should mention, she had an old phone and dropped it while they were moving. Sans just bought her a new one. It has unicorns on the back and her background is some picture I drew. It's kind of a funny story. Sally had run up to me with this glint in her eye and demanded I draw Sans as a character from one show because Sans had told her I drew him before. I did, because why not? I thought she'd hate it but she loved it so much it's the only thing on the walls of her new room. They're going to have to take it down to paint her walls pink later. Right now they're a weird brown. Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm a bit... excited, I guess. It's weird. It's a new start for me here, I never thought it would be that way.

It's funny, you not being here. I kept turning to tell you something during the first few weeks here, and you weren't there. I'm kind of glad you aren't, though. At first, it was terrifying, admittedly. It was always so easy to hide from things when you were around. I'm happy you did your best to protect me, and you always will be my friend, but I think distance has done me some good. It forced me to talk to people I normally would have avoided. I've been doing... decent here. Other than the concussion that clown gave me, that is. Had to wear sunglasses for a few weeks.

I'll admit I was distant at first. I honestly didn't think I'd fit in here, wouldn't belong. Sometimes I still think that. Depression is hard to get over and even now I can feel it creeping up in my mind. Especially when I was in a new environment away from my only friend.

Honestly, I owe it to Toby and Clockwork. I was considering running away when I first got here. I didn't want to be here, or with you, or anywhere. Thought it'd be best if I went somewhere alone to not burden anyone. But then they dragged me down to the living room at 2 AM with some cups of coffee. Did you know they remembered I like mine with the peppermint creamer? I didn't think they did. But there it had been, and I could smell it on the way to the kitchen. Could smell that creamer. That damn creamer. I think that's when it hit me that I wasn't in a strange place surrounded by strangers. That this might be a home, in a weird and stupid way.

We talked a lot that night. Guess the coffee helped keep us awake. Eyeless Jack - he sort of became my doctor for the time being, by the way - came down and tore them new asses for keeping me up that late.

But, anyways, we talked a lot. They not only avoided me but one another. Judge Angels was the glue who held us all together, so it wasn't really me when she died. The loss sort of broke us all, I guess. We talked a lot, and I think I cried a few times.

So we're friends again. It's weird. Everything here is weird.

Sans and I spoke again. He's still upset I put his daughter in danger, and I don't blame him. A month or two ago I would have cried at that, but I think I'm doing better.

Yeah, I'm in therapy now. Weird, right? I never thought I could, considering my - uh, old hobbies. Apparently, Smile Dog is really good at creating false papers, enough for a clinician to see me. And they said since I sort of went into hiding after Judge Angels passed, I can go in person.

It's a small building in a development area, between this old dentist's office that is being refurbished and a crooked stop sign. It's nicer inside. My therapist is an older woman, and she's nice. She specializes in grief and trauma, that's why they chose her for me.

It was the third session that I broke down. The first two sessions I was a bit awkward since I was still settling into this whole routine of being here. I mean, it's so... loud here. So crowded. They don't eat canned food, they eat cooked meals. From Jeff of all people. They play games and laugh and everyone is kind of friends with each other. I don't even know how this happened, but Ben somehow roped me into joining their Minecraft world. I played for three hours before I realized what had happened.

Sorry, it's easy to get sidetracked. There's so much I want to tell you. Therapy has been going great ever since the third session. It's awkward at first. I didn't know that woman, didn't know what to say. Wanted to run through the doors to escape the awkwardness. But then, on the third session, I thought about Judge Angels and sort of... broke down. Cried a lot that day. Spilled the story, excluding some obvious details that can get me arrested.

And it's been decent since. My therapist has helped me through some things. I have little homework exercises for when I get home. I did mention you. I exclude a lot of specifics. She said we had a really bad co-dependent relationship. We're both enablers. She said some distance will do us well since I've been doing better in my new environment. She's helped me a lot so far. Thinking through my emotions has become a bit easier. I don't cry as much. I leave my room more. I don't go outside other than to therapy, but she said baby steps. Everyone here has been really helpful. I didn't expect it, but I'm actually kind of happy. Not fully. It still hurts and I'm still depressed, but I'm on meds now. Apparently, I should've been on them since I was a teenager from the behavior that I've told her. Now it's not a bottomless pit of sadness. It still is, in a way, but it's more so of a pool of sadness. Something I can swim out of instead of just falling.

Laughing Jack even apologized, by the way. I know Sans forced him to but it's nice to hear, I guess.

A lot's been happening since I got here. Sans and Jack got into a fight over what he did to me. We moved, for some reason. I'm not sure why exactly, but Jane and Laughing Jack seem to know something has been off with Sans. Jane mentioned it once. Said she knows he'll tell her soon, Sans just has to work through his emotions himself. At first, I thought I was the reason. But Sans made sure to sit me down and tell me it was not. He has some unresolved trauma and the pregnancy is making it a bit worse. At least, that's what I think.

That's also another thing that's going on. Sans' baby is due soon. Everyone's holding their breath now. I've never seen a monster soul pregnancy so I'm not sure what to expect. But he's been a bit off. It's not just the mood swings or the awkward strikes of hunger. He keeps looking out of the window like he's scared. I don't know, and it's not my place to guess. My therapist said it's 'me' time. Focus on me instead of other people. So I'm doing that. I've been painting a lot more. Started working out a bit, but it's hard to keep my motivation up for that. Sans and I are going to be workout partners since Sans has had trouble being motivated as well. Toby will join us.

Oh, that's another thing I have to tell you. Sans and Toby are dating now. I never would have guessed that of all things. After he and Clockwork distanced themselves they both came out. I knew a bit about Clockwork but I had no idea about Toby. They're taking things slow for now. It's weird to watch. I think Toby's a bit more into Sans than he wants to admit. He has this look in his eyes that he never had for Clockwork. It didn't develop at first.

I was there when he got that look. They were unpacking dishes for the new house with me. One of them was this old antique plate Sans had gotten when he first moved to the surface. A present from the King of monsters (which Sans knows, apparently. He was trained by the guy, how the hell does Sans have so many good connections?). It's a star-covered plate with a constellation on it. I learned Sans is into stars and such. He studied it a bit in his free time. Sans went on and on about the stars on the plate and their greek origin names. Honestly, a lot of it went over my head, and I was in and out of the room so I didn't catch the full conversation. Sans was so passionate, and we could tell. It's like you whenever you got those special (were they called hina?) dolls from that one CreepyPasta. KageKao, right? He got you some special dolls and you set them up in your other base and gushed about them for weeks. Sans with stars is like you with those dolls. Honestly, all I could think about when I heard Sans' tone and saw his face was you talking about your dolls. Hurt a lot, so I was about to leave.

Then I saw Toby's expression. You know that wound on the side of his face, and how he used to smile a bit crookedly to not make it sting? Well, he wasn't smiling like that. His expressions were always a bit controlled. Yet he had the biggest smile on his face, and his mouth wasn't crooked. I expected Toby to blurt out an "I love you" to him. You know how Toby is, he's always been quick to say love. He didn't, though. They've been on a few more quick dates. Sans is busy with all of the stuff he has to do, though I think he likes it. He keeps saying he's a lazy guy, but honestly I don't think he is.

Oh, right, speaking of Toby, he and I and Clockwork all hang out regularly now. We talk about you sometimes. They do miss you. They're still mad about what you had done, but they say hi. Hope you're doing alright. As do I. I think we could reconnect one day. Just once we both figure out whatever the hell we need to figure out.

I'll probably write more letters, though I doubt you can write anything back. I can't say anything specific about our location, especially since your showing up will get you killed. When Sans mentioned that I was going to write you a letter, Laughing Jack got this slight look in his eyes. Definitely stay away from Bean. I don't think you'll be able to go near her in a while. Or ever.

I... think that's it, for now. That's everything off the top of my head. I'm doing better. Not great, but better. It's easier to leave the bed and being sad isn't as soul-crushing anymore. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing better. That things are better. I want to meet you again one day, but I want to meet you when I'm all better.

-Helen