Chapter Twenty One 

JUSTIN:

         When morning came I blinked my eyes into the openness of my room, my brain trying to wake itself up. It was the morning of the wedding and I hit the snooze on my phone for the alarm, letting out a groan until I felt a pair of hands clutch my torso tighter.

I had forgotten she had stayed the night last night. For a second, I almost forgot I had asked her to stay here with me. Why did I? I shouldn't have done that. The closer I get to making up my mind the more afraid I become. When I let myself fall for her again I will never be able to recover. Like an anchor that sinks right to the bottom of the ocean.

"Reina." I whispered. "We have to get up."

She stirred, her eyes immediately opening. I'm pretty sure this has something to do with me waking her up. She isn't used to it.

"I completely thought last night was a dream." She smirked, stretching her body out like a rubber band. "Morning Justin."

I loved to stare at her but I loved to stare at her in the morning even more. The way her hair was in messed up curls around the frames of her face on the pillow or the way her lips looked so tempting I just wanted to lean over right now and kiss her. I should just do that but until I'm certain, I don't want to hurt her.

But just because I couldn't actually do it doesn't mean I can't think about it. I could think about kissing her lips and tasting her one more time. I could think about letting my teeth bite down on her bottom one that she loves to tug on. I could think about letting my tongue part the way into her mouth so our tongues could entwine like they used to. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

"Or don't answer..." She trailed off, jokingly rolling her eyes. "You ready for the big day?"

I didn't want her to stand up but she did anyways, looking around the room until she eventually found her clothes and began to strip herself right in front of me.

"I think so. Are you?"

"Not at all. I'm nervous that I'm going to fall flat on my face in the middle of walking down the aisle. I'll ruin her whole wedding."

"Reina you're going to do fine. You always overthink things."

When her pants were fixated back onto her hips she looked at herself in my mirror even though she didn't need to. She always looked good. She was effortlessly beautiful.

"Okay, well... I guess I'll see you later. Thanks for the pep talk."

Flashing her teeth at me with a cheesy grin, I stood up in a hurry and captured her palm with mine before she could leave. Now that I'm doing it though I'm not sure why. Usually she would never leave without giving me a kiss. It didn't matter if we had gotten into a huge fight that day or if she was running late. She'd always give me a kiss.

Her lips brushed against my cheek in a swift motion, her cheeks growing scarlet as soon as they left my skin. I could feel the place she had left her mark. It was burning like an imprint right into my flesh.

"Bye." She said breathlessly. "I'll see you later."

REINA: 

"Oh my god I can't breathe."

Casey was standing behind the doors of the chapel before they opened, her eyes looking around frantically with tears in them just waiting to leak out. I've never seen her so frazzled but I guess if it were my wedding day I'd be the same way. I mean hell, I'm nervous too and I'm only the maid of honor.

"Casey you look stunning." I soothed, fixing her veil. "Just relax, okay?"

"I can't. Reina I'm going to puke."

"Casey, breathe! You can't puke. We're about to go out."

Her face was as pale as a ghost and for a moment I thought she might just pass out until the music started to play. Any second now the doors would be opening and I'd have to walk out but right now Casey was more important. Right now her fingers were clutching onto her bouquet with so much force I thought she'd break the stems.

"Do you not want to do this Case?" I asked her.

"N-No that's not it. It's just the real thing now, you know? I just never thought I'd find someone that cares so much about me. I just want him to think I'm beautiful. I hope he likes the dress oh my god."

Feeling the tears prick into the backs of my eyes, I took a step back and analyzed the beautiful person who I called my best friend. She was lucky to find someone so young. I'm not trying to get all emotional and be a debby downer on her wedding day but I just wonder if I'll ever feel the same way and be in her position. I wonder if I'll ever be in a wedding dress waiting for the doors to open.

JUSTIN:

"Fuck, I'm nervous." Scott whispered.

The music was playing but the doors still hadn't opened. I felt like a piece of meat in front of everyone to analyze as they all sat on the benches waiting for Casey to come out as well. I was way too hot in this tux. I felt out of place and out of my element because well, I never pictured being in someone's wedding. These were never exactly my thing.

"No turning back now." I smirked. "Good luck."

He started to laugh as soon as I said that, rolling his eyes at me as Mark and Colby gave us a confused glance. They were standing more off to the side so they couldn't hear us.

"You're such a dick." He muttered. "But you know I just want to say thanks man, really. I don't get sappy but thanks for being my best friend all these years."

I hated when Scott got like this because I never knew what to say back. I suddenly started to get nervous, my palms beginning to sweat and my heart racing underneath this jacket. It was like I couldn't even breathe and I have no idea why.

"We're in a church." Was all I could say back, a smile forming on my face. "Don't swear."

Suddenly the doors finally opened and it was like time completely stood still when I saw her. I don't know if anyone has ever had those moments in life where something hits you and it's like this huge epiphany just lands on top of your chest like this huge weight or a ton of bricks. Reina was walking down the aisle directly towards me and for the first time in my entire life I could imagine a girl actually becoming my wife.

The way her dress hugged her body so elegantly, every crease and every angle perfectly defined in brown velvet. The way her hair was perfectly curled to one side or the way her makeup was done flawlessly as always. I was drawn to her like a moth is to a flame.

"Wow..." I said, immediately shutting my mouth. I didn't realize it came out but it did, and Scott just smirked as he fixed his tie one last time. I can't imagine how he must feel right now.

Reina's eyes flickered over towards mine and I could tell she was nervous. I wanted to meet her at the end of the aisle and tell her how beautiful she is and how all of our memories just flashed through my head the whole time she was walking. Like our long nights in Vegas or the time we spent at my parents, when I let my feelings out for the first time to any girl, when I told her I loved her when I've never said that to another girl, when we kissed and she said it felt like fireworks, when we went to Casper's and the hockey games and the amusement parks and the movies. Everything floated through my head all at once and I couldn't stop it.

Casey emerged from behind the doors once Reina was fixated on the right side and my eyes widened in shock when Scott began to cry. I've never seen Scott cry, ever, but as he watched his soon to be wife walk towards him down the aisle he was blubbering like a fucking girl. That's when I realized that this is what I want. I want this life style. Whatever the hell they have is what I want and I want it with Reina. I just have to figure out how to control myself around her.

"Casey y-you look so beautiful baby." He whispered once she reached the alter. She was sobbing like a lunatic as well, the both of them looking like a hot mess. I guess that's romantic though.

When I looked over to Reina she was crying for Casey too I think although a part of me wishes she were thinking the same way I was. I wonder if she's thinking the way I am. I wonder if she's thinking about us and what we could be. I wonder if she'd want to walk down the aisle towards me one day and be my wife. It's highly doubtful that she's ever thought about that but hey, you never know.

As the pastor began to speak, I locked eyes with Reina once more but she quickly looked away and focused on the ceremony.

JUSTIN: 

            Casey and Scott planned the reception at our frat house. It wasn't the ideal place but we made the backyard into a romantic vibe for them. Since it was fenced in, we hung up fairy lights along the rails and also on the big tree that we've made so many memories with. There were lanterns on tables with white tablecloths and we even went as far as to hire a catering service as well. Casey and Scott didn't want us to plan it for them, they said they could handle it, but we said we got it covered. That's the least we could do.

The party's been going on for almost three hours now, the sound of all of the voices dwindling down to an end. I was sitting out on the front steps of the house, thinking about everything and anything right now. I wish I could just go and have fun with everyone but I had a lot to think about. I made up my mind, I just wasn't sure I made the right choice.

"There you are." Scott chuckled, sinking down onto the steps beside me. "I started to think you bailed."

Remaining silent, I let out a sigh and put my face in my hands. We've had many talks like this before but never this serious. I didn't exactly want to bring down the mood of his wedding day like this.

"Nah." I said. "I didn't."

"Well then would you like to tell me what's going on?"

I can't explain how I'm feeling right now and that's the problem. How am I supposed to explain how I feel? How do you tell someone that you're in love with the thing that hurts you the most? How do you tell someone that you're slowly creating a potential painful future for yourself? It's like I'm swimming in an ocean and she's swimming right next to me. There's a life raft right there in front of me to save myself but she wants to swim to the bottom. How do you possibly describe to someone why you would swim to the bottom of the ocean instead of choosing the life raft? I can't explain that.

"Look, I'm not trying to ruin your wedding dude." I chuckled. "Just go have fun."

"I've been having fun for like the past two hours now. What's going on man?"

"What's always wrong with me? It's Reina. Well, not Reina, but just what I want us to be. It's been almost half a year since I've been out of rehab man and you'd think that I've made up my mind by now but-"

"Justin." He interrupted. "You do have your mind made up."

I stopped talking, turning to look at him.

"What?" I asked.

"You do have your mind made up. When you're not with Reina you're miserable. When you're with her I've never seen you so happy. You have your mind made up Justin you're just afraid to let yourself fall again but dude, it's okay. Reina isn't going to go anywhere. She's proven that to you."

"Do you not remember the day she left me Scott? Do you not remember those nights in the hospital when I was alone? When she never came to visit? When she never wrote me a god damn letter in rehab? Is that suddenly just escaping your memory?"

"Justin, yes, but that's in the past man. Look, I've known you for years. Go kiss her."

"Scott I'm fucking scared. If I go back to her again and things end horribly will I cut again? I don't know if I'll be able to handle that. I don't want to relapse."

"And rehab taught you coping mechanisms, correct?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Right. They taught you what to do when you get the urge and you've already told me it's worked. Go and kiss her."

"It's not that simple." I said. "I appreciate you coming to talk to me about this Scott but I just can't let myself fall for her again. I'm scared."

"So you're just going to let that keep you from what you really want? The fear of getting hurt?"

"In this case? Yes. I'm taking things slow with her and she knows that. It's just when I saw her walk down the aisle I just..."

"Go kiss her." He laughed. "Just go and kiss her."

"You're fucking wasted or something man. Go and find Casey, okay?"

Sending him a sly grin, he knew I wanted the conversation to end so he just let out a sigh and stood up from the steps again. I do appreciate his advice but for right now, I just can't let myself fall for her until I know for certain she won't leave again. She wasn't there for me during the worst time of my life. It's going to take awhile to trust her again.

"Alright, if you say so. I'm trying to wrap things up so we can leave. We're going back to Vegas for another week for the honeymoon."
"Yeah? That's cool man. Enjoy it, really. Casey's a great girl."
"Yeah. I just don't think I'll even make it to plane without bending her over in that damn dress. Fuck, she's hot. I'm gonna attempt to persuade her into fucking in the limo. Think she'll go for it?"

Letting out a laugh, I looked up at him and gave him a cheesy grin.

"Probably. It's Casey. She does whatever you-"

The front door suddenly opened and Reina paused on the steps, her clutch in hand and her eyes growing wide. Was she leaving?

"Oh." She said. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?"

"Is she?" Scott teased. "Something you need to tell her Justin?"

I wanted to punch him. I wanted to rip his face off but instead I just stared down at my dress shoes as the awkward silence took over us.

Clearing his throat, Scott opened the door back up.

"I'm going to find Casey." He smirked. "See you guys later."
Reina surprised me and sat down onto the steps beside me where Scott once was, fumbling with her manicured nails in her lap of the dress she still hadn't changed out of. I was still in my tux, the two of us looking like the perfect couple. If only we could be.

"It's so pretty." She breathed out, looking up into the sky. "The sunset."

"Yeah." I agreed. "Are you leaving already?"

"I think so. It's getting late."
I nodded my head and as she stood to her feet I cleared my throat to stop her. I'm not sure why I was stopping her but I didn't want her to leave just yet. Today just changed a lot for me. It changed my perspective and yeah, I made up my mind, but there's still a part of me that's lenient. I think a part of me always will be.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "You seem upset."
"Nah. I'm not upset I just... I don't know. Can I um, can I come back with you?"

"To the dorms? For the night?"

"Is that okay?"

I stood up from the step as well and tried to fix my tie, her eyes glancing down to it before she bit on that bottom lip again, causing a tug inside of my stomach that I always used to get. She always gives me that feeling.

"Yeah." She smiled. "Uh, sure."

A/N:

YESS!!!! CLIFFHANGER I KNOW I'M SORRY BUT YESSSS! THIS CHAPTER WAS EVERYTHING. 

"I can't explain how I'm feeling right now and that's the problem. How am I supposed to explain how I feel? How do you tell someone that you're in love with the thing that hurts you the most? How do you tell someone that you're slowly creating a potential painful future for yourself? It's like I'm swimming in an ocean and she's swimming right next to me. There's a life raft right there in front of me to save myself but she wants to swim to the bottom. How do you possibly describe to someone why you would swim to the bottom of the ocean instead of choosing the life raft? I can't explain that."-- most important quote of the whole entire story I think. I wrote this from personal experience and honestly I hope you guys don't relate to this quote because it's a sad thing when you love someone else so much more than yourself. But this is the best quote I think I've ever written. 

Please comment what you thought! Love you guys!

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