I'm not dead yet. Don't leave!
*WARNING* USE OF HOMOPHOBIC SLURS. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE. I BELONG TO A GROUP THAT WOULD BE OFFENDED BY SUCH WORDS, AND I AM USING THIS WORD WITH FULL UNDERSTANDING OF ITS MEANING. I HAVE CHOSEN TO INCLUDE IT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN HURT BY IT BEFORE. Thank you.
"...and then there was this HUGE mosaic thingy. It was sick!" Qibli elaborated, his arms widespread to emphasize.
I nestled deeper into the sofa, wishing for sleep. My huge sweatshirt kept brushing against my knees, and I finally tucked them into the huge inner pocket. We were at Peril's house; her mom was on a two week long trip to the Sahara for some work-related business. Why an algebra teacher had to do that remained a mystery. I rested my head on my knees, in comfy side lean, as Lynx would proclaim.
"It was amazing," Moon whispered, her eyes shining in awe. Her summerlike irises had been wide and glazed ever since they returned from their excursion to the library. The aftermath of seeing a great mosaic must have been intense. She had sat stock still on the couch for about eight minutes. I curled my feet closer as she sat back and sighed. Tucking my toes in, I bent my ankles forward and closed my tired eyes. My senses spun in confusion as speech mixed with smells and touch turned to sour. I mumbled sleepily, and sank deeper into subconsciousness. Hands brushed my arms, a million tiny fingers of warmth. Hair fell onto my shoulder. Red swirled through my head, with blue and ginger and pale. I twitched, trying to escape the nightmare. Chrys grins. Unintelligible words come out garbled and blurred, her thin, pursed lips bringing no noise. I swam through the murkiness. My hands, invisible to me and my muted senses, carved a pathway into the nothing. Sharp cheekbones and blue eyes greet me as a gaunt version of Tundra loomed presently in my brain. I cowered back, kicking in reverse to get away from her towering existence. She smiled evilly, hands spread to hold my thoughts. Her voice echoed with Hailstorm and Icicle and Narwhal. I recognize Lynx, too, alongside Glacier and Snowfall. Their vocal chords hum in disappointment as their ghostly avatars emerge. A twinkling arctic gaze; Hailstorm. And Lynx. A steely pale face with blue eyes set above even paler cheeks and flanking a narrow, freckled nose. Her fair complexion faded back into a washed out white, storms of time and denial wearing down her features and expressions. My heart twisted with longing for my friend. For my brother. Even my sister and parents. Identifying that feeling, it wasn't longing for them, but a family. My heart was sore from its recent beating over the past few months. After meeting Qibli, struggling through all of his drama, joined with the party, explosion, and traumatic aftermath, alongside the new discovery of the DM, my brother's apparent death, his resurrection—sort of—losing Lynx and Qibli, one to high school and the other to Moon. Speaking of...
A cool finger brushed my shoulder after pushing up my half sleeve of T-shirt. The hand was small, possibly dainty and pale, like the digits and palm that were hooked to Moon's thin wrist. But when I opened my eyes, they were a deep chocolate color, like swirls of the delicacy, creamy and smooth, twisted into a hand.
"Kinkajou!" I jerked up in surprise. She hadn't been let in on the know when it came to the DM.
"Hey there, Coolio," she smiled weakly. I gaped.
"What are you doing here?"
"No 'welcome ba—" She was cut off as I surged upwards and ensnared her small neck in a friendly one-armed embrace. I pressed her against my chest, not realizing that the short girl and I had truly become good friends. She may not have shared life-threatening moments with me like Qibli, or saved my sorry hide from a fire like Turtle, or even been emotionally supportive like Moon, but she had always been. It was weird. But I knew that I would lay down my excuse of an existence for her. The same went for any of the rejects sitting around me in a loose semicircle. Qibli had his head tilted back, resting the sofa back, a string of white drool trailing from his mouth as he snored peacefully. Moon was tucked under his arm, her knees curled tight with a moonpale chin resting on it. Her namesake really was her, in itself. She mumbled sleepily and pressed her forehead against Qibli. He continued to breathe heavily. Peril was splayed out on the floor, her back cushioned by a plush carpet. Her fingers twisted through the furry tendrils, eyes blank as she stared upwards. Turtle sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, leaning against the base of the couch as he rocked on the floor. Kinkajou beamed as I took everything in.
Her eyes flicked to my arm.
"You're pretty brave, huh?"
"Do you—?" I began.
"Yeah. I know what happened." She gave a fleeting smile that was more strained than the tension in the room.
"All of it?"
"Pretty much," she joked half-heartedly. My eyes danced over her whole tired physique.
"Oh, Kinkajou," I whispered without realizing.
"Hey!" She snapped. "Don't patronize me, you half-armed—" Taken aback, I processed her insult. My boiling point had recently been lowering, and now, it felt like the slightest gentle, teasing flick would set me off enough to charge at the speaker, guns blazing.
"What did you say?"
My voice lilted in anger, and Kinkajou clapped a hand over her mouth
"I'm sorry. The words just sort of slipped out,"
"Yeah. I'll believe that when the DM turns out to be run by pigs." Hurt fell over her face like a sheet of a rain.
"I'm sorry. I'm going to—maybe I should—bye." she turned and exited the room.
"Kinkajou," I tried after her, but she had slammed the door to Peril's room. The absentminded girl sat up from her prone position on the floor and called,
"That damn thing is already half broken; no need to complete the process!" She called after her comrade. Then she went in after the rainbow haired teen. 
"What did I do?" I mumbled miserably.
"Nothing," Turtle snapped. "Except destroy the relationship with our greatest asset." My eyes flicked to Turtle. At any other time, I would have been angry. Actually, especially at this time. But the annoyed girl had rubbed off on me, and I felt the need to tease him.
"Could you be more obvious?"
"Wha—"
"No judgments on who you've set your heart on," I smirked. It was then I realized that Qibli would—
"Yeah. No judgments," I whipped my neck around and saw Moon, her jade eyes wide and unblinking as she sat under Qibli's arm. His head, which was thrown back, leaving his neck exposed, shuddered as she shifted to a more upright position.
"What are you—"
"You do realize that you've left him heartbroken, right?" And then she was on her feet, her visage a storm of irate features.
"Like you can talk!" I shrieked, standing taller. "The only reason you're acting all consoling is because you want him!" The accusation fit right on my tongue, like nails felt the perfect shape when scratching dry skin.
"Why would you care? It's not like you want him!" She cried.
"If you think that, you clearly know nothing!"
"Oh really?" She yelled back.
"SHUT UP!" My eyes closed in fury as the words burned my throat.
"Guys," Turtle began weakly.
"No," I snarled, and rounded on him. "You and your perfect life stay out of this,"
For a moment, he looked like he would back down. Then his eyes darkened.
"You think my life is perfect?" His voice was quieter than a dawn sky. I was taken aback by that reaction to my words. I had expected a fearful nod. Not a cold verbal response.
"Your mother's the principle, you got a big, caring community at your side, protective siblings who don't want to beat the crap out of you the moment you walk in, and a GODDAMN FAMILY!"
"Sure," he hissed, then briskly countered everything I said.
"My mom being the principle means I have to work twice as hard. And people are always asking favors of me; if I say no then there are only double the amount of bullies the next day. My caring community couldn't care to freaking remember my name. My siblings were, are, and always will be better than me. Always the model ones who were brave and strong. And you have a family too, genius!"
"Don't." I stated. He glowered maliciously at me.
"Okay," I heard a sigh come through the wooden door of Peril's room.
"Thanks," Kinkajou murmured back. The door swung open with a creak. The shorter girl was sitting cross-legged on the neon and sky colored sheets, head leaning on Peril's chest.
That's gay, Lynx tittered in my head, and I pushed her homophobic opinion out of my head. Peril was using one leg to support her weight in a plumb position, and the other was folded horizontally across the bed. Her arms were tense around Kinkajou's shoulders. I stared. Moon tilted her head, eyes cleared of anger like a brief respite throughout a storm. Turtle watched stoically. Then he moved and the moment fell. Kinkajou sniffled and let her head sink as she pulled away from Peril. The redhead reeled in her arms, away from the shorter girl. Kinkajou avoided our gazes as Peril turned her own cold blue one on us.
"What are you doing?" She snapped as Turtle neared slowly.
"Just..." his eyes flickered to Kinkajou. She looked away.
"Guys?" Came a soft, raspy voice from behind.
"Qibli!" Moon cried and threw her arms around his neck. He grunted and stepped back as her weight was flung against him. My mouth soured.
"How're you holding up?" He warm gaze was disintegrating my heart as it slammed daggers against my eyes.
"I—you shouldn't care," I muttered, and looked away. He sighed, and disentangled Moon from his arms. Setting her away from him, he took one large step, dodging Turtle who backed up a little. And then he was in front of me, his arms a dark flash before ensnaring me in a light hug. An almost tentative one, if I were asked. Hesitant. His head was bowed against my chest. His arms gave a single squeeze and he looked up.
"I get it," he whispered. "You have a lot going on. We have a lot going on. And you need to stay focused. So I'm willing to put us aside. But only on one condition."
"What?" I choked.
"You let me help."
"Qibli—"
"Ah-ah-ah!" He pushed a hand over my lips. "That's the only deal I'll strike with you,"
"Think about what you're doing," my voice hitched.
"I have. And I know you'll let me do this because—" he stood on tiptoe. "deep down you love me."
"Please," my tone was wrangled with emotion.
"Well?"
"Do I ha—fine," my chest collapsed over my heart and Qibli squealed, his eyes wild in happiness. Moon lowered her neck and glared at us. My fingers gently nudged Qibli back, and he toppled into Turtle, who looked much happier now that Kinkajou had gotten up from the bed and was at his side, a smile on her dark-skinned face. He had laid an arm around her shoulders, and relief was all that could be told on his face. A few minutes I would have been envious of their in-balance relationship. But right then, in that very moment, I was grateful that at least two people in the world were happy.
Peril let out a cough of reminder, and that broke the silence which had been thickening into sludgy awkwardness under Moon's intimidating glare. I shuffled away from Qibli and wondered aloud about where the DM could be right then.
"Probably in some hidden base under the ground with slimy, oozing walls and worms hanging from the ceiling, muttering and grumbling about how they lost to us." Peril snapped sarcastically. "Or, more REALISTICALLY, they've been planning a next attack that exploits all of our weaknesses and will hit where it hurts," her eyes flitted towards Turtle and Kinkajou, but it was clear she was trying to sneak  rather conspicuous look at the tense stare-off that was taking place between me, Moon, and Qibli.
"Of course," Turtle agreed vehemently, siding with Peril, which was the obvious thing to do, since although the fight between us had settled down, we weren't exactly on the same page when it came to our families. 
"Maybe we should try and find their base!" Cried Qibli enthusiastically, and I swatted the back of his head with the heel of my hand.
"This isn't some fun mystery story where the protagonists single-handedly take down the villains! This is real life! Did anything Chrys say to you actually process?" I demanded loudly.
"No need to yell!" Screeched Moon, who had her fingers clamped tightly over her ears. At the same time, Qibli quietly whispered, "I know that," although no one bothered to hear.
Kinkajou flinched at the shouting match that rose to life.
"You are, too!" I screamed back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as Turtle pulled Kinkajou closer to his side. She broke away and glared furiously at him.
"Stop yanking me around like I'm some helpless child!" He snatched for her wrist as she stormed off.

The shopping cart's wheels rattled over the gravely parking lot. I adjusted the chocolate milk Kinkajou insisted on buying, tilting the carton inwards and burying the frozen raspberries under the banana bunches Qibli and Moon had begged for. The pre-fried bacon strips that resembled jerky the pale girl had placed into the cart had been on sale for twenty percent less, and cheap food—understandably so—was irresistible in Peril's eyes, so she backed up the raven haired teen.
Rattle TAT shiver
Rattle TAT shiver
Rattle TAT shiver went the cart.
Frozen berries, bananas, bacon, chocolate milk, sour cream, tortilla chips, mexican cheese, salsa, guacamole—SLAM!

I rammed into another body, warm and clad in all purple-tinged clothes. Navy shorts and a magenta shirt cloaked a skinny body. Drooping black hair flew in a spray of jet as I collided with said person.
"Ahh!" I backpedaled, and the stranger angled their body around and behind the cart. My wrist ached after being twisted to accommodate the awkward placement of the kid.
"Ouch!" I heaved my hand back and clutched it to my chest, causing the cart to roll out of control. My limp arm hung useless, from elbow down unconnected. I rolled my left shoulder in experiment and was relieved to feel it still working. That would explain why the prosthetic being crafted only encased my forearm, clasping at the base of my upper arm. Glee filled my entire being when I realized I would still have some of my arm.
"I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to—" I took in the boy, seeing his thin eyebrows and lowered warm brown eyes. His eyelids scrunched shut tightly as he stopped all motion.
"Hang on," he opened his eyes and inspected me. "Holy—are you from that explosion?"
"That was a while ago," I admitted.
"But still! Didn't you, I mean specifically, save that blind girl, Tamaron?"
"Tamarin," I hastily corrected. "And that wasn't me." I looked away shamefacedly. "Clay and Peril and Lynx and Tsuanmi saved her. All I did was cower on the shore," a bitter chuckle I didn't know I was suppressing erupted from my lips. It took me a while to realize I was talking to a know stranger who only knew my face.
"Well, you're alive, aren't you? You and everyone else survived."
"No. Two—three—died."
"Who?"
"Carnelian Arrows and Bigtail Harte. And another,"
"Other?"
"I don't know who it was. I just—I know it was somebody and I—" I raised a fist to my eyes and rubbed away the tears that rose to my face quickly, covering up my embarrassing reaction. I'd had no idea that the pressing emotions I were bottled up in me, not properly contained yet not fully expelled. Guilt that I had survived when three others in the world had died, and were probably worth much more than me. Grief for the late pair that I had never known. Bigtail Harte had a kind reputation, and although he was known to be slightly dense, he supported his little group of friends. And Carnelian Arrows, though temperamental, was a hardworking successful student.
"Anyway, I—" raising my eyes to lock gazes with the kid, I was surprised to see tears spilling over his own face.
"Hey, are you okay? Is it—I'm sorry. Did I say something?"
"N-no. It's not your fault. I just miss—oh, what am I doing? So sorry for holding you up."
"Hang on!" I called as he stumbled backwards, face buried into the raised crook of his elbow. "How did you know about the explosion?"
"I go to J-May." He stammered. I released my grip on the cart and snatched his arm, a sudden rush of desperation crashing through me. There was no way this kid could just go to J-May. And he looked familiar....had I seen him at—OH! It took me a few milliseconds to realize that I had just, in some form, attacked a stranger.
"Hey!" He kicked out his leg, his foot snapping painfully against my shin. I reeled back and he flinched, letting out a small cry as he pulled his knee back. His toes curled experimentally and he muttered in annoyance. I sucked in a breath through my teeth and heavily supported myself against the cart's shiny red bar.
"Oh my g—I'm sorry!" He squeaked and rushed to help me.
"Stop," I shrugged off his attempt to aid me. "I don't even know your name. I shouldn't have grabbed your arm like that. Let's start over. I'm Winter, by the way." I held out a hand and gave him a weak smile. His lips pursed, folding inward as he worriedly checked my posture for any signs of pain.
"Man, I really really really didn't mean to lash out." He slammed his eyes shut and tentatively took my hand, his thin fingers curling around mine. "Leroy."
"Nice to meet you, Leroy." I laughed, lifting our wrists and dropping them in a handshake.
"H-hi Winter?" His voice hitched on my name. I smiled warmly, surprising myself with the fact that I had no hatred for the teen, him having kicked me. I really was changing.
"Well, see you later, Leroy,"
"Wait! I—I know you," he mumbled.
"You do?" I waved my hand and continued past him, only one hand pushing the cart. My left arm flopped uselessly at my side, but right then and there, I was covering up my blushing face. I gave the cart a superfluous shove so I run. Racing to catch up with the laden food carrier, I busied myself with dumping all the plastic bags into Hazel's car trunk. The doctor sat in the driver's seat and wouldn't start the car until all of us had buckled up, and only allowed seventeen-year-old Peril to sit in the front.
"What took you so long?" Turtle huffed, burrowing deeper into his cushioned seat.
"Um, I just paid twenty-six dollars for all your snacks." I snapped. He choked.
"Oh. I—I'll pay you back. Swear it."
"No need," Hazel replied breezily and selected three bills from her wallet.
"You really don't need to—"
A twenty, a five, and a one fell into my lap. She gave me a stony look that froze my nerves beyond repair.
"I, uh, I accept?"
"Oh, there's no denying," her grin evilled into a tooth-flaunting maniacal expression.
"R-right. Thanks." I nervously tucked the money into my jeans pocket and buckled up. Moon and Kinkajou chatted in the back, and Qibli squished between me and Turtle, a bright smile on his face.
"I think you should go in the back," I told him harshly. He flinched. "There's not much room here," I added to attempt inconspicuousness.
"I—okay," he relented with a sigh. Clambering over the armrest he seemed to glide over the leftmost side, pushing his nose against the small slip of plexiglass that the very back row was exposed to. Moon's gaze softened, but frosted over as soon as it sank onto me. I broke away first, not even giving her a chance to stare me down. Huffing, Moon looped an arm around Qibli's shoulders and nudged Kinkajou. The happy-go-lucky girl stiffened, seeing me and then Moon and then the oblivious Turtle who wasn't actually clueless but was blatantly giving us space. I forced myself to turn away, curling my shoulders over protectively, as a barrier between me and the world. Biting my lip, I rolled down the window and craned my neck outward, wishing I didn't feel so.....sour. Inhaling, I searched the parking lot hopefully as Hazel backed out of her spot. A droop of black hair, supported by a young face, came into view.
"Leroy!" I called, waving my arms in greeting.
"Hi Winter," he stuttered, and stumbled away, back into the grocery store. Strange.
"Who was that?" Qibli asked quietly, but with an edge to it that could compete with a knife.
"Leroy," I faked a sugary smile at Qibli, and gave Leroy one more wave. The car swiveled to face the exit of the lot and then he was gone, his black hair a speck on the sun-warmed grey tar.
"Leroy? What a derpy name." He huffed, but there was something in his tone that felt off.
"Qibli? What a derpy name," I retaliated.
"Hazel? What an awesome name for a very present person." Chimed Hazel, and the rest of the drive was silent. 
When we got back to the hospital—don't ask why I was discharged only to be dragged back—Lyra was waiting. I flinched when I saw the arm in her bronzed fingers.
"Don't worry. I'm just bringing this to Nolan so he can double check my check over. M'kay?"
"Y-yeah." I had no idea who the hell all these people were.
"Anyway," Hazel drawled in an obvious attempt to distract me and company from the tense moment. "why don't we head over to the kitchen to get all this food prepared?"
"You have a kitchen?" Turtle blurted, surprised. "No, stupid!" Lyra laughed. "She means the diner. Well, see ya then." She waved her hand dismissively and walked off.

"Holy coconut balls!" Kinkajou cried as we sped up towards the diner, with it's glitzy, dazzling gold flashing albeit off center sign.
"Um, is that how you always show excitement?" Intoned Peril curiously, no resentment in her voice.
"Well, I suppose it's better than my usual glamorous name drop of EVERY CUTE ANIMAL IN THE WHOLE FRICKING UNIVERSE!" She squealed and clapped her hands together, then proceeded to blab out everything she thought was cute and/or loved, which brought me way back when, back to the times where she would endlessly fangirl over babies, dogs, cats, fish, birds, drawings, outfits, apps, forests, actors, and other random crap.
"Wow! You know a lot," Peril smiled warmly and kept the shorter girl entertained. I noticed Turtle glaring on from behind them, the evident look of hot jealousy cascading over his rather innocent face. Almost reminded me of myself, with a chattering Moonwatcher Nightfall and unrealistically awesome Qibli Sanderson.
Stupid, stupid.
"Oh, all of you shut up and get inside already!" Hazel laughed. I took the time to see the diner's name; Over The Plate. What a ridiculously gluttonous name, Icicle would say before I could crack a joke. Not that I would ever make one. Just a private, humorous mental side note that could drag me through an awful day with my parents. Damn that traitorous couple.

A waiter with loose blonde locks sat us at a more private section, left, then returned over with a compact notepad and almost ink low pen, its marks faint and light. Hazel stood at the same time and excused herself to the restroom.
"Can I have the..." Their voices were drowned out as my vision cut in half, circling the waitress. Something about her was off. Then I realized. Her waist length apron. It was...full. A bulge pressed out from her left hip. A distinct L shape is seen way too many these past few days. I wondered whether I should call jet out or not. But caution was the law in my world as of now.
"Hey, Carla?" I read her name tag. "Can you come here for a sec? I gotta a question about the bacon Benedict...."
"Oh?" She raised her brow and leaned over. Shifting towards her, I balanced on the edge of the booth and reached forward, knowing I'd only get one chance before I got called out as a perverted creep. Standing abruptly, our foreheads crashed, and she reeled back, eyes squeezed shut. I was blinded for a hot second, but it all swirled back into reality all too quickly. Swiping at her waist, I yanked the pistol out of her pocket and slipped it into my oversized sweatshirt with surprising agility for my right hand. She shrieked as my hand left her apron pocket, and her hand came whipping down for my face, but I expected the slap, and it was foreshadowed by her twisted look of furious shock. I sidestepped her, then kneed the small of her back and pushed her onto the table. My grip was still weak, though, and when she struggled, my hands slipped.
"Qi—Peril, help me!" She lunged forward and tackled Carla easily to the table, and I yanked the weapon out of my pocket fumbling with the catch, I ended up slipping it to Peril, and she jerked her head at Qibli, who managed to hold the woman into the table. She wriggled back and forth, trying to upset Qibli's grip. Peril, meanwhile, cocked the gun and shoved the barrel into Carla's head.
"Nice catch, Winter. So who is this sucker?"
"God, you're not some southern teen. I saw the gun and—Well, why don't you tell us who you are?"
"Bitches! You'll never know!"
"How much you wanna bet she's with the DM?"
"Direct message?" Carla squeaked.
"No you crappy liar. You know exactly what it stands for.
"Let me go! The only dm I know is the one on Insta!" She wailed, lifting her head further. Qibli smashed her head into the table locked eyes with her, so close they could probably smell each other's breaths.
"Winter here lost his arm," Qibli growled. "Cause selfish bastards like you—"
"Faggot, much?" She smirked, and my heart froze. She leaned in and promptly kissed Qibli. He jerked back, frantically wiping at his lips before gurgling down icy water.
"Ha!" She lurched forward, cramming the cup into his mouth until his lips bled from his own teeth's pressure.
My chest still aches from her words. My eyes watered.
This was stupid.
I'm seventeen.
I won't cry over some—some word.
I can't. Because Hailstorm would never—
The grief and the pain and the tears all cramped my head. It boiled and mixed into something more manageable and easier to release.
Rage.
Anger.
Hate.
I yelled. A pure, silent sound that emptied my heart. And then my hands wrapped around Peril's, pale against coppery. My fingers tugged hers away. She dropped the gun into my hands.
The rage was still there.
It was all triggered by a single word.
Well, this pain and blood and bullet would be pulled by a single finger.
Bang.
I flew backwards as the noise and vibrations rocked up my arm, causing my teeth to chatter and knock together. I felt the power, the way the bullet punctured her skull.
Carla drooped onto the table, blood pooling from her eyes and mouth.
What the fuck.
Her eyes, a brilliant, summer green, were latched onto the leather upholstery of the booth. Turtle prodded her paling cheek.
"Winter," he started slowly. "You...you killed her."