" we're back bitches!" Louis shouted as we arrived at our apartment in New York.

" finally!" Zayn yelled back as he sat on the couch with Boots in his arms.

As our security guards helped with our bags, I walked in the apartment with Toby in my arms. Toby had been one of the dogs that was in that farm Harry had took me too. Toby was the one puppy that caught my attention the most. Mostly because he kept pushing the other puppies away from me trying to be the only one who was allowed to jump on me.

So I picked him without a second thought. The name I asked Harry to come up with since he was the one who was giving me him. Harry of course rolled his eyes and picked the first name that popped in his head. I didn't mind it though, it was a cute name.

Toby.

" go explore your new home Toby" I smiled as I put him down on the ground.

Immediately Toby started sniffing the entire house. He started with the rug on the floor and then finally reaching to the couch. Toby took one look at Boots and froze in place. Boots seemed to do the exact same thing which seemed to be hilarious to Zayn and I.

 I glanced over my shoulder with a smile on my face and saw Harry walk into his room at the same time as Louis began walking towards the balcony.

" can I talk to you for a sec, Cailin?" he asked before walking into the balcony.

I called for Toby and he followed me outside. I closed the sliding door behind me.

" what's up Louis?" I asked as I watched Toby sniff around the fake grass.

" well we haven't really talked about you and Harry" he responded.

" what do you mean?" I asked even though I didn't really want to talk about.

" well we all know that you and Harry have been together for a while, but now everything's official to the world after that kiss in England. I guess I just want to know if this is just a fling or is it something that's gonna last" Louis said looking straight at me.

I looked back at him not knowing how to or what to respond. No one had ever asked me anything like that.

" I'm asking because I don't want it to affect the band" Louis admitted.

I hadn't even thought about that possibility. Could my relationship with Harry affect the band? If Harry and I broke up one day, would it affect our professional lives with the band?

" our relationship is rocky but it's strong Louis... I don't know how to explain it" I shrugged.

" that's what I'm afraid of" he confessed as he took a pack of cigarretts.

" me too" I whispered as I glanced over at Toby once again thinking about my relationship with Harry. 

Was the mess worth it?

*

The next couple of days were sort of peaceful and chaotic at the same time. The peaceful moments were because we weren't working, we were just having fun through New York doing what boyfriends and girlfriends do. But the best moments were just staying at home watching Netflix, no one bothering us. The boys would hardly stay in with us though. It was pretty clear that they didn't approve of our relationship.

But the real hectic part was all the paparazzi. Every time we could go outside it was a nightmare. Their cameras wouldn't stop flashing and they wouldn't stop shouting things at us. With Toby in my arms, it just made everything worse. With Toby shaking in my arms I knew he was scared, especially when he was around a lot of people.

" do you think it was a good idea to bring him here?" I asked Harry who was sitting beside me.

We were currently in a hotel room getting ready for press interviews all day before the big New Years Eve show tonight.

" he'll be fine" Harry assured me.

As soon as the lady that was going to interview came in with her flash cards for questions, I became anxious. I knew she was going to ask all the questions that we had been avoiding all these months. I guess I was just afraid I'd say the wrong thing.

The cameras began rolling but i kept Toby in my lap as we sat on the coach.The interviewer began talking about how good the album has done and asking how the touring was doing.

" we've been having so much fun on tour and we're so excited to go back for our second leg of it" Zayn said.

" how plays the most pranks?" she asked.

Immediately we all pointed to Zayn causing everyone to laugh along.

" so who's the one who gets pranked on the most?" she asked.

Immediately I raised my hand with a shy smile on my face. 

" yup, definitely Cailin" Louis laughed.

"so Harry and Cailin have been all over the news and I have to ask, what is going on with you two?" she asked with a smile.

Even though I was smiling back at the woman, all I wanted to do was roll my eyes at her. The media only wanted the juicy stories to ruin everything. i didn't want my personal life to be out there for everyone to criticize. But because of my professional life, I had no choice.

" we are dating, if that's what you're asking" Harry chuckled as he held onto my hand.

I softly smiled looking over at Harry and then turned to the woman holding that smile.

" finally a confirmation" the woman smiled.

An awkward silence surrounded and I knew exactly why. I doubted Louis or Zayn wanted to talk about this. It was awkward. I knew Louis didn't agree with our relationship. He had already made that clear. As for Zayn, we hadn't really talked about it yet. But he had known about Harry and I and what we had. He was there to witness Lia and Harry's break-up where Lia threw everything in his face.

" so when did this romance spark?" she gushed looking directly at me.

If I answered that question honestly, it would be on the cover of every magazine. 'Harry Styles cheated on Lia James for weeks with Cailin Reed, what a slut!'. Everything would become a mess. My life would be a bigger mess.

" Harry and I understand each other on a deep level, so we've always been there for each other. But I think it took a trajedy for me to realize how much I loved him. My father passed away about two weeks ago and Harry stood by me the entire time helping me cope with it all. It's funny how things happen to us" I told her.

" I'm so sorry for your loss" she empathized. 

We quickly ended the interview after that. I hoped that in other interviews, they wouldn't bring my father death up out of respect but knowing the industry, I could expect anything. We were put into a black SUV knowing we'd go straight to rehearsels for tonight's New Years Eve show.

" did your dad really die?" I heard Louis asked from behind me.

But something was wrong with the tone in his voice from the way he asked me about my dad, as if he didn't believe me.

" what?" I asked turning around in my seat to look at me directly.

" did your dad really die or was that just a cover up so you wouldn't have to tell them about how you and Harry were hooking up behind Lia's back?" he said aloud for everyone in the car to hear, including James and the driver.

" Louis!" Harry glared at him.

At first I was in shock. Never had I expect for Louis to attack me like that with words. I thought he had my back but I guess I was wrong.

" how dare you think that I would use my father's life as a decoy? Yes, my father died two weeks ago after spending years laying in a hospital bed because of a coma. My relationship with Harry may be inconvenient for you but guess who was there for me when I needed the most? Harry was, not you. And if you're worried that Harry and I might ruin this band, don't be, cause you're the one who's probably going to do it with all this bullshit" I responded turning back around in my seat not wanting to have this conversation anymore.

As much as I expect people to hate Harry and I's relationship, I sure didn't expect it from Louis. Glancing over at Harry and I could tell he felt the exact same way. I just wondered if he was thinking the same thing that I was.

Was he starting to regret telling the world about us, like I was?

~

Sorry it's taken me 2 weeks and more to update!

So I posted on instagram (just.for.show) on the reason why, but i'll explain the whole thing here.

So last week on Monday, I was going on a little road trip with some friends. We all have completely different schedules so we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like to. So that's when we decided to just go on a day long road trip to this nice place a few hours away from home. Half way there, we were on a bridge on the third lane of the high way. On the driver's side was one of those cement walls that separate the other side of the road, and on the passenger's side (where I was) was a trailer truck, one of those that carry other cars. My friend who was driving began accelerating her car in order to pass the truck but she lost control of the car and ended up hiding the wall on her side. That's when things got worse. The car then hit the truck on my side, hit the wall again, hit the truck and then the wall one last time. But on that time, the car started to get up wanting to flip over but it hit the truck again causing the car to stop completely and not flipping over. The accident was bad but surprising no one got hurt at all. The driver only got a scratch on the knee and my other friend got seat belt burns. I walked away with nothing. We all had seat belts on, goes to show you how important they are. Police, fire truck and paramedics all showed up after I called 911 but the important things everyone was okay. After I got home that night, I was shaken up realizing how much worse that accident could have been.

I just wanted to share that with you all. Be careful when driving and please make sure you are wearing a seat belt no matter what the distance is! (it's the cool thing to wear a seat belt)

love you all <3