Harry's POV

I couldn't stay still. My foot wouldn't stop tapping. My fingers wouldn't stop shaking.

These were all the side effects of being forced to be away from Cailin. She wouldn't open the door for me, not matter how much I called out to her. There was no point in calling her because she had broken her phone.

I wanted to fix everything. I wanted her forgiveness. I needed her forgiveness.

But I felt like nothing I did would fix any of this mess I had made. It was all my fault and everyone knew that. For the first time since my mother had died,  I couldn't stop crying. I felt useless. I felt like a piece of shit.

Seeing the video Cailin put up on Youtube last night, broke me into pieces. Seeing her cry like that again reminded me of everything I had done to her. Every bullshit I had put her through. Knowing that she was officially done with the band and me was a worse feeling than I ever thought it would be.

When James saw the video, he immediately went to her hotel room. But she was long gone. Jess had stayed not knowing anything about the video. I was surprised Jess was even talking to me. She was still pissed off at me but she had already forgiven me for some reason.

I wished Cailin would do the same even though I didn't deserve it.

James booked us a flight back to New York early that morning. He was trying to fix what she had done. But none of that mattered to me. All I wanted was for her to be okay. I wanted to be near her. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I needed to find a way to fix everything I had done to her.

Zayn and Louis decided to stay out of it. They were mad at me too and would hardly talk to me about it. Louis found out about the deal the same day it was made. He actually overheard about it when James was talking to me about. He hated it. He freaked out because of it. I couldn't expect anything less really. Louis was always the protector of the group. So I was surprised when he decided to protect me instead of Cailin.

Zayn found out only a couple of weeks ago when I was completely drunk. It was the night Cailin and I had a huge fight in a hotel room because of stupid paparazzi pictures. He wanted to tell her but I warned him about James.

The deal was made back when Cailin had only started secretly dating. Truthfully I didn't want our relationship public. I didn't want the media ruining it with all the bullshit rumors they made up. With Lia, the rumors were mostly true but I knew that with Cailin it was going to be different. Then James found out about our relationship and made a deal with me making the relationship public.

Initially I didn't really think the deal mattered. But then I started falling in love with the girl and just the thought of her ever finding out terrified me. The thought of her leaving me terrified me. She was one of the people that understood me. Trusting her was hard but I made it there. I never wanted to let her go.

As soon as James and I walked through the apartment door in New York, I felt like everything was different. The vibe I felt walked through the living room felt so down and dark. But then I heard footsteps coming from one of the bedrooms and my heart skipped a beat.

It had to be Cailin. She was the only one that could be here right now.

So I did what my heart told me to. I ran towards her room. 

Running to her door I saw her. Her eyes pierced into mine. Other than the concert, this was the first time I got to see her since her birthday. This was the first time we looked at each other with real emotions plastered on our faces.

Cailin was standing over her bed with a suitcase filled with clothes and a sweatshirt in her hands. My sweatshirt. 

My first instinct was to rush over and kiss her with everything in me, but I knew that would only make things worse. A simple kiss couldn't fix the mess I made.

But her eyes wouldn't stop staring into mine. Looking at her, broke my heart all over again. Her eyes were puffy as well as red. I assumed it was from the crying. Mine looked the exact same no doubt. Her hair was partially covered up with a baseball cap. I imagined she had bought in the airport, knowing that she hated baseball and probably only bought to hide away from the paparazzi.

" get away from me" she finally spoke.

" please..." I shook my head.

But she ignored me. She went on to finished packing her suitcase, shoving my sweatshirt into her bag thinking I hadn't noticed. Was that a sign that there was still a chance for us?

" Cailin, I'm sorry! Please don't leave me" I begged as I walked closer to her.

For every step that I took closer to her, she took a step back. When her back touched the closet door she screamed.

" Liam!"

I turned around confused only to see Liam appearing by the door.

" she doesn't want to talk to you Harry" Liam said motioning over to her.

I looked back her and really looked at her.

She looked mad but there was something more to it. I think it was her eyes. As I stared into her eyes, I saw that they seemed hollow. I had broken everything I loved about her.

There was no chance for her forgiveness and the only person I could blame was myself.

" step aside Harry. I need to explain Cailin a few things before she makes this stupid decision" James said as he walked in. 

I looked back and watched him walk closer to us as Liam stayed by the door watching Cailin if she was okay. I caught her reassuring him with a nod. I didn't know how I felt about it. I hated knowing that she trusted him more than she would ever trust me again.

" you're the second to last person I want to speak to right now" Cailin glared at James.

" I realize that but don't you forget you have a contract with me. You still have a month left before the contract is done. You've already caused trouble enough with that whole Youtube fiasco. Now stop acting like a child and get back to work" James glared back her then looking down at his phone.

I wanted to attack him. I didn't want him talking to her like that. She didn't deserve any of that.

" I'm not your puppet anymore James" Cailin shook her head.

James immediately looked at her again.

" either you rip up those contracts or I will destroy you. I will tell every single person who will hear me out about what you have done. I'll tell them that you made me apologize for being myself. I'll tell them you made get rid of one of my best friends. I'll tell them all about what you did to Lia, the same kind of deal you did to me." she said making James extremely uncomfortable.

James scratched his head and began thinking. I knew exactly what was going on in his head. The only thing he was thinking about was the business. All he thought about was how much it would affect everything he had built.

As much as I knew that if Cailin did tell the world about all the deals James had made with me, it would destroy my career, I didn't seem to care. All I cared about was this moment. I wanted everything that I couldn't have.

" fine, but you get out of here within the hour. You can't tell a soul about what happened. Stick with your story about grief for all I care" James said before marching out of her bedroom.

As I continued looking at Cailin, I noticed her sense of relief. She was free.

As she was free, I was destroyed. 

Cailin's POV

After James walked out of the room, my eyes went straight to Harry. I couldn't stop looking at him. I couldn't stop myself.

He looked like he hadn't slept in days, similar to me, I guessed. 

I knew I needed to leave the apartment before my heart betrayed me again. I had already stuffed Harry's sweatshirt into my suitcase, hoping he hadn't noticed. I didn't need to stay here longer in his presence.

Liam was still standing by the door. I craved his protection but I knew I had to deal with this by myself. I had to finish things with Harry. So I gave Liam a signal making him leave the room, keeping the door open.

Harry's eyes traveled passed my suitcase on the bed and then back at me.

" you promised you'd never leave me" he whispered.

Hearing my promise come through his lips, affected me a lot more than I wanted it to. Why did I feel so emotionally attached to him? 

" that was before I thought you could hurt me this bad" I said back.

" but you can't leave" Harry mumbled as his fingers ran through his hair.

I didn't respond this time. I just continued putting my clothes inside the suitcase as Harry watched. But I guess it was too much for him to handle. The next thing he did was grabbed an arm full of clothes, that was already inside the suitcase, and threw them all onto the ground.

" you can't leave me!" Harry shouted as tears ran down his face.

I didn't react. I just watched him react a way I never thought he would.

" I can't go through all my shit without you!" he shouted again.

Harry then sat on my bed beside the suitcase and continued crying. He reminded me of myself. This was all I had done for the past few days. For some reason, I knew his tears were sincere. They were like mine, broken and with no hope.

Unfortunately my heart betrayed me once more.

I took a few steps closer to him until I was directly in front of him. But he wouldn't look up. So I wrapped my hands around his jaw line forcing him to look up at me even with his teary eyes.

" you've broken me into more pieces that I ever thought possible. But I'll survive. I'll survive one way or the other. You...you will one day find a girl that won't have to put up with your bullshit, because you'll love her that much. You'll survive too" I nodded with tears falling down my cheeks.

" I don't want to have to live without you" he shook his head as he touched my arms causing shivers down my spine.

" we can't all have what we want" I said before kissing him on the forehead knowing this would be the last time I'd be this close to him.

~

super emotional chapter for me to write, especially the last part cause it made me crying like a baby.

so I don't know if you guys follow harlenaismydilemma on instagram but you totally should cause she's been making scene edits from some of the chapter and they are super awesome. So thank you <3

as I wrote this chapter I listened to Let it GO by James Bay. HOLY SHIT, I've become obsessed with him and have no regrets hehe

I also want to thank you all for all the comments on the last chapter, they really do mean a lot to me. 

So I'm finishing this up right before midnight because you all deserve an update even though I have a 9am class tomorrow O.O

but thats alright cause I love you guys

PS. we're up to 54k reads which is fucking amazing!!!!!!

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