Chapter Nineteen. 

            Christmas Eve wasn’t anything like I pictured it to be. I mean, yeah, we had everything decorated and Christmas music was playing in the background as I sat by the fireplace and looked at the tree, remembering the way Reina looked at the tree in the mall. I remember how excited she was and how beautiful she looked and I think my mom noticed because she sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder, kissing my head like she always does to try and comfort me.

            “It’ll work out sweetie.” She reassured. “Just have faith.”

            “That’s easy for you to say mom when you have the love of your life. I don’t have the love of my life and the moment I think I might have possibly found it I’m so beyond wrong. I’m always wrong and I’m so tired of it.”

            “Reina seems like an amazing girl honey and maybe she just needed to have some time to think about it. When you spring something like that on someone it’s a lot to take in. Just give it some time and maybe when you get back from break you can talk about it and clear some things up.”

            Nodding my head, I tried to let her know that I understood but as much as I tried to convince myself that maybe we could work something out we couldn’t. You can’t just tell someone you love him or her and then take it back and after I told my mom the truth, from beginning to end, that was the advice she gave me. She just told me to give it time.

            “But it’s Christmas Eve Justin and as much pain as you’re in right now you need to spend time with us as a family and just enjoy the blessings God has given us, alright? You need to try and do that for me.”

            “Yeah.” I said. “I know.”

            Wanting to make her happy, I rose to my feet and asked Jazzy and Jaxon if they wanted to decorate the tree. It was always a family tradition of ours to decorate the tree on Christmas Eve and even though I thought it was boring it was fun to see Jazzy and Jaxon get all excited at how pretty the ornaments were and when my dad lifted Jazzy to put the star on the tree it was finally completed and my mom already had the hot chocolate ready to go for us to watch Polar Express like we always did as a family afterwards.

            “I want to sit next to Justin!” Jazzy shrieked, climbing on top of my lap.

            For a second I started to forget about everything and for a second I was honestly taking my moms advice as I pulled Jazzy into my lap and snuggled her closer, my mom carrying all of the hot chocolate cups over to set them on the coffee table.

-------- 

            “Justin.” My mom whispered, shaking me awake. “Honey wake up.”

            “What?” I groaned. “I was sleeping mom.”

            “I know you were but someone’s here to see you.”

            It took me a second to register what she said but as soon as it coherently went through my head I sat up so fast and Reina was standing by the front door, tugging on her bottom lip to keep herself from crying right now. Nothing else even mattered and all I could do was stand up from the couch, trying to fix my hair from it being so messed up.

            “Reina.” I said, clearing my throat. “What are you doing here?”

            “I just really need to talk to you Justin. Can we please go outside for a second? If that’s okay with you Pattie?”

            Reina looked so beautiful but she always did. She was in leggings and an oversized sweater, her hair in waves that were falling down her back and my god I had no idea what she was doing here but a little piece of my heart that was still left was still clinging onto that little piece of hope.

            “Of course.” My mom assured. “I’m heading back to bed but just make sure you lock the door when you come back in, alright?”

            “Yeah.” I said. “I will.”

            Reina opened up the door and we stepped out onto the front porch, the cold of the snow whipping against the both of our faces. I didn’t know what to even say because there was nothing I could say. I just stared at her as she let out a couple of deep breaths and stepped towards me.

            “I-I lied about everything.” She stuttered, tugging a little on her bottom lip again. “I didn’t mean anything I said.”

            Then she started to cry more and she was silent for about thirty seconds, letting out another deep breath before she grabbed onto my hands.

            “Justin the truth is that I feel like a billion damn fireworks go off whenever we kiss and the truth is that I care so much about you that it terrifies me. The truth is that when you hold my hand I get all shaky inside and when you say something nice to me I feel like crying because you’re all I’ve ever wanted and when you told me how you felt I got scared that you and I aren’t going to work out because we fight a lot. We fight all the damn time and I’m scared shitless for how this is going to work out but I didn’t realize at the time that lying to you would just be ten thousand times worse because then I wouldn’t have you in my life at all and no part of me wants that.”

            She was out of breath once she finished and I felt like the wind was just knocked out of me and for a second I wanted to pinch myself to wake myself up because there was no way in hell this was a reality. This must be a dream and she was crying somewhat and when she started to cry a little harder when I wasn’t saying anything I pulled her against my chest and hugged her tightly, her sobs finally being let out onto my shirt.

            “I-I ran into Jonah at campus today.” She cried, me finally just sitting down on the front porch step so I could hold her in my lap. I was still unable to say anything from being so in shock but as soon as Jonah came up I felt my fists clench from him being in a two-foot radius of her.

            “Oh yeah?” I whispered. “And what did he say? Did he try something?”

            “No but he told me what you said about me. He told me everything Justin and I’m so sorry for not believing you and for putting you through all of this shit but you just don’t get what I’ve been through, okay? I’m self-conscious beyond belief and my self-esteem is barely there because of how many times I’ve been screwed over and screwed over and my parents are fucking drug addicts. I haven’t seen or heard from them in years and I raised my damn self since I was ten years old and t-that’s why I’m on scholarship and that’s why I have so many issues. I’m so fucking crazy so why the hell do you think I’m perfect? How on earth could you possibly want me? I-I’m not anything special and y-you’re-“

            She started to cough from crying so much and that’s when I started to rock her back and forth, her head just burying into my shoulder from the amount of damn pain she’s locked up for god knows how long. Reina stays strong for too long and she never tells anyone her feelings. The fact that she just let her wall down with me is what I’ve always wanted and I didn’t even know what to say still. God, I really needed to say something.

            “Hey.” I whispered, tilting her chin up to look at me. “Please calm down for me Reina, alright?”

            “Just p-please tell me you aren’t mad at me.”

            “I’m not.” I soothed. “Reina you’re okay. Look at me.”

            She finally started to calm down somewhat so that only her lip was trembling slightly and I did what I thought calmed her down best, grabbing her hand with mine and rubbing my fingertips in circles around it. Thankfully it worked somewhat because she seemed embarrassed from completely losing it, letting out another deep breath and looking up into the sky once more.

            “I think you’re the most perfect person I have ever met in my entire life Reina and you may not believe this, but that first night we slept together you meant something to me. Nobody in this world is perfect Reina and we all make mistakes and we all have a past but the thing about love is that it can conquer everything and yeah, that sounds sappy, but it’s the truth. When you have someone by your side who looks past your faults life is a hell of a lot easier to go through because you always have them, you know? Like if anything goes wrong you have someone to talk to and you’ve got me Reina. Whether you have feelings for me or you don’t and if you have them now and you end up losing them it doesn’t matter. You’ve always got me and my shoulder will always be right here for you to cry on and I mean that.”

            “Even though my parents are drug addicts?”

            “Reina that’s part of your past. Your past doesn’t define you. If anything I think you’re so strong and so independent. It makes me even more infatuated with you than I already am.”

            Her lips pressed against mine and a couple of her tears went onto my cheeks as she straddled me on this porch, her body completely shivering, her hands completely numb from the cold, but the both of us didn’t care. All I cared about right now was her lips on mine and I pulled her closer to me so her chest was completely pressed against mine.

            “Fireworks.” She breathed heavily, pulling away with a smile on her face. “All over the place right now.”

            “Yeah I know how you feel. I’ve been feeling like that for months now.”

            “I don’t know how I couldn’t see it… I honestly had no clue Justin.”

            “Yeah I don’t know how you couldn’t either. I was so nervous around you every time you flipping touched me. It was embarrassing.”

            “I think that’s pretty cute that I get to you so much cause you get to me like that too. A lot more than you think.”

            “Yeah? How much?”

            “Hm…” She giggled, placing a gentle kiss to my neck. “A lot.”

            “How much is a lot?”

            “Enough to make me head over heels in love with you. That much.”

            My heart completely exploded into my chest and I felt like I was honestly dreaming. She makes me so happy I can’t even put it into words and I kissed her as soon as she said that, moving my hands down her back once more and pulling her shivering body closer to mine so I could warm her up.

            “Let’s go to bed.” I whispered. “You’re shivering.”

            Pulling her up from the front porch step, I hoisted her up so she was straddling me from the front and she just rolled her eyes in disbelief, trying not to laugh when we were back inside and I locked the door before I blindly tried to lead us back into my room. Tonight didn’t go the way I thought it would whatsoever but that’s a good thing. I’m so glad it didn’t go the way I thought it would.

A/N:

YAS YAS AND YAS. OMG YAAAAAAAS.

I EFFING LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH I CAN'T STOP UPDATING. I LOVE IT AND U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S COMING IN FUTURE CHAPTERS BUT YEAH IT'S GONNA BE A HELL OF A BOOK. 

SO UM. 

COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH U SHIP JEINA BECAUSE YEAH

OH

also, now you know part of Reina's past. In future chapters you will figure out more and lemme tell you she has not had an easy life by any means so this is part of the reason why she is the way she is. Hopefully you understand her somewhat now. 

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