Sirius

Remus's twentieth birthday was in three days. Coincidentally, it was over the same weekend that James, Peter, and I scheduled a camping trip over the summer, before we'd even met Lily and Remus. After lots of discussion, we decided that we really couldn't pass up the opportunity and I gave my spot to Lily.

That way, she could go and I'd get some alone time with Remus on his birthday. At first, Lily was sort of upset about the idea, as she'd never missed his birthday since they were eleven years old. And with Remus's health, turning twenty was a big deal. But Remus assured her it would be okay and that she should go and have fun.

"I promise we'll have the best birthday party ever for you when we get back," Lily said, still a bit distressed. "Call me every evening!"

Lily left us her car if we needed to go anywhere since Remus still refused to go anywhere by motorbike. The three of them were taking James's van to a cool touristy destination about an hour's drive from London and would be spending five days camping there.

They left that Thursday morning after and Remus's birthday was that Saturday. We spent that Thursday and Friday like usual, going to classes and having movie nights since Remus wasn't up for much else. But I was determined to make his birthday extra special.

On the Morning of March 10th, I slipped out of bed, detangling myself from Remus as best I could so as not to wake him up. I padded into the kitchen and pulled out the birthday muffins I bought the day before(there was no way I could bake them decently). I set one out on a plate with some fruit, a mug of coffee, and a cup of yogurt. I stuck a candle into the muffin, lit it, and grabbed the tray and let myself back into Remus's room.

He was just stirring as I opened the shades on his window and started humming a song. Remus sat up, rubbing his eyes, and grabbed his cannula, looping it over his ears and under his nose.

"Sirius?" He asked, voice quiet and hoarse from sleep and his cold.

"Morning, love. Happy Birthday."

I sat down beside him on the bed, bringing over the tray of breakfast. Remus smiled gratefully, a blush climbing his cheeks. I picked up my own cup of coffee and we sat there while Remus ate and I drank my coffee.

When Remus was done all of his treatments and had time to get ready, we jumped in Lily's car and drove. We weren't really sure where we were going, we were just driving to hang out and have fun. We blasted music and sang, talked about lighthearted things and some deep things too. It was a memorable day, special in its own way.

Along the drive, we stopped at a diner to eat and then found a park. We walked around outside for awhile. Though there was still some snow on the ground, the sun was shining and it was nice and sunny out. It truly felt like Spring.

Remus and I were hand in hand the entire walk, commenting on how pretty the trees looked with the snow and frost cling to their branches, and how the snow sparkled in the sunlight.

On the way back, we stopped at an art museum, which I never saw myself doing until now. Remus dragged me along to all the different exhibits and artist displays, showing me his favorites and who he admired and what he aspired to be.

The ride home was much more sedated. It was a mostly quiet drive, music playing softly to interrupt the silence. Remus sat in the passenger's seat with the car light on, reading a book, holding my hand over the console.

Every once in awhile I'd steal a glance at him. The light cast shadows over his face, the moon making his scar stand out across his face. I absolutely loved how cute he looked, how his face scrunched up in concentration, or how every so often he'd smirk at something, or mouth the words as he read them.

When we finally pulled up to Godric's Hollow, Remus was struggling to keep his eyes open. We got out of the car and walked back to the apartment in a peaceful silence. I unlocked Remus's apartment door and set Lily's keys on the counter.

The both of us brushed our teeth in silence and Remus hooked up his G-tube and we lay in bed in silence for a few moments and I thought that maybe Remus had fallen asleep. But then he rolled over to face me, rubbing his chest and wincing. He managed a smile, though.

"Today was perfect, Sirius. Thank you."

I smiled, leaning forward to rest my forehead on his.

"I'd do anything for you, Remus. I love you so much."

Remus blushed, a smile tugging on his lips. "I love you too."

After that Remus really did fall asleep and I laid there thinking long after he did. I had pulled him closer to me, wrapping my arms around him protectively, feeling the warmth of his breath on my collar bone.

I got to thinking about my essay. Professor McGonagall assigned it to the English majors at the beginning of last term. She told us to write about the meaning of life. At the time, I didn't know what to say. I thought that maybe it was a matter of being successful in life and getting money and working hard. Having people like you, look up to you. Be a role model and do whatever you want.

I thought it was about being your wildest self, letting nothing stop you. Running headfirst into the fire without regards of making it through or not. I thought life was about living recklessly and having no regrets. And maybe it is, to some extent. But those days are over. Because now life has gotten a whole new meaning for me.

I reckon the meaning of life is Remus John Lupin. He's what I'm living for. He is love.