What little girl didn't dream of the life I was living right now? I had the perfect hollywood boyfriend who every girl envied. I had amazing fans and the most amazing friends.

The doctors at the hospital my dad was staying at, finally gave me some good news. They had seen some recent brain activity which hadn't been seen in years. The moment I got that call, I ran to the hospital.

Unfortunately when I got there, he was the same as always to me. But that doctors showed me the report of the recent brain activity and that was all I needed.

There was still some hope and that was all that mattered to me. I told my mom about it but she brushed it off. It didn't sit well with me. Before the accident, she was so in love with him but after, it was like she blocked him out of her life. Cathy, his nurse, had even told me that mom had only visited months ago and never again.

Her excuse was always the same, she was too busy with her wedding. I didn't even know who the guy was. Deep down I knew she wasn't marrying the guy because she loved him.

Maybe she was just lonely. My dad, her husband, couldn't be there for her anymore. I was living a different life away from her. That's what I told myself, she was lonely and wanted to have someone.

I just hoped he was marrying her for the right reasons.

Today was the first day of tour and I couldn't be more nervous. We had performed shows before but this was our own tour. The whole show was about us.

Zayn and Louis of course were jumping around like two little kids. The arena was bigger than I had expected. When we walked in my jaw dropped to the floor and butterflies flew in my stomach.

Rehearsals had gone great for the last couple days, with the exception of Harry of course. He hadn't gone to rehearsals at all which made James furious. He even warned him that he would pull Harry off the tour. Of course Harry came up with a smart remark and walked away. James knew that we needed Harry.

Seeing Harry come home drunk every night was a nightmare. I couldn't sleep not knowing if he was okay, so I'd end up staying awake till he got home, if he went home. No matter the time, I couldn't sleep. 4 am was the usual, having to wake up at 6, only two hours of sleep. But when he didn't come home, I wouldn't sleep at all.

Jess was used to it. She told me he used to be like this before Lia came around. Lia really did bring out the best in him. Even if he did cheat on her, she was good for him. She kept him in control in a way.

And I had ruined it all. I couldn't help but blame myself sometimes. It was true what Harry said. If I had never come into his life, this mess wouldn't have happened. But then I think, this could have happened to any girl. Any girl could have fallen in love with that boy...

"Cailin!" someone snapped me out of my thoughts.

I looked up to see James looking at me funny.

" you okay kid?" he asked.

I nodded.

" have you seen Harry? he's already late for sound check" James said looking at his wrist watch.

" I saw him this morning" I shrugged as I stroked Boots who was currently in my lap.

" he better get here soon" James said before leaving the room.

" what are we going to do about that boy?" I asked Boots with a baby voice.

That was how I liked to talk to Boots. Everyone talked to her like that, Zayn and Louis included. Just listening to them talk to him that why made me laugh my ass off. They would glare at me but I'd continue laughing.

One of Jame's assistants came into the room and took me to sound check. Louis and Zayn were already there but Harry was no where in sight.

" I think we're going to have to start without him" Louis said.

I looked around and saw everyone's expression. I knew what they were thinking because I was thinking the exact same thing. Harry wasn't going to make it tonight. He wasn't going to come to our first of the tour. Who knows, he might not come on tour at all.

" I'm gonna kill him" James mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.

" calm the fuck down, I'm here"

My neck turned to fast towards the end of the stage that caused me to pull a muscle, but just seeing him made me not feel any pain at all. For the first time in days I saw him this close to sober. It was clear to who really knew him, he wasn't completely sober. But this was better than I had seen him in days.

" it's time to take this seriously Harry" James shook his head.

" don't push me" Harry warned.

The way Harry looked at James surprised me. He looked angry at James, as if James was to blame for everything when in reality he wasn't.

" are we going to start or what?" Harry asked annoyed as we all just stared at him.

Immediately the band started playing but I was still caught off guard by Harry. The first song we had decided to practice was 'Catch My Breath'. It had been decided while we were rehearsing for the tour, which Harry didn't attend. But as soon as the song began to play, I felt out of place.

It was like I couldn't remember anything with him standing right next to me. While Harry seemed flawless and hit all the points, I can't getting off harmony and messing up on the lyrics.

Louis and Zayn looked sympathetic towards me while Harry looked annoyed. I wanted to punch myself in the face.I was better than this and I knew it. Was Harry really that much of a distraction to me? He shouldn't be and I wouldn't let him be.

As soon as we, painfully I might add, finished the last song for sound check, Harry turned to me.

" try not to be so pathetic on stage tonight" he said low enough for only me to hear.

I froze. I should have expected Harry to say something like that to me but I hadn't. After all, he hadn't spoken a word to me since that night at the album release party.

I watched him walk away from me as if he had said nothing. That asshole.

I didn't deserve that. I deserved better. I clenched my fist as blood rushed to my face. I wasn't sad anymore or feeling bad. I was furious. He could go to hell for all I cared. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to punch the hell out of him.

On instinct I started my way towards to jump on him and try to hurt him but I was quickly pulled back. Arms wrapped around my waist.

" what are you so mad about?" he chuckled.

" nothing.. I just did horribly in sound check" I responded as I turned away from Harry and towards Carter.

" you're going to do great tonight Cailin" he assured me.

" thanks for being here for me" I said asked giving him a peck on the lips.

" always babe" he smirked.

*

I showed Carter around the stage and backstage. He looked sort of interested but not as excited as me. But I didn't expect him to be either.

After all, he was an actor and this wasn't his dream, it was mine.

Lastly I showed him the lounge that all the boys were in, including Harry. Zayn and Louis greeted him but Harry ignored him. But the good thing was that Carter didn't seem bothered by it at all.

Carter sat on the love seat and I sat next to him putting my legs over his. Out of the corner I could see Harry getting tense. I glanced over at him and saw him drinking out of a flask.

Since when did Harry carry around a flask? I thought he was gonna be sober tonight, but it looked like that was already down the drain.

I looked over at Zayn and saw him smiling looking down at his phone. I knew he was talking to the girl he was hiding from us. It scared me a little that I didn't know who she was. What if she was only using him?

I wanted to know if she was good enough to be with him.

There was a sudden knock on the door and made us all look towards it. The door opened and in walked Liam.

" Liam!" I jumped up off Carter and hugged Liam.

I hadn't seen him since before Harry and Lia's break up and I didn't know if I could take it without my best friend anymore. I had given him space because of Lia but I was glad he was back.

Deep down I was afraid he'd abandon me because of Lia. He was her brother so maybe he'd pick sides. but hugging him now, I knew there were no sides.

I could faintly hear a fake cough. As I turned around I couldn't tell if it came from Carter or Harry. But looking at Harry, I could see it in his eyes that he was waiting for Lia to come in after Liam.

" I'm glad you made it" I looked back at Liam.

" I couldn't miss my best friend's first show of her first tour" he smiled.

Out of nowhere, I felt someone rapidly brush past me out the door. It was only a couple seconds later that I noticed it had been Harry.

" why did they break up anyway?" Carter asked as he put his arm around my shoulder in front of Liam. In a way, that gesture didn't seem out of affection, it felt sort of territorial, as if Carter wanted to show Liam that I was his.

I brushed the thought off my mind because maybe I was just imagining things.

" a lot of small reasons became one big one" Liam answered.

" too bad, apart from all the fights, they seemed perfect for each other" Carter said.

~

Finally! I know!

sorry, I just have finals this week and I had to study and shit :(

but next week I don't have any classes so I'll try to come out with a rockin chapter ♡

thanks so much for the love and comments, the comments are really what have kept me inspired, seeing that you guys are enjoying it and all

oh! and please check out the fanfic trailer that this girl made me! video will be on the side, like and comment on it to make her just as happy as me hehe

lots of love ♡♡