" I missed New York" I said before taking another sip of my coffee.

" but you live here" Niall chuckled beside me. We were sitting in a café right in the middle of the city. One of my favorite places.

" I know but with all the touring and promotion for the album, I've hardly been home"I shrugged.

New York City was home to me. Even though I didn't grow up here, this was home. The lights, the people, the weather. The weather was the best part for me I guess. I loved having all the seasons and I loved the rain.

" there's one thing I've been dying to ask you but still haven't found the courage to" Niall confessed.

" and what's that?" I tilted my head.

Was he going to ask about Carter? Was I showing a bruises? I quickly became self conscious and made sure my arm was covered by the sleeves of my shirt.

" it's about your dad" Niall said carefully trying to predict my reaction.

" he's still in a coma" I nodded.

Last time I talked to Niall, he was still in the same situation. Niall used to be close to my dad, they would watch games together and he even taught Niall how to ride a bike. My dad was like a father figure to Niall since his own father wasn't that much in the picture.

My dad used to call him my protector. He knew that Niall was always there for me. But then the accident happened and Niall moved away and I was left with nothing. No father, no bestfriend.

Dropping the subject about my dad, Niall moved onto another difficult subject.

" how's your mom?"

" she's getting married again" I said in a monotone.

" so she divorced your dad?" he asked surprised.

I shrugged not really wanting to talk about the situation about the divorce.

Niall saw how much my parents were in love with each other. The way my mother was acting wasn't normal. Yes she had the right to move on since it had been years but the way she pretended my father didn't even exist was out of character.

" are you going to the wedding?" he asked.

" I don't know.. Carter probably won't want to go" I shrugged.

" wait, ypu're not going because Carter doesn't want to go? When has a guy ever held you back from doing all the things you wanted to do?" Niall half laughed.

But he was right. I had always been the type of girl that did what she wanted no matter what the boyfriend told her to do. I smile at the memories of me being stubborn against past boyfriends. They probably deserved better..

" he's different" I forced a smile

In fact Carter was different. When he wasn't mad, he was sweet and caring. He cared about how my day went and what I had planned. He treated me like a princess when we went out on his romantic dates and that was what I wanted. I had never been in a relationship where the guy took full control over it. Probably why our relationship is still standing.

The hard part was all the jealousy and violence but I was starting to get used to it. I was learning what made him mad and what didn't. I learned what kind of make-up hid the bruises better. I was learning how to smile through the pain when someone would touch my terrible bruise.

" you're different" Niall said taking me back from my thoughts.

" what do you mean?" I smiled.

" you have a wall built up that you've never had" Niall said finishing his coffee.

" around so many fake people, you kind of have to" I nodded.

" not just around the media, but your friends. The friends that you call family, your band, me. It's like you're hiding something from everyone" Niall pushed.

I froze. I hadn't noticed I was blocking all of them off. Was it that obvious that I was hiding something? The only thing I didn't want people finding out was about Carter. I knew that if people found out, they would cloud my mind and I didn't want that. I was going to follow my mom's advice and hide this. My mom had been right just about everything in my life and this was no different.

" don't be ridiculous Niall" I laughed getting up from my chair.

Niall looked up at me with a causious expression. He knew me too well and I hated him for it.

" I have to go anyway, I have to go pack the rest of my stuff to go back to tour" I said swinging my bag over my shoulder.

" when do you go back?" he asked.

" tomorrow morning. I need to say goodbye to Liam and Ronny too" I nodded.

Niall picked himself up from the chair too and pulled me in for a hug.

" I'll miss you kid" he said making me feel him smirk.

" shut up, I'm a month older than you" I playfully pushed him away.

We said our goodbyes and parted ways. The apartment was only a two minute walk away from the café so by no time I was already in the apartment. Liam was sitting down on the couch talking to Zayn and Harry about something that didn't really interest me. I said a brief hello and went into my room.

Harry..

It's been two full days of avoiding him. That was my promise to Carter and I was going to go through it. But I think even Harry noticed because either he push my buttons to try to make me talk to him or he would just avoid me also. As for the brunette he called Bella, I hadn't seen her or heard of her since the day at the yacht and I was happy about it even though I shouldn't have given a crap.

I picked up my suitcase once again and began to put back all the clothes that were washed, and some dirty, into it. As I put a pair of sweatpants in, I heard a light knock on the door before it opened. I looked up to see Liam walking in.

" you okay Cai?" he asked as he closed the door behind him.

" why does everyone keep asking me that?" I laughed at myself.

" because you've been distant. Usually you're the first one to decided to hang out or tell a ridiculous story" Liam said taking a seat on my bed.

" I'm fine" I shook my head with a smile at him.

He continued to look at me with a worried expression which only made me want to change the subject faster.

" so how's everything with Ronny?" I asked with a smirk.

Liam then began to explain everything that was going on with then. From being totally into each other to deciding distance was the best. But it was clear to everyone that they belonged to each other. When they were together you could just feel the chemistry.

But the problem was Ronny. She had trust issues that was hard to get past. Growing up in front of the media she had to deal with a lot of people trying to take advantage of her so she was forced to build a wall.

I couldn't judge her for that. If anyone was capable to knocking down that wall, it was him.

As Liam continued talking about Ronny and how he didn't know how to fully reach her, I continued to pack my bag. I looked around the room to make sure everything was in the suitcase. My eyes stopped in the corner of my room.

Harry's sweatshirt. .

The night Carter made me take it off was the night I shoved it in the corner of my room hoping Carter wouldn't never see it again. I contemplated throwing it back in Harry's room but I wasn't ready to detach myself from the sweatshirt. It was stupid, I know but I just couldn't.

I walked over and grasped it in my hand hands. I lifted it to my nose and took a whiff. Hmm

His scent was still attached to it. Liam's voice completely drowned in the background. Even though the house wasn't cold at all, I decided to put it on. Carter wasn't here and I hoped he wouldn't show, at least not tonight.

I shoved my head through the sweatshirt hole and looked back at Liam.

" isn't that a little too big for you?" Liam tilted his head.

" it's not mine" I confessed.

" Carter's?"

I shook my head. Liam's eyebrows raised realizing that it was Harry's. Thankfully Liam didn't comment on it.

We end up talking about other things, including Lia and Willow. Eventually Liam had to leave, but not before promising me he would come on the road to visit me.

I spent the next couple of hours on my laptop. First I check twitter and responded to a few tweets from fans. Then I checked popular websites on celebrity's rumors. After a few scrolls down I was shocked to this a particular rumor.

It was about Carter. Usually never were never any bad rumors about him. He was careful about that, he didn't want to be known for magazines. He wanted to be known for his movies and so far he had been successful about that. Atleast until me, with me he had been a mixed into it a little. But the rumor that I was reading now only made my stomach drop.

First there was a picture of Carter at a party surrounded by his friends, the friends that I still hadn't even met. Then the next picture was of him awfully close to a blonde girl . The picture of him whispering something into her ear only made my stomach turn.

Was Carter cheating on me? After everything he was putting me through, he was doing this to me..

Maybe he thought I was cheating on him so this was his retaliation. I needed to prove to him that I wasn't. I already wasn't talking to Harry. What was my next move?

I started tearing my hair out, not literally,  trying to firgure out a way so that Carter wouldn't want to cheat on me. Then realization hit me that maybe I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't good enough for anyone.

It was true..

I wasn't good enough for Harry when I asked him to leave Lia for me and maybe this was the same thing with Carter. He was starting to see that I wasn't worth his time anymore.

I was a mess.

I looked down to my hands to see water spread all over them only to realize that they were my own tears falling down my face.

I picked myself up off the bed and ran across the hall and into the bathroom. Rolling up the sleeves of Harry's sweatshirt, to see the mark of Carter's grip around my arm. They were starting to become green meaning that it was healing. I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror.

Compose yourself, I thought to myself.

I dried my face with my black bath towel that hung on the door and took a deep breath. I needed to call Carter, to make sure everything was okay.

Taking another deep breath, I walked out of the bathroom wanting to go get my phone only to bump into something, someone.

I took a step back to see Harry having the same reaction as me. He looked as if he had just crawled out of bed. My guess was that he had taken a nap for the last couple of hours. His hair was all over the place but it fit him so well.

" were you crying?" he asked

" no" I whispered turning away from him.

" you have to stop lying to me Cai" Harry whispered back landing his hand on my cheek.

I want to push his hand away but my body wouldn't respond to my mind.

" you're wearing my shirt?" he asked.

Immediately I turned to him seeing the half smile plastered across his face only making me blush.

" I was cold.." I mumbled.

" and you don't have any sweatshirts?" he smirked.

" shut up" I rolled my eyes as I began to take it off to give it back to him.  If he was going to make fun of me every time he saw me in it, it wasn't worth having it anymore.

I would miss his scent but I needed to get over it anyway.

" no, keep it" he said as he gently slide it back on me.

I looked up at him again.

" I like seeing you wear it" Harry said with a soft expression with my heart only beat faster. I still couldn't understand how Harry made me feel this way, confused yet liking the feeling.

I like seeing this Harry. The Harry that was soft and kind, not the one that blamed me for how wrong his past relationship went.

" why have you been ignoring me?" he asked me taking to off guard.

I looked away and then back at him trying to come up with an answer.

" I-I-.." was the only thing that came out of my mouth.

" Cailin?"

" I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with Carter" I said looking away from him then back.

Harry's face went cold. Now this was the Harry that I truly knew.

" then wear his fucking sweatshirt" he glared at me.

I looked down having the worst feeling in my stomach and attempted to walk past him.

But Harry pulled me back by grasping my arm. Unfortunately he grabbed me by the exact place where Carter left a bruise which made me wince and let out a gasp.

Harry let my arm go and his eyes drifted to to my arm noticing my wince.

" what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he asked taking a step back away from me.

Of course he didn't. I couldn't see Harry ever hurting me. Yes he was at times violent but never towards women, never towards me.

But in that moment that only way I knew to get Harry away from me was my next answer.

" yeah, you grabbed too tight" I nodded before turning and walking away. I locked my bedroom door behind me and leaned against it.

Here I was blaming Harry for the pain Carter was causing. When did I decided that this was the right thing to do?

Maybe I deserved better. Maybe I deserved a guy who accepted my mistakes and wouldn't hurt me because of them.

I needed to talk to Carter.

~

Not my favorite chapter but the next one of going to be sooo good, hopefully, still haven't started on it lol

but I have a great idea and you guys are gonna love i just know it haha

So im surprised i finished this chapter today cause everything has been so hectic for me. With my new job and stuff for college, its crazy

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