Seven years ago

" guess what!" I smiled over at Niall as we walked home from school.

We've lived next to each other for years so walking home together was nothing new. Usually Niall wouldn't even go home, we would go straight to my home and hang out. But unfortunetly we he would go home even when his parents didn't say anything, and that was often.

I knew Niall's family was different. They weren't like mine. Even though I was an only child, I never really felt alone with both my parents there. They were always so focused on me and the things that I did that there was no room for me to feel ignored.

As for Niall, he had two very older siblings. His older sister, Indiana had went off to Chicago and was hardly ever back to visit. His older brother, Jonah had gone off to college but ended up getting mixed up in drugs and eventually became a problem for the family. Jonah was in and out of rehab weekly. His parents were so preocupied with Jonah that Niall became the forgotten one out of all his siblings. That's part of the reason my parents cared so much for Niall. Other than that both of us just became to close to each other, like brother and sister but better.

" what?" he asked.

" my parents are taking me to New York City next week!" I smiled at him.

" is it about that modeling agency thing?" Niall asked as he rolled in eyes.

I nodded as I skipped happily. Modeling was something that people had told me to do for my entire twelve years of age. But being a kid you never take those things seriously. But one of my teacher's wive's was a model scout and thought I had a certain look her company would love. I took a head shot for her and was submitted to the company.

A few weeks later, the company called my parents with information about a casting call in New York. My parents at first thought it was a scam even though I begged them to believe it. It wasn't until my teacher's wife talked to them that they agreed to take me to New York. My mom was more on board than my dad was. After all I was his little girl.

" aren't you excited for me?!" I pushed his side.

" no" he confessed.

" why not?" I scrunched my eyebrows.

" because you're going to move to the city and forget all about me" Niall shrugged.

" that's never going to happen! You're always going to be my best friend" I nodded.

Saying that, I truly meant it. At least I wanted it to stay that way. I had other friends at school and in the neighborhood but it wasn't the same like it was with Niall. I didn't have a filter around Niall like I did with other people, and I liked that.

Both of us walked up my driveway and into my house. I dropped my book bag next to the couch as we passed the family room, as did Niall. Like usual we went straight to the kitchen. After school snack was always a necessity. But as we walked into the kitchen we saw my mother standing there with the house phone in between her hands. The expression she held was like something I had never seen before from her.

She looked terrified yet sad at the same time. As she heard our footsteps her eye lifted away from the phone. I could see her eyes sparkle from wet tears forming in her eyes.

" what's wrong mom?" I asked.

Immediately her eyes drifted away from me.

" I have to go" she said dropping the phone onto the kitchen counter and walking away from the kitchen only making me chase after her.

" where are you going?" I asked after her.

" there was an accident" she said in a quieter tone as she grabbed her car keys off the living room table.

" with who?" I continued to push her for further answers.

She finally looked back at me. Her eyes were still sparkling.

" your father" she whispered.

My whole body froze in that moment. I felt like I forgot to breathe. I forgot how to process things in my mind. I forgot how to react in a situation like that.

" I have to go" she repeated.

" we'll go with you Mrs Reed" Niall suggested.

" no, you two stay here" my mother demanded before shutting the front door in our faces.

I didn't run after her. My feet were still glued to the floor. I could feel Niall trying to tug at me but I wouldn't buge. Suddenly I felt myself getting picked off my feet. I looked around ad saw Niall carrying me to the living room couch.

" talk to me" Niall begged.

" what's going to happen with my dad, Niall?" I asked as if he knew all the answers to the questions inside my head.

" I don't know Cai" he confessed as his fingers brushed my brown hair.

I hugged Niall and stayed that way for what felt hours. Eventually the sleep got the best of me and I passed out in Niall's scrawny arms. The next couple of hours I didn't really dream. To me it was just thinking in my own unconsiousness.

I was so wrapped up in my own little world that I didn't realize that this could have happened to me, to my family. My family had always been so together. But I felt it inside me that this accident would change things. I just didn't realize that it would change everything.

*

I signed my name at the bottom of all the paper work and quickly wiped the tear that was streaming down my face. I watched the nurse take the paperwork from my hands then walking out of the hospital room. Then it was just my dad and I in the room. As I held his motionless hand more tears started to fill my eyes.

I felt like a trader. I felt like I had given up on my father. He derved so much more than what he got. Yet here I was signing his life away.

" I'm sorry, I just don't know what else to do" I cried into his hand.

I wished he would have been able to see me doing my first modeling photoshoot. I wished he was there for my first runway walk. I wished he was there to give me advice for the first time I cried over a boy, Harry in particular. I wished he could have been here for the day I walk down the aisle. I wished he could have met his future grand kids.

But that never happened and would never happen due to the situation.

So I did the only thing I knew what to do in that moment that could bring us closer, if possible. I sang him a song.

in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

" that was beautiful" someone said from the door.

I turned my head, stilling holding my father's hand, to see Harry standing by the door. He was leaning against the door frame so perfectly that it was a small distraction to what was going around me. Harry was my distraction like I was his.

" the papers are signed. I'm just waiting for the courage to hit m-me" I shrugged with my voice cracking a bit at the end.

" there's no rush Cailin" he assured me as he walked to my direction.

" but I feel like I'm giving up on him Harry" I cried.

Harry took a stool from the wall and brought it over next to me taking a seat on it.

" you're not though. You've hung on for this long. Even the doctor's said that they've done everything right?" he asked as he pulled me onto his chest.

I nodded remembering the conversation I had with the doctor. I clenched onto Harry's shirt tighter grabbing all the comfort I could. In that moment I felt like I was the only person in the world feeling that pain. The pain of losing someone you love. But then the guilt set in. Harry knew exactly what I was feeling. He lost his mom.

" how did you deal with losing your mother?" I asked hoping he could help me understand.

But Harry stayed silent for a minute or two. I prayed he wouldn't lash out on me for asking such a personal question. I knew how Harry was but I hoped he would understand the situation.

" first came denial. I didn't want to believe that she was actually gone" he whispered.

Denial. I could only imagine Harry in that stage. He lived in denial half the time anyway, but with his mom, it could only be much worse.

" then anger. I was mad at everyone and everything around me. I blamed so many people for what happened and ended up blaming myself for it too" Harry said griping onto my side hoping to get comfort for himself as well.

Imagining Harry in that mind set worried me. He was already the kind of guy that everyone knew better than to mess with. But a hateful Harry wasn't something I'd ever want to see.

As Harry held onto me, I realized something. I realized how Harry had become important in my life. With the start that we had, I never thought we become this close not just in a relationship but in general. I never thought that Harry would be the one to be by my side in a situation like this.

" Ms Reed, are you ready?" The nurse asked as she walked back into the room.

I glanced at her and then back at Harry as I pulled away from his embrace. I looked at him for some encouragement and was thankfully given a nod in return. I glanced over at the nurse and nodded wiping my tears away from my face.

The nurse walked slowly to the machine keeping my dad alive, and I couldn't help but feel my heart beat faster. As if on cue Harry gripped on my other hand and stroked it with his thumb. I glanced over at the door to see Cathy. It was clear by her facial expression that she was trying not to cry. She felt the need for professionalism and I couldn't blame her.

" 3..2..1..." The nurse counted down making me feel even worse.

The next noise I heard was the heart monitor going flat causing tears to streaming down my face nonstop. I closed my eyes and climbed onto Harry's lap gripping onto Harry with everything in me. Harry's arms wrapped around my body making me feel comforted. 

" can we go?" I begged Harry after a couple of minutes of just crying.

Harry nodded and helped me up from the chair. As he led me out of the hospital room, I took a glance at my father for the last time.

" I love you" I whispered after him.

As soon as we were out of the room, I was caught be surprise. There stood my mother by the room window watching the whole scenario. She had been watching me crying my eyes out. Her eyes met mine but no words escaped from her lips.

I didn't know what she was doing here. It wasn't like she actually cared about the whole situation. She had a new life, new family.

I shook my head at her and clenched onto Harry walking away from her as fast as possible.

Outside of the hospital, we was met with a bunch of photographers. The flashes were nonstop and all I could do was cover my face and hope my tears weren't visible. Harry put his arms around and covered my face with his hands. I could hear him yell at the paparazzi but they only seemed to yell back.

I could feel them pushing us around trying to bully me into looking at their cameras lenses. I wanted all of them to disappear. Being left alone to grief was all that I wanted and needed.

It wasn't until I was on the back of Harry's motorcycle and off onto the road that I was able to relax. I was able to cry all over again without anyone stopping me.

~

Long time but finally and update!

The song in the chapter that Cailin was singing to her father is Angel by Sarah McLachlan!

i know that i took so long to update and i'm so sorry. I feel like i'm always apologizing to you guys lol

i dont want you guys to worry about me running out of inspiration cause that wont happen. I have ideas up to even a sequel lol

the reason i took so long to update is because my mom had an accident. She slipped on ice and broke 3 bones in her ankle and had in have emergency surgery. for those of you who follow me on twitter you know all about it and thanks for the support. She doing a lot better now but its still overwhelming.

I started sophmore year too so thats another headache. as much as i love writing this story, my family and school will always be a priority to me and i hope you guys understand that!

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