Chapter Sixteen.

   REINA:

        The Saturday after my dinner date with Jonah I was back at the frat house with the boys to just hang out for the day. I didn't have any other plans and I just missed Justin. I was waiting for him to text me or something to hang out again but he never did. That's part of the reason I'm over here again today.

            I made sure to wear jeans and a pink sweater, his favorite on me. I figured this would make him want to keep me around a little bit longer. I don't know. It seemed like a good idea this morning.

            "Hey Reina." Scott said, giving me a side hug. "How are you?"

            "I'm good! Where's Justin?"

            He started to laugh at how impatient I was and said he thought he was still sleeping. I didn't waste any time before I darted directly up the steps, knocking three times on his door.

            "What?" I heard a voice mutter rather harshly.

            "It's me!" I said, twisting the handle of the door. "Justin unlock it."

            There wasn't an answer so I knocked again thinking he didn't hear me, the anxiety creeping into my body all at once. A bunch of different images flashed through my mind from a year ago. Him on a stretcher, the foam coming out of his mouth, him lying unconscious in Scott's arms.

            "Justin!" I shouted. "Are you okay? Oh my god please-"

            The door opened and he was fine, his arms bare from having no shirt on but his face having a look of pure hatred almost. I didn't know what was wrong but I tried to make him better, taking a step towards him until he took two more steps back.

            "What are you doing here?" He asked coldly.

            "Um... I came to hang out with you for the day. I figured you'd want that."

            "Oh what? Am I some charity case now Reina? Is that it? Because you feel sorry for me?"

            Rolling his eyes in disbelief, I stood there in shock and gently closed the door to his room behind me. What the hell is wrong with him?

            "Did I do something?" I asked.

            "Oh c'mon." He chuckled. "Don't act dumb Reina."

            "Act dumb? Justin I'm not acting dumb. I have no idea what you're talking about."

            That seemed to upset him even more because he sat down onto the bed, putting his face into his hands before he let out a deep breath. Why is he being like this?

            "You know originally I thought this whole friends thing was going to work out for us Reina. I thought maybe we could build what we had in the past back up but boy was I wrong."

            "Justin I-"

            "It was stupid to try and work this out in the first place. We know we're not possibly ever going to be successful, right? You and I could never be a thing. We're toxic. That's all we ever will be."

            "Where the hell is this coming from?" I asked. "Was it about last week? When I laid with you? Was that it?"

            "Just stop." He laughed, being a sarcastic asshole. "Just forget I ever started talking to you again, alright?"

            "Justin I can't just forget! Why are you doing this? Why are you constantly putting thoughts into my head when you don't mean them? You give me all of these mixed signals and for a second, I think we're on our way back to how we used to be but then you do some shit like this and you turn it all around! I don't know what to believe!"

            "You think I'm giving you mixed signals? Are you serious?"

            "How have I given you mixed signals!? All I've done is tried to show you how much I want you! I can't possibly explain that to you any further Justin. I can't."

            "Well it wasn't enough sweetheart." He scoffed. "It clearly wasn't."

            "Stop with the sweetheart!" I screamed, the tears falling onto my cheeks. "Stop pulling away from me! I can't deal with this if we go back to how we were when you got out of rehab. Please stop being mean Justin. Don't be like this."

            I moved closer towards him and for a second it looked like he was going to give in but he just shook his head and stepped back again.

            "Just go." He said quietly.

            "Justin look at me." I replied. "Please."

            Bringing his gaze up from the floor, he locked his eyes with me and I could tell it was killing him to not look away.

            "You just need to know that regardless of what you're saying to me right now, I know you don't mean these things. I know you don't mean a damn word and what you really need is someone to be there for you. If you decide to not speak to me for a month, fine. A year? Fine. I'm going to be right here waiting. You're the only person I will ever want so if this is what you need then okay. I'm going to give you that."

            More tears fell onto my cheeks because the person I was last year wasn't the person I am today. Last year, I'd never get attached. I promised myself that I would never fall in love with someone and here I am, sobbing almost like a lunatic in front of someone who didn't care. He could give two shits about my feelings. Why am I still standing here? I guess I want him to say something but he's not going to.

            "Just call me o-okay?" I sobbed. "If you change your mind."

 ————        

JUSTIN:

            As soon as the door to my room closed I began to sob, probably harder than I ever have. I'm so confused. My mind feels like it's going to explode because I can't tell whether or not what I'm hearing is the truth. Does she mean that? Is that really what she's saying?

            A part of me just thinks I should have been up front about her with Jonah. Maybe I should have asked her why she was with him and why they went out to dinner. I couldn't though because what would the point be? If she was seeing him behind my back, would she tell me the truth? Probably not. She'd probably lie and make up an excuse. I didn't need to hear that.

            I wanted to cut so badly right now. I just wanted to take a blade to my skin and that's what scares me the most. Even when we aren't together I want to cut so it doesn't even matter. When I'm with her, I want to cut. When I'm not with her, I want to cut. The reason for this is because she's the person that causes me pain but she's also the one who heals it. I don't know how she can play both parts but she's so damn good at it.

            Letting out deep breaths, I stood up from my bed and opened up the door to go downstairs. If I were around people, I wouldn't cut. They would keep me from cutting so being around people is what I have to do even though that's the last thing I want. 

A/N:

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Omgggg.... I hate depressing chapters but obviously they need to happen.

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