" how could I do something so stupid?" I said looking over at Jess who was sitting in a make-up chair.

" it's not really something you can control Cailin. You can't control who you love, even if it is my brother" she shrugged.

Before confessing everything to Jess, I made sure Olly had his ear buds in while I told Jess everything that happened between Harry and I. Finally she was back from England for a while and I could have a girlfriend to vent to.

" But I love Carter, how does that work?" I looked at her.

" are you sure you love him?" Jess said making me sit still for a minute.

Of course I loved him. I was having to go through things with him just to stay with him. Yet he didn't make me feel like Harry did. Even with all the fighting and crying with Harry, it was all worth it when we were having a good time. I wondered if I would ever feel anything close to that with Carter.

Without getting a chance to respond, a hard knock came from the door. Two seconds later walked in Carter with a bouquet of red roses. Immediately a smile was plastered across my face. Yes, this was the man I was in love with.

" you made it" I said as I jumped from my make-up chair. I ran to him and held him close to me. He pulled a tad away and gave me a kiss. It wasn't long, pretty quick due to the fact that we didn't want to make thing awkward for Jess and Olly who were still in the room.

" I told you I would" he smiled.

Carter wasn't ignoring my calls anymore. The day after that crazy night with Harry, he called me back. He said he was busy with promoting the movie and I believed him. Why would he lie to me right?

Eventually Jess and Olly left the room, giving Carter and I some privacy. I led us to the small couch I had in the dressing room and sat on his lap.

" how did the promoting go?" I asked.

" it was great. Lia and I had a lot of fun" he smirked.

" what is that supposed to mean?" I glared.

" Lia and I are friends, nothing more. Lia wouldn't go after someone else's boyfriend" he said and I couldn't help but feel it as a dig at me. Even though he didn't push me, I felt it. I felt as I was on the floor in pain.

" anyways, how's tour going?" he asked brushing his finger across my cheek.

" hard without you being here" I cracked a smile.

Carter brushed a piece of my hair out of my face and leaned into me. My lips softy reached his. As his lips molded stronger against mine his hands traveled over my body. But then the worst possible things happened.

Harry popped into my mind. The memories of Harry's hand traveling all over my body clouded my mind. The way he would bite my lower lips and make me moan his name over and over again. The way he could easily cause goosebumps all over my body with a single touch.

" you okay?" Carter asked as he pulled away.

" just fine" I forced a small smile.

" you just seem tense" he said stroking my hair.

" I guess I'm a little nervous about the concert" I shrugged.

" you'll kill it like you always do" he said making me smile even wider.

This was the Carter that I loved, the one that I cared for, the way that I wished he always treated me. Soon enough there was a knock on the door again making both of us look towards the door.

" showtime" the creative director said as he quickly opened the door and closed it again. I kissed Carter goodbye and left knowing he still be here when the show was over. It had been a while since Carter had gone to one of our full concerts and this was exciting to me.

I got to the side to the stage just in time for the group huddle. One of the crew guys gave me my mic and I turn back to the huddle. I looked over to see Harry standing beside me as Louis gave the speech of the night.

I could hardly focus on the words coming out of Louis mouth because my focus was on Harry. We hadn't talked since that night and it was killing me. He was giving me the space that I asked and I was starting to regret it. I wanted to be able to talk to him whenever I'd like but because of Carter that wasn't possible anymore.

All hands flew into the middle making mine last,over Harry's hand. My eyes immediately flew to his. He gave me a small smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

" NOT OVER YOU!" everyone screamed including Harry and I, still looking at each other.

Everyone scattered, except I pulled Harry aside. I made sure Carter was nowhere in sight before looking up at Harry again.

" what?" he asked.

" I haven't seen you all day, so I just wanted to say Happy Birthday" I half smiled.

" thanks princess" he smiled putting his arm over my shoulder leading us towards the stage, with an unexpected blush spread over my cheeks

As soon as we stepped onto the stage, the crowd went wild. This was my favorite part of this whole experience. This was what made everything worth it. Every rumor on the tabloids was worth after seeing this every night. Every single little light coming from every single fan out in the audience. Seeing them cheering and their happiness made me more happy.

We began with our single Catch My Breath like every other show. But tonight, something was different. The energy was much stronger. Maybe it was because it was Harry's birthday and the fans were crazy cheering but maybe it was because of us as a band. We had already done so many show and we were finally getting everything in sync and in tone.

There was a point during the concert where the crowd began singing happy birthday to him. I had never seen such a genuine smile come from him. It made me smile even wider. As a surprise the boys and I carried out a huge birthday cake. Louis took a piece of the cake in his hand and smashed it in Harry's face causing a cake fight between all of us. We ended up even throwing cake at the fans which they absolutely loved.

We all walked off stage after our last song all over in cake and couldn't stop laughing at each other.

" you know, you do look better with cake plastered all over your" I smirked at Harry as I wiped more cake on his face.

" are you sure about that?" he chuckled as he smeared more on my hair. I pushed him playfully and couldn't help but smile even more.

I looked around and realized that Carter could have seen any of that.

" you guys go take a shower, then head to the Harry's party" James said as he dragged Harry away from me.

Half of me didn't even want to go to Harry's birthday bash, I wanted to stay with Carter for the rest of the night because he was going back to LA tomorrow and didn't know when I was going to be able to see him again. But the other half wanted to be there with Harry celebrating his day. The combination of Harry and Carter would never work and I knew that.

One of the crew members handed me a hand towel and I wiped out the excess amount of cake off my face as I walked back to my dressing room. Since Carter wasn't on the side of the stage anymore, my guess he had gone back into the dressing room waiting for me.

Opening the door of my dressing room, I was faced with a surprise, a horrible surprise. There was Carter with a girl sitting on his lap whispering in her ear. I looked at the blonde girl and felt like I was about to vomit. They both looked up and the girl immediately got off his lap. She avoided eye contact with me and ran out of the room.

" Why?" I asked as tears started to blur my vision.

" don't take this out of proportion Cailin" Carter shook his head.

" then what the hell was that about then?" I asked frustrated about the whole situation.

As he pushed himself off the couch I walked closer towards him.

" why the hell does it matter? You don't tell me what to do!" He shouted at me.

" But you get to do that to me? I'm giving up my friendship with Harry for you! How is that fair?" I screamed back.

" It doesn't have to be fair! Whatever I say goes!" he said getting closer to me.

By now, I knew that at any minute I was going to get hit. My body was already shivering with the thought. Carter's expression said everything. He was furious with me and my questions. I knew he hated when I screamed back at him but that was my only power with him, to shout back. Even if it did mean that I would get hit afterwards.

" that's not how this relationship works! You don't get to make up the rules! And you know what? I'm tired of this! I'm not gonna stand for this anymore! I deserve better than this!" I shouted out at him not realizing that anyone could hear us with the door slightly opened.

Just as I suspected, Carter's hand flew across my cheek. This time he used more force than usual, causing me to crash to the ground. My hand gently touch the spot that was hit trying to think of what to say next. I didn't want to say anything else to upset him.

I looked up at him and saw how angry he was. Carter was fuming.

Was this what I wanted for the rest of my life?

To have someone hit me for the rest of my life because of a simple fight? Maybe I did deserve better than this. Maybe I could find someone out there that didn't feel the need to hit me like Carter did.

" you don't deserve anything. You're just a whore who'll sleep with just about anyone for attention. You should be thankful I'm still with you, because I'm the one who deserves better than... you" he spat at me kicking me slightly in the thigh.

His words sunk into like nothing I had ever experienced before.

I believed him.

I was trash, nobody wanted me. After all, I did cheat on him with Harry, so stupid. I was lucky Carter was still with me and I was pushing his limits. No one better would ever want me. Carter was here now and I wasn't appreciating it.

Before I could even respond, both Carter and I heard the speak of the door. I then remembered the door was opened so anyone could have walked in.

Carter and I turned our heads towards the door only to see Willow frozen by the door. Her eyes were fixated on me on the ground. Carter huffed and walked out, passing by her without even a glance back. I hesitated to go after him to beg him not to leave me but I knew he needed some time to chill out from the anger.

" Cailin..." Willow whispered after a couple of seconds of Carter leaving.

This was exactly the last thing I wanted, someone finding out. Especially Willow. Who knows who she'll blabber her mouth out to.

" you didn't see anything" I grumbled as i picked myself off the floor.

" but Cailin..." she tried saying as she walked closer to me.

I looked at her again and saw concern in her face. If this was the girl I was best friends with months ago, I was confide in her, but I didn't know her anymore. I didn't trust her anymore.

" how long has he been... abusing you?" she whispered not believing her own words.

" it's the first time" I lied looking away from her.

I made my way to the mirror and saw my face already swelling from Carter's hit. My hands made their way into the make-up kit on the counter and dug out a wipe to take off tonight's make-up.

" it didn't look like it" Willow said as she got closer to me.

I shook my head praying that she would just let it go and move on.

" it's not okay what he's doing to you Cailin, you know better" she continued pushing.

" please Willow" I said as I turned to her.

Willow stared back at me with an expression that I had never gotten from before, pity.

" I know what I'm doing. Carter just gets angry sometimes when I do stupid things" I said as the red in my face only got worse.

" but you can't let him keep doing this to you, what if it gets worse?" she asked. Through the mirror I glanced over at her, then get to myself.

I knew what she meant immediately.

" he'd never get that far" I shook my head.

I glanced over at Willow again and saw her looking at the door, deciding whether to run and tell someone or stay and ask more questions.

" please don't say anything to anyone Willow" I begged her as I turned to face her.

Willow looked down to her hands as if she was trying to decide what to do.

" Cailin.." she whispered.

" I can't lose him" I whispered back desperately.

After a couple seconds she nodded, assuring me that everything was going to be kept quiet. Relief washed over me knowing my secret wasn't going to be shared, at least I hoped.

" thank you" I cracked a smile.

" are you skipping Harry's party?" Willow asked.

" I wasn't going to but I think I need a distraction now" I shrugged grabbing a towel from the make-up chair.

" I'll meet you there then" Willow nodded still with a concerned expression across her face.

" everything's going to be fine" I assured her.

*

Walking into Harry's birthday celebration, I was met with a larger number of people there than I had initially expected. There was a DJ in the middle flashing his colorful lights and playing music. Pretty much everyone around was either dancing or where the bar was stationed up. There were the crew people, dancers, just about anyone who was on the tour with us.

I walked over to the bar and ordered absolutely nothing. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was drink. I knew tomorrow we would have a huge meet and greet and a hangover would be the worst. Instead, I leaned against the bar and looked around.

Louis and Jess was dancing on the dance floor. Zayn and Willow were smiling and talking on one side. I looked to the other side and saw Harry on the phone. He had a surprised expression on his. Harry ended the call with a small smile spread across his face.

" who was that?" I smirked as he walked over to me.

" Lia" he answered still surprised by the call.

" oh" I reacted.

Lia called him? From what I had known, Lia hadn't talked to him since that night.

" what did she say?" I asked trying to see where his limit about talking about her was.

" she wanted to wish me a happy birthday, said a couple more nice things. You know how Lia is, but I just surprised she said all those things after everything" Harry said still in a daze.

I wouldn't expect anything different from Lia. She was that nice of a person to call someone on their birthday even with everything that went down. I wondered how she managed to stay that nice to the industry. In a way I aspired to become that positive and forgiving of a person one day. I had a long way to go.

" Harry, can I ask you a question?" I asked as he grabbed a beer from the bar behind me.

" depends on what it is" he said glancing over at me.

I looked at Harry for a minute debating whether or not to go on with my question.

" do you think I'm good enough?" I choked out.

His eyes met mine and stayed there. The music behind us drowned out. I saw no one else but him, anxiously waiting for his answer. Harry stood there staring at me for what felt like hours making me wait for the answer I was desperately waiting for.

" other people are the ones that have to worry about being good enough for you" he said before walking away from me, leaving me there with a small smile in between my lips.

~

Sorry for the delay you guys!

A lot of stuff has been going on, especially this week. This week has been the worst. To start off, Monday my mechanic told I either have to buy a new engine for my car or buy a new car because my engine won't last very long. So that's already a chunk of money that I'd have to save up for. Then on Wednesday I went to work and got the news that the restaurant was officially closing on Sunday, meaning that I only got 4 days notice and now I don't have a job anymore.

So you can say that I'm really stressed out. It's not easy being a full time college student, taking 4 classes (which is a lot since I usually work 30hrs+), losing my job that I live off of because I can't depend on anyone to pay my bills, and now having to deal with buying a new car that I don't have the money for.

I'm finishing this chapter at like 5am, cause I still haven't been able to fall asleep because of all these bad news. oh well, when life hands you lemons, make some sweet lemonade right? Everything is going to be alright soon, I hope.

But aside from my life problems, how are you guys doing? anything interesting happening in your lives? (i'm so nosy lol)

How did you guys feel about the chapter?

Do you think Willow will say anything to anyone?

How about how Lia called Harry?!

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