A few weeks had passed since Lia had danced endlessly with her family in her bedroom in celebration of her acceptance into MIT. Life quickly got busier than usual with the Thanksgiving holiday and the end of the semester rapidly approaching. Not to mention, the changes within the family's schedule. Vanessa had used her researching skills ( along with the recommendation of her well-known psychologist mother-in-law) to get Stella in for a consultation with one of the best therapists in the city who specialized in dance therapy.

Although, in some sense, things were starting to smooth themselves out for the Miranda-Nadal family, Lia felt like her problems were just growing more complicated.

"You said that Thanksgiving with your family went well, though?" Dr. Sanders sat back in her chair as she looked on at her client. Due to schedule conflicts, it was their first session since Lia had arrived back from California and received her MIT acceptance.

"Well, yeah," Lia answered, "We were at my grandparent's place - my dad's parents - and everyone was there. Even some extended family flew in from Puerto Rico. Everyone kept talking about me getting into MIT,"

It wasn't remiss on the therapist that the tone of Lia's voice didn't match her usual demeanor when talking about her top choice school, "What were they saying?"

"How amazing it is and how proud my parents must be. My abuelo kept going on about how if at least ten of them go in on season tickets then they'll get ten percent off." Lia said, shaking her head as her grandfather's booming voice rang through her mind, "Which doesn't even make sense because, in reality, who in my family is really concerned about getting a discount and nobody even likes sports!"

Dr. Sanders gave a small smile. The sarcastic wit of the teenager was something she grew used to during their sessions over the past three years, "It seems like they are all excited for you. Getting into MIT has been your main goal for at least the past year,"

Lia nodded, knowing the statement was true. Getting into MIT had been her only goal. But why did she feel so confused, "I just thought it would feel different. That I would feel different."

The therapist jotted down a few notes onto the bright yellow notepad that was placed in her lap before she spoke up, "Care to elaborate?"

Lia gnawed at her lip, a habit she had had for as long as she could remember, always hating when questions like these arose in her sessions. Wasn't Dr. Sanders getting paid to tell her how to fix her problems? Why did it seem like she always did most of the analyzing?!

Her thoughts drifted back to the day she had received her acceptance letter. The feeling of relief that had washed over her when she knew she had gotten into her dream school. When she knew she was good enough to be accepted. The feeling of accomplishment hadn't gone away - she knew getting in was a big deal. But during the last few weeks whenever the topic of college or MIT, specifically, came up, Lia instantly moved to change the subject. But therapy was supposed to be different.

"Whenever someone starts to talk about me going to MIT next year, it's like my stomach just gets into a bunch of knots," The words flew out of her mouth. She folded her arms around her stomach, "It's like - I was so sure for so long that that's what I wanted and if I didn't get in I wasn't good enough and everyone tried to prepare me of the fact that I might not get in and then I did get in and now...." her voice trailed off as she stopped herself. Her thoughts were going faster than her mouth could speak. She felt a lump growing in her throat.

"Hey," Dr. Sanders said softly as Lia looked at her, "Take a deep breath and we'll work through it together,"

Lia inhaled a breath, closing her eyes as she exhaled. She repeated the action two more times before she felt a bit more steady. When she opened her eyes and looked at her therapist, it was reassuring to be met with a comforting gaze.

"Why did it mean so much to you to get into MIT?"

Lia shrugged her shoulders, "Honestly, I don't know." she finally admitted, "I think, at some point, it just got into my head that that was the epitome of success and I just ran with it,"

"Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that your mom went to school there?" Dr. Sanders asked.

"Not in the way that I think everyone thinks," Lia replied. She had been asked that question numerous times and had never fully given a straight answer about it. Part of her had been waiting for her acceptance letter to admit the reason. Another part of her still couldn't put it into words. "It's not because my mom is a graduate of MIT that I wanted to go there. It's the way people look at her once they find out that she went there."

Dr. Sanders nodded, feeling as though they might be on the verge of something as Lia started to verbalize her thoughts, "People recognizing that she went to a top school?"

Lia shook her head, "It's more than that. They look at her as ... as her own person."

Lia pulled her feet up into the chair, something she normally wouldn't do out of respect but she knew her therapist didn't care. 'It's all about you being comfortable. There's always dry cleaning.' was the exact phrase she had been told the first time she had curled up in the office. "Since my dad came back into the picture, when people see us, we become Lin-Manuel Miranda's family. His wife. His kid. It's just what it is," The recognition was the one way her father's fame seemed to show up the most in her life. They didn't live a particularly glamorous, celebrity lifestyle. Hell, often to her chagrin, her father would wear his own merch on a daily basis. But the look people gave Lia or her mom or her younger siblings when they put the connection together was something that was always there behind people's eyes - whether they meant it or not.

"I've seen it countless times. When they've come to parent - teacher conferences or parties,." Lia continued in a matter of fact tone, "It's Lin and Lin's wife, automatically. But the minute people find out she went to MIT," She snapped her fingers and the corners of her eyes lifted, "People see her as Vanessa: a woman who is smart as hell and independent and funny and capable of doing whatever the hell she wants to do. She's not just a celebrity's partner. Not to mention the way my dad raves about her..." Lia knew she was lucky to have their example of a partnership in her life. Most of the people she went to school with either her parents who weren't together or who were together only in title. "Whenever he talks about her, everyone can just tell how much he loves and respects her,"

It all suddenly clicked in Dr. Sanders' head. "Lia, you hardly ever talk about your life before your dad came into your life,"

Lia's expression shifted at the out of the blue question, "What about it?"

_______

After Lia left Dr. Sanders' office, she allowed the cold air to fill her lungs as she took a deep breath. The session had not only gone over twenty minutes, but gave Lia a lot to think about over the next few days. She didn't want the rest of her day to be filled with her overarching anxiety and decided to move forward with the plans she had already decided on that morning before her session as she hopped on the bus and to head back down to Washington Heights. Part of the new routine of Stella going to therapy twice a week was that Lin, Vanessa, and Lia rotated Sebastian duty in the afternoon. That day it was her turn. With her scheduling ramping up in the next few weeks, she thought it would be a good plan to not go immediately home from picking Seb up from daycare. The two siblings were on a mission.

Although it could sometimes be a pain, for the most part Lia loved being a big sister. As the twins got older, the more their personalities developed and she saw them as these tiny humans who were actually pretty fun to hang around. She embraced the responsibility of being the older sister and liked the thought that she played a role in shaping who they were.

Sebastian, although typically the more shy twin, talked the entire bus ride back into the city. He kept Lia cackling throughout the conversation as he spoke animatedly about his day at daycare from the kid who constantly picked his nose to trading his apple slices for frosted graham crackers. For only being just shy of two and a half, the kid was a legend.

Lia trudged through the busy streets of New York on the brisk afternoon as snow flurries surrounded them and Seb had his legs wrapped around her chest as she carried him on her back. She knew a long and hot bath was definitely going to be in her nighttime routine that evening, but the squeals from her brother made the ache in her back worth it. And the fact that they'd only be walking two blocks before they'd be inside where she'd insist he'd walk on his own two feet.

She crouched down onto the ground to let him off once they got inside Macy's on 34th Street. The iconic landmark in the city wasn't one Lia came to often, but she always liked to see it at least once during the holiday season. Christmas was Lia's favorite holiday and one of her favorite parts about living in New York was how it always felt like the entire state got in on the holiday festivities. The lights, the window displays, and the snowy pavement were just a few of the magical aspects to the city. She fully embraced her inner tourist, and she was glad to share it with her little brother. Maybe it would be the start of a tradition.

"Alright," Lia said as she unzipped the two year old's coat so he wouldn't burn up whilst they were shopping in the heated building with an abundance of tourists, "We've got less than an hour before we get home to try to find a gift for mommy and daddy. What do you think we should get them?"

"Chase!!" Sebastian replied enthusiastically which was met with laughter from his older sister at the mention of his favorite Paw Patrol character.

"At least that's a start," Lia gave him an optimistic smile as she stood back up and stuffed his jacket and her scarf into the child sized backpack that hung on her shoulder. Part of her felt bad that Stella wasn't in on the holiday shopping, but she knew once she had to start studying for finals she would become a hermit nearly up until the holiday. She'd find some way to include her sister on a present from the three of them. Besides, if there was one thing she was certain of it was that her little sister was the most high maintenance Miranda there was and wouldn't be as agreeable as Seb to the present they chose.

Hand and hand, the two siblings strolled over towards the cookware section first to see if a knife set Vanessa had mentioned in passing at a commercial one day would be in stock. Lia had to do a double take when her eyes caught the back of a very familiar head who was walking down the aisle towards the escalators..

She quickly grabbed her phone and snapped a photo before attaching it to a text message. Lia didn't try to stifle her laughter as she saw Justin's head frantically moving in every direction until their eyes met and Lia gave a small wave with a smirk.

Her look went from happy to stunned as she saw the person trailing beside him as he walked over to her.

"Hey," Justin said, "Trying a go at stalking, I see, Miranda,"

Lia rolled her eyes, "I could say the same about you. We're out shopping for our parents for Christmas," Lia referenced Seb who was holding onto her leg for dear life. She made a mental note to talk to her parents about toning down the whole 'stranger danger' speech just a little bit. "And who's this?"

It seemed like Justin would have the opposite issue to hers as his hand was clutching the wrist of a young girl with braids popping out from underneath a pink winter hate that had seen better days and a look of fierce determination.

"This is my sister, Katrina," Justin replied, "Treen, this is my friend Lia," Lia noticed the softness in his tone as he spoke to the young girl who couldn't be more than a few years older than the twins. She didn't even know he had a sister. "And what's your stowaway's name?"

"Sebastian," She rubbed at her younger brother's back, "What are you two doing here?"

Before Justin could speak up, the younger of the two chimed in as she pulled at her brother's hand, "Justyyyy," Katrina whined out, "We gotta get to Santa!!"

Lia met Justin's eyes with a wide smile, both for the adorable nickname she was most definitely going to be teasing him about and the young girl's insistence on meeting Santa Claus. Lia found his bashful grin so damn attractive.

"Treen, remember what we talked about earlier? Santa likes patience,"

By the pout on the young girl's face it didn't seem like she was buying it.

"But we gotta go before he flies back!!"

"Do you two have time for your tickets?" Lia asked, remembering how crazy the crowd could get in Santaland. Her parents had insisted they get photos for the twins' first Christmas which quickly turned into a fiasco of patrons asking her dad for Hamilton tickets for the holiday and a simultaneous meltdown from both of the infants. Her mom had vowed that was their last tourist trap as a family, "I don't want to interrupt your day,"

Justin opened his mouth to speak but, again, Katrina beat him to it.

"No, tickets are for people that gots lots of money!" The young girl quipped out a line she had clearly heard from someone else as Lia saw her older brother's face go bright red, "But we don't have to spend anything to watch him and if you're reaaaally good he'll come out and say hi!"

It was evident but Justin's downward look at his very articulate sister that he was embarrassed by her reveal. Lia was left trying to figure out something fast to say and was grateful when a glittery shine caught her eye.

Lia beant down to be at her brother's level, "Hey, Seb?" She asked, "Do you see who is on Katrina's shirt?"

The shy toddler peaked at the elder child before gasping, "Moana!"

"We love Moana in my family," Lia insisted in an over exaggerated tone, "You are so lucky to have such a cool shirt!"

The young girl who had been losing her patience held a smile on her face, clearly one who liked attention, "She's my favorite!"

Lia grinned, "Mine too," Her eyes trailed up to Justin who looked appreciative for the change of topic.

"Daddy, Moana!" Sebastian, now clearly over his shyness, led to a swap in roles of embarrassed older siblings. Lia didn't know if Justin knew what projects, besides Hamilton, her father had worked on. She didn't think now, especially after hearing his little sister say they couldn't afford to go meet Santa, was the time for him to piece together that her father had written the songs for the character on his sister's shirt.

"Ally loves Moana too!" Katrina spoke up and Lia could see Justin's hand grasp a bit tighter around her hand.

Lia stood back up, "Who is Ally?"

"Our sister," Lia recognized the short tone in Justin's voice. It was one she had seen often when the topic of his family was brought up. For the same guy who was so attentive with his younger sibling, she was confused why he would look so pained at the mention of another.

"We should get going," Justin said, "Don't want to miss our chances at seeing the big guy!" The enthusiasm in his voice was clearly forced but it worked its charm in Katrina who squealed in delight. Before Lia could ask any more questions, Justin said his goodbyes and that he would text her later. Lia held up her hand to wave bye but quickly brought it back to her side as Katrina yelled out, "Bye Lia!" as the pair headed towards the escalator, Katrina now scooped up in her brother's arms.

Her brows furrowed in as she watched the way Justin was whispering to his little sister and not looking back at all. It was weird and definitely a turn of events from what seemed to be a nice conversation. It was a trend that Lia kept noticing whenever the subject of his family entered the conversation.

"Come on, buddy," Lia finally acknowledged her brother once the escalators got too far up to see Justin any longer. "Let's get back to finding mommy's present,"

The toddler was clearly not attuned with the awkward exchange he had just witnessed as he simply gave a wide tooth grin and held his arms up to his big sister. Lia playfully rolled her eyes before giving in to her brother's demands and picking him up, trying to get back to the cheery mood of the holidays.

—-

On his way home Justin texted his mother to see if she needed anything. It had been over an hour since he'd sent the text and there'd been no reply. That was usually a bad sign, so as he unlocked his apartment door with a sleeping Katrina in his arms he braced himself for the worst.

In the last year he'd become somewhat of an expert at reading his mom's moods and basing his own words and actions around them. He gently shut the door behind him and listened closely. It was initially silent, but moments later he heard the gut-wrenching sound of his mother taking in a strangled breath. His heart sank.

As he carried Katrina to her room he gently hummed so it might drown out the sound of their mother's crying. At least he'd been able to grow up with a relatively normal childhood. His parents had been happy and he never had to listen to his mom's sobbing. Justin felt so bad for Katrina, being so young and impressionable, having to watch her mom struggle and disappear into an abyss of sorrow. What did she think when she saw her own mother, who was supposed to lift her up and show her how to live happily, curled up and crying so hard that she was momentarily silent with grief. Before that horrible intake of breath and her wrenching would start all over again.

Justin laid his sister on the bottom bunk, the top still achingly empty, and covered her with a quilt. He closed the door then padded across the hallway to his parents' room. His mother was curled up on her side, still in her pajamas and robe, her face red from crying. Wordlessly, Justin laid down across from her and started rubbing her arm. Her hand went to cover her face, though she wasn't sure why she bothered at this point. It was embarrassing to have your teenage son have to take care of you. This was the point she was at, and she wasn't sure how she'd ever get out of it.

Her body, her eyes, her soul was exhausted. What was the point of it all? What was the point of going on?

Then her son began to hum that tune; the tune she had always hummed to him as a child...

...You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...