I sat silently in the quiet classroom, my eyes on my blank notebook.

I had hardly payed attention all day, but History had been the last straw for me. Considering all the teachers had just thrown on movies or allowed us to catch up with whatever we needed too, Mr. Barrett actually forcing us to do work didn't seem to sink in.

My mind drifted everywhere, but nowhere. Anytime it would go into forbidden territory, I'd shove it back down and force my mind to something else. That something else usually consisting of my friends or Cam. Cam, who had absolutely no idea that I'd been raped by his older brother. Cam, who was still acting as if everything was normal, that he hadn't been gone for twenty-four hours almost a state away.

That was the way I wanted it to be.

He had enough to worry about with work, graduation, and the baby. He didn't need to be worrying about my problems.

"Two days." Shay slapped her hands on my blank notebook in front of me. "Two days and we're finally out of this hellhole!"

Ray draped his arms around her neck, grinning down at me.

"Where's CamCam?" I glanced toward the clock, surprised to see that it was nearly an hour after the last bell and Mr. Barrett hadn't told me to leave once. He'd be the teacher I probably would miss the most.

"Work, probably." I mumbled, rubbing at my temples. Both of them frowned, leaning over the desk with worried looks.

"Are you okay?" Shay asked.

"Yeah, I mean, you've been distant all week, Blake." I offered them a week smile, not sure if I should tell them.

I had tried to tell Shay that I was pregnant multiple times, but the words had never left my mouth. I had always backed out last minute and refused to say anything. Cam had promised to tell Ray, but I was positive he'd held back as well. Now, after what happened at Cam's house. . . I barely spoke to anyone, including Cam, and I couldn't bring myself to tell them why.

"I'm good, guys. Just not feeling great." I looked at Ray over Shay's shoulder, "You still up for buying that mocha you owe me for getting you and that hot guy together at the carnival?"

*

"Mom! I'm home!" I shouted over my coffee cup, greeted by a very welcoming baby gate in front of the door. Mom still had about five months to go with the pregnancy and she was already putting up baby gates.

"Mom?" I headed for the kitchen first, thinking she might have left a sticky note or a menu for take-out if she wasn't going to be home. Nothing.

"James?" I called out, heading down the hall toward her room. I was about to head into it when I found Cam in Mom's office.

It was a place I had been forbidden to go into my entire life, it was where Mom kept classified files from work and my sister's birth certificate.

His head was bowed, hands clenching the thin piece of paper in his hands. I opened my mouth, shut it, then opened it again, afraid I already knew what the paper was.

"A rape test?" He breathed out, eyes still on the paper in front of him. A second later, he shot up and stalked across the room, shoving the paper into my arms.

"What the fuck is this?" He growled.

"Mom had to check me out at the hospital." I whispered, answering the question directly.

"Shut the door." He said, rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes. I shut the door slowly behind me, feeling my hand start to shake at my side. I clenched it, avoiding Cam's dark and questioning look.

"Take your shirt off." He ordered. When I didn't move, he did it himself and spun me around so my back was to him.

I heard a strange sound escape me and felt Cam's arms circle around my waist a few minutes later, his chin on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I should have been here. He wouldn't have done it, it would-" He broke off, burying his face in the crook of my neck as tears began to spring to my eyes.

He had already known who it was, I hadn't said a word and he was already apologizing for his brother's actions.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated, his voice strained.

I turned around and stared at him, at the glossiness of his dark eyes, the way his lips kept parting and smacking back together as if he were going to say something but couldn't force it out.

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault." I touched his cheek, "It's mine."

"What?" He blinked, his hands dropping from my shoulders.

"It's my fault. If I hadn't started dressing the way I did, hadn't lead him on, hadn't-"

"That's bullshit!" Cam finally exploded. "Just because you're wearing something tight or a little revealing doesn't give guys an open target to go and rape. Just because you liked-thought you liked him- doesn't mean you led him on. You didn't do anything that would justify that."

"It's not your fault, Blake. Baby, don't you ever think it's your fault. It will never be your fault." He shook his head, "He's a rapist, he forced himself on to you, he-"

"I thought he was you." I choked out, "That's why I allowed him to do what he did at the beginning. I could have stopped-"

"No, no." Cam's eyes were so forgiving and worry filled that it hurt, "Blake, stop blaming yourself. He knew what he was doing, he knew once you said my name that you thought it was me. He used it to his advantage."

I watched as a few emotions crossed through Cam's eyes before they were wiped blank, emotionless.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why-"

"I was scared." He shook his head, confused again.

"Scared of what?" He questioned.

"I. . . I don't know. I was scared that you'd do something stupid. That nothing would happen to him if I came out about it. That no one would believe me." I stood frozen as Cam slid to the ground, his back against my mom's black desk, his head against the cold metal.

"Blake, have you seen your back? I'm sure bruises are all over your thighs too." I swallowed, turning away.

"I want to kill him, to make him wish he was never born, but I won't. And it's not because he's my brother or I don't want to, trust me, I wish I could. But I have you, Blake. And as much as you hate him, you don't want to lose me because of it." He took my hand and pulled me toward him, his eyes on my stomach, "I have a family now. A real one."

I shook my head, wiping my damp cheeks with my arm. He stared up at me, looking as if he could feel every ounce of pain, anger, guilt, sadness that I did. As if he woke screaming in the middle of the night from nightmares of the night and the different ways it could have turned out.

Maybe he could. We had known each other since we were eight, we knew each other like the back of our hand. He knew everything about me, I knew everything about him. Relationship or not, we had a connection that could never be broken, no matter what was thrown in our way. So maybe, maybe there was a possibility that he was taking in all my emotions, forcing himself to feel them along with his own guilt.

"It's not your fault, Blake. I'm going to sit here and say it until you understand. Speaking out about it could save another girl from the trauma." Cam sat up, his eyes roaming my face for some sort of agreement, "You could be saving a girl from a rapist. A girl from having to experience what you went through, what he did. Blake, baby, please. I know it's hard and I understand if you need help through it all and a little time, but we need to take him down the right way before it can happen again."

*

Sleeping that night seemed to be easier. My dreams didn't come full blast, and when they did, Cam would gently shake me awake. I was sure he didn't get a lick of sleep, that he was up the entire night planning his brother's death and making sure I was okay. I assured him I was, but the truth, as deep down as I kept it, was that I wasn't. I wasn't okay.

"School." Cam whispered in my ear, then leaned closer and kissed my cheek before grunting and pushing himself off the bed. I waited until he was in my bathroom to reach for his cell phone on the night stand, searching for any sign of what he was planning on really doing to Jacob.

I knew that he wasn't just going to sit around and let the law take care of everything when I was ready to come forward. He wasn't going to do something he'd regret, something stupid. And I couldn't allow it to happen, I couldn't lose him. 

***AN***

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~ChasingMadness24