persona, who
the hell am i?

TAGS: taejoon / trans* au / non-binary taehyung / tw: gender dysphoria / self discovery / namjoon in skirts and dresses / highschool au / fluff w a smidge of angst.
PLAYLIST: disorder / joy division, boys / beach bunny, intro: persona / bts, WHO? / stray kids, heartbeat / bts

NOTES: had a dream of namjoon in a skort so this is tge product of my brain.... rmbr when he actually wore a skirt in like 2016... namjoon says fuck gender roles pass it on

( 🎀 )

   IT'S ONE OF those days where everything feels stretched out and long winded, lazy and hazy, the spring sun warming up as march nears it's end. seventeen is a confusing time, kim namjoon muses, standing in front of his mirror with arms crossed, music drifting around his attic room. the world is complicated, and seventeen only seems to make it weirder, because he never felt so confused about things before. before it was only maths, perhaps, that confused him. but now, well... there's a collective myriad of confusing things. boys. feelings. depression. anxiety.

his inexplicable urge to wear a skirt.

it happened two weeks ago. he had been at the mall with jimin and his newfound best friend, taehyung, who is the first transgender person namjoon had ever encountered. he'd been pulled around multiple stores, watching jimin scream over taehyung's choices in high waisted jeans and cropped t-shirts, perusing clothes by himself while taehyung tried on multiple items.

namjoon had never really ventured into the women's section of tk maxx, never felt much of a need to, not that he has any aversion to women's clothes. but taehyung was trying on multiple items from the section, as they reject gender norms in any way, shape or form, so namjoon inevitably ended up there. he'd been trying to find a way out when he saw it.

short, light grey and beautifully positioned on the mannequin. a skater skirt, the advertising sign named it, minimal in design, with layered pleats, a silky underlayer that peeked out from below the rest of it, black lines forming a pattern of squares. it ended above the knees on the mannequins long legs, and the store had paired it with black fishnets that stretched beautifully, even on plastic. namjoon doesn't know what possessed him; he reached out, to touch, to feel the silk, the smoothness of the fabric, brush the pleats, and it was so soft and desirable beneath his calloused fingertips, such a stark difference to the rough denim of boy's jeans.

seven thousand won. that's all it cost, physically. emotionally, what a rollercoaster.

the skirt ends just above namjoon's pink, bruised knees, and the fishnets stretch over his muscled calves and thick thighs in a way that makes his head spin. the pleats, the silk against his skin: it's too much. he looks... he looks pretty. with his black hair and his grey skirt and his fishnets, and the joy division t-shirt he slept in, he looks pretty. and oh god, is he having a crisis.

namjoon has never worn feminine clothing, ever. not even for shits and giggles. he's not adverse to it, he hates gender roles as much as the next teenager, but he'd never given it thought. but oh boy, is he giving it thought now. the skirt looks so different, so exciting, so pretty pretty pretty. he feels pretty, and it's making his head hurt.

swiping his phone from his chest of drawers, namjoon falls onto his bed with a huff and goes to the only place he can think of when he's having this specific dilemma: his instagram dm's with taehyung, a non-binary person who hates gender as a whole concept, and the only person with a dick that namjoon's ever seen wear skirts.

kithtaehyung
active now

tae o fuck man r u there bud
i Need some help
desperately

namjoon hyung hi!!!!
what is it ?? ur dming ME for help? lil ol me???
awh i'm touched òwó

taehyung this is kinda uhm yeah
kinda strange

well just tell me!!
what's ur dilemma? consider me an agony genderless relative :D

ok so uh
UHHHH
[image attached]
seen

namjoon gnaws on his lip in frustration, his heart racing at the picture he sent. it's just his reflection, him in a skirt and fishnets, but it means so much.

i saw it at the mall and it's just so nice tae idk how to even explain it but it's just
it makes me feel
makes me feel pretty

joon hyung, first of all, u look real pretty!!! skirts suit ur legs :)
but what's the problem here??

i mean ...
i'm just confused abt what this means tae

it doesn't have to mean anything ^-^!! u can be a boy who likes skirts, there's nothing wrong w tht!!

yeah, i know...

tell u what. if u like the idea of wearing things like that, u should come over!
we could have a wine night sleepover, play some tunes n try on some clothes, u could see what u like
consider it!

that sounds nice actually

how about tomorrow, after school?

i'll talk to my mum. thanks tae

he puts his phone down, laying back on his bed with a loud sigh. it's thursday evening, he finished school early, so a wholeass day to figure out this dilemma before he goes to taehyung's, a day to stress over this dumbly gendered piece of fucking fabric.

he ends up taking off the skirt and fishnets and stuffing them into the back of his wardrobe, behind a shoebox holding his old battered converse he never wears. out of sight, out of mind, namjoon figures. but it isn't.

it gets later into the evening and namjoon starts to overthink, starts to get distracted from his science homework with the thoughts of skirts and fishnets, and he ends up abandoning things that should matter and grabbing his laptop, clicking onto tumblr while his favourite epik high album plays, gnawing on his lip. there's this one blog he remembers he follows, some ulzzang guy from thailand, calls himself kiano, and namjoon finds him soon enough.

the first post that pops up is a recent picture of him, standing in front of a mirror; one hand throws up a peace sign, his lips curved into a smile, and his long, thin legs are revealed by the white skirt he's wearing, and a cropped shirt ends just above his ribcage, miles of smooth white skin exposed by the feminine clothing, high heeled boots on his feet. namjoon feels a lump form in his throat, scrolling down, seeing more and more photos of this boy in skirts, dresses, fishnets; he looks stunning in makeup, in anything he wears, all these outfits that namjoon thought were off limit to boys.

he falls asleep that night with a black cloud occupying his mind. namjoon knows gender rolls aren't strict rules to adhere to, that anyone can wear anything, but he doesn't feel comfortable as a "boy in a skirt". he knows that if he ever starts wearing them publicly, that's what he'll be labeled, what he'll be, but it doesn't feel right, doesn't sound right. and he doesn't know what that means.

"joon-hyung, are you okay?"

taehyung comes up to him at school the next day with a curious expression, their big doe eyes highlighted with blue eyeliner and shimmering purple eyeshadow, lips painted black. namjoon sighs, the bags under his eyes prominent even though he tried to hide them with glasses, pulling his hood over his head.

"'m alright, tae, bit tired." he tries a smile, taking a long slurp from his coffee cup. taehyung cocks an eyebrow, thumbs hooked in the straps of their backpack.

"okay... so about tonight, your mum said yes?" they switch the topic, for which namjoon's grateful. he smiles for real and nods, and taehyung beams. they look nice, dressed in loose black trousers with a cropped button-down, black and patterned with flames, a huge pair of balenciaga imitations on their feet, giving them a fair bit of extra height. "cool! you drink wine, right? i can get some cider in, though, if not."

"wine sounds good," namjoon hums, the loud corridors of highschool engulfing them, the last five minutes before the bell rings always a noisy confusion. he likes the idea of getting wine drunk and trying things of taehyung's on. it'll be an experience.

"lovely! i've picked some things out for you, by the way. i know what'll look good," taehyung grins, teeth a startling white against their dark lipstick. "see you later, hyung! i've gotta get to ap maths."

taehyung's a year younger than namjoon, a sophomore, yet they seem to have their whole life figured out at sixteen; they know what gender they are ( or aren't, namjoon supposes ), know their sexuality, know what they want to do in college ( art and graphic design ), meanwhile namjoon, at seventeen, is sort of just... existing. he turns this over and over in his head in his korean class, barely paying attention to whatever ancient novel they're studying right now, more interested in his phone under the table.

on his screen is taehyung's instagram page, and namjoon's trying, for some reason, to figure out when they started identifying as non-binary, slash when they started wearing more gender non-comforming clothing. they update fairly frequently, nearly daily, so it takes some scrolling. hundreds of posts of taehyung's slim legs in skirts, their dramatic poses while wearing dresses, sticking their middle fingers out while dressed so femininely you could mistake them easily for a girl. it takes scrolling back two years, when they were fourteen, to find what, to all intent and purpose, looks like every other teenage boy at the highschool, albeit prettier.

taehyung's old photos consist rarely of their face, mostly photography shots of nature or of their bedroom, some even of their artwork, but there's about ten photos of them in a while year. it's funny; their face almost looks plain and different without the makeup they usually wear. but namjoon pinpoints an exact moment; september 3rd 2017.

a picture of taehyung in a queue to a concert, the location tagged as the seoul dome arena, and they're smiling widely. it's a full body shot; taehyung's wearing a striped black and white skater skirt, white fishnets that look stark on their tanned skin, a crop top with some band logo on it, and huge clunky high heels. their usually black hair is dyed a bright pink, and the smile on their face is dazzling. the caption is a lengthy coming out post, but namjoon fixes on one sentence.

"it's like i was born as this hunk of marble, and over the years it's been slowly chipped away by an unknown sculptor — me, i guess — and now, in the last six months, i've finally revealed what was trapped inside the marble; a beautiful, non-binary individual, named taehyung."

namjoon's head is all over the place once he gets out of class, stuffing his headphones into his ears and blasting beach bunny so loud he can't hear the commotion of the corridors, boycotting meeting up with jimin and taehyung and going instead to the vending machines, intending to get a bottle of banana milk and one of the dry seran wrapped sandwiches, in lieu of an actually healthy breakfast. oh well.

namjoon eats by himself, leaning against the wall by the vending machine, hood up and concealing him from the world. taehyung's words keep appearing in his head, ringing around and around and driving him insane. he turns his music up even more, unsure if it was possible, letting the lyrics of sports rip into him like a knife, distracting him from everything.

it feels like the day goes by in a haze, until the last class at 2:30, an hour long phys ed juniors and seniors merged class, which means he, taehyung, and jimin—who he's been sort-of-purposefully avoiding, but not maliciously, all day—will be in the same gym together.

taehyung gets changed in the coach's room, as gender neutral changing rooms in south korea aren't happening anytime this year, and they're also the reason that coach moon has to stop dividing the class into girls teams and boys teams, something which everyone seems thankful for. they smile at namjoon when they see each other, their makeup wiped off for gym, but namjoon knows they'll emerge from class last after painstakingly applying it all again.

"you alright? jimin hasn't seen you all day."

"damn fucking right i haven't!" a high pitched yell comes from behind namjoon, and before he knows it, jimin's jumped onto his back and nearly floored him, thighs gripping around his waist. "namjoon, you daddy long legs looking fucker, where in the motherfuck have you fucking been?"

"you just said fuck four times in twenty seconds. new record," namjoon deadpans, throwing jimin off. the short boy huffs and wraps an arm around namjoon's waist, poking him below the ribs, hard. "sorry, min, i've had a lot on my mind."

taehyung gives him a look as they enter the gym, hands in the pockets of their school issued hoodie. each student gets an identical uniform, no gendered clothing, just red nylon shorts, a black t-shirt or tank with the school logo, a red hoodie, knee high white socks and plain red sneakers. taehyung manages to make it look good, but then again, they can pull anything off.

"alright then, hyung," jimin slaps his ass jokingly, making namjoon laugh. "tae said you're going to theirs tonight."

"that he is," taehyung winks, waving at the coach as they get closer, some of the first people out of the changing rooms. "got some cheap wine coolers in, a the 1975 playlist, we're gonna lie to my parents and say we're playing fortnite."

jimin laughs, and the conversation ends, leaving them to gym class. basketball is the sport of the day, and namjoon's team wins, ten to seven, because taehyung's a damn good shooter, and jimin's short. he yells at the two of them afterwards, with a joking tone to his voice, threatening to fight them. taehyung and namjoon laugh together, high-fiving over jimin's head.

"i hate both of you." jimin grumbles, and namjoon laughs. the game took his mind off a lot of things, but when taehyung asks him if he's okay with waiting for them to reapply their makeup, it all spirals back into his head. the coach lets them both into his changing room, and namjoon sits on the coach's chair while taehyung draws eyeliner wings on.

"i, uh," namjoon clears his throat. "i bought the skirt, um, with me. it—it's in my backpack."

taehyung meets his eyes in the mirror, smiling softly. "okay. you don't have to be so nervous, namjoon. it's good, healthy even, to try out different ways of gender expression, and you don't need to overthink it too much."

namjoon hums, digging his nails into his thighs nervously. "yeah. sure."

taehyung's dad picks them up in his truck, giving namjoon a friendly smile. "heya kiddo," he ruffles taehyung's hair, the younger smiling. "good day at school?"

"yeah! we won at basketball in phys ed," taehyung leans over the front seats and plugs his phone into the aux cord, playing some soft indie pop. "you're going out tonight, yeah dad?"

mr kim grins. "yeah, kiddo, told you i had a date at the pub with the lads for the football, didn't i?" he pulls out of the school car park, switching gears. taehyung gives namjoon a subtle grin; they're going to be alone, all night. "you don't mind that, do ya, er— namjoon? sorry mate, forgot your name there. i won't be back till morning."

"that's fine by me, mr kim. i can cook, so taehyung won't have the chance burn the house down." namjoon grins, and taehyung elbows him in the side.

"i told you about that pasta incident in confidence!" they protest, making their dad laugh loudly. namjoon smiles, sits back in the seat and tries to let himself relax.

—

   TAEHYUNG'S BEDROOM IS the whole basement of their house, which is pretty huge compared to namjoon's slanted ceiling and small attic room, about the size of his mother's beloved kitchen. the walls are painted what taehyung calls "van gogh blue", and one has starry night painted on it, which taehyung said was their own work.

"this is really pretty," namjoon sits on the huge beanbag beside taehyung's bed, acting calm despite the lump in his throat with the knowledge of what's to come. taehyung grins, taking off their shoes and sitting down heavily on the bed. "so, uhm..."

"joonie," taehyung chuckles, crossing their legs. "there's no need to rush, hyung. let's wait a bit. i'm gonna grab some snacks, so make yourself comfortable... oh, and wine coolers are in my sock drawer." they wink and chuckle, before going upstairs.

namjoon stands up and seems to gravitate towards the big, overflowing closet, the doors slightly ajar, exposing a world of skirts, dresses, cropped t-shirts, fishnets and high heels. the lump in his throat gets bigger, his heart rate quickens; namjoon's hand seems to move on its own towards a hanger, taking a grasp at the dress hanging so enticingly, all deep crimson velvet and black accents, smooth and short and tight and beautiful. his heart feels like it'll beat out of his chest. surely one dress, one dress won't hurt—

"i return with snackage!" taehyung's voice makes him jump like his hand's been burned, backing a metre or so away from the closet on instinct. taehyung gives him a weird look, their hands filled with cola cans, packets of crisps and packets of gummies.

"you're eager," they laugh softly, placing the stuff on their bed. "look, dad's gonna go out in an hour. shall we watch something, like a movie or like, netflix, i dunno, or do you really wanna...?" they look at namjoon with a raised eyebrow. he can't meet their gaze, staring at the floor, twisting his shirt with his fists.

"i—i just wanna do it. get it out of my head." he says, quiet, and taehyung hums softly.

"right, well... let's just wait till dad leaves, then, okay? he has a tendency to come down without announcing himself. he once stood at the bottom of my stairs, in complete silence, while i did the choreography to power up in my fucking underwear."

namjoon can't help the laugh that escapes his lips then, and taehyung meets his eyes, both of them snorting loudly and they're laughing hard with not much reason to, the image of taehyung dancing to red velvet in complete bliss really funny to them. taehyung grins at him. "lets watch some kakeguri or something."

after two episodes of the anime, mr kim calls down that he's going out, and namjoon's anxiety returns, his palms sweating, heart beating too fast, lump forming in his throat. taehyung looks pointedly at him, their lips stretching into a smile. "alright, hyung, i've got some things for you to try on, alright? stuff i know will look good. so let's get some music on!"

taehyung puts on mitski's first album and pulls a few hangers from the closet, while namjoon sits on their bed, clenching and unclenching his fists. they place an outfit next to him, gives him a gentle smile.

there's a skirt, and it's short, like late-night-clubbing short, made from black material, a lace layer fanning out from underneath the leather. then, a red button down, in some kind of silky fabric, beautiful and shimmering in the light of taehyung's room. they've paired this with a big, chunky belt with silver studs, dangling earrings shaped like crosses, and what look like knee-high socks. "t-tae, i... it's a lot." namjoon looks at them, unable to articulate.

"best to just dive in, hyung!" taehyung says, chipper as always. "if you don't like it, we'll stop. but c'mon! you'll look so good!"

namjoon rolls his eyes, tries to smile. "alright."

the skirt ends just below his ass, and it ends up revealing his boxers, which he rolls up and conceals. the shirt hangs baggy on him, being an XL, and taehyung tells him to tuck it into the belt, and to leave it halfway unbuttoned. namjoon replaces his usual silver hoop earrings with the huge crosses, which feel heavy and jingle whenever his head moves, and the knee-high socks come last. they're soft, a deep black colour, and really bloody comfortable. taehyung passes him a pair of shoes through the bathroom door last minute, these clunky boots that just fit, and then he's done, apparently.

"come on hyung!" taehyung's playing old the 1975 songs, and somehow it's surprisingly easy to walk out as she way out starts playing, namjoon stumbling a bit in the small heeled boots, his center of balance always off. taehyung gapes; namjoon doesn't know if that's good or bad. "oh. my. fucking. god! look in the mirror, look in the mirror!"

namjoon does, squeezing his eyes tight shut before opening them. wow. oh, wow.

the shirt falls off one shoulder, exposed his sharp collarbones, hangs beautifully over his wrists. his waist looks tiny with the huge belt and the tucked in shirt, and his legs; they're miles long, golden calf and thighs and they don't look awkwardly lanky or like a baby giraffe or anything. he looks... he looks pretty. he looks pretty, and it feels right, but there's still something in his chest, still something yet to be figured out.

"i—" he chokes on his own words, a hand flying to his mouth. "i, i look so— pretty." it's barely higher than a whisper, the last word, but taehyung hears it, comes up behind namjoon and hugs his waist, warm and comforting.

"yeah you do, hyung," they grin, their head just fitting on namjoon's shoulder. "walk around in it, own it. have a dance. you're pretty."

girls by the 1975 is playing and that's easy to dance to, and taehyung pulls a bottle of wine and some glasses out from under their bed, the crisp taste of the shitty, five thousand won alcohol actually quite nice. it loosens namjoon up, gets him jumping around and singing along, uncaring. "you've gotta try another!" taehyung says, downing the rest of their glass, tottering to the wardrobe. "i wanna, wanna see your legs in fishnets again."

namjoon smiles, chest less tight, sits on taehyung's bed and watches them pick things out. they throw a crop top at him, then tiny adidas black shorts, and a pair of fishnets that look high waisted, along with a ripped denim jacket.

"i wanna do some makeup on you, too," taehyung says, pouring another glass of wine for themselves. "go on, try it on!"

namjoon doesn't even bother going to the bathroom to change, why should he care what taehyung sees? this way, taehyung can tweak the outfit in the right ways, and they do; the top of the fishnets sits just below namjoon's ribs, above the waistband of the shorts, which are baggy but also short like the skirt he had on, and the crop top stretches across his chest in a way just tight enough to be uncomfortable, a drawing of the moon phases adorning it.

"you're so pretty, namjoon hyung," taehyung says, smoothing the fabric of the shirt. "like, honestly; you look good in your band shirts and whatever, but this, this really just," they kiss their fingertips, making namjoon laugh. "it makes you look a certain je ne sais quoi way, yanno?" they giggle at themselves.

namjoon grins, far too focused on taehyung's little touches, on the way their fingers spray across his chest, how they brush his ticklish tummy when they pull the fishnets up, little meaningless brushes that leave his skin tingling. they're gorgeous, throwing their head back when they laugh, their eyes containing galaxies and yeah, this has to be the wine talking. only two glasses, and he's like this. jeez.

"i have to take photos!" taehyung grabs namjoon's phone, opening his camera app. "pose for me! c'mon, you look so pretty!"

namjoon lets all inhibitions go and poses, some dramatic, some sincere, lets the click of the shutter and the sound of the flash wash over them, smiling carelessly. taehyung yells out compliments while their playlist plays, red velvet soundtracking self discovery.

"one more outfit!" taehyung says eventually, pulling the last piece of clothing from their closet, and oh. oh god. it's a dress, this big-skirted, low-neckline thing in shimmering silver, an american prom queen's wet dream, sparkling like a disco ball. "i'm doing your makeup in this one." taehyung says, like an order, and namjoon nods.

it's a strange sensation, wearing a dress. it's smooth against his skin, so flouncy, the skirt billowing out until his knees, rustling and moving with every small movement. the neckline dips, supposedly, to just below the boobs, allowing a sliver of cleavage to be shown, but in this case it's namjoon slightly defined chest, and he can feel taehyung's eyes following the sliver of golden, mole spattered skin downward, his ears turning red.

"wow," taehyung breathes out eventually, stunned. "you look... just wow..."

namjoon can't help it. he starts to cry, the feeling of it all overwhelming, because fuck, fuck fuck fuck, he just doesn't know how to describe it. he knows he's wearing a dress, he knows that he, by all purpose, should be calling himself a 'boy in a dress', but there's one word that doesn't fit.

boy boy boy i'm not a boy i'm not i'm not—

"joon," taehyung takes them into their arms, holding them tightly. "joonie, it's okay, what's wrong? don't you like it?"

"tae, tae, tae— fuck," namjoon sobs, their body wracking with the force of it, shaking like a leaf. "tae, i don't, i don't think—i d-don't know—i-i'm not, not a boy—"

taehyung squeezes namjoon tightly, allows their tears to seep into the fabric of their shirt, rocking the two of them side to side soothingly. "okay, okay, joonie, lets get your thoughts together, okay? i need you to breathe for me."

but namjoon can't, they're gone, drowning in a sea of thought, and fuck, they're hyperventilating and this is an anxiety attack, this is an anxiety attack, and they can vaguely hear taehyung calling their name, can feel their hands shaking their shoulders.

"namjoon! namjoon, please, breath for me, close your eyes and breath for me, please, you have to control this," they look namjoon in the eyes, and they're trying, namjoon's trying so hard. "follow me, okay? let's inhale," they do so, following taehyung's instructions. "and now out. in, and out. that's it. in and out. slowly."

namjoon's still crying, but their racing heart seems to be calming itself, gently returning to normal. taehyung looks them in the eye and guides them through recovering, reassures them gently, and soon namjoon's breathing normally. "t-tae—"

"joon-hyung, you're okay," taehyung says gently, squeezing their shoulders. "i'm gonna get you some water."

they sit namjoon on their bed and fetch two glasses of water, making them drink it. they sit beside namjoon, legs crossed, and take one of their hands. namjoon looks at taehyung, eyes red from the tears. "okay, namjoon-ah," taehyung says, softly, reassuring. "can you just... okay. you're not a boy, you said?"

namjoon bites their lip, hard, and takes a deep breath. "n-no, i'm not. i, um, it's hard to, kinda, hard to wrap my head around."

taehyung nods, squeezes their hand. "believe me, i know. just... tell me how you feel."

namjoon fingers the fabric of the dress, inhaling deeply. "i, um, when i put on these clothes, the skirts and dresses—i don't feel like a boy in a dress. i know that if i were to go out in it, that's the label that'd be slapped on me: "the boy in the skirt", "that boy in a dress". but i'm not a boy in a dress. i'm just—just me. just a person. i'm not a boy."

taehyung nods in understanding, giving them a reassuring look. "okay, good, you understand it, at least. so, what gender are you? what pronouns do you want me to use."

namjoon hadn't given that much thought, but once the question is asked, they know the answer. "i—i think i don't identify with the binary. i think i'm like you, tae." it feels amazing saying that, like some invisible weight has been lifted. namjoon continues, "i am. i'm non-binary. my pronouns—m-my pronouns are they and them."

the biggest smile every grows on taehyung's face, and they tackle namjoon into a hug, knocking them over. "namjoonieee! i'm so fucking happy for you, this is so brilliant, you're amazing, you know that? you and your amazing non-binary-ness, you're brilliant and valid and perfectly acceptable and just— yeah." they beam, hugging namjoon tightly. namjoon hugs them back; there's this warm feeling growing in their chest, like a spark of a fire.

"thank you taehyung. for everything," they say, voice wavering slightly. "without you—i wouldn't even know what a non-binary person was, let alone that i could be one."

taehyung grins, laying on top of namjoon, arms bracketing their head. "glad i could help you, you gorgeous individual." their grin is wide and bright, dazzling, and namjoon doesn't have full control over themselves when they learn up and kiss them, connecting their lips.

taehyung tastes like oily lipstick and something sweet, carmex maybe, and their lips are warm and soft and namjoon's lost it completely, kissing them hard. that spark in their chest is completely alight now, burning bright and strong within their ribs, and they cup taehyung's face, feeing the reciprocation without words, their lips moving together.

nothing but love is encompassed in this meeting of lips, and taehyung's calculating eyes are wide when they have to part lips to breathe, both of them staring at each other. "uh, i—sorry?" namjoon tries, tries to sound unbothered, but if taehyung rejects them they might just cry.

there's silence for five or ten seconds, seems to stretch out forever, but, slowly, taehyung's face stretches into a boxy grin that makes them shine, and they're laughing, and they learn down and connect their lips again, smiling into it.

"you know, i've liked you since jimin introduced us," taehyung says softly once the kiss ends, still hovering above namjoon, their eyes searching for something in namjoon's. "you're just... you're really something different, you know? i felt that right away."

namjoon's cheeks turn a soft pink, and taehyung giggles, pinching the skin. "i never would've guessed," namjoon says, truthfully. "you're so pretty and original and beautiful and, well, i'm me."

"you shut up right now," taehyung says with a small smile. "you, kim namjoon, are something else entirely. you are, like, this big complicated galaxy that people want to understand but they can't. you understand the world, but it doesn't understand you, you know?"

namjoon hums, lost in the supernovas of taehyung's eyes, carding their fingers through the soft strands of their hair. "i know," they reply, pecking taehyung's lips again. "you and i are something the world doesn't quite get yet. but they will."

"'you and i'?" taehyung smiles. "i like the sound of that..." they kiss the tip of namjoon's nose before sitting up, straddling the older's hips, pulling them up as well. "namjoon-ah... would you like to... um..."

"be your genderless specific other?" namjoon completes, smiling so hard it hurts. "well, tae, maybe you should take me on a date first." they laugh. taehyung huffs and pokes them in the chest.

"consider this the first date! absolutely stellar, 10/10, you wore a dress and had an anxiety attack, thus discovering your gender!" they both laugh, namjoon looking at taehyung with intense fondness in their eyes. "but seriously, joon."

"yes, you idiot, of course." namjoon replies, and taehyung squeals happily, pecking kisses all over their face, leaving small black spots of lipstick.

"amazing! oh wow. oh wow, jimin's gonna freak," taehyung giggles. "oh boy. imagine: 'oh hey jimin, by the way, namjoon's non-binary, and also we're dating'. he's gonna shit his pants."

"i fucking hope not!" namjoon exclaims in disgust, making them both laugh. "i'll come out to him over text or something. and i want an actual date before we say we're dating. otherwise it doesn't count."

taehyung huffs and pouts. "but i wanna call you my significant other!" they whine, dragging the syllables out. namjoon chuckles and kisses them sweetly, poking their puffed out cheeks.

"you dork. let's just do, i dunno, dinner? like tomorrow?"

taehyung nods. "yeah, sounds good. somewhere affordable."

"i don't have expensive taste," namjoon replies, and taehyung chuckles.

they spend the rest of the night listening to music and making out, laying together on taehyung's bed while their playlist plays quietly, the feeling of dizzying affection consuming namjoon completely, making them feel drunk. what a night, they think, what a goddamn night, as taehyung kisses them again and again, taking their breath away. what a night.

—

notes / 210819

NON-BINARY TAEJOON R MY BABIES I'M LOVE THEM

this wasn't meant to be published so soon lmao this taeguk i'm working on is taking longer than i thot so have my fave genderless kiddos!! would v much appreciate fanart, if u can't do it i will ... believe me

hope u enjoyed!! any q's about gender or shit just leave em here, i am ur local trans dad so i'm here for all the explanations u need :)

— love, jace